Wednesday, December 07, 2011
I haven't updated in almost a month (sheesh!), and, scanning over my last post, I left here in a not great frame of mind. But that isn't why I left. I'd been pushing myself quite hard with my jogging and my knee was starting to bother me. It wasn't injured but it didn't feel right. I'd wake up some mornings and my knee would ache. I knew I was on the path to injury, so I decided to take a week or so off until my knee got back to normal. Well, once my knee finally felt right, Thanksgiving arrived. Mine was delightful - I spent it with the bf's family for the first time, and it was lots of fun - and I hope everyone here had a nice one too. Then after Thanksgiving settled away, I came down with a bug. I know, I know, there are a few days I could've squeezed exercise into, but I didn't.
I did, however, continue to try to be mindful of my diet and my portion sizes. And, this is a little bit of cheating, but I lost my appetite when I fell sick, and could only maybe eat a meal a day.
Bottom line, with being mindful of my food prior to the illness, I dropped a couple more pounds off of what I lost while eating well and exercising, and then with being unable to eat I lost a few more. I know those illness-weight-loss-pounds are likely to come back, but as it stands right now I weight 140.8 lbs. (quick reminder, I started out at 153 and my goal is 130...that's right, I'm just over halfway to my goal!! YAY!!!) I haven't measured inches lately, so I can't update that. I can however update the skinny jeans situation. I think I'll let the photos speak for themselves.
Week....I don't know but right now:
There's obviously need for a little improvement in the muffin-situation, but holy moly they zipped and buttoned. I weighed in the low 130s when this pair fit properly, but darnit I'm sitting here in these jeans writing to you right now.
Friday, November 11, 2011
I'm really annoyed and disappointed with myself this week. I've known that I've needed to work on improving my diet beyond my small modifications of smaller portions and more home cooking. Well, this week I threw it all out the window and ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to eat it. I haven't dared to get on the scale this week. I would not be surprised if I was back to 150 or a little over.
Darnit, ApplesandPB, what are you doing? I'm still exercising, but I think my diet is hurting my exercise capabilities. The last two jogs I've felt lightheaded and sick to my stomach. The routines are hard, but not *that* challenging. The only thing that makes sense to me is that my rotten diet is affecting my physical ability.
Oh, the ice cream I had this week...and the cheese....and the candy....and the chocolate....and the buttered things. It is TTOM, but I feel like I don't deserve that as an excuse because I went sooooooo far off base. I'm looking at this weekend and assuming it's going to be lost. So, then I look at next week and I realize I need to scramble together a plan.
Grrrr, why did I choose to do this to myself? I need to put the brakes on, remember I'm in charge and slow down.
no snacks next week - only eat food at meals! I've never been one of those people who feels better with small, healthy snacks throughout the day. When I snack, I'm mindlessly eating food I don't need.
at a bare minimum: 2 freggies a day.
protein at breakfast: I think I messed up this week by not eating enough protein at breakfast and setting myself off to a rough start. and more protein at lunch too. I'm pretty sure I'm eating too many carbs. example: today I had cereal and milk for breakfast with coffee and then a buttered bagel for lunch with hot chocolate and a bowl of grapes. Milk has been my only source of protein today. This is not my overall norm for eating, but the rest of the week my diet has been similarly atrocious.
bottom line: more protein, fewer carbs, more freggies, no snacks.
Friday, November 04, 2011
Today is an awesome day: my BF and I are celebrating our 5th anniversary as a couple (dating, not married). I feel incredibly lucky: things are going so well and we're both really happy together.
I managed to start a fight last night. We rarely fight, and I'm angry with myself for starting one the eve of our anniversary. The gist of it was me misunderstanding something and then blowing it way out of proportion as if our relationship were on the line. I'm so mad at myself for not handling the situation more calmly and with level-headedness. But the heart of the problem was that I still feel insecure in our relationship, not through any fault of my fella (he was like "what am I doing? what can I do?" and there was nothing I could think of). It's just because I'm really insecure in general, something he has repeatedly noted and tried to encourage me to overcome.
