Thursday, June 16, 2011
I've come to realize one of my biggest downfalls of losing weight.. My inability to stop shoving food in my mouth every waking moment. I now realize I am a procrastineater. At work when I'm putting off doing something I may shuffle papers or organize my desk... but lately i've been pulling out another snack. Sometimes it's not too bad. A couple of prunes, an apple... but then there's the sandwich crackers, the "fruit' (sugar) snacks, and heaven forbid... the snack cakes.
It's not much better at home. Who wants to do laundry or clean up? Why not eat something while watching TV or surfing the web? And how about after dinner when my brain keeps saying "You know, we could be working out right now" and my mouth says "Shut up and go get some ice cream".
I am 30 pounds from where I want to/ should be. That may not sound like much to some, or it may sound like a lot for those lucky enough to be fighting 5 or 10 vanity pounds. If I lost 30 pounds THEN maybe we'll talk vanity pounds... but honestly, why is this so hard? Why do I make food something to do, not something simply to nourish my body and supply it with energy? How do I stop the mindless snacking?
And how come in the afternoon when I'm stuck at my desk I have such motivation and excitement to work out, but by the time I get home I'll find any excuse NOT to exercise? And how come when I do work out I get bored almost instantly, no matter how fun it's supposed to be?
Perhaps I should take a picture of myself in one of my (used to be) cute bikini's, and give it to someone to post on facebook if I don't reach a set goal in a certain time limit. Perhaps total humiliation will motivate me?? Personal vanity and health concerns don't seem to be doing it...
I guess it's time to draw up a new game plan. Come on me, YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
I thought I would track my food faithfully while on vacation, but that didn't work out so well. I did try to be somewhat mindful of what I was eating and how much, but hey, I WAS on vacation... And we didn't go anywhere, just did work around the house so I know I was burning more calories than I do sitting at my desk all day at work. Especially the morning I worked from 7 - 9:30 hauling old wood from our deck out of the back yard, up a hill, and to the street to the waiting dumpster. Whew!
Anyway, back to work Monday morning was a disaster! Trying to play catch up from my week off while handling craziness all day led me to placate the cranky fat kid in my head with lots of snacks. I can think of 900+ empty calories I downed and I'm sure that's just the tip of it. WHY do I do it? Tuesday was a little better with maybe 300 empty calories on snacks. And last night I managed to take my dog for a walk (1 mile) AND did a 20 minute session of a Jillian Michaels 30 day shred DVD. Boy, am I out of shape!
So here it is Wednesday and I feel like my vacation was 6 months ago, not last week. That's how it goes though, right? I'm just tired of this extra weight. I'm trying to be a more positive person and feel good about myself, but it's hard when getting dressed makes me feel so bad when none of my cute clothes fit anymore. I sold some shorts in a yard sale that when I picked them up I thought "I used to WEAR these?"... and not that long ago either!!
I know I just need to get off my butt and work out every day. I do make excuses, but after a LONG day at work I'm tired, and in the 4-5 hours before I drop into bed I make dinner, eat, clean up the kitchen, do chores (laundry, vacuum, whatever), walk the dog, take care of the cats, pay bills, spend time with my husband, and I would like to relax and watch a little TV or read a book... so even squeezing 20 or 30 minutes of exercise is a chore most days!
And waking up early to work out is not happening. I already get up at 6 to leave my house by 6:15, and not going to bed until 10 or 11 barely gives me enough rest as it is. Not to mention I've never been a morning person and I can't bring myself to wake up to eat breakfast before I leave, let alone exercise.
Whew! So in a nutshell I would like to eat to nourish my body, not satisfy my emotions, and I would like to exercise to feel better about myself along with various other reasons. Now to work on making it happen...
Thursday, May 26, 2011
I've made it to lunch on day 3. It's really not so bad except I feel like I'm starving not long after I just ate. I'm hoping my stomach has just been stretched out from my constant overeating and will shrink back down to a normal size. At least, I've heard that's what it does. I've been trying to make smart choices so I'm eating nutritious foods, and eating mini meals throughout the day. But I'm still hungry.
I get out of bed at 6:00am, and get to work shortly before 7, at which point I eat a bagel thin with a little cream cheese (150 calories). I can't stand oatmeal and I haven't found a cereal I can stick with yet... and I know better than to think I'll get up earlier to make something before I leave. I guess breakfast is a challenge for me.
I have a light yogurt cup and 1/8 cup of walnut pieces (170 cal) at 9:30am, then I try to wait until noon for lunch, which normally is a can of light soup and some oyster crackers (220 cal). Then I do everything I can to hold out for my afternoon snack around 3, which is a small apple and a string cheese (145 cal).
