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Back from the brink of death

Saturday, May 03, 2014

May sound like a cruel headline...but it is true, literally.

Before you read on...I will make this matter what you may think of what I had done here..let me say it in no uncertain terms, that I would do it all over the same way...IF it meant I was able to be home with my dog when it counted !!!!!!!

I have been sick a long time, I have mentioned about my legs off and on..but the Drs. didn't have an explanation at the time.
I was getting really sick, but told no one...WHY? because I didn't want to leave my dog (Brownie) who was 14 yrs old and on his death bed too. I had promised I wouldn't leave him..I needed to be there when he finally went.
Well, the beginning of March my symptoms began to show to my friends. I had been hiding the fact that my legs had open sores and were draining very badly.Do you know the feeling of water dripping down the back of your legs when you get out of the pool or shower and haven't quite dried off all the way. Well, that was how my legs were everyday. In fact I hadn't been able to lay down in bed for about 2 months, because my legs were that I sat on the edge of the bed and slept.
My friends started to notice that I was getting incoherent at times and I kept saying that I was sleeping a lot during the day ( which I never do).Well, after about 2 weeks of this they were getting scared. I kept putting them off, they wanted me to go to the hospital...but I couldn't and wouldn't leave Brownie.
When they heard I wasn't going on the computer anymore ( because I wasn't feeling well) they really got worried.

March 23 - I was talking to my adopted daughter and she said, either you let me call an ambulance now, or I'll call the cops and have them take you. I was to the point where I knew I had to go..because I couldn't walk or eat, or do anything I reluctantly agreed.
I thought just go up, get looked at and come back home. Didn't work out that way.

I was in ICU for 4 and out of consciousness not doing much of anything but laying there. ..being hooked up to bottle upon bottle of IV and antibiotics.
When I was able to understand them..the Drs. told me that if I had waited till the morning to come in... I would of been dead.

I was totally dehydrated, my kidney's had shut down and my blood went septic from the infection in my legs. They had to give me a Dialysis treatment to kick start the kidney's again.and clear my blood. Luckily it worked and there was no lasting damage.

I have what is called--- Lymphedema ---

Septic -

My body temp dropped so low that they had me using a heating mechanism that blew in warm air to try and raise my temp....It took 2 days. My blood pressure severely dropped.. ( and I've always had really high BP)..they had to give me different BP meds to try and get it to raise up to near normal.
After all this time..they say it is normal now..but it is really low for me.

I was then transferred to a floor till April 1...when I was sent to a Skilled Nursing Unit till April 30. I've done therapy to start to walk again.(which is progressing very slowly) but I'm moving.

I had a Foley catheter in for several now I have very little control of my bladder..and must use diapers and pull ups till I get control back.

What amazes me the most is that after being fed all that liquid to rehydrate me...I get to the care unit and their Dr. puts me on 80 mg of Lasix...which they later cut down to 60 mg.
I tried to argue them out of it..but to no avail. I will not be taking them at home.

I had Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy there..good thing I made some progress...cause I had to climb 17 steps to get back in the house..

I am trying to settle in again...but it is rough.Having lots of trouble getting around is the real eating sandwiches for awhile.
Friends told me in the hospital that they would pack up whatever they were having for supper in Tupperware and send some up to me...not to worry about having to cook...well, I've been home since the 30th...and not one drop of "cooked" food has come this way..and I don't expect any !!!!!

Nurses have been out and therapist.. I told nurse that I am starting to feel like I did when I was dehydrated...due to all those we are keeping a watch on my BP and body temp, and heart beats. I am not urinating much at all...they say to keep drinking...but that cause the other problem of making it to the bathroom on time !!!!

As for my legs, the swelling is down, the wounds are healing up. My legs are wrapped from the top of the toes to my knees in bandages.

This is a permanent condition..I have been told..and will have to be watching for relapses from now on.

Between them wanting me to keep my feet up to reduce the swelling...they want me to move around as much as possible too. You figure that one out !

I don't know what else I should be telling you on here, that I'm forgetting?

Oh, the way --- what really has me so upset and angry..Is that Brownie had to be put to sleep while I was in the skilled care unit.April 8.
That was what I really dreaded and put my self in danger for...what I didn't want to happen..happened. I will never forgive myself for not being there for him and in his blind/deaf/ dying condition was left alone in the house for hours..till people came to put him out.
I know he was scared and wondered why I left him when he really needed me the most.
I will never forgive myself for leaving him and it will haunt me always.
If I had to do it over again..I would of put him down sooner (if I knew I would be hospitalized)or I would of just stayed home and gone with him...that wouldn't have bothered me.
I have lost all 3 babies nothing is the same here.

