ANGELCITYGAL   28,311
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ANGELCITYGAL's Recent Blog Entries

Rebuilding A Life

Friday, November 01, 2013



I didn't start out to gain anything. Certainly not to rebuild my life. I was much more focused on what I didn't want than what I want and value. I started out to lose weight. I started out to ditch the fat, the unhealthy habits, the fatigue and malaise. I was all about what wasn't working in my life.

Somewhere along the way, that began to shift. I started not only imagining life without the things I don't want, but getting excited about what I was building. I started getting excited about the creative possibilities. Sure, following my food plan and fitness regimen was causing my body to drop pounds, but darned if I wasn't also getting *strong*. I began to crave more physical strength, and stamina, too.



I began to see this process as one of rebuilding my life as the physical strength I am building also became a metaphor for emotional and spiritual wellness. Now I see these areas of health as so intertwined that taking care of any one of them causes improvements in every aspect of my life. And I really don't know how this works, but the more effort I put into taking care of myself (following my food and fitness plans, getting enough sleep, drinking water), somehow I have *more* time and energy for work, parenting, and general "getting stuff done." How is it that self-care causes me to have not only more emotional availability, but also more time for things that matter?

I've been working lately on letting go of unhealthy attachments -- relationships that don't serve me, and also allowing my ex to get under my skin. I have to keep in contact with my ex (we share our daughter), but I don't have to let her push buttons. As I let go of attachments and expectations, there's room for new relationships and happiness -- or just room for the now. Deep breath (again). Instead of focusing on what I don't want in my relationships, the more I build on what works, or what makes me stronger, the easier it is to let the unnecessary or unhelpful fall away. This weight management journey is a powerful and agile metaphor.

I'm truly grateful to be on this journey of health and fitness. Thanks, Spark Friends!


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BESSHAILE 11/10/2013 7:19AM

    Wow ! this is really a Light Bulb Blog. Thanks!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 11/10/2013 2:59AM

    powerful blog emoticon

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DRKYASHI 11/3/2013 2:11AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SPEEDY143 11/3/2013 2:10AM

    "Every day in every way...." There really are more benefits on this journey than weight-loss. I've been pleasantry surprised over and over with the emotionally healing and personal growth that, as you say, goes hand in hand with self care. You have a gift for putting it so eloquently emoticon Another beautiful blog emoticon

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SUNNYBEACHGIRL 11/2/2013 4:13PM

    Some times it is hard to get out of the focus on what isn't working. Your post really made me stop and think about how getting physically healthy is a metaphor for emotional and spiritual wellness. It is important to think differently than before.

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GETDONE 11/2/2013 3:45PM

    took a pic of this on my phone--good reminder emoticon

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TRIPLE_EMME 11/2/2013 8:42AM

    It is great that you have taken positive action to rebuild your life... and can now see things through a positive lens. You are doing awesome! And, THAT will be a great example for your child.

Sorry to hear that your ex gets under your skin... we can't control others, just our responses to them. Easier said than done, I know. Keep strong, you can do this!

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SERENE-BEAN 11/2/2013 1:59AM

    I am so glad your life is going where you need it to go. (And on a personal note, my ex and I didn't have kids of our own, but she stayed in contact with me for a while to help the kids transition with the divorce, and it's a really hard place to be in. I feel for you. emoticon )

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MOVEITMARY 11/1/2013 11:03PM

    I am experiencing a lot of life changes too. You are so right, everything is connected. Thanks!

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FELINEBETTER 11/1/2013 10:13PM

    AC Gal - If you don't write for a living, you should! What a powerful blog! You have not only touched upon, but have very articulately summed up many of my thoughts and feelings. I too have experienced an all-encompassing change since committing myself to work the Spark Program. The idea of getting healthier was my goal, but little did I realize that with the physical transformations, some strong emotional & spiritual changes would occur as well. I am so grateful for the Spark Program as well as accessing the wisdom of people like yourself. Thank you for being so willing to put yourself out "there."

It's a privilege & a pleasure! emoticon emoticon

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TREV1964 11/1/2013 10:10PM

    A very enlightening blog here. I couldn't agree more with the statement - Get yourself right first then gradually everything else will follow - it sounds as if this is happening for you.

Cheers

Trev

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AWESOMECHELZ 11/1/2013 6:00PM

    It is so very true that one area of health affects another in positive ways as we improve. I noticed for me too that the relationships improvements came after I, myself, was healthier, stronger. Thanks for sharing and I hope your X will find something else to do with her life. emoticon

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CATLADY52 11/1/2013 5:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 11/1/2013 2:00PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
We will be free.
Hugs, Audra

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APACHESTEVE 11/1/2013 1:59PM

    Good Day, I came across your Blog thanks to being friends with Juliamoonchild, and I'm so happy that I did find your words and thoughts. Actually Julia said most of what I was already thinking, could be why she and I became Spark Friends, but let me echo the sentiment that your words were "Chicken Noodle Soup" to my being and spirit. I might change one word, as your Blog to me describes a "whole-istic" approach to the journey of health and fitness, and just plain being nice to ourselves.

