Thursday, July 28, 2011
I have had a wonderful mini vacation visiting my family this week so far. In an effort to stay healthy during my visit, AND to get used to riding my bike again; I decided to take by new bike with me. Keep in mind its been 20 years since I have rode the bike and I have NEVER been very good at it. I have had the fear of wrecking since I jumped back on it Saturday. I have been trying to consistently ride it everyday for as long as I could stand it. Yesterday we made some adjustments to the bike to help it ride better and I got one of those nice little gel seats to help my tushy! Well I am finally not shaky anymore and I'm up to speed. I have no stamina for climbing yet but after riding for 30 minutes today, and feeling like I'm gonna barf; I feel pretty confident that I can become one of those mountain bikers with a lot of work!
Oh, AND I just love my family so much, they are so supportive of my loosing weight that I know I am truly blessed. Yesterday after eating lunch at the Chinese Buffet,( which I CAN control) , I was considered about dinner. My mom stopped by the supermarket and picket up lots of fresh fruit and veggies for me! Grant it, my dad made the decision to go out to eat tonight BUT that is OK. I know I have self control and I can handle that.
Besides, with as much exercise as I am getting riding here I doníŽt think it will be an issue
It's a HECK of a workout compared to what I normally do and what is even better is the fact that I have lost weight just within a day or two!!!! LOVE IT!! BRING IT ON BABY!
I am the WARRIOR * singing*
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Ok, so this wasn't today it was actually last week. It has been SO HOT and humid here in Nashville and I have not felt like walking in weeks! I mean not hot like, well it's kinda hot, I'll sweat a little and move on. It's HOT like I'm walking into a furnace and can feel my face melting off when I go outside. Yeah, I'm a wimp when it comes to heat BIG TIME WIMP!
So I walk to my mailbox and I was like "Hmmm.. It's actually quite nice out here. " I got my mail came inside, checked the weather( which said cloudy but no mention of rain at all), and made the decision to go for a quick walk around the block. My walk is usually about 3 miles and I can do it in about an hour. So I stretched, set my pedometer on phone and took off.
"What a wonderful time to walk!" I thought to myself. It was cloudy but it was also cool with a nice breeze. I walked about 1.5 miles and was almost to the other side of the block when it started getting kind of windy. "Hmm. well, I guess I had better step it up a notch so that I don't caught in anything." So I did just that. I picked up the pace a bit and before I made it to the next corner a few rain drops started falling. "Well, that's ok, at least it isn't pouring". So I thought!
Well I made it to the end of the street and that was leaving only about a quarter of a mile left till I got back to my house. I had already thanked GOD for not soaking me. Normally, it really would not be THAT big of a deal, BUT this particular day I made the decision to wear a thin white string shirt and I REALLY didn't want to give the neighbors a show that they didn't pay for!
So ..I turned the corner to my street, and was like "YAY, I'm almost home and I didn't get drenched after all!" Mistake number one NEVER think you are out of woods until you are actually OUT OF THE WOODS!
I started climbing the hill in front of my house. THIS HILL IS SO BRUTAL that I'm always winded when climbing it though it is better than it used to be! I got to the top of the hill and caught my breath for a moment and BAM! Here comes the rain. This was not light shower, this was a downpour! I stood under a tree for about 30 seconds and then decided... that's it! I can't get drenched out here and I have no where to go so.. I took off!!! At first I thought there was no way that I'd make it to the house because the house was still a little less than a quarter of a mile away but I just RAN, I didn't think, I just RAN!
I made it my mailbox! Hallelujah! Praise God I made it!!! I might have been gasping for air BUT I MADE IT!!! I jogged to my front door and then went in to dry off.
I did somehow manage to take some pics of myself that really are not so flattering but this had to remembered because I DON'T RUN! I DON'T like to RUN AND I honestly DON'T care anything about it BUT TODAY I JUST RAN!
So needless to say I guess running isn't' SO bad after all! I really don't see me being the type of person who runs 5K's or anything but who knows? I have changed a lot in the past year so ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE right??
