Saturday, January 05, 2013
Sometimes you have a dream that is obviously your brain trying to tell you something. Last night I had such a dream. I dreamed that I was in a sacred space where the chosen method of worship was dance. But the problem was that there were three bands/musicians to play for the dancers, all playing different kinds of music, and when one would play, the other two would start playing their music at the same time--and the dancers (myself being one of them) couldn't dance. I would suppose this means that I've got too much stuff pulling me too many different directions all at once. Anyway, I'm thinking about the dream and wondering what areas that I'm asking myself to simplify.
Thursday, January 03, 2013
NY Times printed an interesting article yesterday about mortality risks and a BMI that registers as overweight--and they don't play out like you would think. Today, it printed an editorial about that study:
This is interesting to me, because my BMI is in the mildly overweight category right now. So, do I want to be thinner because I feel better around 180, or do I want to be thinner because I want to fit an aesthetic model that I've been told is the ideal? Something to think about. I'm not going to give up healthy eating and regular exercise, though. I _know_ that helps me feel better and relieves stress.
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
goal 1--to accept myself, just as I am right now, as a lovable person worthy of care and respect--and that includes self-care and self-respect. This will be the basis of the rest of my goals.
goal 2--to separate what I can control from what I can't, and take responsibility only for the first. And to learn to stop hanging on to guilt and shame.
goal 3--as I feel better when I'm active, work on consistency in exercise. Better to do a small amount consistently than long workouts in fits and starts.
goal 4--stop feeding myself junk and eat good healthy food. I'm worth it.
goal 5--reinstate daily prayer and meditation.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Things I've learned from doing exercise DVDs:
1. Concentrate on the present; worrying too much about the past or the future will mess you up.
I've fumbled more times than I can count because I was anticipating a move and did it too soon, or I was thinking so much of the move I just did that I missed a cue. When I concentrate on what the instructor's doing as it happens, I do so much better. Same thing in life; if I'm obsessing about something in the past or worrying about something yet to come, I'm more likely to miss out in the present.
2. Labels don't mean a thing. It's what someone's doing that counts.
What Kathy Smith calls "scissors" is a move that Cathe Friedrich calls "flying angels". What one of my favorite workouts calls a T step is called an L step in another workout. If I don't pay attention to the move and forget what it's called, I will mess up. And in real life, assuming a label will tell me anything about someone will mess me up as well. It's what they're doing that counts.
3. It's important to push the boundaries of what we can do, but it's also important to know our limits and honor them.
At the beginning of every workout DVD, there's a legal disclaimer. It means that the one responsible for the exerciser avoiding injury and other harm is, well, me. So I need to pay attention to what level's appropriate for me. Too easy and I won't have any progress. Too hard and I'll get discouraged or even hurt. Even when I'm pushing, I need to listen to my body and stop or slow down if necessary. Same thing with life; I'm the one primarily responsible for my safety and my progress. Which leads to:
4. Just because something's popular doesn't mean it's appropriate for me.
Which leads to:
5. "No" isn't an excuse. It's a decision.
Watch enough informercials, and you'll hear the same message over and over: if you don't buy this particular set of DVDs, you're making excuses and you want to be unhealthy. Bull. I'm responsible for my health and safety, and I have likes and dislikes. If I think that a certain program is too advanced for me or too hard on my body, I don't have to buy it. If a DVD series doesn't fit into my budget, then it isn't going to be bought. If a certain instructor is like nails on a chalkboard to me, I don't have to invite her image into my home. I don't have to feel guilty about exercising (no pun intended) my discretion. Same thing with life--I don't need to let anyone pressure me into something that I don't feel is right for me. I can say no. That's a decision, not an excuse.
And finally (because I need to get ready for church)
6. Just keep trying, you'll get it eventually.
Pretty much every workout I have kicked my butt in some way the first time I used it. But I kept going. Same way with everything else.
Have a great week, whoever's reading this!
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Or co-dependency issues, or self-esteem problems, or all three. The point is, I've come to realize the past couple days that it's something that I need to tackle.
For the past few years, I've maintained a friendly acquaintance with this kid at work. (I believe he's actually in his late 20s, but he's young for his age, so I think of him as a kid.) First, he reminded me of my son, since he has many of the same interests and some of the same mannerisms, second because he reminded me a little of me at that age (not many social skills and very insecure), and third because I felt I had to "be nice". Even when this kid gave ample evidence that he was extremely self centered (getting bored with any conversation not about him, exhibiting very little interest in anyone else's concerns or situations, etc.), shallow, selfish and rude, I kept being nice to him and trying to think well of him. Why? Well, I could say that I really thought that there was more to him and it would come out sooner or later, and that would be true. Or that I felt sorry for him and that's also true. But it's mostly because I don't think enough of myself to believe that I have the right to have standards about how people behave towards me.
So, Thursday I asked him a question about a computer issue--just trying to get an idea of what's going on and how long it's going to take to resolve. (He's one of two IT guys.) He gave me a totally sarcastic smart answer for no real reason. Yesterday he cut me dead when I tried to talk to him, again with no real reason and in a very humiliating way to boot. My first reaction was a rather panicked thought as how I'd make nice so he wouldn't be mean to me again. The second reaction, thankfully, was "why? He's a twit and you've known that for a while. And you haven't done anything to deserve this and you know that too." The first reaction is the one that concerns me, because it's my first reaction to any time someone takes things out on me. This time it was just very evident, because this is someone I haven't really cared for in quite a while yet I'm still slipping into people pleasing doormat mode. So this is my mantra this week:
1. I have the right to be treated with courtesy and respect.
2. I have the right to set and enforce boundaries.
3. I don't have to accept hurtful behavior from those around me.
4. There's a difference between being polite and being "nice", and it's okay to just be polite.
I'm going to say this to myself every morning and as needed during the day. I don't know, maybe it'll take.
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