Your thoughts were a joy to read, thank you for sharing them.

Steve

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JULIAMOONCHILD 11/1/2013 1:53PM

    Stumbled upon your blog today and boy am I glad I did. This extremely well written piece says a lot - and a lot of different things to different people. Whether it was your intention or not, you have surely touched on certain specific issues that many of us here are dealing with ... And by doing so, have shined a light, so to speak, to the far end of the tunnel.

Yep, I see it clearly now ... Not all the bits and pieces shook up in a grab bag - Like what will we get today? Eat right or cheat - Exercise and then eat whatever crap we want cuz we exercised? Make our bodies healthier while we wallow in despair in our tortured minds?

Nope, instead, you've wisely pointed out that there is a whole package -(a holistic package). We just have to open it and start using all of it's contents. Seems like you're in this for the whole deal. You're experiencing it - embracing it - and living (yes, truly living) it - and I think that is one grand example to follow!
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UNSWEETMAMA 11/1/2013 11:51AM

    I needed this.
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1CRAZYDOG 11/1/2013 11:28AM

    Wise words!

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LINDAK25 11/1/2013 11:11AM

    What a wonderful perspective. You've hit upon what appeals to me most about Spark--all that positive energy. You see beyond that though: being able to have a more fulfilling life is the reward you get when you take care of yourself. I love that. Now that is a goal worth working toward. Good for you!

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DOLPHINLADY05 11/1/2013 10:47AM

    Love this... thanks for sharing. Your words are very powerful and motivating!!

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WORKNPROGRESS49 11/1/2013 10:12AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PIGGYWAY 11/1/2013 9:55AM

  THANKS

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GIRLINMOTION 11/1/2013 9:49AM

    Thank you for sharing. You have me rethinking how to move forward on some things I don't want to what I want, in a job, in a relationship and so on. Keep it positive.

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CHERIJ16 11/1/2013 8:54AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MACANBEFIT 11/1/2013 8:29AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GIRLONTHEGO2010 11/1/2013 7:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CHRISTASP 11/1/2013 6:23AM

    Wonderful blog. I think it works as you said. Self care is so important.


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THINFITFEMINIST 11/1/2013 5:37AM

    Some aspects of who you are is a beautiful and sensitive woman. The sensitive part also has vulnerability. Embrace ALL of who you are.

Relationships - especially close intimate ones - are mirrors for those aspects of ourselves we hide from.

May you embrace all of who you are. May you find peace above all else.

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MAGGIEVAN 11/1/2013 2:31AM

    I love the fact that you are so positive, congrats.

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TOKIEMOON 11/1/2013 2:14AM

    Sounds like you're getting in touch with your spiritual side as well. Great evolving outlook!

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ARTJAC 11/1/2013 1:42AM

    emoticon

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ZRIE014 11/1/2013 12:17AM

  nice

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...Simply For the Reason That They Are Heavy

Wednesday, October 23, 2013



This week has been a roller-coaster, emotionally. I'm experiencing elation at reaching my goal weight and dream clothing size. At the same time, my ex has been pushing buttons. It's old stuff -- I can't trust her with money (one big reason we divorced), and I suspect she's being financially irresponsible in ways that will affect our daughter, sooner or later. She talks to me with the old tone of voice, bullying and dismissing my concerns. It makes me anxious and irritable. I've had trouble sleeping and find myself engaging in repetitive worrying.

On the other hand, I've got nothing but good things happening in my career and family life, and all is truly well in my world, despite my ex's poor behavior. And frankly, it's hard for me to tolerate all that good stuff sometimes, too. Sometimes, "too much" goodness makes me anxious, imagining the balloon will pop and I'll be left with broken shreds.

So I'm faced with a choice -- I could continue to fret, imagining catastrophic scenarios that haven't happened and probably won't happen. This is what my mom calls "borrowing trouble" from the future. I could stay so wound up that I don't sleep. I could be tense and anxious all day long. When I'm in that state, it's so much more likely that I'll try to cope with the anxiety in old familiar ways. The obsessive worrying and insomnia are parts of a picture that also includes overeating to self-soothe. It's a vicious spiral into deteriorating self-respect and more worry.

I notice that as I think about my old ways of coping, excessive worry and over-eating to self-soothe, the feeling in my body is heavy. That way of being creates tension, blocked energy, tightness in my chest, and a general feeling of "stuckness." Carrying those habits feels heavy, and feeds overweight, too. Those are good reasons to be with the feelings in a new way.

I could take the same situations (weight loss success, pride at work, my ex's antics) and just breathe. I could use the skills I've practiced to create success -- discipline at work, in my weight management program, and in my budget, self-love, rest, exercise, prayer and quiet time -- to manage this intense week.



