AQUAGIRL08   199,934
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Mixed Feelings Today

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My mother died 24 years ago today. I have very mixed feelings where she was concerned and am currently trying to make sense of it. She was very smart and educated for a women of her generation but I don't think the members of her family treated her very well when she was growing up. Consequently, she grew up a confused, very needy woman who had difficulty getting her own needs met, let alone meeting the needs of her children. As I work my way through my issues with her, I have discovered that I spent a big chunk of my childhood fending for myself physically and emotionally. There were many periods in my life during which I took care of her as well as myself. That wasn't one of the most healthy periods of my life. Yes, I ended up being the family caretaker and official person to dump on and in some ways, I still am. I'm working on fixing that, which has made my siblings miffed when I give them boundaries. Since joining Spark People, I've dedicated myself to learning to protect myself from people who try to use me and hurt me. So as I think of my mother today, my feelings are mixed. I miss the occasional good times that we had together and those wonderful Christmases when she put such magic into the day. There are times when I wish I could call her and ask her questions about my past. There are still many things I don't understand about my past. Then there is the relief that her death brought because taking care of her for 5 years was so exhausting. She, my small daughter and my job totally took up 100% of my time for 5 years. During this period, I learned to put myself last. I'm sure that some of you can relate to this. It was years before I took any time just for myself. It took years beyond that before I took "me" time on a regular basis. Spark People has taught me to take me time every day. Some days I do this naturally and other days I have to force myself because old habits die hard. So here's a toast to you Mom - to both the good times and the bad. I know that you'd be proud of the progress I'm making and I'd like you to know that I'm proud of myself too!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLAGIRL32 10/12/2009 8:25PM

    Cyndi,

I understand your conflicts with your mom, lord knows, for most of us girls, it's a lifelong process of both wanting to emulate, and wanting to be absolutely nothing like our moms. In your case it sounds like you learned from her sense of fun, while learning early to provide your own strength.

You had to be so strong for others, and now it's your turn to be strong for you! If anyone has earned me time, it's you, and I am so happy that you are learning to take it. Having me time is like a girl scout badge, you earned it and should wear it proudly!

Dawn

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PEGGYANNSCH 10/12/2009 8:17AM

    I Understand About My Dad.Sometimes You Wish You Just Pick Up The Phone Make That Phone Call.I Lucky My Mom Is Still With Us.When The Lord Call Her Home Than I Will Have To Let Her Go.But You Never Know When He Will Call Us Home.We Just Keep Them As Long As We Can.

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TBRANCH2 10/12/2009 4:32AM

    As you said, now it is "me" time! Take care of yourself and know that while Mom was here, you did your best where she was concerned. Now, it is time to let her "rest in peace", remember the good times, and look toward the future....YOUR future!! She is where she now knows everything in it's fullness and yes, she is proud of you. She knows what you forfeited for her. Go forth and continue to be proud of yourself! If you "miff" people, whether it be family or not, that is THEIR wagon, not yours! Your tethers have been broken, rotted through time, and now, you are free! Your "retirement" time is here! ENJOY!! You have indeed earned it!! Take it with the pride of knowing that you served your time and served it well!! There is no guilt to be had for those who "served" and served the best that they could! To YOU, I toast...HAPPY RETIREMENT, CYNDI!!!!! emoticon

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KSMITH1974 10/11/2009 9:47PM

  i understand it totally for the past 4 years i have taking care of my grandmother day in and out. She just recently past away and i now realize how much time that it took away from me.

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I made good choices last night

Thursday, October 08, 2009

I'm pleased with the choices that I made at last night's team dinner. I ate lots of salad and I chopped up some beets instead of using salad dressing. I did eat some pulled pork (with BBQ sauce of course) and a piece of garlic bread. Yummy! Hubby and I really enjoyed the company of the other members. He intends to continue going along with me whenever he can. It was great to see members who I hadn't seen for a while. I love getting back that connection again.

Next month we'll be meeting on Thursday, November 5 at 7p.m. One member is going to research a new place to eat and get back to us with the information. I drove past the place today and did a little investigating myself. The place has a web site with information. It is set up like a bistro and only has about 15 tables. They make everything from scratch so the food takes a while to arrive at the table but from what I've heard, it's well worth the wait! I'm thinking about stopping there for lunch in the next few days to try some of their dishes. I'll let everyone know how it is.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABYFACE26 10/11/2009 2:53PM

    Congratulations, well done! Feels good, doesn't it? Eating out is the most challenging situation for me, oh yes - and Parties. I also wanted to thank u for stopping by to support me on my blog. Lets hear it for both of us!

