ANGELCITYGAL   28,159
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ANGELCITYGAL's Recent Blog Entries

Anxiety!

Monday, January 13, 2014



So the last two weeks have been rough, emotionally. Since Thanksgiving, when I moved to my new place (which I love, love, love, by the way), I've been off-track with my food and fitness. In December, I started working on getting back to the behaviors that really support me, with mixed success. My success has been mixed because I've decided on several occasions, to eat for comfort.

What's going on that I'd actually consciously choose to eat for comfort? My girlfriend's father became critically ill and died in the first week of January. They're in Ohio, and I'm in Los Angeles, so due to the polar vortex I wasn't even able to join the family for the last days or funeral. Travel was impossible.

At the same time, my ex's wife (my daughter's stepmom) is battling cancer and this time it looks pretty grim (she's had a number of brushes with death as this has been chronic). She needs a ghastly surgery and there's really no certainty that it will prolong her life meaningfully. So I need to be here physically and emotionally for my daughter (and I'm trying to be decent to my ex).

I have had many days of deciding to just eat. Usually in the evening. Usually carbs or chocolate.

At the same time, I've been having a lot of trouble falling asleep at night. I attributed that to the general stress of all that's going on (not to mention life -- work, housework, parenting, attending to my elderly mother). A couple of nights ago, though, as I was drifting off, my mind jumped to all the chips and cheese I'd eaten that evening (without tracking, of course). Dang! I got this big jolt of anxiety and adrenaline.

Sure, my stomach was over-full, and that was uncomfortable. But then I also had this incredible anxiety. I had a concrete experience of the immediate connection between the over-eating and the anxiety. The very behavior I used to use to "sedate" myself when life was "too much" was adding to my anxiety! There's a direct causal connection, not just five weeks down the road when I don't like the number on the scale or what's happening when I get dressed.

Right now, today, eating poorly makes me feel worse. And I don't like it.

Maybe that last sentence is really the kicker. I don't like it.

In the past, I might have said I don't care. I don't care, I want the food anyway. I want the momentary thrill of the chocolate on my tongue or the fun of pulling apart those nachos and chewing them up.

But now, I don't like how I feel emotionally when I abuse myself. And that's what using food for emotional novocaine is, of course. Abuse.

So. Now is not the time for more self-harm. No harsh self-talk. No punishment with overexercise or rigorous "dieting." Nope. Now is the time for feeling the feelings, and gentle self-care, starting with good food in healthy proportions and some activity.

I've been on track again for a couple of days, and last night I noticed a big difference in my anxiety level. Here's to less anxiety and more self-acceptance, friends.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTTONPOPPER1 6/29/2014 10:57PM

    You've expressed very well what I've felt a million times. So, so true.

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DRKYASHI 1/18/2014 3:56AM

    emoticon-- emoticonfor an insightful post!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/15/2014 5:27PM

    emoticon

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2014TODAY 1/15/2014 4:24AM

    Great blog. I noticed a few months ago that if I overeat at supper, I wake up too early and can't go back to sleep. It's like my body is trying so hard to digest the excess amount of food that it is spinning its wheels, keeping me wide awake, starting up my thinking (brooding) activity, too.
On the nights when I'm succesfull at not overeating at night I sleep longer and better.


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POWERPUFFGRL 1/14/2014 8:14AM

    What an inspiring blogpost. You hit so many nails on the head you could have built a whole house! I relate to so much of what you say about eating foods for comfort and not liking it! and I am very familiar with sudden feeling of anxiety at night -- either over something I over ate or overdrank! since changing my habits I have had far fewer of those moments. Good luck with all that you are going through. It sounds like a difficult time in your life

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ARTJAC 1/14/2014 1:27AM

    emoticon

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MSUEQUILTS 1/13/2014 9:59PM

    Hey, we all have to reboot and restart from time to time. Banish that guilt! You have the skills! Hang in there!

We can do this!

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LINDAK25 1/13/2014 9:12PM

    You are so right! Eating badly does add to your anxiety, because it makes you feel unwell. Eating like that keeps me awake at night, too. Sorry you're under so much stress. Remind yourself that you're okay and that you are doing all you can do to help, even if you wish you could do more. It's nice to have something concrete to do, but sometimes just listening to someone can help them through tough times, even if it's just a phone call. And for your daughter--you are right there with and for her. My pastor always says that the gift of presence is important. You have to take care of yourself first in order to take care of those around you, right?

