Tuesday, January 19, 2010
This morning's musings:
Oh boy...i stepped on the scale and it was 140 and I fairly did a flip out in my head. I know that I had a LOT of salt this weekend, and yesterday I did not drink 8 glasses of water for some reason. I guess maybe in doing the kids rooms, I had lost focus of me...again. It's weird how FAST that can happen. One thing that eases my mind with a fluctuation like that is that I weigh myself everyday now, and the day before I was 137...so I don't panic nowadays.
Which brings me to the point that with everything changing....I cannot lose myself. School is good and the route to take, but I have to learn NOW not to lose myself amongst the labs and readings and to take the time to work out...for my body's sake, as well as my sanity and for the family's sake...because I KNOW how I can get when I am stressed out.
I have to refocus on fitness now. My Sparkbuds KNOW that I HATE to exercise, but I always feel good when I do it....so why don't I take my own advice and just do it? Well..because, like everyone on here....I have my own issues, that's why! I really don't know WHAT my workout issues are, so I will just chalk them up to pure and unabashed laziness on my part! I can totally do the weightloss/food tracking/good nutrition thing - I'm good like that......but to do exercise everyday, "ugh, do I have to???" is the first thing that comes into my head.
ON a side note: I am currently having a mini-panic attack...WHY????
OK, In my hand are 2 class registration forms for biochemistry and microbiology....and my hands are shaking, my heart is pounding and I feel like I am going to throw up .
I HAVE TO go send them RIGHT NOW via fax. This is HUGE. I WANT THIS SO BAD and I"M SO SCARED I'm going to screw it up! But I won't know unless I try. It's been 20 years since my last chem class...and I will toot my own horn here, but I ROCKED when I was in school, especially in the science realm.
It's just jitters...life changing jitters. I don't think I ever felt this way in my life. I've never wanted anything so bad in my life. It's waaaay different than getting married or having kids too. WTF...BREATHE!
Calm down!!!!!! JUST DO IT ALREADY!!!
OK....I'm going now...to the fax machine Batman!!! Pronto!
Friday, January 15, 2010
All is quiet. My brain is quiet. Ever have just 'quiet' happen? I really have nothing remarkable to report here. Being a pieces, I'm usually daydreaming about something or another, planning something, or worrying about something....but today is a quiet day. Sure, I have things to do...school research to do, schedule planning to figure out, books to buy, loans to inquire about...but right now, I do not feel the pressing rush of having to do much of anything at all. Very strange for me.
There's something about sitting in a quiet house. The tick of the clock, the furnace going on, the distant sound of a neighbors dog barking, a car going by, a plane overhead, the ticking of my keys as I pluck away at this keybaord. It reminds me of period piece movies and/or novels where all they had WAS quiet and their own devices for entertainment and their own hand for their survival & livelihood...which is ironic to even type, because even in this modern age, those conditions still exist in the world today.
Take some time today to just be quiet.
Think about the people who don't have it as good as us Sparkers, typing away & worrying about every situp, and calorie consumed and burned.
The moment will pass away quickly enough for sure, but it's that acute awareness that will make us more compassionate in the end...even if it's just for a moment.
Monday, January 11, 2010
So I received the email from the university's program director last night. Reading it was like a rehash of what was online. The gist of it is this: I have to apply to the univeristy first as a grad student, then get into the dietetics program...no duh. Here's the thing....if I don't do this ASAP and start on the prereq's by 2011..I will have to take a bunch of other prereqs because the ones I had already taken will be null & void in 2012 because of a new 10 year limitation on prereqs. If I get in the program before then, I am grandfathered in with what I have already taken back in the early '90s. Uggg. I have to move my intellectual arse here.
So today is this...collect information re: transcipts & where to send them for 1 high school and 2 colleges. Apply to the university. Hopefully I can do this all online within the next 2 days. Wish me luck on that front. If I get into the university, I can take as many prereqs from them ASAP.
Oh, and I asked about the enrollment/demand of the program, as in how many people usually apply and how many get it....basically, online they accept 20 students out of a pool of 40-50 applicants. So I have a 50/50 shot. Nothing like putting all of ones eggs in one basket. I don't care, I'm going for this program. I figured the worst case scenario...I beg and send them to my Sparkpage to really get to know who I am! ROFL!!!
Don't think I didn't flip out last night when I received the email....I did and I got tremendously overwhelmed about time and money. I'm taking this one step at a time and I am going to try my best...the first step is to get accepted into the university. Next step is to scope out classes online and in town, just in case I cannot take them online.
Baby steps...just like how I lost weight...using baby steps....
and to breathe...
and to try my best.
Because: (Breaking out my motto's here)
- It will all work out in the end.
- God has a path, all we have to do is have faith that we chose the right one.
- I believe in myself and my abilities.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
I did it. I just email the university inquiring about the RD program there. I feel sick. I hope I don't come off like a complete dolt in the email...with all my questions about prerequisites. I mentions " 'an online' communtiy sparking my passion for nutirtion and helping people." - that's a direct quote.
OMG - I have to go to work. Trying to breathe.
I'm tearing up....WTF is wrong with me? It's that first step...leap....flight...whatever. like falling in love all over again. Please God, please let this work out. please please please
Trying to breathe.....hoooooo haaaaa hooooo haaaaa
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
I was surfing yesterday...QUIET lurking and PEEKING if you will...& not on my friends pages, just so's you know.
This is what I saw:
- no food tracking at all
- wacky foods tracked for DAAAAYS on end....ie. a donut does not contistute a healthy meal (I kid you not)
- half-day tracking....doing good then - bam - nothing. Dinner DOES count, if you ate it track it, even though you might have killed your good day
Ok - I'm sure I can list mooooore, but that was the gist of it.
Do yourself a favor if you are stuck and not going anywhere on the ticker....track your food...every bite counts when you want to LOSE weight. I know it's tedious and some people might not even have access to a computer or SPARK after every meal - even so, right it down & log it later; trust me, tracking gets better and faster the more you do it. I'm maintaining and I STILL track to stay on the right path.
Ok...that's all...just an observation.
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