Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I feel like I'm talking to myself since I don't imagine anyone will actually read my blog. But hey, that's ok. Maybe I'll start answering myself too. So, out with it...
I can't believe I allowed myself to become so lazy and put on this weight. I'm still bitter about gaining almost 30 pounds in the months before my wedding, when I had been the same weight before that since I was in high school! By some miracle I was squeezed into my dress...My wedding was beautiful and the pictures are lovely, but I should have felt like I was the best I've ever been. That was 3 years ago in a week. 5/31/08...
Sadly I was in my best shape ever for my brother's wedding which was almost 8 years ago now. I was stunning... bleach-blonde hair, bright white teeth, a golden tan (bad tanning, bad!), and best of all I was slim and toned. I've happily gone back to my natural brown hair, my teeth are still white, and I know better than to tan now, but why oh why did I let go of that slim, toned figure? I didn't even mind wearing... a bikini! *gasp*
Now I'm uncomfortable in anything that isn't loose jeans and a loose top. I have a closet overflowing with cute, trendy clothes that I can't even squeeze into, and even if I can get something on it's so uncomfortable and unflattering I don't dare let anyone see me in it. I think my low self-esteem is made even worse by abandoning trying to look nice since it's such a struggle to feel cute when I feel fat.
The worst part? I think... no, I KNOW it wouldn't take much to get my weight back down. So instead of eating right and exercising what do I do? I snack on anything I can get my hands on like a grazing cow. And instead of working out, even for 15 - 20 minutes, I make excuses... I'm too tired, I have other things I need to do (housework mostly), I don't feel like it, I'll start tomorrow... WHAT?!?
It's true. I am wasting time that I could be feeling amazing and being healthy because of sorry excuses. I have high cholesterol, I'm waiting to have kids until my early 30's, and I have a high risk of cancer and diabetes. I absolutely need to get fit if not to feel better about my appearance, then to take care of myself for the future.
So here I go... today I'm eating right. Today I will exercise. And today is all I need to worry about. Tomorrow I'll start again.