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Today was a feat for me! I somehow managed to eat at a Chinese Buffet and not bust my day! Not only that, but I still have points left over! I skipped on my favorites which was hard. I did not eat any sesame chicken, or crab ragoons! I chose beef and chicken with veggies, pepper steak, a small bit of fried rice and veggie spring roll over the crab ragoon and then finished with some fruit and jello cubes! I feel really good about my choices! Here's to one victory at a time!!!
Monday, July 25, 2011
How to ride a bike? My husband and I have really been trying to figure out how to get out of the house and get some exercise and have some fun. OK, so he doesn't really need to worry about fitness because he is 6'1 155 lbs- He is actually trying to gain weight. DON'T YOU JUST HATE THAT! Well we used to walk but it seemed to get boring so stopped walking. I have to do my working out on my own at home when he is at work. So one day out of nowhere he comes up with the idea of getting bikes and ridding on some trails and bike paths around here. I LOVED the idea!
Let me just say up front that I am in NO way shape form or fashion a bike enthusiast at all! I was 9 yrs old before I learned how to ride a bike and that was on my Mom's old bicycle when I was ( admitting age here... jeesh) in the mid 80's. -I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST SAID THAT! So yeah, I learned how to ride BUT I was never really any good. I rode around with the neighborhood boys because I was and still am (at times) a Tomboy. All of my guy friends had their cute little dirt bikes, BMX style, and could do all the cool tricks like pop wheelies, do 360's mid air, jump big ditches and were well just cool in general. Myself, an overweight teen had an adults bike given to me as a gift one year (which was a pretty 10 speed Huffy road bike) Let me tell you, YOU CANNOT DO WHEELIES, or any tricks on those big bikes (at least I could not). Heck, I couldn't even jump our ditch without wrecking! I wrecked that bike more times (mostly from going to fast down our GINORMOUS hill with a hairpin curve at the bottom. My poor neighbor had to fix my bike countless numbers of times over my childhood just so I could I get it home in one piece. Well after a few years, scars, scrapped knees, bruises, and some stitches here and there, I ended up giving up.
Needless to say, I never really had enough practice to become very good. My husband on the other hand,was one of those boys that could do tricks but he too had an adult bike.
So anyway, we decided we would each buy bicycles and ended up going to out neighborhood Dick's Sporting Goods to purchase Male/ Female DBX Mountain Bikes. We admittedly do not know much about bikes but did a bit of research and the sales person ending up selling us some of the cheaper versions.
Here are some pics of the Bikes
Me attempting to ride after about 20 years.
Anth jumped on and just rolled on with no problems.
So far, we are pretty happy with the decision. We rode in the backyard for about 5 minutes. By the time we starting coming up our small slope about 5 times we were BEAT! This is going to be WONDERFUL exercise for both of us and hopefully a HUGE boost in weight loss for me!!!
Friday, July 22, 2011
First off, this is not easy for me. I feel that I need to Blog about this for some strange reason. Here goes..
So here I am, I have lost 62 lbs and moving strong! I am happier and healthier now than I may have ever been in my entire life at the age of 35! I married the love of my life 5 years ago and we have lived very happily and really never had any hard times. We wanted oh so desperately to have a child for many years but it did not happen.
To give you some background, both my husband and I have had problems with our organs at some point in time in our youth. We actually both have scars in the same areas (weird). He had a problem with one of his testicles being pushed into his stomach and had to have surgery as a child to get that fixed. When I was 15, I had a freak accident and feel down a flight of stairs twisting my ankle and somehow twisting my right fallopian tube. I had recovered from my ankle but a few days latter had a horrendous pain in my lower abdomen. Anyway, I ended up having exploratory surgery. The doctors said that gain green had gotten in my tube and this had to immediately be resolved. I managed to have surgery but I was told that the tube was basically rendered useless due to all the scar tissue. i was told that mother nature would know not to use that tube and that I could still get pregnant. I pretty much put this out of my mind since I was only 15 years of age anyway. So it seems that both my husband and I both have some things against us in the fertility area already.
