Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Last night I got very scared because I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and because I was half asleep, waking from a weird dream, I thought I was having a heart attack or something. It ended up being just an anxiety attack, but still very scary.
What was worse is that I thought it was a heart attack. Just the fact that this is plausible is scary. I am a 37 year old woman. Thinking that I am having a heart attack, worrying about leaving my children and gandchild, that is scary.
I have been doing this for far too long, I always have an excuse, another holiday, birthday or event, I'll start tomorrow, I'm under too much stress, I can't afford it. Plus many, many more...I am sure you know what I mean.
So I am going to do what I know I need to do. I am logging my food, and fitness. I am reaching out to others for both support and to support them. I am going to keep motivating myself, every day, just like a shower. I am giving myself a Do Over. I will reach my goal of 145lbs by the time I turn 40 in a tiny bit over two years.
I have a plan and I am following it starting today.
my goals are:
1) Log all food eaten, if it passes my lips It gets logged.
2) walk 10 minutes a day, adding 5 min each week and working up to 60 min 5 times a week, but maintaining at least 10 minutes each day.
3) Do a 10 minute strength training workout each day
4) connect with/ post on/ or support 3 people a day on spark people or elsewhere.
5) Re-motivate everyday.
I know what it takes, now I just need to DO It!
Blessings and Happy Thanks Giving.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
I have been dieting most of my life. I could have a masters degree in weight loss. I've collected information and then tested it out on my body, my research has been extensive and studied over years. So why am I still Obese???
I have found that my body works really well with a regular diet of a breakfast made up of yogurt, fruit and whole grains; a lunch and dinner of Cooked veggies, salad and a lean protein; and a small protein n fruit snack in the evening.
My body and mind loves to hike, to run and to swim.
It is best if I strength train different parts of my body daily, (i.e. upper, lower and core consecutively rather than doing a whole body workout 3xs a week).It feels best to do it before my cardio.
My body does best when I am rested and take time to stop and enjoy life. Meditation is an important part of my weight loss process.
I also know that each month I have to struggle through very difficult hormonal shifts. These shifts are so challenging they disrupt my sleep, my energy, my food cravings. I also know that these shifts are minimized through regular exercise, organic non-GM foods and meditation.
I am an emotional eater so finding different outlets for my emotions is very important.
I have a tremendously hard time saying NO to people, and offered food. I often put others feelings before my health. I am learning to say, "Yes...And" as in "Yes you made a wonderful cake for this party and I am not going to eat it." I am also learning to say NO, without explanation or apology. This is a BIG challenge for me and often the culprit of getting off track.
So with all of this knowledge I still don't know how to keep going, life gets in the way, I get tired of starting again. I need to find motivation again and again.
As long as I keep starting again I know I will get there. I will not allow myself to get to 40 (two years away) and still be Obese. I will NOT ALLOW IT! I deserve to be the healthy and strong woman I am ment to be. I was never overweight as a child, it wasn't until I was older, so this obesity still seems foreign to me, despite having spent my entire 20s and 30s obese.
Not anymore, I deserve to be strong and healthy.
Sunday, June 03, 2012
About this time every year I want to redo my life and get re-inspired to be healthy again. I was going really strong there for a moment, when "bam!" I actually don't even know what stopped my momentum...
It is getting to a point where I don't even want to start again because I have failed so many times. At least that is what I think when I only look at the surface and the scale. When I really look at all the changes I have made It is amazing.
A quick look in my cupboard and you will see a huge difference from what it used to hold. They used to hold sugar, flour, bisquik, pancake mix, brownie and cake mixes and frostings; now my cupboards are filled with things like organic Gluten Free (GF) flours, oatmeal, steel cut oatmeal, and sweeteners used sparingly like agave, and real maple syrup. My frig used to only hold maybe 10% fruits and veggies like celery, carrots and apples, now I have many different kinds of vegetables and fruits available. 75% of my frig is filled with fruits and veggies.
I can walk 3 to 5 miles with no problem, I even run. I do yoga (even Bikram Yoga) and feel great after. I can even do things after my walks, before a walk around the block was followed by a nap or a long sit.
I am doing a lot of things right and I need to acknowledge this. But what the HECK is keeping my weight on, and why do I get to a certain point and then much of the weight comes back. It is so baffling. Is this some sort of self sabotaging?? Is it some emotional damage I suffered? I just don't know but I am going to keep trying until I get to my goal weight of 136LBS (if that feels like a good weight for me).