I have been sitting for awhile better go lay down now.
Thanks for reading this...I know I can be long- winded..that's why I don't Blog too often...not enough space to store it all here..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

USMAWIFE 5/8/2014 10:45PM

    OMG reading that I was amazed you pulled through but God had a reason for you not to leave us yet

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LESSOFMOORE 5/6/2014 9:48PM

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DANLIN60 5/5/2014 11:40AM

    God Bless You Mary Ann, you have been through so much, please take care of yourself and make sure that you have the right people caring for you. I feel so bad for you on your loss of Brownie but he is now running over the Rainbow bridge with all the other dogs that have passed before him. he knows how much you loved him and you had no control over what happened.

Please take care of yourself,



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CINDYC74 5/5/2014 3:40AM

    I have lymphedema and the one thing i have learned is most doctors do not know how to deal with it or treat it, LASIX is the worst thing to be taking for it....You need to be seeing a vascular surgeon as he is the proper doctor that can treat it, you need leg therapy leg wrapping and leg will not pee, because the lasix is creating fluid in the lymphatic system its totally different then edema- first thing you need to:

stop eating any and all processed foods
quit any soda if you are drinking anything
sodium is going to make it worse...You will want to lower your sodium intake if you got soy sauce in your house get rid of it now kiss it goodbye with this condition you can't have it..
you need to get those legs moving little movements don't just sit there getting up every hour even if its just for 5-10 minutes you have to do this
swimming is great for this condition
.i can write abook about this right now to you...Message me and ill be glad to help you out with everything i know

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REMEMBER2BME 5/4/2014 5:55PM

    Oh my goodness, how horrible. So much I could say and want to say. First, please take care of you. Your babies would want that.

Now most importantly, I feel I understand. I truly do. My boy Utah is with your Brownie. Utah passed March 29th. He was only 3 years and 3 months old. I too feel horrible for not being here for him. In my case, we were actually to blame. We were not here to give him his meds. I however have to believe that this happened for a reason that I do not understand. There could be so many reasons that I won't go into now.

Bottom line is that Brownie truly felt, heart and sole the love you had and gave. Brownie knew that you needed help and care. I truly believe that. It may be that Brownie was hanging in for you as you were for him. My gild Aspen did just that. She stayed barely breathing. Once I finally left her side to lay on the couch (3 years ago May 10th) she finally let go.

They love us unconditionally and fully. They want the very best for us and would hurt intensely in they felt we were blaming ourselves. I know it is hard and impossible at time to not think that way but please try. I know that I can not live with the blame. It is simply to painful. I have to try.

Thinking of you and wishing you the very best.

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HELEN_BRU 5/4/2014 11:41AM

    Your experience reads like a nightmare! I do hope things will start to improve for you soon. Am so sorry you lost Brownie on top of everything else. Only wish you the best!

Helen emoticon

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SHERRY528 5/4/2014 1:05AM

    OH MY GOSH, Mary Ann!!!---I AM SOOO SORRY for ALL YOU'VE GONE THRU!!! And my heart is so with you about losing your beloved Fur Baby---I so pray that you'll find Peace tho, Dear Angelfinder-in realizing THAT IS INDEED what you were/ARE to each of those precious Ones you took in and loved with every bit of you---ALMOST TO the point of your very own sacrifice of literal SELF---Know they wouldn't have wanted that from you-your Brownie would have wanted his Momma TO GO AND BE TAKEN CARE OF! I'm sure he was so glad you did. Especially "now"---when his suffering is over and he is in a better place-he wants YOU to be ok---He would want you to know you did EVERY BIT ALL THAT YOU COULD. He KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HIM.
In losing my Keith in Dec, I so know how EVERYDAY you MISS him-how very TENDER the feelings are-the hurt in your heart-and I care.
Please take care of you and do exactly as the doctor's tell you to---You "do" have to be your own advocate and be informed-but then discuss any concerns you have and give them a chance to explain "why" they believe you must pursue a course you may not be sure of such as your lasix---it's so important to regulate that fluid-yet I know it can flush vital balances as well such as electrolytes-so you're wise to be vigilant-but please don't just "stop". Be VERY INVOLVED AND IN-TOUCH with your Dr---Promise???...
As I said, I CARE ABOUT YOU and don't want ANY MORE problems for you.
I can't believe all that happened-again, SOO SORRY, Mary Ann.
"I" thank you, too, for sharing with us-there was so much in this blog of you and your feelings. Stay close to those around you who care about you-don't shut them out-and stay close to us, your Friends here-it'll get better, Mary Ann-Hold on. Bye for now-Sherry P.S--where was the post 'bout the Rainbow Bridge??? I've looked everywhere...

Comment edited on: 5/4/2014 1:06:54 AM

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BIBS4664 5/3/2014 8:10PM

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I agree with the post about the rainbow bridge. Gentle healing hugs.Mary

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ECHOJULIET 5/3/2014 5:15PM

    Oh my!
You have gone through so very much. I am so sorry that things turned out the way that they did. Know that your dear Brownie will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, so that you can cross together when that time comes.