I took different forms of birth control throughout the years. The shot was the only one that did not seem to cause any bad side effects for me. After getting married for the second time, I finally decided to have children.
I have done just about everything including taking Clomid and tracking my temperature/ checking ovulating times and visiting fertility specialists regularly to no avail. I reached a point where they said the only thing left was to consider the tubal pregnancy. I realized that this was a very serious thing to consider both for my health and financially. Since I had my stroke almost 10 years ago, I managed to get off of blood thinners but was told that if I ever got pregnant that I would have to take shots in order to keep from having any dangerous blood clots. Combine the shots which are at least $1, 000 or more with the money it costs to have a tubal pregnancy that may or may not allow one to get pregnant and WOW I could probably buy a car with the money outright. So I had to make a decision.
I am also a very spiritual woman and a Christian. I have read passages on infertility and prayed and asked my Christian sisters and I came to realize that this was something that was truly in God's hands. - You know since everything is anyway and it was time that I let go of the control and let God work.
So, after much prayer, research, doctor visits, I decided that I would just let go and let God and I basically left that part of my life behind me for good.
I was depressed at first, the thought of not having a child broke my heart ( and still sometimes does). BUT in time, I was able to come to terms with the fact that I most likely would never become pregnant. I learned to accept this and so did my husband. We decided that IF we really wanted children that we would adopt.
So throughout the years, we have gone through NO TELLING how many pregnancy tests and me being paranoid but NEVER pregnant.
I have felt absolutely WONDERFUL these past few months despite the fact, that we are a bit financially strapped (ok it's an understatement)since I lost my job in May. We made the decision that I would go to school full time and not work until I got my degree (which will probably be 4 years God willing). I have lost weight, I'm going to get my degree and I'm so excited about the future! Until.... today.
Ok, so it's the same ol' song and dance but I woke up this morning with HORRIBLE cramps and I felt incredibly weak and tired all day. I even got dizzy throughout the day at times and even felt nauseous. The logical side of me said you probably have gas or ate something that didn't agree. In the meantime, that crazy paranoid irrational side of me said WHAT IF YOU ARE...? I can't even type it out here.
All day I have read online and worried myself silly. Thoughts running through my head like,
What will we do?
We cannot afford a child now.
He doesn't want a baby anymore!
My health my be in Jeopardy -I COULD DIE!..
Who would watch it since I'll have to get a job?
What about school?
I'm too old!
There are so many more including really silly stuff.
I know that most of this is normal but I haven't had so many thoughts run through my head at once like this EVER!
Before, it was like..... We will work it out, everything will be fine.
But today, it had me in a tailspin.
I slept half of the day because I felt so bad and then forget about exercise, I hurt so much that I didn't want to stand up let alone go upstairs to exercise. I did "sorta" manage my food though. I overate some today but it could have been so much worse!
The only positive thing I manged to do was study.
I cooked supper, and my husband noticed that something was bothering me. I once again for the millionth time today, burst into tears, telling him of my fears.... pause.
I'm sorry, I'm tearing up now thinking about this.
PRAISE GOD that I have the most WONDERFUL SUPPORTIVE husband on the planet because he held me and made it all better and told me that we would work it out no matter what.
We had a pretty normal evening and it is still on my mind. BUT the logical part of me is kicking in and telling me that I've been through this MANY times before and I'M NOT.
So, I did some reading and I think it might be a UTI but I do not know for sure. I am drinking LOTS of water, cranberries, blueberries, taking antibiotics and if it isn't better tomorrow, then I will go to a doctor to be sure.
So, I guess the point of this blog was me expressing my fears. I'm TERRIFIED of getting pregnant but at the same time, it's what I wanted for so long and it has to be in God's time. I feel almost ashamed now to not want a child but, now it just scares me to death. What to do?
Once again, I leave it in God's hands but I'm keeping an eye on things. I have to believe that it will work out for the best.
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