That deep breath feels amazing.

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." -- Lao Tzu

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

UNSWEETMAMA 10/29/2013 12:16PM

    Thank you for sharing this. It helps me. I may have to come back and re-read it.
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SIALIABELL 10/28/2013 11:04AM

  I find so much wisdom in your blog. I have a quote from a Jewel song that I keep posted on my computer, "Set down your chains." I love it because it reminds me that I have a choice (as your words so aptly demonstrate) to carry the heaviness or let it go. And that is true of everything, including the excess weight. Thank you.

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HABITATVITALITY 10/26/2013 10:11PM

    Wow, great blog! I'm letting go of some things right now as I type this - deep breaths in, deep breaths out! If you hold closed your right nostril and deep breathe in through your left, apparently that gets the most oxygen straight to the brain! Can't recall where I heard this but it works! emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 10/26/2013 4:32PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DRKYASHI 10/26/2013 10:24AM

    "Letting Go..." such a simple concept that so many have difficulty with.
emoticonto you! And emoticonfor sharing!

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LINDAK25 10/25/2013 12:29PM

    Congratulations on reaching your goal! That's fantastic! You've worked hard to get there, enjoy it. Enjoy this time in your life. Yes, sometimes life does get difficult, but it sounds like you're in a good place and have achieved a good balance. I love the "skills" you use to create success! What a great way to maintain your balance.

Your ex sounds like a toxic person (at least at this point in her life). Don't let her toxicity affect you. She has to be responsible for her own feelings and her own problems. You can do this. Hey, you lost 40 pounds and got your life back on track! This, you can do.

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TREV1964 10/24/2013 10:19PM

    Reading this blog brings me to one of my favourite quotes:

If your arms are full from holding all the baggage form your past
there is no space left in your arms for you to embrace the future.

Cheers

Trev

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HMJ5053 10/24/2013 10:10PM

    Sounds to me like you X's antics are meant to try to control you and your happiness. That can only happen if you let it. So keep up the good work you have been doing; you will make it. Keep in mind that how you react to these stresses in your life will be a model for your daughter to deal with her own stresses. Give yourself the kind of advice you would lovingly give to her when things aren't easy. She will learn what she sees in you.

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Wishing you success in your journey to live a healthier life, physically and emotionally!

Comment edited on: 10/24/2013 10:11:20 PM

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LINDA! 10/24/2013 9:53PM

    I can relate to your feelings. If I have happiness in my life, I expect gloom and doom around the corner. I go to a therapist. One of the many comments from my therapist about this subject, "Linda, do you like being unhappy." Well, I don't think so. It is difficult to know exactly how to turn this attitude around.

I wish you peace.

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MOVEITMARY 10/24/2013 9:00PM

    Thank you, I needed to hear that right now. The anxiety part resonated so strongly it brought tears to my eyes. I think I will do a little yoga session tonight and let it go...
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RACEWELLWON 10/24/2013 7:25PM

    Absolutely - let go of what you cannot control not only does carrying all that sad and unnecessary BS around hurt the waistlines but cause many other healthy dysfunctions in the Mind and Body. Just wish the Ex well and move on . emoticon

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PIGGYWAY 10/24/2013 3:08PM

  I am very glad for you

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_BABE_ 10/24/2013 2:02PM

    I have the same problem with obsessing about that which I really can't change.


“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”



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OVERACTIVEELBOW 10/24/2013 1:39PM

    It is good when you can be your own best friend.
Sounds like you are doing a good job of taking control of how you react to your world.
Keep up the good work, it is WORK, but it pays well. Nothing like good self esteem.

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MOTHEPRO 10/24/2013 12:47PM

    emoticon

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MANDYLOVE_76 10/24/2013 11:44AM

    You can't control others actions. Just breath and be happy.

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REBIRTHDIVA 10/24/2013 10:32AM

    beautiful. absolutely beautiful!

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AWESOMECHELZ 10/24/2013 9:44AM

    When you wrote "Frankly, it's hard for me to tolerate all that good stuff sometimes, too", it rang bells on how I used to be. I had to work very hard for a while to change my thoughts around to "Now that I have struggled, here comes the blessings/goodness." Once in a while, I catch myself but overall, I am doing better.

Your X may also be upset because you are doing SO well with your wellness goals and people DO get jealous. I have friends who started treating me not so well after I started to lose weight and get healthier. They are not in my life anymore since it wasn't a friendship anymore. God bless you in dealing with your X and keep up the GREAT work!

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CHRISTASP 10/24/2013 8:48AM

    A while ago someone posted about forgiveness and how it worked for her to wish the person she was having a problem with, everything that she wanted for herself. She added that we don't have to mean it. Just to say it, state the wish, was enough.
I have tried that with my own 'problem person' and it worked... I did have a shift in my feelings and thoughts and the situation that was so stuck started to become un-stuck.

