Tuesday, August 17, 2010
This week is a ride. Every day, I have at least 2 places to book the kids around. To begin, I do not over schedule my children. I think that is purely insane for the children and just a way for parents to feel "accomplished" through their children. Though, with four children with different interests, I give them each one thing they can participate in. Thus, different taxie services. A quick look at Thursday: 8am-10am, drive daughter 20 minutes out to attend driver's ed. 11 am: dental appt for hubby and I, 2:30 pm: ortho appt for daughter, 3-4 pm, band practice for son, 4-7pm, volleyball practice for daughter. Find time to make a healthy meal for supper as a family (crock pot, here I come!) find time to spend with my 6 year old and 2 year old. 8 pm, get the kids bathed, jammies on, prayers said "whisper:Dear Lord, let my daighter get her driver's license....please!" Then tuck kiddos in bed, and crawl to my bed across the house (I am clawing my way there by now) and collapse before I make it up the mattress. The floor is a comfy place to sleep I guess.
The other days are just as crazy and it hasn't even begun yet. I keep counting down the days for school. Three weeks still? The Mommy is tired.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Last night, my hubby had his sister come over to babysit and we went out for a date! Wonder of wonders, we went out to eat. You know what? I really don't care that I didn't eat the salad and skip the dessert. With us being able to be together alone for the second time this year, I enjoyed every minute of it. Yes, I ate the bread with garlic oil. Yes, we split a dessert. And yes, I am guilt free.
We went out and visited my cousins who own a local tavern. Even had a couple beers! (Bud light...the "light" part should make it better, right? *smiles*) When I walked in, being that they hadn't seen me in about four months, they ran up and hugged me exclaiming "Oh, my God...you look beautiful!" ("Make-up is a miracle", I thought) When my hubby walked into the other room to rack up a game of pool for us, up walked two men and asked to buy me a drink at two different times. Needless to say, I refused....but thanked them profusely. I told one, "I am happily married, but this was a nice stroke to my ego." Found out later that both of them were only in their 20's. What? Cute young ladies sitting at the bar and they hit on me?
Possibly, they felt sorry for me...possibly they were looking for a mother-figure. But what the hell....it made me feel like I am succeeding in my journey.
Richie and I got home around 10:30. Yes, we made it an early night. Hangovers are not my friends, and with Richie a farmer, he has to get up by 5. Two beers are enough, thank you.
So even though I ate that fish fry, I don't feel bad. I've eaten enough carrots, broccoli and brown rice to make a heifer sick. I guess I deserved a little treat, some time with my sweetie without watching every morsal I put in my mouth. A couple of young men letting me know I still "have it". And now, we begin again.
Good memories were made, my extended family visited and happy at my weight loss, jokes told, loud laughter...now back to business. Where are those carrot sticks?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
As always, as probably with most people, I jump into Spark with the best intentions. Then reality cuffs me on the back of the head. Exactly WHEN am I supposed to exercise? I am fitting it in when I am with my kids. Yesterday, we went to the aquatic center for an hour and I swam laps. This was only possible being my hubby was there to help me. With a 2 and 6 year old, it is not possible when he's not there. I cannot go into the large pool, but stay in the kiddie pool to keep an eye on the kids. And I tell you, my hubby is rarely ever here. I love him so dearly...but he's a farmer. Which means in short :not around. Usually, he leaves to milk at 5 a.m., comes home for breakfast at 9. The off he goes again for me to see him at 5 p.m. for supper, then off he goes again until 8 p.m. when the day is done (if nothing broke down)
My schedule is this: 8-10 a.m., get my 16 year old to driver's ed classes which are 20 minutes from here. I was planning on walking during this time or taking my little ones to the park. Not possible, being it has rained every day for the past 2 weeks. Then, run home, wash the clothes, clean the house, dishes, get supper on, more dishes.
4 p.m. - 7, daughter has volleyball practice, come home, kids in the bath, prayers then collapse into bed.
