Monday, August 09, 2010
Check out this aol article.
Barbie for years influence me, all the way up till about 12 years of age.
She may even contribute to my self-esteem issues slash skinny girl obsession (I don't know).
I love the show Mad Men and this article talks about how mattel's release of the Joan doll has no curves. (Such an Outrage!!!)
Quote from Article: "According to a Mattel spokesperson, 'The 'Mad Men' dolls are styled to capture the aesthetics of the show' and not the actress's actual figure, the Daily Mail reports. "
If I have a girl one day I'm not so sure I want her to play with Barbies, even though I loved them as a child. I mean it was hard enough to find a Black Barbie (Actually called Barbie and not named something like Christie or whatever) now I'm thinking she represents something I jsut wouldn't want my child to feel is normal.
I'm not so sure of Bratz either, but at least they have Black Bratz in the original four I think it's Yazmine (My nieces love Bratz). But their figures are blown way out of proportion. Big heads, little tummy, big feet, long flowing hair (Why no fro? Black girls think natural is ugly, and b/c I was brought up that way I kinda do too).
Anyway, maybe I will take a step and sell my Barbie things one day. They are with my mother though so that may take a while b/c she leaves 12hrs away.
Tell me what you think.
I read futher.
"The 'Mad Men' creator Matthew Weiner has warned [January Jones] and fellow cast mates Christina Hendricks and Elisabeth Moss to avoid hitting the gym so that they'll stay curvy, the Daily Mail reports."
Sparkpeople.com article on Mad Men and curves
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Today for Lunch I had
Michelina's Lean Gourmet Flatbreads- Bonfire BBQ-Flavored Chicken.
It was $1.00 plus tax at Wal-mart so I decided to get it.
It was really good and I would consider having it again.
It has roasted apples in it, which may not count as a serving of fruit but added to flavor.
It was 300 Calories and 7g fat.
I would say I'm willing to get it again, but I couldn't eat it alone like I did today. I was still hungry and it was very small. The picture is a bit missleading, but had I looked at the size of the box, I would have known better.
Lucky for me I brought a plum, and I'm about to get some chips or something from my cafeteria.
I'll add 2 cups of water to that menu.
Okay, if you have any reviews of some frozen foods, I should and shouldn't eat, let me know. I'm on a budget and try to take my lunch to work and soon school so it would be helpful.
I got a pretzel instead of chips.
I love our cafeteria. It over each station it lists all the nutritional values.
This has 180 cals and a lot of sodium.
Saturday, August 07, 2010
I said I wanted to work on my self esteem and confidence so that's what I'm going to do.
I read somewhere that you have to identify the problem before you can solve it.
SO whats the problem? Why is my self esteem so low?
Let me think.
1. I don't think I was raised in an environment full of people who had great self-esteem.
Don't get me wrong my parents are great and they always motivate me and make me feel better. But if I sat and watched them, they didn't do what they told me to do. They are human, and were learning as I grew too.
They both put value on their bf/gf. I remember having to deal with my dad's ever changing gf as well as my mother's one steady but alcoholic/theif of a bf.
Maybe like them I value a someone else's opinion more than my own.
2. I value other's opinion more than my own.
I used to be a chubby kid. It wasn't until HS that I slimmed down after having gym for a year and eating salads everyday for lunch (b/c cafeteria food sucks and my mom makes awesome salads, not because of health reasons).
In HS I started wanting to be noticed by guys and when I wasn't I felt bad. When I finally was I weighed about 105-106, I started to get asked if I was anorexic (I wasn't), and girls envied my body. I really liked it and basked in it. But I put way too much value on it.
Now that I've gained my freshman 15 in College I don't feel as beautiful. I never gained the confidence to be happy in my body, I just fell into the belief that almost unweight was beautiful.
3. Mind set
I know I'm not fat. I'm within my healthy BMI. I'm smart, motivated most times, caring, and I work hard with 2 jobs and full time classes in college. A lot of women would kill to have a child like me. But because of my mind set, my lowest was contiplating suicide (lucky for me I'm religious and too scared to do it), but why, if I'm so awesome. Hmmmm, I ponder.
I watched too much tv growing up and read too many magazine. Most celebrities are made fun of when they gain weight, they are bashed and made to look like the worst people on earth. (Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and every celeb who was pregnant and isn't getting their body back fast enough).
Note: none of the Disney princess' are fat, not one, nor are they a normal looking body size.
Note: Barbie and now Bratz have a small waste and a big head. I always wanted to be like Barbie, but how unrealistic is that?
I had a black barbie decorated room. Pink walls, canopie barbie bed and bread spread, a barbie collection, etc. I had a barbie themed bday party one year. I wanted to be like her, she was my idle, I played with my barbies everyday and had amazing adventures with her. She always got the guy and could do anything she wanted.
I may not be a barbie freak now, wanting to sell my collectible for money and not caring about toys anymore, but that Ideal may still be stuck in my head.
4. I value a man's opinion more than my own.
Yes yes it sounds childish but I want to be attractive. Every man I have ever talked to says they wouldn't date a fat chick, or they would date me if I got fat but that's because they knew me before I was fat. What kind of Bullsh** is that? Are you sure? Makes me not want to find out if they are sure or not.
But how aweful. I mean, that doesn't sound okay at all. I don't want to be unhealthy but if I do slip up are you sure you will stick around?
5. I can't get over not being 106 anymore. I may not have been happy but at least I was thin and unhappy. That sounds aweful too. Like I'm settling.
6. I settle A LOT.
I hate my job. But I have to pay bills. So I stress and am unhappy because I don't know what else to do (I'm working on that, planning to go to my schools job fair when school starts)
I let people walk over me all the time, I feel like my opinion isn't worth it or will go unheard, I feel like people don't hear me, don't care unless they are family and they are 12hrs away by plane.
I let people give me hell and suck it in because I don't want to hurt anyone and for some reason have chosen to keep my pain in. Crying in the closet as a child because my mother won't get rid of her bf was not okay! But like then I feel helpless.
7. I feel helpless
I'm working on this. I don't like feeling this way.
My job adds to this because no matter what I say, nothing changes here. I have to do my work and other peoples work too, because the people in upper management are lazy. My job is going through financial rough times but they won't give me more hrs, they won't give me a raise, they will higher people who don't know what they are doing (temps).
Not knowing what I want to do in life adds to this. I hate talking about school b/c someone always asks what I'm going to do after I gradutate. I DON'T KNOW!!
I'm a failure at life leave me be.
All this ranting and blogging has plump tuckered me out.
I still don't know what my problem is. I still don't know how to solve it.
Lucky for me, I'm motivated, and some way or another, I will figure it out.
I'm working on it.
Any tips or pep talks?
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
I need advice I guess.
I got a new pedometer the day before yesterday. Yesterday was my first trial run with it and I was so excited. I wanted to go for 10,000 steps or at least see where I stand. I did 8400.
Today I wanted to go further. I did 9500+ but I think I hurt my knee. I had to stop and sit down, for the first time in the past couple of weeks. It's not excruciating pain but just enough to make me not want to get out and exercise tomorrow.
Have I been over doing it? I reset my goal for 9000 steps, because I feel like maybe I set my goals too high too fast.
I guess I will have to do extra stretches and see how I feel tomorrow. I don't want to sit it out thought, its Thursday and I usually do less fri-sat due to work.
Let me know what you think.
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