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HEALTHY4ME 10/24/2013 7:54AM

   
HUGS and sorry you are having issues with your ex.
I hope that your daughter doesn't get too affected by all that is going on. and things can work out for the best.
But have to say your blog about borrowing trouble ( my mum used to say that too! ), and not allowing yourself to get down and eat, or just overwhelmed is so great. I loved it as I am a worrier and obsess over things that yea they might but have hardly ever happened and those that have, hey I am still here and have gotten through them. Thanks for the great reminder that we can get past things.
HUGS emoticon

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LESLIE871948 10/24/2013 6:51AM

    Are you familiar with ZeFrank and his little song online..? Hey, you're ok, you'll be fine, just breathe? This reminded me of that :). I relate.

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PHEBESS 10/24/2013 5:05AM

    All we can control is ourselves - the rest is out of our hands. So not worrying about what we can't control is a great thing!

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ARTJAC 10/24/2013 3:50AM

    emoticon

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TOKIEMOON 10/24/2013 12:36AM

    I think we all need to take a few deep breaths way more often than we do. Good for you for recognizing that you do have tools to work through your rough patch.
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WORKNPROGRESS49 10/23/2013 10:44PM

    emoticon emoticon

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KOHINOOR2 10/23/2013 10:27PM

    You have all the tools and understanding you need to deal with life's many challenges. Just remember to stay in the present moment...the past and future do not exist..except in our minds. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/23/2013 10:28:36 PM

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GIRLINMOTION 10/23/2013 9:56PM

    Way to go. We are so proud of you. Your mother is a very wise woman.

HUGS

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THINFITFEMINIST 10/23/2013 9:53PM

    I do think you have enough understanding of the way life is and the tools to deal with it, that you don't need anything else. Except that is a listening ear or two or three, etc. here at Spark and lots of support.

Life is not meant to be without problems. These are our classes of higher learning.

Hugs

Karen

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1CRAZYDOG 10/23/2013 9:40PM

    emoticon

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CFMOSS 10/23/2013 9:39PM

    Oh my....letting go is so hard; that control thing. You're doing good for the best you that you can be. Keep it up.

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SERENE-BEAN 10/23/2013 9:36PM

    Thank you for talking out your process. I hope things get easier for you soon!

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STUDLEEJOE 10/23/2013 9:35PM

    emoticon

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Get Moving!

Sunday, October 20, 2013



I have learned that I require movement. This is still a surprising concept to me. I was the kid who hated PE class. Picked last for teams, I was clumsy and non-competitive. I thought I hated exercise. In college, I would swim laps to pass the time while other friends were working out in the weight room or taking karate class. Eventually, I noticed that it was stress-relieving and rather lovely. But after I graduated college, I had no money for a gym membership, and working so many hours left no time for "optional" activities.

Now, in my 40s, I'm rediscovering what I was on the verge of really integrating as a very young woman: When I move, I am well. In every sense, I am well when I get activity often. My attitude is brighter, I am uplifted and optimistic. I parent with more patience and enthusiasm. I love my work, and am much more efficient. I sleep better. I laugh more, I am more confident and happy. And it is easier to follow my food program. Everything goes better when I move at least 50 minutes five or six days a week.

And I like it. I 've found activities that I truly enjoy, most of the time. That doesn't mean that I don't have to talk myself into my workouts sometimes. I do. But once I get started, I am having a good time. I like the challenge. And I like the way I feel.

My advice to anyone starting to change their eating habits or improve their health is to also start looking for ways to have a good time moving. Walk 10 or 30 minutes per day. Take a fitness class. Do a yoga video on YouTube. Check out the SparkPeople fitness videos. Many fitness activities can be done at home if you're shy of exercising around others. And if you want to benefit from the social aspects of exercise, but don't want to join a gym, invite friends over to do a fitness video or go to a park where others are working out. Experiment with lots of things until you find a few you can smile doing. You don't have to love them. But dread is bad for fitness outcomes, so find things you can at least have a good time doing. Loving your exercise activities can come later. In the beginning, notice how moving is good for your soul.

Get out and move this week! Have a beautiful week, friends!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

UNSWEETMAMA 10/29/2013 12:18PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TRANSFORMWE 10/23/2013 3:04PM

    Well said!

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NANFITGRAN 10/23/2013 2:22PM

    Excellent blog! Once we can find the activity(ies) we enjoy, we actually look FORWARD to the movement, and all aspects of our lives improve. emoticon emoticon

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HABITATVITALITY 10/22/2013 7:24PM

    I love to move! I remember when I started SP I blogged about finding any opportunities I could each and every day to just MOVE! I love to do gardening and fishing and both these burn a lot of calories. I love it when you do something you love and then suddenly 2 hours has passed..... I can't even do more than 24 minutes planned exercise at any given time. I just wish I had a horse! tee hee

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MANDYLOVE_76 10/22/2013 10:14AM

    Great blog! Thank you for sharing.