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TOKIEMOON 1/13/2014 8:36PM

    Sounds like you need to be extra kind to yourself. Not a license to overeat, but a time to not be critical. Accept that due to external influences outside your control. you are doing the best that you can.
emoticon

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HEALTHY4ME 1/13/2014 8:30PM

    emoticon Soft gentle hugs hoping to make you feel loved and cared about.
Take care and you are right. Now is not the time to beat yourself up, LOVE and care...
again HUGS

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POPSY190 1/13/2014 6:52PM

    Great blog. Sorry about the current traumas but looking after yourself is the only positive way to deal with them. emoticon

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CATLOVER110 1/13/2014 6:43PM

    I'm sorry you're having to go through so much. It sounds like you've learned a lot, though, about taking care of yourself, which is something positive to come out of it. Continue to take good care of yourself!

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THINFITFEMINIST 1/13/2014 6:35PM

    Beautiful and brilliant! I made that connection myself this last time off program.

Well done! Well said!

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1CRAZYDOG 1/13/2014 6:00PM

    (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) You have a lot of overwhelming things to deal with. It's not easy. Those are the times when it's so easy to slip back into those habits we THOUGHT we'd ditched.

Prayers for you. Glad you at least blogged about all this. That at least helps me to get it off my chest and feel a little better. Hope it did you too.

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SPEEDY143 1/13/2014 4:48PM

    Wow... that's a lot to deal with and of course we reach for food to comfort us. You've made connections to the why and therefore and you know the answers to feeling better.... and when we feel good we make good choices. You've got it figured out... stay strong dear one. You will never regret the loving support you are giving your daughter's step-mom... your actions will forever by remembered by all concerned and can only make them better human beings. I am including all of you in my prayers emoticon

Peace emoticon

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CFMOSS 1/13/2014 3:36PM

    Your plate is so full right now, and I'm not talking food - I'm talking life. Now indeed is the time for self-acceptance and self-care - you are figuring out how to take care of you in the middle of a mess - that is incredibly hard. Way to go on facing who you are right now and valuing you as you are right now.

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ALIHIKES 1/13/2014 3:30PM

    Great blog! And I am certainly seeing the connections between emotional eating/stress/GERD adding MORE stress instead of comfort in my own life.

We can make the positive changes we need!
emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 1/13/2014 3:08PM

    First, I am sending GREAT BIG virtual emoticon your way!!
Sorry to read about your very difficult past few weeks emoticon
There is a quote I love at times like this... "This too shall pass"
emoticon on getting back on track!!! emoticon

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SERENE-BEAN 1/13/2014 2:46PM

    I wish SP had an "I admire the hell out of this post" button, but I'll settle for "I liked this Blog!"

emoticon

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TIGER_LILY_613 1/13/2014 2:33PM

    Goodness, you're going through a LOT ! emoticon

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, and I wish you strength. You have a good mindset and you will get through this. We're rooting for you.
emoticon emoticon


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FELINEBETTER 1/13/2014 2:28PM

    Atta Girl! You've got a lot going on right now so you're feeling overwhelmed! That's a pretty natural response. You've just proven to yourself though that taking care of YOU lessens your anxiety -- so make that your goal. Think of it in terms of "The only thing I can do to help these people right now is to look after myself." The pay off comes in how you feel and and you'll have more energy to help where you want to.

You're going to get through this. emoticon

Let the Spark community help you carry the load. emoticon

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One Word for 2014

Wednesday, January 01, 2014



An author I follow on Facebook, Oriah Mountain Dreamer, recommended this week that her readers pick one word as a kind of theme or grounding point for the New Year. She also advised that it not be one of the "big" words like love, peace, or hope. She suggested we pick a "little" word, one that is perhaps more personal or more concrete. In that word, she says, is contained all the big words, anyway.

What's your word for the year?

I keep changing my mind about mine. Sometimes I think it is "release," and sometimes I think I'll pick "boundaries." Of course, they're two sides of the same coin, so maybe it doesn't matter. But for now, I'm going with "release." I'm releasing attachments that don't serve me, whether they're relationships, things, or behavior patterns. I'm releasing harsh judgment and other habits of thinking that keep me from being the loving and strong person I want to be. I'm releasing the effort to control stuff that's not mine to control. See, that's where the boundaries come in!

I wish you all the best in 2014. Happy New Year!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOSTLIME 1/5/2014 11:49AM

    It is a great concept! Thank you for sharing! I guess my word would be consistency!

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CASSIOEPIA 1/3/2014 10:08PM

    My word is EMBRACE, as in really embracing the blessings in my life and not just acknowledging them and letting them pass by.

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GETULLY 1/3/2014 12:24PM

    I so love her books! Re-reading them constantly. Your start to the year is fabulous. I will have to think of a small word for me.

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LINDAK25 1/2/2014 10:51PM

    Now there's a thought--and there are so many good words. I like yours. Mine would be breathe.

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EVER-HOPEFUL 1/2/2014 4:22PM

    thatīs a good word,release.weel thought out. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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2014TODAY 1/2/2014 6:43AM

    emoticon
My word is 'centered'.

