Friday, March 08, 2013
I have been stressed out a lot lately. I sort of feel like a failure because I have no job yet (after working my butt off for four years getting my bachelors degree), and my weight keeps climbing because I am so stressed out by this. I am moody, I want to cry a lot, and when I look at the scale I just want to give up.
I stepped on the scale last week for a challenge that my gym is doing, and I weighed 212. This week, I stepped on and I was 216. WHAT?! Yeah. I somehow gained 4 lbs from last week to this week. So, I went to the gym three days this week, and I have set myself up to go three days next week (it is far away, and I don't want to drive more than I have to and waste the gas). I want to beat myself up because I was doing so well before my surgery, and now after, my body just HATES me.
So I reevaluated my goals, and I have decided that even though my wedding is in 8 months (as of tomorrow), I will look the way I look on that day. I love my dress, and I will be fabulous no matter what weight I am, so I moved my goal weight to December of 2015, which is about the time that I want to graduate from graduate school (which means a trip to Florida). I want to be down to 160 lbs by then.
I think that my goal of trying to lose 100 lbs in a year was silly, but losing what I did was good enough. I managed to lose 60 lbs, but then found back 16 of them. I guess that while one is on their way though a weight loss journey, it is important to stop and reevaluate sometimes. My body is different now than it was a year ago, and maybe next year it will be different than what it is today. If it isn't, I have to remember that it is the only one I have. I can't hate it too much, I am stuck with it for as long as I live.
Monday, February 18, 2013
These last few months have been a roller-coaster! I graduated with my bachelors degree in December, was accepted into my Masters program early so I started that in January, and I also have gotten a boatload of wedding stuff arranged and finished. I have been eagerly searching for a job, and have been to a few interviews, just waiting for someone to hire me finally!
I have been bad too. I went from my 205 lbs weight to 215 lbs in less than a week, and I have spent the last week trying to get back to the 205 lbs. I am at 208 lbs as of this morning, so I am almost there! I am still doing my meal planning every day, and my liver test went really well, even if it did take me about two months to heal so I could move without pain.
I am so depressed about my lack of job, though, it makes it hard for me to want to do anything, so I find I have to push myself every day. However, I did go out and buy myself a heart rate monitor with calorie counter, so now I will be able to get an accurate reading as to what I am actually burning! This does add a little bit more excitement into my life, enough to make me want to get back on track!
My wedding dress is beautiful. I keep picturing it and how I looked in it when I work out. I was already a little too small for it, but the alterations ladies say I can lose as much as I want until August, then I start my fittings so I have to sort of stay at the same weight, at least until after the wedding. I am very excited to look good for that day.
The classes I am taking for my first semester of graduate school are General Toxicology and Forensic Toxicology, and man, they were right when they said you will be more stressed by graduate classes! I like it a lot though. These subjects and I were meant to be. I realized when we had our first case study in Forensic Tox that I love being the one to get dirty to help others. I think that is why I like lab work so much, because I would much rather be the one behind the scenes making things better for people then out in the spotlight.
So let this be a vow to myself: I am picking up my workouts again, even if it is just simple in the house stuff. I will try my hardest not to be depressed by being unemployed, because I should think of it as I am waiting for my perfect fit. I just need to be patient. Instead of being bored, I have homework to do, and I am continuing to go further in my education then anyone else in my family ever has. I am getting married in November to the best man in the world, and there is no reason to be depressed with that on the horizon!
Tomorrow starts today!
Sunday, November 11, 2012
I have not been feeling the greatest lately. I have been doing just fine with my exercise, but my eating still is not what it should be. I am not tracking it like I should, and I am eating more than what I am supposed to.
What is worse, it is making me sick. I am not sure what I am eating that is making me sick, but it makes my whole stomach just hurt, which causes my back to hurt. I have a surgery set for November 30th to look at my liver, and see what is causing some of my blood levels to rise and fall dramatically. I hope that when they figure out what is wrong there, it will help the way I am feeling.
I have done horribly today. I know I didn't do well yesterday. But I think that I need to reset my focus on my food. I have gotten down the exercising, but my food is just terrible. I am not losing anything, so I think I need to get back on track. I have to.
So I am writing this to get myself there. To MAKE myself get there.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The most exciting thing that I have been doing is trying new recipes each week. A great website that I use weekly is Six Sisters Stuff, and it it truly extraordinary! The past two weeks we have tried nothing but new recipes every evening for supper, and so far we have not been disappointed.
We have also saved a ton of money by not going out to eat at least once a week.
I have been able to work out at least three days a week, and I have started to do the Weight Loss program on the elliptical at the gym. I guess that because I am trying to focus on making my lack of cooking and baking skills better, I have not been as focused on tracking my food... still.
My next challenge is to spend less and less on food each week. Since Tony and I have a wedding to be planning, any pennies we can save is worth it. Tonight, we are trying kale with our protein, and hopefully we like it. One day this week we are having a meatless meal, and if that goes well then next week we will try two.
Today, my little boy and I will be making zucchini walnut bread, pumpkin cookies, and finishing our lemon bars. My baking is getting better, and I at least have some sort of grasp on cooking in general. I have plateaued again, but this time, just like last time, I don't really care. I am approximately 4 lbs away from being below 200 lbs, and I feel strong. My muscles are growing. I can't wait for my arms to be smaller, and my belly. They are the only two parts that I want to look better.
Seven weeks left before I graduate. 377 days until I marry my best friend.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
I am stuck again. Lacking motivation to track my food, because it is getting very tedious to go through what I make and calculate it all, just to track my food for the day. It has just become irritating.
However, I track my fitness with no problems at all, and I am continuing to go 3-4 times a week. Elliptical, stationary bike, and strength training. I haven't moved much in weight, so I am at another plateau, but I am ok with it since I am so close to going below 200 lbs! I think part of my problem is that with school, I am not eating a lot, so my body is not happy with me.
I feel good, though. I have been taking vitamins (B12 is the best one that I am taking so far, its making me really energetic!), and eating more at home so that I am forced to cook more. The planning ahead thing is starting to get to be fun for me, because it allows me to know what is coming and prepare myself.
I guess at this point in time, I am happy with my weight and my progress, so its really no wonder I am not going anywhere. I mean, I am not out of the "obese" category, by any means, but I guess I am taking this time to just focus on being proud of myself instead of tracking everything.
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