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MRSP90X 10/21/2013 11:01PM

    emoticon I am understanding that if I do not move, I just do not feel as good, and I like how you said better parenting. We don't move, we rot!

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MOVEITMARY 10/21/2013 12:45PM

    Totally agree. I also notice that when I don't exercise for several days (for example, when traveling), I eat more, have less energy and don't sleep as well.

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TREV1964 10/21/2013 6:14AM

    Great stuff and great advice.

Well done

Cheers

Trev

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TOKIEMOON 10/21/2013 3:13AM

    Movement IS so good! Today a friend and I went on a 2 hour emoticon . I definitely felt better afterwards!


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CATLOVER110 10/21/2013 3:07AM

    Great blog! emoticon

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SUNNYBEACHGIRL 10/21/2013 1:01AM

    Funny how the last 5 pounds comes off if you move more.

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MTULLY 10/20/2013 11:33PM

    You are so right! emoticon

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ARTJAC 10/20/2013 9:39PM

    emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 10/20/2013 9:11PM

    emoticon HUGS

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LETHA_ 10/20/2013 7:06PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 10/20/2013 6:28PM

    I too was the klutzy kid chosen last in PE class. But I always loved swimming, walking, skating (til I broke my leg).

So I try to get in a decent walk, or swim, or snorkel, or if all else fails I dance with the iPod on. No way will I be a runner, or go into competitive sports. But I stay active in my own fun way. (Because if it isn't fun, I don't do it.)

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CATLADY52 10/20/2013 5:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MACANBEFIT 10/20/2013 5:45PM

    It took me until my late forties to realize how good exercise makes me feel. I am not a member of a gym. I do a lot of workouts from videos and YouTube along with walking. A group of women in my neighborhood get together twice a week to workout together. My body knows when I haven't exercised in a few days. I feel so much better when I put some time in. Thanks for posting. emoticon emoticon

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CHANTENAY 10/20/2013 4:36PM

    I like this blog. I need encouragement to get moving on this cold, drizzly day. I can get out my workout DVDs.

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KOHINOOR2 10/20/2013 4:17PM

    Excellent blog. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOBYCARP 10/20/2013 2:21PM

    SparkPeople seems to be full of people who hated PE class and were picked last for teams. I'm another one of them; PE in public schools did a thorough job of beating any desire to play competitive team sports out of me, permanently. They also beat any desire to do individual fitness activities out of me, but that only lasted a few decades.

Yes, I need to move my body. Yes, I hate some forms of exercise, and am reluctant to start others. But there's the Spark Points (a.k.a. Stupid Motivational Tricks), and eventually I found I look forward to running.

May you find something you look forward to, and if (like running) it requires other activities to support it, may it motivate you enough to do whatever else you need to do!

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DRKYASHI 10/20/2013 1:42PM

    Love the quote!
emoticon VERY emoticon!

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GIRLINMOTION 10/20/2013 1:34PM

    Bang on!

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CHRISTASP 10/20/2013 1:02PM

    I too hated exercise. I wish I could go back to my younger self and tell her to just take half hour walks daily and that this would be a GREAT habit that would do me so much good. I thought I had to jog, run, lift weights. But if I'd just taken up walking every day that could and would have made a big difference I think.
As it is I discovered only at age 46 or so that I like to move my body, riding a bike or walking. Sadly, I have physical complaints now (maybe also due to overweight...) that make the exercise types I think I like best, such as dancing or aerobic classes and swimming hard or impossible.

Comment edited on: 10/20/2013 1:03:10 PM

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 10/20/2013 12:54PM

    emoticon

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THINFITFEMINIST 10/20/2013 12:44PM

    Excellent blog! I move all the time. I clean house for a living 6 days a week. I walk and I do other things. I allow myself daily down time but for the most part I NEED movement.

Thanks!

P.S. I took a look at your SparkPage and you have had such great success. Congrats!

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MSROZZIE 10/20/2013 12:30PM

    Love your blog and enthusiasm! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AVAMARIE62 10/20/2013 12:25PM

    I just finished a 3 mile Leslie Sansone Walk video and couldn't agree with you more! emoticon emoticon

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MAUREENREDUX 10/20/2013 12:24PM

    You wrote this for me, right? I am struggling to incorporate fitness into my life- not because I don't have time. I just don't want to do it. Last week I set a goal to incorporate walking into my activities, and I managed to walk three or four times without feeling burdened. This week I joined a walking challenge and have set a 12 week goal. I can do this...although I still hear that voice in the back go my head saying 'Ugh'. I have 12 weeks to quiet that roar. Thanks for the boost.

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SERENE-BEAN 10/20/2013 12:22PM

    Yeah. I get anxious and restless if I haven't had my walk in a while. I never thought I'd be that person.

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WORKNPROGRESS49 10/20/2013 12:21PM

    emoticon advice!!! emoticon emoticon

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JENHERMAN 10/20/2013 12:17PM

    Love this post.... and so true!! I'm learning the same thing about myself.... when I move - I feel moved (with my attitude, spiritually, and mentally)! It's much better for everyone. Ha! Thanks for sharing!!

