Tuesday, April 24, 2012
My birthday was on Saturday. I realized I had planned to be at least 1/2 way to my goal weight by now. And I am exactly where I was then. Hmm... apparently not doing much or doing nothing at all still doesn't work.
So here I am, just turned 28 and it's time to do something about this extra weight. I did my first day of P90X last night (admittedly the "lean" version, which is hopefully less brutal but still effective). It was more of a work out than I think I've done all year. If I was honest, it did feel good to be really working for it, but I still dread working out. I just don't wanna... (boo hoo, right?). Well, I'm going to do it anyway. Even though today I'm sore, and I'm tired from staying up too late, I'm going to push through day 2. No options, no excuses.
Also, I found a magazine last night with a yummy eating plan complete with grocery list. It plans out breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snacks every day, each one different, for a full 7 days! So far they're easy to prepare, use "everyday" ingredients, and are surprisingly yummy! Each meal is approx 400 calories, and each snack 150 for a daily total of about 1500 calories. Here's a link to the article if you're interested:
If the link doesn't work you should be able to google "Ladies Home Journal Fast Food Diet" and find it (don't worry, no fast food involved, it means the meals are quick to prepare!). Oh, and you'll want to add honey, salsa, cinnamon, and olive oil to the list if you don't have some already on hand... I've noticed some of the recipes call for those ingredients but I didn't see them on the list.
Anyway, time to get out of here and get ready to work out again tonight. Gotta earn my gold star (seriously, I got glod star stickers to put on the calendar)!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Have you ever seen the big tubs of Crisco on the shelf at the supermarket? I'm talking about the ones that I'd guess are close to the size of my head. Now, I do some baking, but I've never had the need to buy a big ol' tub of Crisco. However, my Grandma used to make pies with homemade crusts, and she always had a tub or 2 in the house.
Picture that tub in your mind. Got it? That tub of shortening weighs 3 pounds. 3 pounds of thick, heavy, gloppy, greasy goop. I realized that tub is only 3 pounds, and I'm hoping to lose 30 pounds to be at a healthy weight. I need to lose TEN tubs worth of Crisco. I can only imagine what 10 tubs worth of Crisco in a pile would amount to... but I bet it would be jaw-dropping.
On the plus side, I only need to lose 3 pounds to drop one whole tub of Crisco. And I only have to do that 10 times. I think I've been looking at weight loss as this impossible task. 30 pounds? How am I supposed to lose 30 pounds? But 3 pounds, well, that sounds managable. And once I do that, I'll focus on 3 more pounds.
I am going on the "Crisco diet". I'm starting to work on my first can today!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I have a small purple notebook I received just before I turned 8. My first entry was written in a messy, large, loopy cursive, that I imagine I had just learned how to write. Throughout the next 20 years I wrote in that notebook off and on, a sporadic, random diary.
I was looking back through the pages just the other day and saw an entry from when I was about 12 years old. "Dear diary," it began, "I can't believe it! I just weighed myself and I weigh 143 lbs!!! How did this happen? Starting today I'm going to exercise and only eat healthy food..."
I realized that had become the recurring theme of my life. For literally the next 15 years it was the same thing. I can't believe I weigh this much! How did this happen? That's it, I'm going to do this and that to lose weight.
And yet here I am. It seems every time my weight is higher, my outrage and disbelief is greater, and yet I can't get out of the cycle. At first I wanted/needed to lose 10 pounds, then 15, until it ballooned and now I need to lose 30 pounds... and it just Won't. Come. Off.
Why isn't that enough to motivate me? How can I sit here and watch myself sink lower and lower and do nothing? No, not nothing. I complain a lot. I berate and belittle myself about the weight I've gained, and mourn over the closet full of clothes I used to wear. I make excuses about how I'm too tired to work out, or I deserve a break or a high-calorie "treat".
All the while I know I have the ability to change it all. I have the physical ability to work out. I have the choice of what and how much to eat. I decide how to use my free time, and I make or don't make things a priority. Me and me alone.
And yet... somehow I think this will always be a struggle. A juggling act of good and bad, workouts and channel surfing, healthy meals and overeating, motivation and laziness.
When does the cycle end? Does it ever stop for those of us that have been doing this our entire lives? Will I ever desire to workout, or stop craving unhealthy food? Will it ever come easy? Effortlessly maintaining a healthy weight?
Over the past year I watched a "spark" friend change her struggle into sucess. She diligently works out, and works out hard. She looks like a completely different person, and is still going strong. Of course, there's no magic answer. She can't tell me the magic words to make it happen, or bottle her motivation and drive to share. You just have to do it.
So even though I struggle, even though I haven't found unflappable motivation, or unwaivering self-control, I will keep trying. I know I will never be perfect. I will still have good days and bad days, but that's no reason to give up. I will continue to search for what works for me. I will continue to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, because honestly that's all any of us can do. And I hope one day I will step on that scale, or zip up that dress, and know that I did it.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Here it is, half way through February and I feel as though I've fallen off the wagon again. Jan 29th I weighed in and had lost 3 pounds. Feb 5th I weighed in and stayed the same, didn't gain but didn't lose either. But that weekend I also made cupcakes for 2 different events, and all last week I've been having about a cupcake a day (stupid leftovers I didn't get out of the house). I also majorly slacked on my workouts, and didn't even dare to weigh in on the 12th (I try to weigh in each Sunday afternoon for consistancy).
Yesterday I didn't work out either, but did make the choice to have a subway sandwich instead of eating at a pizza buffet. VERY good choice there. I will be taking a walk with my husband and my dog tonight, and plan to work out as well.
I suppose it's all a matter of balance. I need to put in the effort to lose the weight, and need to work it in to where it's a lifestyle change, not just something temporary to try to drop a few pounds. I'm also trying hard to eat healthy, which isn't bad most of the time, but there are times I find myself holding an empty cupcake wrapper and wondering how it got in my hand... scary.
At least I have no temptation from V-day candy (we don't bother to celebrate it), and the cupcakes are gone... maybe this week can be a healthier one than last week at least.
Friday, February 03, 2012
My "discovery" that I only need to work out 20-30 minutes a day to burn approx 150 calories to lose weight seems to be helping. Of course, this also means keeping my eating in check, and some days that is a real challenge. I weighed myself in the first part of January at 174 pounds. Last Sunday (Jan 29th) after a solid week of calorie control and work outs I weighed in at 171! Could it be this plan is working?
I do think my biggest struggle will be controling my eating. I'm a grazer and an emotional eater (happy, sad, mad, bored... doesn't matter). I've tried using the tracker but I don't keep up with it. I've tried a "manual" version where I just write everything down, but haven't managed to keep up with that either. Luckily I eat basically the same things every day so I already know where I'm at with my calories. My biggest challenge is when I get home from work and I make dinner. It can be so hard sometimes not to snack while I'm cooking or snack before and after the meal (doesn't seem to matter if I'm actually hungry or not). Weekends can be rough too, especially if I'm at home.
I've also realized I don't drink nealry enough water. I have a bottle in front of me all day long at work, I just don't manage to drink it. Funny thing is, I don't really drink other beverages. either. No soda or starbucks addiction here! I guess I'll just have to figure out something that gets me to thnk about drinking water...
Anyway, less than 2 weeks ago I was feeling pretty down on myself, but i'm slowly feeling my body change and react and it's making me feel like there is hope to losing this extra weight. My stamina has definately improved. I started using an elliptical and at first I could barely go a minute without my legs burning and needing/wanting to stop. Just the other day I went for over 15 minutes straight! That is on the easiest setting, but at least I feel like I'm getting somewhere.
So I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing and see what happens!
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