Fear

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Fear can be debilitating.

You stand there... thinking.

You know you should do something... act out... but you can't.

Instead of moving forward, you take the whole situtation, crumbling it up into a tiny wad, and shove it back into your pocket, where you secretly hope it will be forgotten about, or fall out of your pocket, or even better, it will just get destroyed in the wash.

But it doesn't...it's still there in some form, even after the wash.

After the wash, sometimes it stays whole, just a little morphed, but most of the time, it breaks up into undistinguishable little pieces, but now it's all over everything else... onto your favorite thing, like little tiny blobs of goo that even the dryer won't be able to sort out.

Getting it back together is hopeless at this point... it's time to chuck the whole lot.

And just think, if you actually took the fear out of your pocket - faced it head on right there and then... well, you'd have something completely new in your hand instead of a useless ruined thing.

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Here are my 2 worst fears:

1) I have not put in my name or my story into Spark Success Stories "officially" because I am scared. Scared that I will gain the weight back and be a hippocrite in my own eyes once I do that. The same goes for the National Weight Control Registry and a recent survery I was sent by the Maintenance Group. I don't want to jinx anything...silly,I know, but there it is.

2) I am scared to put into words several businesses plans because every time I have said something to someone - the "devil's advocates" come out and all I need is support, the pros, the "you can do it, that's a great idea!"... not the cons. I don't need the cons right now. The cons will come in time - and get ironed out in time...that's part of the learning process. I know I have said stuff and failed before too (really, that is what bothers me the most - I bite off way more than I can chew and then crash and burn) but then again, I started Spark without support, without homefront fanfare - I can be successful at this too if I just try and believe in myself... If I just get brave and set attainable goals.

There it is - I need to be brave. I need to face the fear. I did it before, I can do it again. I cannot let fear hold me back.

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So what is your fear...what is holding you back?

PS A friend on FB just posted this...had to share

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Found a cute pic

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

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NSV - Perfect blood work results

Friday, May 10, 2013

To say that I am happy and smiling is an understatement.

I am ELATED to the 15th power!!!

I will not lie...the last time I had blood work done I was pregnant with my 3rd (he's almost 7 now) and I was heavy...and even then it was pretty good for my weight...maybe a little on the higher side for cholesterol (I think I remember a 190 or 209 number somewhere)..maybe that was from my pre-second 3rd baby bloodwork. I forget. All I DO know is that is was a long long time ago.

So why did I go to the doctor now and get this done.

Simple. I turned 40.

And that is what you do when you turn 40. You go for a physical and get blood work and tests, and all sorts of things as a base line now that things are going to fall to pieces.

Well, really it's because I needed to because I haven't and I should, and we found a new doctor, etc. etc. etc..... and I was curious too.

I was curious as to how all this "lifestyle change" was working for me besides me feeling great and looking better than I ever have in my life (hey, that part is going to be gone soon enough, might as well live that part up a little! LoL)

When I started Sparkpeople, what I wanted first and foremost was to be healthy and to FEEL better...everything else that came along with it was going to be just an added bonus.

Well, I can honestly say that the mission and main goal has officially been accomplished!!!!!!!
And I have the paperwork to prove it!

Perfect cholesterol levels.
Perfect blood pressure.
Perfect white blood cell and red blood cell and all those good things.
Perfect liver enzymes.
Perfect thyroid numbers.
All in range for everything else doctory and confusing if you don't have a physician's desk reference.

To say I was happy to hear the doctors report...well, it's an understatement.
It's physical proof that I am doing something right.

I can't imagine what those numbers would be today if I didn't take the reigns of control back in 2008. I seriously cannot wrap my head around it....because I remember acutely how crappy I felt for the previous 20 years..and how sad I was... and how shy, and how just plain icky things were even though life was happy and good and blessed. All that needed fixing really was my health...and noone could do that except me.

I'm glad I helped me.

I'm glad my sister sent me the Sparkpeople link and told me to check it out.

I'm glad that I finally found a place to work it all out.