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_BABE_ 10/20/2013 12:06PM

    Keeps everything well oiled! emoticon

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JACKIE15108 10/20/2013 11:38AM

    I'm really happy to see your blog today. I just got done writing in my blog how it is hard for me to exercise I just hit my 2 months of lifestyle change today. I am eating better without forcing myself......I like it, and have lost 12 kilos, but exercise is still very difficult for me to do. Most days I have to force myself, although some times (rarely) I do enjoy it. Today was a beautiful day and I could have walked outside, but I'm tired and I didn't do anything.
Thank you very much for your insight. I will need to reread this on other days and see if anything sinks in for me.
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PB4WEGO 10/20/2013 11:28AM

    This is great advice, I agree and hadn't realized it before.
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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

We Have to Stop Talking About Weight Loss

Monday, October 14, 2013



We have to stop talking about weight loss. The "lifestyle change" we're all creating cannot be fully present as long as we're focused on what we don't want. "I don't want this 10 or 100 pounds hanging around. I don't want these love handles. I don't like my post-pregnancy belly. I am embarrassed by my upper arms. I am so out of shape. I can't walk/run/lift weights. I have too much loose skin." We've all had a litany of complaints about our bodies -- the things we want to change, the things we don't like to see in the mirror or on the scale. So we keep talking about them, thinking about them, focusing on them. We keep saying "no" to our bodies as they are today.

And let's not get started on all the ways we say "no" to food. "I can't eat that. That's not in my plan."

How would the journey be different if we focused on "yes?" What if we were driven, not by rejecting ourselves, but by embracing positive changes? What if the "yes" to good health, good food, good activity, and most of all, self-approval, was burning so much brighter than that old self-loathing? What if we tried every day to tap into the self-approval, the longing for health, the joy of life, and let that be our fuel for this weight-management journey?

I'm starting by switching my language from weight-loss to weight-management and health-maintenance and other positive terms. I'm also focusing on what I can do, right now, to advance my progress. That doesn't come from castigating myself for past actions with my body. It follows that longing to be healthy, strong, vital, and active.

Have a beautiful week, friends!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATNCAG 6/10/2014 4:44PM

    emoticon blog Angel City Gal! emoticon that we should respond & think that way about everything! Focus on the positives forget the negatives! I'm in the process of doing this myself! emoticon

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LORIVIOLA 3/24/2014 1:44PM

    emoticon for the emoticon blog.
i send you virtual hugs too.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TERRIJ7 3/4/2014 11:38AM

    Great advice!

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GRAMPIAN 12/10/2013 6:03AM

  Good attitude. emoticon

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NASFKAB 12/6/2013 10:10PM

  great thanks

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SLIMLEAF 11/18/2013 5:50PM

    I've only just come across this blog - over a month since it was written - but better late than never!

I found it challenging, helpful and inspiring. Why haven't I thought of this myself?!

Thank you for sharing it.

I wonder what exciting things tomorrow holds now that I can stop haranguing myself over my failings?!

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ALIDOSHA 11/18/2013 4:07PM

    emoticon emoticon

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WRITINGDIVA1 11/12/2013 2:17PM

    Thanks!

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BLPRETTYGIRL1 11/12/2013 11:32AM

    emoticon

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DANI33333 11/5/2013 1:05AM

  sorry computer duplicated last comment, and it won't let me edit it to delete it! Sorry my apologies :(

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DANI33333 11/5/2013 12:56AM

  We totally need to talk about what we can do or eat, instead of what we are not suppose to do. Filling our lives with positive uplifting things can create a wonderful experience for us all. Please lets find out what works for our own body, and do those wonderful things that helps us feel better.

Thanks,
Dani http://www.weightlosstournaments.co
m/

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DANI33333 11/5/2013 12:56AM

  We totally need to talk about what we can do or eat, instead of what we are not suppose to do. Filling our lives with positive uplifting things can create a wonderful experience for us all. Please lets find out what works for our own body, and do those wonderful things that helps us feel better.

Thanks,
Dani http://www.weightlosstournaments.co
m/

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DANI33333 11/5/2013 12:56AM

  We totally need to talk about what we can do or eat, instead of what we are not suppose to do. Filling our lives with positive uplifting things can create a wonderful experience for us all. Please lets find out what works for our own body, and do those wonderful things that helps us feel better.

Thanks,
Dani http://www.weightlosstournaments.co
m/

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DANI33333 11/5/2013 12:56AM

  We totally need to talk about what we can do or eat, instead of what we are not suppose to do. Filling our lives with positive uplifting things can create a wonderful experience for us all. Please lets find out what works for our own body, and do those wonderful things that helps us feel better.