“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.”- Zig Ziglar
Have a blessed day
Friday, April 06, 2012
I have started Bikram many times before. It is horrible and wonderful at the same time. 90 minutes in a room heated to 105-110 degrees is bad enough, but then you actually have to move too!! The very first time I ever did bikram in my life I wanted to kill my best friend who talked me into trying it. Then I had the best energy for the next few days after. I didn't attempt it for another 2 years. But have done a 6 week streak and then several weeks here and there. Cost is usually the culprit that makes me quit, but not always.
I am on my 4th day of Yoga, I did 3 consecutively and then had two days off, and now I will do 2 days consecutively. I will aim for doing 3 a week, with 2 consecutive.
I have learned a lot about starting Bikram over again and again. It is best to do consecutive days, otherwise it feels like starting over every time, and for some reason it makes it better. It is good to drink lots of water before class starting about an hour before, but to sip only a little water during class. It is important to listen to your body, not push too hard, and to be still between posses. Don't eat for AT Least 2 hours before. Shower as soon after so you further remove all the toxins from your skin and body. Talk to and listen to the instructor, they will give you ways to modify poses, and encouragement because they have been there and in training they did a LOT of work to get the right to do Bikram Yoga.
What Bikram as a practice has taught me is that nothing in every day life feels that hard to get though if you can get through 90 minutes of Bikram! I have learned that emotions are stored in my body and a lot of the time they come out during hard sessions of Bikram, I let it go, but it feels like anxiety or irritation. I have learned to let it go. Bikram has taught me that rest is just as important as movement, that we need both quiet and stimulation. It has taught me that I can do more than I ever expected, and I am strong, balanced and grounded. It has taught me that the pain of saying no is far better than the pain of saying yes when you really mean no but you just don't want to hurt someones feelings, especially if it has to do with junk food (you feel it in class!!) I have also learned to compare myself to me, how I was yesterday than today, but in a loving way. I am learning to love myself.
When the pose is hard I start telling myself to let go, I release this, I release what ever it is that needs to be releases. This is important because I believe that a lot of emotions are stored in our fat, and as we loose weight (burn fat) these old emotions come up. I feel as if I am actually re-feeling old emotions; anger, anxiety, frustration, sorrow, fear... It all comes back up and that is the number one reason that I keep stopping myself from getting past it to a lower weight. But with Birkram I release it and feel more aware of my body too.
I think that Bikram will be a key to my success in weight loss. I need to do this, I have a Grand-baby on the way and I don't want him or her to grow up only knowing me as overweight and tired. I also want to be a good example to my daughter and son, even though they are almost all the way grown up, and have only known me as being extremely obese, I want them to know the active live loving person I am too. Before it's too late.
If you are able to try Bikram Yoga I highly recommend it! You will feel like you are going to die, but as the instructor to my very first class (yes she almost got punched in the face too) said to me with a smile, "sometimes you have to die a little death to be reborn into who you want to be!" I understand what she was telling me now, and it is true.
If you do everything the way you always have you will get what you always have.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
One day I hope to step on the scale and see the numbers 136 pop up. One day I want to be fit enough to run a 10 minute mile, to be fit enough to do a 5K, fit enough to do a sprint tri, or be fit enough to hike 13 miles a day. One day I want to fit into size 12 jeans, a medium T-shirt, or a sexy little black dress. I want to be light enough to ride a horse on the beach at a rental place, or get on a carnival fair ride.
I have had this dream for a long time, too long. I have been overweight for my entire adult life, in 3 more years I will be 40. I want to be a fit forty, I waisted so much time being miserable and missing out on what I wanted to do. Missing out on doing things with my kids. I am tired of saying this is my year. But after all I am not ready to give up either. So Once again I say, "this is my year, this is the one that I will be seeing a change."
The journey to reach "one day..." starts with my putting on my running shoes again, doing my strength training program, doing yoga, living today.
I was down in the dumps, but even though my weight is at a high level again I know I haven't given up yet. I still have fight in me, even if I weight 340lbs again. I will reach the 200's again, I will reach 100derland. I can do this, I am not doing it alone. I have a lot of support and all nothing is stopping me, but getting started. Tomorrow I strap on my running shoes, get my dog and go for a run on a perfect little trail I found. I will run and then I will strength train, a little at a time. 10 minutes will quickly turn into 60 minutes in a couple of weeks.
340lbs will melt into 136lbs soon. Size 24 will turn into size 12 soon enough. I am ready. Here I go.
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