Sunday, June 19, 2011
We went to Coors Stadium to watch the Rockies beat the Tigers. It was great weather, beautiful views, and some of our best friends and family with us.
The only thing that wasn't quite right is that I was starving with maybe two Paleo type options available. As much as I would like to just eat garbage because it's almost the only thing offered (plus fried food still smells heavenly) I have myself some goals that I would like to get to sooner than later. I ended up getting some ribs that were absolutely wonderful and tender but not a veggie was to be found. Previously I've gone to the sole salad place and got charged twice for a $10 salad and proceeded to feel like puking all the next day. If you have fresh food for sale, please keep it fresh! Anyhow... with all that in mind I made a ball park inspired lunch today. Turkey brat from a local farm, spinach, pickle, hot peppers, hot mustard and celery salt all chopped up together.
With a little mineral water and lime to wash it down. So tasty! Plus I recently realized mineral water has about 5% daily recommended value of calcium per serving, I'll take that any place I can get it.
It's been a nice chill weekend overall! Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there especially my own who has opened my eyes to so many interesting, fun, and thought-provoking things in this world.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I’ve said it before, when I started my body transformation journey, it was just that. Get Hot! Probably a willful ignorance but I didn’t anticipate the issues that would come up in my life along the way. First, facing why I got fat. Second, what the poor body image did for my relationships with other people and my self-esteem. As delusional that it may be I *thought* I was a very confident person, and in some ways I was… come to find out it was very much just on the surface. What I didn’t realize was that I was hiding, a lot!
I love to create ( www.flickr.com/annalissas ) be it paper arts, drawing, printing, photography, or sewing. It satisfies me like nothing else. When I first got into making things I did it for other people, I catered to an audience. “What would so and so think of this?” was the question that popped up more so than “does it look good? TO ME?” At some point along the way I realized that creating for me and only me was much more satisfying therefore I now create for no one else. While I believe that is the only reason to create it also prompted me to pull back and not share my work except with the few who I knew would “get it”. I was making things that were aesthetically pleasing to me but I was still completely consumed with the idea that people will judge it and at the end of the day find the fault over any of the beauty, or more devastating be embarrassed for me.
Now take that crippling point of view and blow it out to every aspect of how I conduct my life. I was (still am) censoring the majority of everything I put out into the world to protect myself. Yes, half of this equation is my sensitivity to what other people *might* think but the other half is I have had several people in my life who consciously or not seem to want to pick mine apart. There is nothing unique about this situation I am sure anyone who has any family, friends, colleagues, or lovers has those types in their life. Hell, I catch myself wanting to do it at times. But really it only ever took one person to make a remark about the skirt I wore to work, or the dinner I made, or the fact that there is dust on my baseboards. I am all for living to higher standards but on the other hand I am human, my house isn’t always going to be clean, my food concoctions aren’t always going to be restaurant worthy(oops, too much salt!), and yes I want to feel good so I dressed up to sit at my desk. Why question it? Why find the fault? But it is not for me to request of other people to change their reaction… unless I am going to hurt myself, bad form on Oly lift? Please let me in on that info. You see me smoking a cigarette… just slap me!
Finally… [Deep Breath] My Statement of Intent!
First and foremost, to live my life for me to my standards and not as if someone is judging my every move. No feeling guilty or embarrassed for not living up to someone else’s standards nor compromising my needs down for another’s.
Second, pay that same respect to others. Allow them to conduct their life in the same manner.
Third, when I find myself judging step back and take a hard look at myself. Most of the time that urge is there because I feel threatened so I need to make an effort to figure out why I feel like that.
Simple but not easy. If nothing else my next step in being mindful.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
My husband and I shop at different stores for our foods. The junk food at Sunflower and Sprouts isn't junky enough and I can't find grass fed beef amongst other things at King Soopers. So I did my shopping yesterday and in an effort to save on some gas did his today instead of having him go. As little as a year ago I was never all that conscious of what was in our cart and what it can say about you. You are what you eat, right? With that in mind I have to admit I had a hard time doing it.
Yes, a little stuck up but I was embarrassed to be carting this crap around.
I feel like I should keep my mouth shut, but I'm not. I am not going to feel bad about being discerning about what I put into my body. People are so concerned about germs and contracting illnesses from crud they can pick up around them but the same goes for what goes into your body. If you're going to take so much time and care sanitizing everything you touch why not put the cleanest, purest food in your mouth?
I understand it takes a lot of effort to eat clean. Believe me I know! From trying seek out the best local meat that doesn't wipe out my paycheck and learning about what fruits and veggies are ok to eat non-organically not too mention spending many many hours stalking Paleo blogs to get the good word on the science behind what the food does to you, or *for* you for that matter, once it's ingested. But really, at the end of the day your health is worth the work. I am not referring to life longevity per se but how you feel day to day, the energy, contentment, and well-being that come along with caring about your energy sources.
So after dumping good money into empty calories (gotta keep the hubby happy) I went straight home and cooked the yummiest cleanest meal I could. Love the green.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Finally realizing I am the biggest thing standing in my way of achieving my goals. I had to pull this off of Facebook first to remind myself that I am not alone in this struggle and second that the mind can tear you down or allow you to do amazing things. I opt for the latter please.
The last comment by Chris Mooney says it better than I ever could.
real CrossFit means "Training your brain, through intense physical activity, to realize that your body is capable of doing extraordinary things."
Now to work on what it takes to truly believe it.
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