Saturday, December 28, 2013
I overindulged at Christmas and ended up feeling like I had a food baby, lol. I totally ate until I was uncomfortable and just felt like I was going to get sick. But, I'm over that, not dwelling on it, and am working on cleansing my gut and eating foods that are easier to digest.
This morning I had a green juice
1 large cucumber
1ish cup of kale
2 small apples
4ish cups spinach
2 stalks celery
splash of coconut water
splash of aloe vera juice
I'm a fan of juicing, not sure if I've mentioned it before, it makes me feel fantastic. Today will likely be a lot of juice and tea's, tonight we're going to a friends parents place for supper and drinks, so I'd like to just fill up on good juice today to let my body relax after the crap I've put it through.
I'm off work at the moment so I've been enjoying walks and moving around in general since I have no energy when I get home from work to do anything otherwise. A break from the daily grind is much needed and I've been enjoying my time off spending time juicing and taking Penny for long walks.
Friday, October 04, 2013
I binge ate last night.
Whenever I'm stressed or overwhelmed I turn to food and binge eat. Last night it was a combo of a few little things that made me have the 'food meltdown'....
Up until the beginning of this month my company has allowed me to take my work truck home every night, which is awesome because I live just under an hour from the office. However, due to policies and yada yada's we aren't allowed to take them home anymore unless we live 100km's from our job site. I live 120, so no dice. Instead of my usual 45 minute commute in the morning it is now 1.5hrs. And, since I now get home an hour (sometimes more) later than before the grocery store is closed (I live in a small town and we have one grocery store that closes at 8pm) so now I have to shop at the grocery store that the office is at. This grocery store turns out to be pretty terrible, there is very little selection of anything and it is literally half the size of the one I'm used to, and the prices are a lot more! So, for the time that I'm working (11 shifts on, 4 off) whenever I need some grub I'll have to go to here. Stress-er #1. Stress-er #2, I didn't pack enough food, or rather I was in a bottomless pit mood and my lunch that I packed yesterday was not fulfilling enough and I was having some pretty serious hunger pangs while shopping last night.
Stress-er #3, a silly one, but I was in a crappy mood when I got home last night, my internet was very slow and then my ipad died when I was going to track my food. So, I just said 'screw it! I'm way under on my calories allotted, I won't track tonight!' This led to me eating a lot bigger portions that I would have and eating more because I could. When I don't track my mind thinks 'I can get away with this, there's no evidence, sucker!' In the past I would never hold myself accountable for my eating and I really had no excuse for it besides that I just didn't want to. I guess I was in denial about having to do it, or having to actually watch my portions and calories.
Last night was a confirmation that I binge eat when I'm overwhelmed, and that I really do need to track my food. I've had 26 years of eating until I was uncomfortable, grazing on whatever I want without thinking about it, and having the fear of 'if I don't eat that then what if it was my last opportunity to eat that and now I will never be able to again!' I recognize all these things and know that it will take some time to work out the kinks in these behaviors and beliefs, but in time I will get it. Today I am going to track what I ate last night and put it in the past. What's that saying.. 'Fall down 7 times, get up 8.' ? I need to realize that thinking this has to be perfect in order to work is a cop out, and I am not perfect. It wasn't overnight that I perfected my current habits and it's certainly not going to happen overnight that they are reverted.
Sometimes a bad day can be really insightful, it's all in the perspective!
Tuesday, October 01, 2013
Quick post so that I will remember this...
I don't have a weight problem, I have a food problem. I need to train myself to control the foods that I eat and the portions I eat them in, the scale is not a direct representative of my actions. I know that I've had a good week before I jump on the scale so in reality, that number is irrelevant. If I consciously make good food decisions the scale (measuring tape, clothing fit, etc) will catch up with me, but I need to focus on my behaviors with food in order for any of that to happen.
Food is simply a fuel for my body it is not to be confused with something to do when I'm bored or when I'm stressed.
The fear of being physically hungry will pass over time with proper training, weight loss is just as much mental as it is physical and I will not DIE from having hunger pangs.
Setting realistic goals for myself is a good idea; granted that they are realistic and I'm not setting myself up for failure. And, if I don't change my behavior with food then this is all for nothing because over time I will revert back to my old ways.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
What are my fears about weight loss and what is preventing me from succeeding?
-I'm lazy; I find it an inconvenience to track my food and I don't want to exercise because it's too hard.
Reality: I think I don't want to track my food because I'm in denial about what I eat and my portion sizes.
I think that I eat relatively healthy, but I know that I am human and make poor choices.I wouldn't be overweight if I had this down! I also know that I have no idea what portion sizes are okay for me and will have giant ones. I also eat until my plate is clean, often gobbling everything up and taking a "breather" so that I can finish what else is there. (This is usually only an issue at supper time when my meals are heavier). I have no education when it comes to food because I've always had issues with it, I abuse food.
I'm also scared that by tracking my food I will have less options of what I can eat and will be stuck eating foods that I won't really like just because they have less calories and are more nutritionally dense.
I'm scared to track because in the past it has been short lived and I punish myself by giving up or eating twice as much because "it doesn't matter anymore". I also do a lot of self sabotage and will eat things I normally wouldn't eat only to not track them. Like I'm being sneaky. (I am an "all or nothing" kind of person, once I slip up it's over.)
I'm scared of change, will I always have to track my meals? I can't imagine living the rest of my life having to do this just to maintain my ideal weight.