Thanks,
Dani http://www.weightlosstournaments.co
m/

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DANI33333 11/5/2013 12:56AM

  We totally need to talk about what we can do or eat, instead of what we are not suppose to do. Filling our lives with positive uplifting things can create a wonderful experience for us all. Please lets find out what works for our own body, and do those wonderful things that helps us feel better.

Thanks,
Dani http://www.weightlosstournaments.co
m/

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DANI33333 11/5/2013 12:55AM

  We totally need to talk about what we can do or eat, instead of what we are not suppose to do. Filling our lives with positive uplifting things can create a wonderful experience for us all. Please lets find out what works for our own body, and do those wonderful things that helps us feel better.

Thanks,
Dani http://www.weightlosstournaments.co
m/

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DANI33333 11/5/2013 12:53AM

  We totally need to talk about what we can do or eat, instead of what we are not suppose to do. Filling our lives with positive uplifting things can create a wonderful experience for us all. Please lets find out what works for our own body, and do those wonderful things that helps us feel better.

Thanks,
Dani http://www.weightlosstournaments.co
m/

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SAVVYHORSEGIRL 11/3/2013 7:44PM

    A most excellent post. emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 11/3/2013 5:43PM

    Thank you for sharing!

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APRILRUSSELL3 11/3/2013 4:17PM

    Thank you for this perspective. I know this is something I need to change about how I'm looking at this. I just so desperately want to be thin again but as long as I'm focused on the negatives, I won't be as successful. I need to make this journey fun!

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ISABELLE31 11/1/2013 11:14AM

    Wonderful perspective. Thanks for sharing!

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MCJULIEO 10/29/2013 3:13PM

    So well put!

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MYRNA929 10/29/2013 12:11PM

    Great blog! Thanks for sharing and reminding us to think positive! emoticon

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SECRETKEL 10/27/2013 10:47PM

    Very well said! I couldn't agree more! Great post!
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WHITEANGEL4 10/27/2013 10:15PM

    Well said...as I tell people I am not on a diet, but a healthy eating plan

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ZANNACHAN 10/26/2013 2:09PM

    I love this blog! So very well said.

I have worked hard since I decided I needed to change my lifestyle to focus on the positives, because I realized very quickly that negatives (such as "I can't have that") made me feel angry, frustrated, and deprived. So I don't say "I can't drink pop" I say "I need to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day." I try to focus on being healthier, stronger, fitter, more active, and more in control of my body and my life.

But I still struggle with it. I have my days--I hit a patch recently--where it's really hard not to hate my body--hate it because it hurts, because I can't do things I feel like I should be able to do, because I'm fat and carrying too much unhealthy fat in the gut especially, etc. But hating my body accomplishes nothing but alienating myself from my own body--good and bad. So I try really hard to stay positive and what I want--to be healthy and active etc.--than on what I don't like.

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EFFRAYECHILDE 10/25/2013 7:38AM

    emoticon

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BARBARAJ73 10/23/2013 8:50AM

    emoticon Have "obsessed" by the negatives for too long. Time for a positive outlook!

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FIRECOM 10/22/2013 11:03AM

    We all need to find our own path, and you have certainly found yours. I applaud you.

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SADDHU1 10/21/2013 1:48PM

  Very wise words and well said! Attitude determines our beliefs. Beliefs determine our actions. Our actions determine our habits. Our habits determine our destiny in this world.

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TBOURLON 10/21/2013 10:20AM

    I agree there has to be more to life than weight loss. I've been obsessed with my weight for years, and also afraid I'd pass that obsession on to my daughters. Well now my 17 year old weighs herself daily. She's lost some weight and is proud - GOD, she sounds like me. She made a 34 on the ACT, now THERE'S something to be proud of. I started playing guitar again, and I'm trying to write another book - hopefully one I'll finish this time. And the key to that is to play and write daily, consistently, follow an outline/plan; sound familiar? emoticon

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BANDMOM2012 10/21/2013 9:52AM

    emoticon

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CHARTHESTAR 10/21/2013 7:42AM

    Excellent post.
100% true.
Congrats on a popular blog post!

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LEANMEAN2 10/21/2013 5:28AM

    agree. Thanks for sharing.

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GETULLY 10/20/2013 12:26PM

    So true. I walk because it makes me feel great; a side benefit is the calorie burn. Very well said!

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SHERYLP461 10/20/2013 7:18AM

    Perfect, I have a friend that starts each response with no, even if she is agreeing with you

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MAYBER 10/20/2013 12:06AM

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts
And you are right on about talking about our weight losses
Taking one day at a time
Love Prayers Peace

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RACEWELLWON 10/19/2013 2:47PM

    I agree , awesome blog!

