Thursday, November 29, 2012
I've often found myself sitting at my desk at work, wishing there was something I could do to burn calories. From 6:00am - 5:00pm I'm either sitting in my car going to/from work, or sitting at my desk at work, and as I'm sure everyone knows, sitting on your butt all day only helps it expand.
I finally broke down and bought a mini elliptical (sort of like a pedal bike / hand bike). At first I was too embarrassed to actually bring it to work. The worst part is there are actually very few people that would ever see it, and I'm usually by myself for most, if not the entire day. Yesterday I finally brought it in, and I'm able to pedal away while I work at the computer and answer the phone.
I don't know exactly how many calories it will burn, but anything that uses my muscles more than sitting motionless has to be an improvement. Plus even a small burn stretched out throughout 9+ hours day, 5 days a week has to add up to something. Since I'm not even counting it as exercise (still trying to work out and be active at home after work) I can see no down side to being a "pedal pusher" at work.
I'm also trying to cut down on my carb intake. Not exactly going "low carb", but just being more mindful of carbs and sugar in general. I am a pasta, bread, and sweet lover and I know they play a major role in my weight gain. In fact, I first gained a good portion of my weight in the months just before my wedding. I was planning a candy buffet at the reception and "sampled" the supplies on a daily basis.
I still have no idea just how many extra calories I packed on from that candy alone (I swear sometimes I didn't even taste it, it was just mindless chewing), and I'm actually ashamed of it even now, 4 1/2 years later. Instead of being in the best shape of my life on my wedding day, I was bigger than I had been in the past 5+ years. Funny, it never clicked that those quick snatches of candy would cause me to almost not fit in my dress!
Since then I've gained more weight, and even though I'm unhappy with my weight/size and I slowly keep gaining, I haven't found that true motivation and desire to take control of my eating and exercise habits. Isn't that crazy? As I sit here and read that, I realize it makes no sense, yet I don't know exactly how to change and make it stick. "You just have to do it" is sooooo much easier said than done. *headdesk*
So, I'm trying very hard to take one day at a time. Yesterday in addition to my pedaling, I took my dog for a walk, then did a (surprisingly challenging) 20 minute strength training video. Today I've been pedaling (even increased the resistance!) and will walk the dog again. Since my hubby will be out most of the evening I am committing to picking a 30 - 45 minute workout dvd for tonight, then trying a new, healthy recipe for dinner.
I will worry about tomorrow when it gets here. :) Note to self: THINK POSITIVE!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I saw something on TV last night that said if you sit on your butt for 5-6 hours a day (desk job anyone?), that 30 minutes of activity won't offset being sedentary that long... so since I have a desk job where I sit over 9 hours a day, what does that mean for me? I'm not only trying to offset the time spent tied to my desk, but I'm unsuccessfully trying to lose weight. Last time I blogged (back in April mind you, 7 months ago!) I was trying to lose 30 pounds... now I'm up to 40.
I know, I know... you're supposed to find ways throughout the day that "sneak" in movement and calorie burn, but I either forget, or don't know what to do. I work in a tiny office by myself (one other person is here off and on throughout the day), there are no stairs to climb, no co-workers to walk to rather than email, no far away printer to print to, no hallways to walk on breaks, and just trying to stand instead of sit is difficult at best because most of what I do is on the computer and I can't type or use the mouse while standing (not well or for very long anyway).
And yet, I feel like those are pathetic excuses and there should be something else I could do. I try to do squats and wall pushups, leg lifts and chair dips... whatever I can think of, but I don't feel like it's doing anything, and I feel weird since I have two big windows facing the road and the business directly across the street. And for some reason I don't think to move around as often as I should. When I'm caught up or the phones are quiet why don't I think "I should get up and stretch or do X"? Should I have an alarm set for every 1-2 hours and have a planned exercise?
Not to mention my husband's new job has him working nights, so I get home and he leaves an hour later... which would be ok if I used the time to work out and be productive. But more often than not I end up on the couch with frequent trips to the kitchen to graze. I know I shouldn't, but then part of me just doesn't care or thinks I'll make up for it later (even though I know I won't). And I just dread working out even if it's something I don't mind. I try to buy my way fit. Between the work out clothes, DVD's, weights, kettlebells, yoga mat... you name it. I bought a new DVD a couple weeks ago and never even opened it. I have an elliptical and a weight machine in the garage, and a treadmill waiting to be retrieved from my MIL's house, but they also go unused. I think instead of a big christmas tree I should wheel the elliptical into the living room instead. Hmm...
So, I guess I'm still searching for that motivation. I don't like how I look with this extra weight, and my clothes don't fit well (or look good), but I keep repeating the same mistakes that are only adding to the problem. Why?? It seems so simple and yet it feels like the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
I guess that's enough "boo-hooing" for now. I think i'll come up with a list of exercises I can do here at work and keep them visible so maybe I'll think to actually do them.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
My birthday was on Saturday. I realized I had planned to be at least 1/2 way to my goal weight by now. And I am exactly where I was then. Hmm... apparently not doing much or doing nothing at all still doesn't work.