-Actuality: For most of these I know how to rectify them, or they're a fleeting thought and nothing more. For others (portion size, all or nothing attitude) it is something that I need to educate myself on and change. My fear of change needs to be broken, I am not happy where I am physically so why is it so hard for me to change? I know what needs to be done to better myself so why am I still not doing it? These are questions I don't know the answers to right now, but I need to know that I can proceed without having all the answers, and I may never know why I am the way I am but so long as I am moving forward then that's okay too.
-I am lazy and don't want to exercise, it's too hard. I don't have time. Once I stop doing it I fall off the wagon.
Reality: It is hard, and it's going to be. But, it is going to get easier too. Challenging yourself is a good thing and something that I should be striving towards. If I challenge myself and push myself to be a better version of myself then it's only going to get better and my horizon's will broaden.
I don't have the time to get to the gym with my work schedule, at least not when I'm working days. When I work nights I do in fact have time. It may mean getting up an hour earlier, but it is do-able. I have to remember the high that I would get when I would go in the mornings everyday. I was putting my money where my mouth was, so to speak, and actually following through with something that I wanted to do and I loved lifting heavy weights and pushing myself.
I am scared to go back to the gym because I did have so much success in the past and gave that all up and I don't want to do that again. While the gym gave me a new spin on life, the thought of going back also fills me with anger and regret. I am angry that I'll have to start back at day one and go through everything again. I feel that since it's a private gym and Wendy is now gone as the trainer things are different there. I don't think that they even have a trainer anymore and I don't really like the owner who would likely be training me. (I live in a small town, 1600ish ppl and this is the only gym).
However, with all that being said that's not reason enough to not go. I have done about 5 programs and may just need a brief refresher on some form or what the exercise is, but I can do a quick google of it if need be. I also need to remember that while it is frustrating to be starting at day 1 I'm going to be getting all those milestones back, and my muscles have memory so it won't be as bad as day one.
I have been working a lot of days lately (which I love 1000x more than nights) but that also leads to the excuse of not having time to work out. I get home at 7 and make my supper and lunch up for the next day and then go to bed anywhere between 9 and 11. I HAVE time to workout then, I just choose not to. Sometimes I want to go for a walk, or do any motion for that matter, because I've been cooped up in a truck for 14 hours sitting (seriously). But, I just don't, I watch tv and relax because I've 'earned it'.
I don't know 100% what my fear of exercising is but I think it is just physically putting in the work. I've always fantasized about what my ideal body would look like and thought that it would just manifest one day, silly I know. I've never once thought about what I will DO to get to it. And really, putting in the effort of working out isn't that bad. Once you get past the first 10 minute hump of wanting to quit you just do it. I'm too quick to forget how amazing and happy I feel once my workout is done!
I'm also afraid to finish something, I never have in any part of my life.
-Actuality: I know that I need to physically move to reap the benefits of weight loss, dieting alone is not going to do it for me. I need to work one day at a time with this and not the big picture. If I don't have time to get in a workout for the day I am not going to beat myself up for it and stop altogether because it's only hurting ME. I don't have to have a strict regiment of what I will do for my routine either, or a routine for that matter. So long as I doing something then that's all that matters; I just need to move.
Sorry this is all over the place, it's just been on my mind lately and I needed to type it out so that I can see it and revisit it often.
Sometimes our fears become pretty silly once you see them in black and white. I don't have everything figured out obviously, but that's no reason to hold myself back until I do. I don't need to have all the answers before I start something, that's just another excuse not to.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Hey, I'm back! This blog will be short and sweet as I don't want to ramble on and on about how I've been MIA for the past three years! Here's the skinny on the past few years...
-Lost 25ish lbs on here
-Became a rock star in the gym, lifted uber heavy, and loved every minute of it
-Bought a house
-Got married to my high school sweetheart
-Moved into our house the same month as we were married!
-Went to school and started a new career
-Stopped going to the gym
-Lost a beloved fur child
-Gained back the 25lbs (and a bit more)
-Traveled around and left our hearts in British Columbia
-Did a boudoir photo shoot at my heaviest ever (250ish) and was a smoking hot!
-Am back and ready to rock again! Sadly the gym will no longer be in my life due to my crazy work schedule; gym is not open when I am home from work.
Pack a healthy lunch for work and TRACK it!
Turbo fire 3x a week, ideally get back into the program and stick with it
Seek out a good team on here and stay active for motivation
My goals are super simple, yet the food one is always the hangup for me and I've always struggled to track my food on here even though I know it is super helpful and will result in loosing weight!
My job is a 14hr day/night depending on my shift and all of it is sitting in a truck. Seriously. I have a strange job but it pays well and while sometimes I want to claw my eyes out b/c I'm tired and cooped up it's paying my bills and allowing me to not life from paycheck to paycheck for once in my life.
But, because my job is so super sedentary I have to really watch what I'm eating b/c I'm doing zero physical activity. When I get home I unwind, make my meal for the next day and then go to bed. Good thing I had zero social life before I started here almost 2 years ago, lol.
It's going to be tricky to get back into the DVD workouts, especially since it's hard to motivate myself at home, but it's my only option now. I'd ideally like to do the whole turbo fire program but I'll be happy if I can fit in two or three workouts in a week. Baby steps man!
Any suggestions for some fun at home workouts, dvd's or otherwise? I'm pretty out of shape again so something that's not too super hard. I have P90X and Turbo Fire at the moment and both are the P90x is not an option right at the moment..lol.
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