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NLYR20 10/18/2013 1:36PM

  Nice positive approach!!
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JIBBIE49 10/18/2013 8:30AM

    emoticon great to see your blog featured in the Spark Mail. What an honor. emoticon

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PIGGYWAY 10/18/2013 7:50AM

  LOVE YOUR PIECE THAT SOUND A LOT LIKE ME

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SASSYTHING52 10/18/2013 1:44AM

    good blog

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CORNERKICK 10/18/2013 12:57AM

  emoticon

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EMMACORY 10/17/2013 10:09PM

    I agree that language is important. What we think about influences us more than we can imagine. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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WHITEANGEL4 10/17/2013 9:48PM

    Great blog...keep i up

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POPSY190 10/17/2013 5:12PM

    emoticon

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LADYMARCIA1 10/17/2013 4:59PM

    Thanks for the positive message. It has resonated in me because I'm trying only positive re-enforcement to my life. As a breast cancer survivor, I want to be grateful, positive and live the rest of my life in constant recognition of how wonderful it is to be alive. And not allow the life previously lead to infiltrate this new found gratitude I feel for being so blessed. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IMAGINE46 10/17/2013 3:52PM

  emoticon

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KRAZEKATZ 10/17/2013 2:39PM

    Terrific outlook, we can all take a page from you book/blog today and incorporate it into our journey. emoticon

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CHRISTASP 10/17/2013 2:37PM

    Good thoughts! Thank you.

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Have You Had This Illusion, Too?

Sunday, October 06, 2013



Have you, like me, sometimes thought of your weight management journey this way? "If I could just get my body to do x, I'd have my act together..."

I'm learning to interrupt these thoughts. I've become convinced that the more I give my body appreciation, the better success I have. I certainly feel better.

Thinking of my body as separate from me -- as if there's some distinction between me and my body -- is maintaining the illusion that allowed me to get heavy in the first place: What I do to my body is just an action on a "thing." The illusion says what I do to my body has as much to do with my personhood as what I do to my car, my dishes, my desk. Sure, I could make a mess with things, but that wouldn't affect who I am as a human being.

Of course, the truth is (as science has been demonstrating repeatedly in recent years) there's a profound mind-body connection. What I do to my body not only affects my physical health, it affects my relationships, my mood, my emotional wellbeing, and even my spiritual health. Who I am is directly influenced by my relationship with my body. How I treat my body is a direct precursor to how I will interact with others, how I find meaning in life, and how I feel about matters mundane and sublime. The results I get in life are directly related to how I feed my body, the activity I give it, and my self-talk. Bottom line, the more I love my body and cultivate a healthy, respectful relationship with it, the better my life gets in every way.

"Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion." -- Margo Anand

This week, treat your whole self as a lovable companion. Have a beautiful week, friends.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTASP 10/17/2013 2:40PM

    Very good blog. I appreciate it. Gave me 'food for thought' (grin) too.

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EFFECT25 10/16/2013 7:13AM

    This is so true!

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SUNNYBEACHGIRL 10/15/2013 10:30AM

    Good insight

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MARTHAMBG 10/15/2013 8:29AM

  Yes, I like your attitude.
Focus on the what we want. That is the way it works.
Where we put our thoughts we get.
I want health. I want to move.
I'm with you.
Thank you
Martha G

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KLONG8 10/13/2013 7:59PM

    So very, very true!

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RYDERB 10/12/2013 9:41AM

    emoticon Great blog!

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TIMEHASCOME56 10/9/2013 11:11AM

    emoticon

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LOSTLIME 10/7/2013 10:27AM

    emoticon emoticon

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TOKIEMOON 10/7/2013 1:31AM

    Very eloquently stated! emoticon

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MARILYNROBERT 10/7/2013 12:25AM

    emoticon

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ARTJAC 10/6/2013 10:59PM

    emoticon

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_BABE_ 10/6/2013 4:50PM

    emoticon Why did we ever think there wasn't a mind/body connection? It's time we think we are the whole individuals we are waiting to be NOW.

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TREV1964 10/6/2013 4:20PM

    A great blog well said,

Achieving your goals is not a matter of if as much as a matter of when. I will no doubt see you at the finish line of goal weight and good health.

Cheers

Trev

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GRANDMABABA 10/6/2013 3:57PM

    Well said! Thanks for the awesome reminders!

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ROSEWAND 10/6/2013 3:41PM

    This is a brilliant blog. You really got it!
This journey is truly about healing our relationship
with our body. Only when we get that, does
the magic happen.

And it did feel like magic, when nearly five
years ago, I discovered The Gabriel Method,
which is all about our relationship with our
bodies. Check out the book and our
Gabriel Spark Team. There is a link where
you can download the free mp3 for nightly
listening to reconnect with your body and
its wisdoms on our team Spark page.

Jon Gabriel teaches that it is only when our
bodies truly feel safe enough to release the
weight, will we really be permanently successful.

This has been true for me. The more I have honored,
nourished, listen to, and loved the "body part
of me." the more stable my weight has been.

Thank you for writing with such deep wisdom. emoticon


Comment edited on: 10/6/2013 3:42:56 PM

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PEZMOM1 10/6/2013 2:23PM

    emoticon

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