So here I am, just turned 28 and it's time to do something about this extra weight. I did my first day of P90X last night (admittedly the "lean" version, which is hopefully less brutal but still effective). It was more of a work out than I think I've done all year. If I was honest, it did feel good to be really working for it, but I still dread working out. I just don't wanna... (boo hoo, right?). Well, I'm going to do it anyway. Even though today I'm sore, and I'm tired from staying up too late, I'm going to push through day 2. No options, no excuses.
Also, I found a magazine last night with a yummy eating plan complete with grocery list. It plans out breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snacks every day, each one different, for a full 7 days! So far they're easy to prepare, use "everyday" ingredients, and are surprisingly yummy! Each meal is approx 400 calories, and each snack 150 for a daily total of about 1500 calories. Here's a link to the article if you're interested:
If the link doesn't work you should be able to google "Ladies Home Journal Fast Food Diet" and find it (don't worry, no fast food involved, it means the meals are quick to prepare!). Oh, and you'll want to add honey, salsa, cinnamon, and olive oil to the list if you don't have some already on hand... I've noticed some of the recipes call for those ingredients but I didn't see them on the list.
Anyway, time to get out of here and get ready to work out again tonight. Gotta earn my gold star (seriously, I got glod star stickers to put on the calendar)!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Have you ever seen the big tubs of Crisco on the shelf at the supermarket? I'm talking about the ones that I'd guess are close to the size of my head. Now, I do some baking, but I've never had the need to buy a big ol' tub of Crisco. However, my Grandma used to make pies with homemade crusts, and she always had a tub or 2 in the house.
Picture that tub in your mind. Got it? That tub of shortening weighs 3 pounds. 3 pounds of thick, heavy, gloppy, greasy goop. I realized that tub is only 3 pounds, and I'm hoping to lose 30 pounds to be at a healthy weight. I need to lose TEN tubs worth of Crisco. I can only imagine what 10 tubs worth of Crisco in a pile would amount to... but I bet it would be jaw-dropping.
On the plus side, I only need to lose 3 pounds to drop one whole tub of Crisco. And I only have to do that 10 times. I think I've been looking at weight loss as this impossible task. 30 pounds? How am I supposed to lose 30 pounds? But 3 pounds, well, that sounds managable. And once I do that, I'll focus on 3 more pounds.
I am going on the "Crisco diet". I'm starting to work on my first can today!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I have a small purple notebook I received just before I turned 8. My first entry was written in a messy, large, loopy cursive, that I imagine I had just learned how to write. Throughout the next 20 years I wrote in that notebook off and on, a sporadic, random diary.
I was looking back through the pages just the other day and saw an entry from when I was about 12 years old. "Dear diary," it began, "I can't believe it! I just weighed myself and I weigh 143 lbs!!! How did this happen? Starting today I'm going to exercise and only eat healthy food..."
I realized that had become the recurring theme of my life. For literally the next 15 years it was the same thing. I can't believe I weigh this much! How did this happen? That's it, I'm going to do this and that to lose weight.
And yet here I am. It seems every time my weight is higher, my outrage and disbelief is greater, and yet I can't get out of the cycle. At first I wanted/needed to lose 10 pounds, then 15, until it ballooned and now I need to lose 30 pounds... and it just Won't. Come. Off.
Why isn't that enough to motivate me? How can I sit here and watch myself sink lower and lower and do nothing? No, not nothing. I complain a lot. I berate and belittle myself about the weight I've gained, and mourn over the closet full of clothes I used to wear. I make excuses about how I'm too tired to work out, or I deserve a break or a high-calorie "treat".
All the while I know I have the ability to change it all. I have the physical ability to work out. I have the choice of what and how much to eat. I decide how to use my free time, and I make or don't make things a priority. Me and me alone.
And yet... somehow I think this will always be a struggle. A juggling act of good and bad, workouts and channel surfing, healthy meals and overeating, motivation and laziness.
When does the cycle end? Does it ever stop for those of us that have been doing this our entire lives? Will I ever desire to workout, or stop craving unhealthy food? Will it ever come easy? Effortlessly maintaining a healthy weight?
Over the past year I watched a "spark" friend change her struggle into sucess. She diligently works out, and works out hard. She looks like a completely different person, and is still going strong. Of course, there's no magic answer. She can't tell me the magic words to make it happen, or bottle her motivation and drive to share. You just have to do it.
So even though I struggle, even though I haven't found unflappable motivation, or unwaivering self-control, I will keep trying. I know I will never be perfect. I will still have good days and bad days, but that's no reason to give up. I will continue to search for what works for me. I will continue to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, because honestly that's all any of us can do. And I hope one day I will step on that scale, or zip up that dress, and know that I did it.
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