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ARTJAC 1/2/2014 1:03AM

    YOU TOO

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CATLOVER110 1/1/2014 9:19PM

    Best wishes for your new year of release!

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1CRAZYDOG 1/1/2014 9:15PM

    gratitude

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MOVEITMARY 1/1/2014 7:54PM

    My word is "CAN".

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SPEEDY143 1/1/2014 5:50PM

    emoticon "release" short for Let it go, let it go, let it go emoticon

I let 2013 go so 2014 will be "Breath" for me emoticon a big cleansing breath always brings me peace emoticon

emoticon blog emoticon emoticon

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PIGGYWAY 1/1/2014 4:13PM

  RELEAVE

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AALLEY2 1/1/2014 2:01PM

    "Pickie" Be a picky eater and exerciser emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SERENE-BEAN 1/1/2014 1:42PM

    My word is Movement!

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KAYOTIC 1/1/2014 1:19PM

    Great concept, thanks for finding and sharing it!

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NHEMBERGER 1/1/2014 1:05PM

    Happy New Year!

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LOWCARBRENEE 1/1/2014 1:04PM

    emoticon

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THINFITFEMINIST 1/1/2014 1:00PM

    I think release is perfect for you for 2014. I'm looking forward to your journey this year in utilizing that concept. Beautiful!

As for me it is definitely Kindness.

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HEALTHY4ME 1/1/2014 12:51PM

    Mine is BALANCE as I need it in all areas of my life.
Happy new year!!!! Have a healthy and happy year!!!

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WORKNPROGRESS49 1/1/2014 12:49PM

    emoticon "Consistent" is my word!!!
emoticon Happy 2014 emoticon

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CFMOSS 1/1/2014 12:47PM

    I like the way that you are interpreting your word, particularly as it allows you to become the person you want to be.

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Be Awesome

Saturday, December 28, 2013



For many, there's an emotional and energetic slump as we head into the New Year. Now is the time to get busy -- not with busy work, but with awesomeness. Take a few minutes to focus on what makes your body feel awesome. Is it a walk in the winter air? A yoga class? A swim at your health club? Some winter sport activity?

For me, I don't feel more awesome when I indulge in the "I deserve to eat this chocolate," or "I am tired, I deserve to blow off my fitness routine," kind of thinking.

What I really deserve, and what you really deserve, is to express vitality! Be awesome, and just notice how it expands when you take yourself to the next level of self-love.

Have a wonderful weekend, friends.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANDYLOVE_76 12/30/2013 2:59PM

    Best blog in a long time. AWESOME!

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POWERPUFFGRL 12/30/2013 4:45AM

    So true!

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EDDYMEESE 12/29/2013 9:03PM

    Wonderful blog, thank you!

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LINDAK25 12/29/2013 7:33PM

    Let's celebrate our awesomeness!

emoticon

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TREV1964 12/29/2013 2:42PM

    Very well said,

Cheers

Trev

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LILMISSRED79 12/29/2013 12:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DRKYASHI 12/29/2013 5:07AM

    emoticon emoticon

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TOKIEMOON 12/29/2013 1:11AM

    Just a few more days and the holiday's indulgences will be over. Can't wait for normalcy to return! emoticon

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UNSWEETMAMA 12/29/2013 12:29AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ARTJAC 12/29/2013 12:00AM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 12/28/2013 9:47PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUNNYBEACHGIRL 12/28/2013 8:33PM

    Nice comments.

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BLUEJEANS27 12/28/2013 8:11PM

    Love this! I have found positive self-talk to be a big part of my success in my weight loss journey. Thanks for the reminder! emoticon

Julia

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CATLOVER110 12/28/2013 3:48PM

    Great blog! emoticon

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THINFITFEMINIST 12/28/2013 2:45PM

    emoticon

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 12/28/2013 1:41PM

    emoticon

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SERENE-BEAN 12/28/2013 12:06PM

    Yes! Let's be awesome together!

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PEZMOM1 12/28/2013 11:56AM

    emoticon

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MARTHAMBG 12/28/2013 11:55AM

  Thank you for reinforcing my thoughts today. Kick it up a notch. I am off pain meds and getting ready for knee surgery. My body is thinking it is not so happy. Ha, when I move and get involved in my life I feel better. s, the new indulgence is moving into higher ground.
I love it.
Happy New Year

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WORKNPROGRESS49 12/28/2013 11:50AM

    emoticon

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RACEWELLWON 12/28/2013 10:53AM

    Great blog - working hard over here ! Just got out of pool and preparing healthy meals !! emoticon

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I'm back!