I'm glad I stuck with it, made Sparkfriends (good heavens, you know who you are! and there are many many to name!) and built up a support system within the support system.

I'm glad I recorded everything ... every step of the way.

I am so frickin' glad it's not funny.

So a big shout out to Spark once again...for being here to help everyone who needs it.

Thanks Chris Downie... from the bottom of my healthy

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The wine fairy

Thursday, May 09, 2013

Once upon a time, not so long ago, there was a fair maiden who was tired and low because day in and day out, all those she loved and cared for did not say thank you as much as they should... and the humdrum monotony of life was starting to take its toll.

Distraught, she turned to the her mystical online friends and typed in her plight...that all she wanted was a hug and a nice glass of wine.

Little known to her, a friend saw her need and grabbed a bottle of wine out of her cupboard, plopped it in a pretty bag and literally, within minutes, was ringing the fair maiden's doorbell to deliver the wine and give her a hug!

The wine fairy was born



Yesterday...I did just what the fair maiden in the story did...and all I typed in was:
"Wine. Need. Badly"

The fair maiden took her turn and was the wine fairy for me yesterday.



This "wine fairy" has sort of become a little running joke in our elementary school/facebook community...there are many out there now since the wine fairy was brought into light because of a few (I am happy to be one of those few).

Maybe you can be a "wine fairy" to someone in your community.

Honestly...the key to being a good wine fairy is to first listen, then act randomly...because when it is most needed and least expected, that is when it means the most.

Pay it forward....and make someone smile

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Where I go when I am quiet on Spark

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Not anywhere really.

I think a lot...and I "lurk" instead of interact... I read things...but I don't comment.

I absorb...like a sponge...and I try to figure people out, like I'm on CSI.

As in "figuring out", I try to see where people are, how they got there, etc. etc. and their plan of action and how or why things are working or not working for them.

I also look around all those Sparkfriends in my list. ** sigh** some have been missing for over a year. I wonder how they are doing...where they had gone to. Hey...if you are reading this: update your status so I know you are alive! Thanks, much appreciated.

I read the ads that pop up on Spark now. I remember when the first major one was "laughing cow ice cream" ... and now there is a Sensa add. Really? Sensa? Whatever. Ad money is ad money - gotta keep Spark free for people right? but Sensa? I get the Weight Watchers ads, but Sensa? Yeah, I'm a Sparkdiet-snob I guess.

Like everything, the quiet is cyclical...things are going around and around - mainly in my head on the future... yup, still knocking that old chestnut around trying to crack it. Soon.

Speaking of which: What I'd love to do is work for Sparkpeople. There. I said it out loud. I think I'd be great on this team...I just don't know how to go about doing it. Maybe I will figure it out eventually. Heck, maybe, just maybe Sparkguy will see this and say "hey, that girls got something to offer! I wanna get her resume!"

But then again, I don't have thousands or even hundreds of Sparkfriends (on purpose really - I wanted the list to be manageable) and I have yet to have a featured blog or anything....well, except I have the tag "motivator".

I love that title by the way..it keeps me on the straight and narrow - to be upheld to a higher standard. A higher standard for myself. That's just me and my pride in my work that I've done. I'm steady. I am still here. That is got to be worth something... for someone... somewhere.

See? I told you. I go quiet on here because I am figuring stuff out.

Hey...funny story.

I was at a wake (that is not the funny part - but the wake was pretty jovial considering) and I was talking to people who have known me for at least 20 years...and always as "heavy" (a nice way of saying "fat" huh?).

Well.... wouldn't you know - one lady did not recognize me at all!! and her friend turned around and then patted my stomach in disbelief that I was so thin! LMAO!!! These ladies are all in the 70's, and honestly, look pretty good for their age...they said when I get to there age, I will probably look 40 because right now I look 20! LMAO!

THANKS Ladies!!! You made my day! I must be doing something right!

Anyway...I have Spark to thank for that....and my Sparkfriends over the years.


OK - back to the dungeon I go... Oh, the dungeon is my basement that I am reorganizing and cleaning up a bit. Cluttered house - cluttered mind!

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