Wishing you the best of health and healing,
Warm hugs,

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IAMLOVER2DAY 5/3/2014 5:06PM

    God Bless you. Take good care of yourself. I'm sorry for losing(3 babies).


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A Day in the Life of...

Friday, February 07, 2014

I have been asked many times what my life is like, what am I doing? So I thought I would answer here. I don't think I left anything out, if I did, it's nothing worth mentioning then.:

So here goes my life:

Day 1:
Get up
Try to move around...maybe should say stumble around.

Make Breakfast:
Consists of either.....bowl of cereal/milk.....
or when milk is gone..
2 eggs on 2 slices of bread. with salsa or ketchup.
Take meds (must eat with meds)

Watch TV or work on comp.
Can't miss General Hospital and now Days of Our Lives.

Make Supper:
2 Chicken Patties popped in microwave (3 min)..with Salsa or ketchup.
No bread.
With Maybe either rice, or broccoli or California Blend veg. (Broc, Caul, Carrot)or corn.
If none available -- just the 2 chicken patties.

On rare occasions (when body allows me to actually do something) maybe fresh chicken, or pork chops.

Sit and eat and wait for the extreme pain from moving around goes away..somewhat.

Take meds.(must eat with meds)

Watch TV or work on comp.

Eat 2 Peanut butter sandwiches
Take meds ( must eat with meds)

Exercise : Put dog out to bathroom every 2 ( if lucky 3 ) hours both day and night. 24/7
Poor baby is old and has medical problems.
Do housework when able to..taking lots and lots and lots of sit down for pain breaks.
Once a month put away groceries brought to house by friend.

Summer time - Spend all day in one room with AC..must use to breathe.
Winter - spend most of day, when not doing anything wrapped up in a blanket - can't tolerate the cold.

Also on daily basis: Deal with pain from severe degenerative arthritis throughout the body, severe edema in the legs, now drainage and infection from the blisters on the legs, constant pain throughout the body...and other medical conditions.

Day 100 - See Day 1
"" " " " " " " " "
Day 200 - See Day 1
" " " " " " " " " "
Day 300 - See Day 1
" " " " " " " " " "
Day 365 - See Day 1.

So if any of you have managed to read through all this..thank you for taking the time and I hope I answered your questions.
This is my life and welcome to it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LESSOFMOORE 2/13/2014 9:59PM

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NEWMOON 2/11/2014 12:25PM

    I know what it's like to deal with constant pain, and my days are much like all others, a routine. What I can't tell from reading your blog is, are you happy? I mean, of course you're not happy with the chronic pain and all the other limitations, but considering your limitations are you content with your days? Sure, I often wish I was at the beach, or hiking, or riding horses again, or doing anything but sitting here in this one spot for most of my days. BUT, I do read, watch some TV/movies that I really enjoy, do some stuff online that makes me happy. I hope you're finding stuff to do every day that you truly do enjoy. And keep those legs wrapped and elevated!! All the best. XOXO

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GRETA242 2/10/2014 12:42PM

    Yeah!!!! You blogged :)

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JAXMOMMY 2/10/2014 12:36PM

    I sure am sorry to read of so much pain in your days! I hope you are able to find relief at some point in each day. It is a shame you can't even enjoy the shows you used to love! I imagine it must be painful to even get on the computer. Know that your presence is missed and many will be praying for you to find some pain relief and some joy! Take care and please be careful. Love to your canine companion too! Sweet thing!

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REMEMBER2BME 2/7/2014 5:18PM

    I am just so very sorry to hear what you are going through. I am happy however to hear from you and see that you are reaching out (in a way). I am wishing you pain free time as well.

Ok now Questions... why kind of pup? I don't recall. I am getting fairly hooked on some shows on HuLu now. It used to be Netflix.

Thinking of you. HUGS!

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ALFBUNDY 2/7/2014 4:22PM

    WOW................. emoticon

Sending wishes for PAIN FREE DAYS....tho we BOTH KNOW...that is NOT LIKELY!

I KNOW the arthritis WON'T go away; but maybe the EDEMA can lessen? Then, maybe the blisters will go away. GOOD LUCK!
You are in my thoughts!

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Poem Memorial

Thursday, December 20, 2012

I am sure most of you have heard about the shooting at the school where all those little kids were killed. I heard about this poem on TV and looked it up. I think it is a beautiful tribute to those little ones and wanted to share it with you all.

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.
their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say.
they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
when what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.
and as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"
"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"
"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"
then He and the children stood up without a sound.
"come now my children, let me show you around."
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

Written by Cameo Smith, Mt. Wolf, PA

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDDYBEAR662 12/21/2012 10:26AM

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LESSOFMOORE 12/20/2012 8:45PM

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1STATEOFDENIAL 12/20/2012 8:19PM

    Thanks for sharing. I couldn't get through it without a tear. It's disturbing that such things happen. One can only hope that it will never happen again.