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PEGGYANNSCH 10/9/2009 12:54PM

    emoticon

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COMEONMA 10/9/2009 10:24AM

    It's always a challenge to stay on track when you are out in public, especially with a group of people.
Congrats on a job well done!

the new place sounds wonderful too. Enjoy!!
emoticon

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WOLFSPIRITS 10/8/2009 7:52PM

    emoticon

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Turning Team Dinners into a Great Support System!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I'm really looking forward to tonight's Polk County Group team dinner. It not only gives us a time to meet and greet local Spark members, but it allows our families and friends to get in on the action. I firmly believe that the wider your emotional support base, the greater your chances of success! My husband and sister and friends actually look forward to our monthly meetings now. How cool is that? Since many of our members have started to bring spouses and friends, not only have the Spark members become friends, but our family members and friends have made connections. This connection is very important for our success in our journey to health and adds a vital dimension to our personal growth. So as I anticipate meeting tonight with fellow team members, suddenly I'm also anticipating meeting with a group of very supportive friends. This feeds something in me that food can't and won't touch. I must be growing emotionally! Yea!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABYFACE26 10/11/2009 2:58PM

    So insightful. Thanks for the reminder, that community fills a big function in our emotional lives that many of us don't have. Any kind of community, but especially when u have common goals, and its such a great support system as well.

Would be so cool to have that in my Life. We ALL need that. emoticon

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2CATS2LOVE1 10/7/2009 10:03AM

    Have fun! It will be so encouraging to you.

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PEGGYANNSCH 10/7/2009 8:05AM

    I Wish I Could Be There But Maybe Next Time
Have Fun

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Today I really worked out

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Today our water aerobics class really targeted our arms, shoulders and upper back. By the time the class was over, I was already tired and a bit sore. I hope we didn't overdo it ! I'll just have to continuously do some very light stretches today to prevent my muscles from stiffening. I'm excited about the progress I'm making though and can see a big difference in the strength of my legs as well as my arms. My lower back is very stiff so I'm going to pay closer attention to that and be very careful not to hurt myself.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABYFACE26 10/11/2009 2:55PM

    That is fantastic news! I admire your attitude, and you've given me an idea, for when I have more money - to get into a water aerobics class. Way to go, darlin.

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XHASTEDMOMOF2 10/6/2009 9:05PM

    Woo hoo!!! Pretty soon you are going to be one fit and toned lady!!!

emoticon

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CMBELISLE 10/6/2009 6:44PM

    I'd really love to be in the water. I love swimming. Congrats on getting in that workout!

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WOLFSPIRITS 10/6/2009 4:31PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHERYLDI1 10/6/2009 4:27PM

    That's awesome! emoticon

I wish I had a place to go for water aerobics. They filled in the pool at the gym and I can't afford a Y membership.

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Our Seventh Polk County Group Walk Today!

Monday, October 05, 2009

Today we walked together for the seventh time in our Polk County Group. Sadly, there were only three of us walking today but we had a great time! Our time was a bit slower today due to the high level of humidity. We let moderation be our guide and only did one mile because we were all dripping by then. We're really getting to know each other and becoming very supportive friends. I look forward to these meetings eagerly. This Wednesday we will have our monthly team dinner for the same group. We have scheduled another walk for October 17 (a Saturday this time) at 9a.m. I hope more of our Spark friends will join us. It's great exercise and we're getting our husbands, other family members and friends involved too! The time goes fast and the conversations are lively!Can't wait until the next time!

After the walk, I went and water jogged for 20 minutes followed by a 65 minute water aerobics class. I'm excited to see that my stamina is improving with every day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOLFSPIRITS 10/6/2009 1:17PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYANNSCH 10/6/2009 7:40AM

    I am planning to be at the next walk

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FLAGIRL32 10/5/2009 8:10PM

    I am looking forward to the next Saturday walk. Great work getting everyone all enthusiastic about walking again!

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L*I*T*A* 10/5/2009 6:45PM

    great to hear that you are feeling well and becoming more active............way to go..........have a wonderful week..................blessings and hugs.......lita

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ROBERT9051 10/5/2009 6:08PM

    SORRY I COULD NOT BE THERE MAYBE NEXT TIME

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