I hate being like this. It's embarrassing and shameful. I just have very little confidence in myself and very little respect for myself. I'm very shy around people, to the point of having a hard time having conversation at all with anyone. This has hurt my friendships, my relationships, my sense of self, my career potential - everything. Nothing in my life is untouched by my insecurities. And it also definitely contributes to my bad habits that have resulted in my 20lb weight gain over the last few years. I find comfort in food by binge eating when I'm feeling particularly hopeless. I hate how I am.
The thing is, I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to move forward with my life. I love Spark's emphasis on specific goals, but I have no idea how to tackle this. I was hoping jogging would make me feel better because I've read of links between exercise and confidence and mood. My mood IS better, but my confidence is still in the gutter.
So, Sparkers: any ideas for how I can put this into my past? how do you deal with insecurity? where do you find confidence?
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
First up, pictures.
My weight has stayed the same for the last 2 weeks: I've been hovering around 146.5. That's okay - not great but not devastating. If I want to meet my goal of being 130 by the end of the year, I should be at 144 right now. I'm not too far off, but I am a little high.
The problem is with my diet. I've cut down on portion sizes, but I've started snacking again a few days a week (not the healthy kind of snacking - the buttered popcorn with M&Ms kind). I also indulge on the weekends with both food and drink. I need to reign that in. I tend to indulge with my BF a little too much: he says how about a treat and I say yes, please! So, I need to figure that out. Any ideas?
Shameless celebration: he and I will be marking 5 years together Friday :D
On the exercise front, I think I'm doing pretty well. I jog regularly and I look forward to it (I love love intervals on the treadmill). Earlier last month I signed up for the Trick or Treat Trot here on Spark. I couldn't even jog a mile at the time, but I thought a 5k would be a nice goal. I realized as the date approached that I set my sights a little too high too fast. So, though I couldn't run it, I did jog/walk the 5k today. I figure this is a nice benchmark and one that I should see great improvement on: it took 43:38 for me to jog/walk 3.1 miles (with me jogging about 64% of the time). I'd like to see that eventually get down to the mid-20s, but I know that's going to take several months. I do feel like I earned my rest day tomorrow :D
Hope everyone else is having a great week :D
Friday, October 28, 2011
I'm so so so so excited right now Can you see my bouncing in my seat with joy? 'Cause I am. I didn't think it would get any better this week than Wednesday when I jogged the first mile I've run in about 15 years. That was my first fitness goal: jog one mile. It was a 12 minute mile, but it was done non-stop. Well, Thursday, I jogged a mile + 1 minute (then walked and jogged the rest). Guess what I did today? I met my second goal: I jogged non-stop for 20 minutes. Holy cow I feel like an athlete!?!?!
My inspiration was the from an episode of the Biggest Loser (I know the show has a lot of detractors around here - and with good reason - but bear with me). I saw the Halloween episode today and Bob was pushing Vinny to go faster with his sprints on the treadmill. Vinny looked like death and didn't think he could, but he did every time. I thought, well, maybe I'm holding myself back mentally too. I decide, hey I'll run for 6 minutes walk 1 and repeat for 20 minutes. So I get to the point of expecting a reprieve from the jog and it's almost like I push myself really hard right before I walk (if that makes sense) knowing that an end is near. The result would be that I would feel exhausted like I couldn't take much more, but in an almost artificial way.
I decided before I went down to the gym to just jog for 20 minutes and I'd only stop if I got dizzy, nauseous, felt pain in my joints or got muscle cramps. And I was totally fine. It was hard and I definitely felt like giving up, but I didn't. Now I'm so proud of what I've done. When I jogged the mile Wednesday I bought a lip gloss to celebrate, so I think I'll get a new lipstick as my treat today :D
I'm so excited to see what I can do next :D
(My next goal is to reduce the time it takes for me to run a mile from 12 minutes to 10 and then to 8).
What sort of treats do you all give yourself after a victory?
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