I am trying so hard (and praying my daughter gets her license!!!) but in between, when I find moments to myself, I have to mow our lawn, go across the road and mow my mother-in-laws for her heart is weakening. Clean the house, then go across and clean my mother-in-laws. Granted, my kids help out amazingly. My son, 11, helps Dad on the farm and my older daighter helps with Granny's lawn when she has the time (and it's not raining)
But as for me, I ask you: When am I supposed to do this? I seriously feel like a single mother of four kids at most times and so lonely. The women around here are either working and have daycares for their kids or else they are complaining how hard it is being a mother....while sitting two nights a week in a tavern.
It seems silly, but the only friends that I feel close to are my on-line spark friends. I don't have a close relationship with my immediagte family. My brother and parents both live "in the bottle (whiskey bottle). My hubby's family only comes around to visit their mother it seems, yet since I am closest, I do all the work. Doesn't make for a very prosperous relationship. Also, being my hubby and I are 10 years apart and he's one of the youngest, the age gap is immense. I talk about raising my kids, they talk about retirement and how their one million dollar retirement just might not be enough. One million? Good Lord! I'm a stay at home mom and hubby is a farmer....we have no retirement!
My kids ask me why I don't get out. Easy. When I decided to be a stay at home (almost 10 years now) it has been the best and the most trying years of my life. I lost the ties that bind with my working gal friends. I talk diapers, they talk management. They asked me out quite a bit the first few years, I couldn't go because I have no babysitter (none). After a while, they quit asking. Don't blame them. I can't go to my parent's house just two miles away. If you call them after 11 a.m., they are drinking already. They are not happy drunks, by the way. As for my brother, the only place he goes to is the local tavern. Sorry, hangovers hurt too hard at 5 in the morning when the kids wake up.
So, it seems to be me against the world. Home made helathy meals, no video games except fot one hour a week and the kids have to work for that right. Little t.v., a garden to hoe, chores to do, vegetables to can, taxi the kids around, and fall into bed. Our church is made up of people over 60. Few young families since this town is so little. My get away time is grocery shopping, which I usually do with two kids for some quality time. Board game nights a ritual, cuddle time a must.
I can say my kids are amazing. Al A's and B's, my first grader is reading already, two year old is a smartie! 16 yr old daughter a pleasure to be around. Not rude or insenstive and my 11 yr old boy is so emotionally sweet. I know that being a stay at home mom is the best thing I could have ever done for my kids. But, I can't figure out for the life of me what I can do for myself for a little "me" time. Because I have no babysitter, family nor friends to count on. And the stress level of having an alcoholic family, lack of young families in the area and a famer hubby is really getting me down. My friends? Cigarettes (which I quit...so that is difficult) and food (which I am trying to turn my back on also).
Good Lord, give me strength or let us win the lottery so my hubby can quit farming and we can have him home!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I have been so busy being taxi to my kids, running a day camp, taking care of my mother-in-law, that I didn't think I would gain back what I tried so hard to lose. I thought since I was busy, my body would behave itself. Needless to say, my body had a different idea.
Gained 5 of the 15 I lost. Although, I am happy to report that I quit smoking!!!!! So, I can't complain. One good deed done. Now, for the shaping of my ol' hips. Time to breath easier and start working out so I look as good as I feel. I cannot believe how much easier it is to get up in the morning. Or how I can walk up a number of steps and not feel winded. How wonderful. Wish me luck!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Over the weekend, I didn't try that hard. So busy, I didn't even have time to log in my food. But, I know I did the best I could. Even went out on a date with my hubby (first time in a year!) without the kids. Went to a movie....but didn't order the popcorn and soda! This site has made me realize what I was eating before and certainly has helped with accountablity. Dang it, and I really love that movie theater popcorn. But! I felt so good with the knowledge that I didn't eat and drink all those empty calories. And no, I woulnd't get the popcorn without the butter. It's like drinking a non-alchohol beer or de-caffinated coffee. Why? Really?
Anyway, even though I didn't check in every day, I still did pretty well with my resignation pretty strong at this point. I bought a dress a bit tight around the waist and am bound to wear in for next month's wedding we're invited to! I'm going to do this!!!!
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