By the time I get home shortly before 6pm I am starving and ready to have dinner. I need to work on dinner plans because I'm always ready to chow down, but I need to keep in mind that pesky calorie count. Last night wasn't terrible... Chicken breast, broccoli, and wild rice, all carefully measured for portion control.
BUT I went over my limit by having another apple & string cheese when I got home because we weren't eating dinner right away. I spent 2 hours cleaning the garage while my hubby mowed grass, and didn't eat dinner until 8:30! I guess the calories burned cleaning would cover the extra snack... but still... the hungries are driving me crazy!
I think I like blogging... it makes me reflect over the day before and keeps me on track for things I might need to change. My own little "me" time. And how nice that sometimes other members give an encouraging comment! I may write these for me, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. : )
Time for my soup!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Day 2 of my healthy habits / weight loss restart.
Yesterday I did ok, especially with my restart being a bit spontaneous. I didn't work out how I had planned last night, but I did some crunches and sit-up variations along with some chest flys, pushups, squats and stretches while I watched TV. It sounds like a lot, but was maybe only 10 - 15 minutes worth of sporadic moves. Better than nothing, but my brain screamed at me "put in a workout DVD!" several times which I ignored. I folded laundry instead which needed done, but I had a lot of down time that I was sitting on my butt too.
I also had the most random food for dinner. I decided to finish up some left over sloppy joe meat from the other night, which I had on whole wheat bread along with a single serving bag of plain chips (I must have chips in my sloppy joe!). That wouldn't have been too terrible, but I then decided I needed to clean up a lonely chicken finger and a few fries that were randomly left from something my husband ate for lunch. Oh yes, deep fried food for the chick with high cholesterol please! Not so good there...
But yesterday was yesterday and today is a new day! I'm on track with my food, but I'm still fighting hunger pangs (from eating less than my normal grazing) and fighting temptation for the goodies that loom 10 feet from my desk. I'm in an unusual office setting where I spend a lot of time alone and share a room (literally our office is one room) in a satellite office with my boss... who is a junk food junkie and keeps snacks for "us" always at the ready. Pringles, cheeze-its, snack crackers, "fruit" snacks, snack cakes... and the ever present offer to bring back fast food for lunch, or a milk shake in the afternoon. I bring in my own food, but sometimes those snacks just call to me on a stressful or extra boring day.
Anyway, I'm going to try to stick to my healthy options and see if I can't remember to do some mini-workouts in the restroom. Maybe some wall pushups and squats will at least get my blood moving. And the article I read here on Spark about seated stretches is great. I'll try to do that daily as well. I also need to up my water intake which I'm sure will help with the hungries too.
A little at a time. Making an attempt is better than not trying at all!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I feel like I'm talking to myself since I don't imagine anyone will actually read my blog. But hey, that's ok. Maybe I'll start answering myself too. So, out with it...
I can't believe I allowed myself to become so lazy and put on this weight. I'm still bitter about gaining almost 30 pounds in the months before my wedding, when I had been the same weight before that since I was in high school! By some miracle I was squeezed into my dress...My wedding was beautiful and the pictures are lovely, but I should have felt like I was the best I've ever been. That was 3 years ago in a week. 5/31/08...
Sadly I was in my best shape ever for my brother's wedding which was almost 8 years ago now. I was stunning... bleach-blonde hair, bright white teeth, a golden tan (bad tanning, bad!), and best of all I was slim and toned. I've happily gone back to my natural brown hair, my teeth are still white, and I know better than to tan now, but why oh why did I let go of that slim, toned figure? I didn't even mind wearing... a bikini! *gasp*
Now I'm uncomfortable in anything that isn't loose jeans and a loose top. I have a closet overflowing with cute, trendy clothes that I can't even squeeze into, and even if I can get something on it's so uncomfortable and unflattering I don't dare let anyone see me in it. I think my low self-esteem is made even worse by abandoning trying to look nice since it's such a struggle to feel cute when I feel fat.
The worst part? I think... no, I KNOW it wouldn't take much to get my weight back down. So instead of eating right and exercising what do I do? I snack on anything I can get my hands on like a grazing cow. And instead of working out, even for 15 - 20 minutes, I make excuses... I'm too tired, I have other things I need to do (housework mostly), I don't feel like it, I'll start tomorrow... WHAT?!?
It's true. I am wasting time that I could be feeling amazing and being healthy because of sorry excuses. I have high cholesterol, I'm waiting to have kids until my early 30's, and I have a high risk of cancer and diabetes. I absolutely need to get fit if not to feel better about my appearance, then to take care of myself for the future.
So here I go... today I'm eating right. Today I will exercise. And today is all I need to worry about. Tomorrow I'll start again.
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