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Whew! Moving took up the past 3 weeks, between packing, the physical move and unpacking. I still have some boxes to unpack, but after yesterday's big trips to the charity donation center, I am at least able to move around more freely. So it's back to my fitness program tonight. Woohoo!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PIGGYWAY 12/28/2013 2:41PM

  I am glad for you

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IGNITEME101 12/18/2013 12:37PM

    Moving is a work out in itself! Glad you can sort of find your new pace in this new environment!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 12/14/2013 4:39PM

    emoticon

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RYDERB 12/7/2013 4:32PM

    emoticon Congratulations and I hope you love your new home! emoticon

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SUNNYBEACHGIRL 12/5/2013 10:25PM

    Moving is so disruptive in so many ways. Do you need to find new grocery stores and dry cleaners? Somehow some box gets put in the wrong place, is not labled very well and it contains one thing you need. Hope everything is goingwell

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SDLOV3R 12/2/2013 7:05PM

    Oh yay! I'm glad you're all settled in the new place and getting back into your routines. Good to see you again!

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PHEBESS 12/2/2013 8:07AM

    Moving is stressful, but all that work burns extra calories!

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ARTJAC 12/1/2013 10:28PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 12/1/2013 9:07PM

    Good job and best wishes to you in your new surroundings.

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LINDAK25 12/1/2013 6:31PM

    Enjoy your new place!

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PEZMOM1 12/1/2013 6:11PM

    emoticon

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PIGGYWAY 12/1/2013 3:00PM

  I am glad for you and good luck on your getting started again

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CHRISTASP 12/1/2013 1:27PM

    May you feel at home in your new place.

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MACANBEFIT 12/1/2013 12:39PM

    Glad the move went smoothly and you are happy in your new place. emoticon

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 12/1/2013 12:06PM

    Moving is always difficult.
Between all the sorting through things and making the choices ( pack to move, pack to find a new home, bag to trash) and all those memories (good, bad, & otherwise) all those things evoke, and then there is the trepidation of the new unknowns and the joys of a new beginning.
Wishing much happiness in your NEW home!
Audra

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BOSS61 12/1/2013 11:49AM

    Welcome back. Phew, I thought the Sparky web site would vanish without you!

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WORKNPROGRESS49 12/1/2013 11:24AM

    emoticon back!!!!

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LOSTLIME 12/1/2013 11:02AM

    Glad that you are almost done with moving. Not my favorite thing. Glad that you are getting back on track!

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THINFITFEMINIST 12/1/2013 10:58AM

    I was wondering where you went. Yes, moving is unsettling at best and totally disruptive at it's worse.

Glad you are still alive and kicking!

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Remember This

Friday, November 08, 2013



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

K-GETTING-FIT 11/13/2013 8:26AM

    Awesome! emoticon

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PIGGYWAY 11/11/2013 6:22PM

  GOOD ADVISE

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TREV1964 11/10/2013 7:43AM

    Spot on -

Well said -

Cheers

Trev

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EVER-HOPEFUL 11/10/2013 2:55AM

    love this emoticon

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SHERRYBETH84 11/9/2013 11:19PM

    Thank you for the pep talk. I really needed it.



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SDLOV3R 11/8/2013 7:09PM

    I needed this. Thank you.

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DRKYASHI 11/8/2013 3:03PM

    emoticon

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LINDAK25 11/8/2013 11:25AM

    Now, if I just wasn't so easily distracted!

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MARTHAMBG 11/8/2013 10:48AM

  Yes, yes, yes. You rock.


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WORKNPROGRESS49 11/8/2013 10:32AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JACKIE542 11/8/2013 10:26AM

    emoticon

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ERIECANALGAL 11/8/2013 10:10AM

    I like that! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/8/2013 7:09AM

    emoticon emoticon

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THINFITFEMINIST 11/8/2013 5:23AM

    emoticon

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MESEATURTLE 11/8/2013 3:22AM

    emoticon

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SPEEDY143 11/8/2013 3:10AM

    Indeed emoticon

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ARTJAC 11/8/2013 2:27AM

    emoticon

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MAGGIEVAN 11/8/2013 1:04AM

    I absolutely agree with you!

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WEARINGTHIN 11/8/2013 12:59AM

    Yes. Our health is worth the effort, but sometimes, it seems like we're getting nowhere. Best wishes, Glenn

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TEENY_BIKINI 11/8/2013 12:49AM

    emoticon

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ZRIE014 11/8/2013 12:39AM

  very good

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TOKIEMOON 11/8/2013 12:37AM

    Setbacks are a part of life, but failure is a conscious decision to not care any more. Love your post!
emoticon emoticon

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_CYNDY55_ 11/8/2013 12:33AM

    emoticon emoticon
emoticon
emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IDICEM 11/8/2013 12:18AM

  Excellent distinction. Thanks for the reminder!

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