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BAMAJAM 12/20/2012 4:48PM

  Oh--- This is truly wonderful and I am so glad that I saw this today. It is indeed an example of poetic talent, and an example of faith in our Heavenly Father....
I believe without doubt, that our loving Father will provide a joyous home for the sweet angels who left our earth last Friday. God bless us with His comforting grace.

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THINAGIN2 12/20/2012 3:49PM

    Thank you for sharing this! It is beautiful.

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MANDYVANHOOK 12/20/2012 2:56PM

    Beautiful and so sad. Thanks for sharing!

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REMEMBER2BME 12/20/2012 2:54PM

    I had read this. It is wonderful. Thanks so much for sharing.

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Christmas Cards for Wounded Soldiers

Monday, December 05, 2011

I got these addresses for Christmas cards to be sent to wounded soldiers. Thought I'd put it on here , just in case someone else would like to do the same.
My dad was a POW for 19 months during WWII and he raised me to respect what these brave men and women do for us. I thought this would be a way to say thanks for what they do.
You do not have to include a name for them..they pass them out. Just add your name and some warm wishes.

Christmas Cards For Troops
National Naval Medical Center
Marine Corps Liaison Center
8901 Rockville Pike
Bethesda, Maryland 20889-5600

A Recovering American Soldier
% Walter Reed Army Medical Center
690 Georgia Ave NW
Washington DC 20307-5001

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARTHASPARKS 12/7/2011 5:52PM

    Thanks, angel. I'll send a couple of cards!

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FRAN0426 12/5/2011 10:34PM

    Fantastic, I will be sending some cards to wounded soldiers

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LESSOFMOORE 12/5/2011 9:22PM

    Thanks for sharing! You're an angel!

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Ouch, my aching feet and head!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

OK, here it goes.
I told you about the problem I'm having with my left heel and ankle. So I finally got up the gumption ( due to the pain getting worse) to call my foot Dr and make an appointment.
I was asking if he still did the x-ray and stuff in his office like he use to..well NO, not any more, so I would also have to go to another place ..not hospital.. and get the x-rays done.

I guess I should insert here that I am barely walking room to room now, let alone to several different places. I also don't have a it's by taxi..which is a HUGE pain in the arse around here.This also means extra walking..which I don't need right now!

Oh, well you do what you have to right! I was just about ready to hang up ( because I have to check with PCP to get a referral). I asked, just like as a second still take my insurance right??? Imagine my surprise when she said NO! and didn't know of any other Dr. around there that does!!!!!!!!! With my disability insurance, you have to go to certain drs, that take it and a LOT don't.!

So it was off to the computer, looking up Podiatrists in the area...calling them to see if they take it!!! She was right!! A whole bunch DON"T!!!!!!
Well, I finally found one!! YEA!! Problem solved!! WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!

The usual procedure was to find the Dr. I needed, set up an appointment, call in to my PCP with the details of the time, dr, etc. and they fax the referral to them.
Well guess what, things have changed there too.....I called the Dr. for the referral papers and they informed me that NOW I have to come in to see the Dr. and she will decide if I need a foot dr or not!!

What part of "It hurts to walk, and I don't have a car and a taxi is a pain in the butt" that they don't understand?? So now I have to make more trips than see if she will ALLOW me to go to the dr. or will she just say she will take care of it herself and ship me up to the hospital or to this other clinic to get the x-rays done there. MORE TRIPS, MORE Walking, more climbing of stairs, etc.Then back to her for more pain, etc. The foot dr. I found does it all in his office!!!

There was a reason I was putting off going to the Dr. I sensed that there was going to be I kept putting it off!!!. People are learning to accept that when I get that feeling, I need to listen to it!

I know I have to go..the pain is getting worse, but this is a bunch of crap to have to go through.Who knows how many unnecessary trips I'm going to have to make.

When I finally get things going, I'll let you all know what happened. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LESSOFMOORE 9/23/2011 8:58PM

    Angel, I am praying that all works out, and you have a speedy recovery! emoticon

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NIAGCHRIS246 9/22/2011 6:40PM

  If you want to stay with your podiatrist you can pay him and apply to your insurance co. for reembursement. Sorry you are having to go through this. It just gets worse and worse, doesn't it. Maybe it is time for congress to pass a law that makes doctors accept any insurance. I had to switch pharmacies when my employer changed health insurance.

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MONIEE2 9/22/2011 5:50PM

    Hang in there, you can do this.... been there, done that!!! I had foot surgery last April, & after that NO insurance. Now, I need my other foot fixed & have to rely on Medicare!!! Yikes!!!


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