Friday, July 22, 2011
I've surprised myself in the past couple of weeks. No, I haven't been perfect. I'm sure I had days I ate too much, although I've been consciously trying to pick healthy foods over junk. And I haven't worked out every day, but 2-3 times a week is a lot better than none! But I have lost 5-6 pounds in the last 6 weeks or so. I'm sure that number could be higher, but I honestly haven't committed 100%. I think as I get more stamina the workouts will be dreaded less, and the better I eat the more my body craves fruit and veggies and healthy food.
I think I came on here to vent about feeling fat after seeing pictures of me from our cookout at work on Wednesday. But then I realized I've had the power to change that since I gained this weight over 3 years ago. So instead of complaining I'm looking forward to when I can once again not fear how terrible I look in a photo, and just enjoy the occasion!
I have a wedding to go to in 2 weeks, and bought a cute little dress I'm dying (and terrified) to wear. My next short-term goal is to focus for 2 weeks and see if I can lose 5 pounds, putting me below my 1st goal. Can I do it? YES I CAN!
About 6 weeks after the wedding I will be escorting 6 girls (12-13 years old) to a hotel slumber party (my sister-in-law is turning 13). There will be swimming involved, so I'm hoping to lose another 10 pounds in the 6 weeks between the wedding and this party, so maybe I'll be brave enough to wear a bathing suit!
So there it is! My next 2 achievable goals complete with a time line that isn't so far away it seems unreal. Now to stay focused and make it happen!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
It's Wednesday, a beautiful, blue sky & sunshine Wednesday... and I feel like I have a hangover, although no alcohol was consumed. Sometimes I just wake up with a headache (I'm the only person I know where sleeping makes a headache worse). But some Kashi cereal and a diet soda will hopefully help my headache and state of wakefulness.
So, along with my headache I sit here shame faced. Last night from about 7:30pm until I went to bed at 11pm (so much for going to bed early), I had the house to myself and had the perfect opportunity to work out. So what did I do? Mostly sat on the couch shopping on my laptop while watching TV.
And yet, my brain was saying the whole time, "You could just do that 20 minute DVD, or maybe just pop in Wii fit and play some games, or why not fire up the old Xbox and jam to some DDR. That doesn't even feel like a workout!" But I put it off with lame excuses.... I just ate dinner... I'll do it right after I finish (fill in the blank)... I've had a long day, I deserve to relax... I'm tired and it's really too late to get worked up before bed... *sigh*
Why do I do it? Why do I eat junk when I'm not hungry and sabotage myself by refusing to work out? I'm not happy with my weight for health reasons AND vanity, yet I do nothing to change it. How do I get that determination to just do it? What more do I need for motivation?
I keep on saying it, but yet again today is a new day. I guess all I can do is move forward and try to make today a healthy and smart one. If only I could take a nap....
Monday, June 27, 2011
What do I know? I know that I've had high cholestrol since at least age 22, at which point I weighed 143 pounds. I know that I am now 27, still with high cholestrol, and now weigh 170 pounds. I know that I am not satisfied with my current weight/size, regardless of the health issues. I know that to change my weight and size I need to eat healthy and smarter, and exercise to burn calories and tone muscle. I know that I need to make it a priority, or else it isn't going to happen. I know that I procrastinate and make excuses as to why I don't have time or energy to work out now, and tell myself it's ok because I had a hard day or I'm tired, etc...
And yet, I'm not doing any of that consistantly. I'll use my nutrition tracket for a while and stay on top of my calorie intake, but then that falls to the wayside and I get back into my "don't track, don't tell" snacking habits. Then I'll buy a new workout game or DVD, and use it a couple of times then decide it's boring, or that I'm going to try something else and then never get around to it. I have turbo jam, P90X, Insanity, several Jillian Michaels DVD's, countless other work out DVD's, and quite a few games for the Wii. And yet I have no motivation.
In fact, there are days where I don't feel bloated and put on a cute matching bra and panty set, stand up straight, suck in a little and think "I don't look THAT bad" (until I turn around and see where my love handle/back fat crease meets my waist... I HATE BACK FAT!)... then there are the days where everything I put on makes me feel like my 300lb alter-ego named Bertha. Surprisingly again, not motivating... it just makes me want to placate the fat, insecure kid that lives inside me with a Rolo McFlurry while watching cartoons.
And my darling, wonderful husband... I tell him how I want to come home from work and make the first thing I do my workout so it's done and out of the way. The poor guy will gently ask if I'm going to work out upon getting home and I normally snap and say "I don't feel like it" and make him feel bad for bringing it up when I pretty much asked him to. Of course, he's always telling me that I'm not fat despite knowing me when I was 30 pounds lighter. Sweet, but I just can't believe he hasn't noticed I went from a size 6/8 to a size 12/14.
So now I've had my pitty party... I'm just going to have to suck it up and do something about it. I took my current measurements and weight, and wrote them in a notebook next to my goal measurements and weight. Then I wrote down treats I get at different goals (all non-food related). I'm afraid I'm going to just have to post it somewhere so I see it every day, and work toward reaching that first goal... I may have botched my calorie intake thus far, but the day isn't over yet! I'll make smart choices for lunch and dinner and I will work out tonight as soon as I get home! Baby steps....
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I've come to realize one of my biggest downfalls of losing weight.. My inability to stop shoving food in my mouth every waking moment. I now realize I am a procrastineater. At work when I'm putting off doing something I may shuffle papers or organize my desk... but lately i've been pulling out another snack. Sometimes it's not too bad. A couple of prunes, an apple... but then there's the sandwich crackers, the "fruit' (sugar) snacks, and heaven forbid... the snack cakes.
It's not much better at home. Who wants to do laundry or clean up? Why not eat something while watching TV or surfing the web? And how about after dinner when my brain keeps saying "You know, we could be working out right now" and my mouth says "Shut up and go get some ice cream".
I am 30 pounds from where I want to/ should be. That may not sound like much to some, or it may sound like a lot for those lucky enough to be fighting 5 or 10 vanity pounds. If I lost 30 pounds THEN maybe we'll talk vanity pounds... but honestly, why is this so hard? Why do I make food something to do, not something simply to nourish my body and supply it with energy? How do I stop the mindless snacking?
And how come in the afternoon when I'm stuck at my desk I have such motivation and excitement to work out, but by the time I get home I'll find any excuse NOT to exercise? And how come when I do work out I get bored almost instantly, no matter how fun it's supposed to be?
Perhaps I should take a picture of myself in one of my (used to be) cute bikini's, and give it to someone to post on facebook if I don't reach a set goal in a certain time limit. Perhaps total humiliation will motivate me?? Personal vanity and health concerns don't seem to be doing it...
I guess it's time to draw up a new game plan. Come on me, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
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