Thursday, December 18, 2008
I must admit that when my dad passed away, my life came to an abrupt standstill. After all the years of abuse, who would have thought it? Don't get me wrong, I love my dad; I just don't like him. My brother is almost but not quite the same as dad within the family structure. I always idolized him until last year. I don't like him so much any more either. To find out that Dad died via an email to someone else? Inexcusable and devastating! To find out that Dad had been ill for 4-5 months and I wasn't told - cruel at best. The secret was kept so that my brother could exclude me and have Dad to himself. Well with both my parents gone now he is the only child that he always wanted to be. My sister took herself out of the equation 40 years ago. This just re enforces my decision to take myself out of a bad situation. Do I regret it? No, not a chance! My emotional health is so much better for doing it. It's just a shame that it had to be this way. I am still reeling and very sad though.
This brings me to how I'm doing with all of this upheaval in my life. I'm taking a long, hard look at my relationship with food and how I deal with stress. Basically, I feel that I've done well all things considered. I did my best to cope and I did cope. Surprise, surprise! I didn't watch my sodium as well as I should and I've been having difficulty getting the salt out of my system. This has caused my weight to bounce around a bit. I did eat more sweets than I normally do too. However, I am very excited that I can see that I did this and have backed off on it. I'm taking it one day at a time. Of course, in the middle of all of this my doctor's office called and said that my thyroid numbers were too low and my medication needed to be reduced. That could also cause my weight to bounce around a bit. I'm trying to get back on a regular schedule of exercise to counter balance a bit. I'm almost back in the groove! Yay me!
Throughout all of this trauma and upheaval, my husband and daughter have been ever so supportive. Even though my daughter was crushed by her grandfather's death, we stuck together and saw it through. We made sure to spend time together - just the two of us while we were in my dad's town. Since my daughter lives in another state, this was very important. We actually went Christmas shopping at a local mall to try to get away from it all and create some new memories in an old familiar place. So the joy of spending time with her and doing something as mundane as shopping actually helped both of our pain levels. We talked and talked and talked. She is such a special person. I am so blessed. Life will be good again.