Friday, January 23, 2009
I've waited a long time for this, saved all my pennies, and my dream has finally come true!
I have a Harley Davidson, of my very own, sitting downstairs in the garage!
It's a 2004 Dyna Super Glide in pristine condition, low miles (7500), always garaged, always serviced at Harley Davidson dealerships, and "box stock", but for the Stage 1 Kit and V&H Long Shot pipes. It came with all the "extras" I wanted; a windshield, crash bars and bags. It's "Johnny Cash" black, with forward controls, so I can stretch out my long legs in comfort, and it's the perfect "ladies bike". I can hardly wait to take pics and post them!
I've only been out on it twice so far, but we've been having some rain lately, and I don't ride on wet pavement. I'm just so *incredibly* happy to be off my old, "learner" Honda Silverwing I've ridden for the last 3.5 years. BTW, the Honda's for sale now.
Life is so good these days, I just don't want the "bubble" to burst!
I've gotten my weight up so I can handle the bigger bike now, and Junior is doing fantastic!
Thank you, my friends, for all your love and support.
Monday, January 19, 2009
I don't know exactly how much I weigh, but I know it's good, because my clothes finally fit again! I'm back in my 7's and 9's! I hung a pair of my old size 3/4 jeans on my wall as a reminder to keep up the healthy eating habits and to never to let my ED gain control of my life again. The ED still "talks" to me occasionally, but I refuse to listen! I've promised myself never to relapse again, and I'm getting so many complements on looking healthy, my self-esteem is just sky high! I had to spend 20 days in the hospital between Sept & Oct '08 to get here, but with all of the the doctor's and the nurse's encouragement, I learned to eat again! God Bless all of them. I will never forget, and always appreciate, how much they helped me.
Sad news. Cody passed away Oct 22, '08 from heart and respiratory failure. We knew he had cardiac myopathy and an inoperable mass partially blocking his airway, so we had him on medication for the last few months of his life, to give him a little more quality time with us. I'll never forget how during his last heart attack, he used the last of his strength to come to me before he finally collapsed. I could see how scared he was, but all I could do was cuddle with him, try to comfort him, tell how much I loved him, and how much I always will. Cody passed away in my arms. I can only take comfort, for myself, in the fact that Cody will never have an irregular heartbeat or trouble breathing again. Cody is peacefully at rest, and I have 15 years of loving memories that I would never trade for anything in this world. God Bless you, Cody. Rest in Peace my loving friend. You may be gone from this life, but you will never be forgotten. You are my forever angel.
Glad news. Last night I rode Junior for the first time in 20 months! Junior suffered a serious injury in May '07. He somehow managed to tear a suspensory at the navicular level in his right front. Everybody at my barn was talking behind my back, and to my face, telling me I should put him down, but I refused. Junior has too much "heart" for me to just give up on him like that. UC Davis requires that you make an appointment 72 hours in advance before they will see your horse in their clinic. I made the appt on the 7th day of his lameness. By the 10th day, he was on 3 legs, but I gently trailered him the 100 miles to get him there anyway. Junior spent 10 days in their hospital, while I camped in my horse trailer in the parking lot. The vets kept telling me to go home and get some rest, but I refused to leave Junior behind. His injury remained undiagnosed for 8 days, while they did everything they could for him, but he never lost his good humor, or his appetite! They finally did a CAT scan on the 9th day, even though they knew I couldn't afford it, but they considered him a "good teaching case", so they did it anyway. They found the injury, surgically repaired the tendon, and discharged him on the 11th morning, with lots of rehab instructions for me! Anyway, last night he was looking so good at the walk, I took a chance and hopped on him bareback, to see if I could feel anything. Junior happily walked out sound, just like he wanted to get back to work! I've never been so happy in my life! He's still a little "off" at the jog, but time, and good care got him this far, and I've never lost faith that he would come back, at least, "serviceably" sound for me. So, I'm getting his saddle out of storage, and we're gonna carefully start going for "real" walks! He's finally past just hand walking! Hooray for Junior, my "Bitty Boy"! (He's really 16h, I just call him "Bitty Boy" and "Bits" as a nickname. Even "Junior" is a nickname. His registered name is "Imagine The Best".)
So, as life goes on, I'm feeling like I'm in a really good place, and I'm very happy to be here!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Since May I went ahead and bought a scale and I've been watching the numbers go up slowly. I got up past 128# and am now running at 130-132#. I'm feeling good, eating solid food again and drinking lots of Ensure protein shakes to keep my calorie intake up. I'm stronger and I've lost that "concentration camp" starvation look. I know I'm looking better and I just plain feel better about myself.
Even though the scale was kind of a "no-no" for someone like me, I'm glad I bought it. It's measuring my success, hooray!
Saturday, May 03, 2008
I'm determined to see if I can recover. I'm tired om my life being one long relapse after another. This time I didn't even realize I was starving myself again, but all I was doing was drinking Coke all the time instead of eating. I was getting enough sugar and caffeine to keep me going, but no nutrition.
Somehow, I managed to look objectively in a mirror. I realized I was suffering from malnutrition and told my NP when I was being checked out for the tylenol overdose. She's working on getting my health plan to authorize nutritional supplements. She's also working on referring me to a nutritionist.
I found a therapist who specializes in ed's through my health plan. I meet with her on May 9th. I'm scared of giving up what I've lived with and found comfort in for so long. But, I have a quote from another lady I wrote on a white board next to my front door, "Feel The Fear, But Do It Anyway - Hope", that inspires me to keep going.
I gave up the Coke, and boy did I have a caffeine withdrawl headach for about 5 days ! I've substituted with protein shakes, smoothies and organic juices. I can already see the difference in less than a month! My tummy has filled out and my hipbones don't protrude as much as before. I've been living on a liquid diet, but I'm starting to be able to eat a little dinner at night even though it hurts. I know I need to push through this though, because I know that I need to start eating again.
I threw out my scale years ago because I had a tendency to get too competitive with the numbers. My last weigh-in was 16 days ago, at 118. My NP would like to see me at 128. I'm seriously thinking about buying a scale so I can track my weight gain, so I'll know when to lay off all the extra calories. My only fear is that I may become competitive again once I get to 128 and refuse to go over that number. I'm 5'8" and 128 is within a "normal" weight range. I think I'm being logical about all this...
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