Sunday, March 20, 2011
Hello, Sparkly friends!!!! Sorry it's taken me so long to post this update, but I wanted to have a progress report to go with it. However, I still haven't made it anywhere to weigh in, so I'm going ahead with it anyway and am just going to make sure I can weigh in before April first. I will say that I'm not expecting a loss at all, and will be amazed if my gain is not huge.
Well, I left off at leaving town to be by my mothers side as it didn't look like she was going to make it. Good new, there, she pulled through! She is doing much better than any of her doctors had expected her to. She is now in a Long Term Advanced Care Hospital (LTACH) now, and maybe getting to come home in the next couple weeks. So all that has been amazing. She is going to have to adjust to a few new ways of life, but that she is already able to walk short distances is actually pretty amazing. I have to give credit to my brother, he was the only one who was really optimistic the whole time. My husband and I were concerned that he wasn't being very realistic, and as it turned out, we were just being to pessimistic.
I was living in Joliet, IL, and came down here to Arkansas City, KS. to be with my family. After I had been here about a week, my hubby and I decided that we would go ahead and move down here, for a few years at least. So I started looking for work and a house, and found both! My husband came down for the weekend last week, right before I started my new job, to visit and he will finally be joining me on the 1st of April , when we will move into our new house.
On the job front, I am the new manager at a convenience store, a job I had done before. It's not a job that makes me very happy, but it's pretty good money. I actually hate it, but I'll get by for now. I hate even more that I'm good at it. Makes it hard to quit, you know. I was hoping to get a job at a casino down here, and I did get that job, too, but it was taking so long to get the background check back, so I took the managers job. I'm a little bummed, because I know that I'll not be able to go to school like I have been wanting too for so long. And it limits the time I have to spend with my little girl. It's going to be a lot of work, at least right at the start, getting it back to being a profitable store. But, I'll get it done, then reassess what I want to do at that point.
But, not having worked in 3+ years, going to a job and being on my feet for 9 straight hours everyday last week really kicked my butt. That's why I hadn't been on here in the last week. By the time I got off work, picked up my kid, made dinner, washed the dishes, bathed little girl, took a shower and did whatever else that absolutely needed to be done, I was a total zombie. Needless to say, my exercise has suffered drastically.
On the new home front, I'm really happy. We got an actual house, and for $200 cheaper than the crappy little apartment we were renting in Joliet. Kansas is always good for the economy. Or so I thought. Surprisingly, groceries are much higher here than in IL.
I have been eating out too much as well. So, with the excessive eating, no work outs, and stress beyond any that I'm used too, I guarantee I've gained weight. The question is, how much? I don't know yet, but will soon. Hopefully it will help me with much needed kick in the pants. I have to be up at 3 am to get ready for work, but I'm going to squeeze in a 15-20 min. workout and 5-10 minutes of stretching. Not only will this help me burn more calories throughout the day, but I'm hoping that my muscles will be more reluctant to ache and groan for the whole rest of the day.
I have so much going on the next few weeks, but regardless, it's get back on the hoarse time. My life has changed once again, but it's no reason to let it drag me down. I need to focus on the positives. I'm back with my family and friends, I have a job, in fact I'm so desirable in the work force that I actually turned down 2 other job offers, my little girl finally has others close to her age to play with and has been having a blast, I'm moving in to a super cute house, with an easy going land-lord.....there are others I'm sure.
Oh, and a big bonus of moving here.....A local gym that is only $15 a month, with no joiner fees or contracts!!!! Weight loss goals, ready or not, here I come!!!!!
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Hey friends. Just wanting to drop a quick line to let everyone know that I'll be away for a few weeks. I may pop in once in a while, but I won't have time for much.
My mom had surgery on last Thursday. She seemed to have came through it okay, and we all thought she was going to get better. But today she crashed. The doctors didn't give her much hope earlier, but she's getting a little better and they are giving her a 50/50 chance now.
I got a train ticket to go home, I leave tomorrow. A 16 hour train ride with a 2 year old, fun, fun. But couldn't afford a plane ticket, so this is better than nothing. I'm tired. I feel like a zombie. I'm so sick of everyone I'm closest to dying.
Ugh....I wasn't going to get all woe is me. So, I'm going to get off here before I get really depressing. I'll talk to you guys later. Love my Spark family!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
My Goals for January to help me achieve my 2011 goals are.....
*Restart Spark Diet Plan...
*Get to stage 2 within 2 weeks.... (This will be next week)
*Put up More Visual motivators around my house ....
*Exercise 60 minutes a day (at least), 5 days a week....Didn't happen most days last week due to illness. On track so far this week.
*Lose 8 lbs in January...Lost 1 so far.
*Stay accountable, Blog once a week, and keep up with team Challenges Daily....So far so good.
I edited it a bit. With being sick last week, and recuperating this week, I dropped meditation and Tarot studies from my January goals. If I have the time and energy to do these things, I will, but I'm not going to worry about working them into the schedule until next month.
As I said, I was sick last week, but have been feeling better the last few days. I got up and started to do my Cardio Kickboxing with Coach Nicole, and 3 minutes into is, I thought my lungs were on fire! I kept at it though, got 20 minutes in, then an additional 10 minutes of dancing around the living room with my daughter. She loves that! By the end of I felt like pudding. I couldn't believe how quickly I went back to feeling like the first time I did a workout. I hope it doesn't take too long to get back into the swing of things.
With tax time coming up, my husband and I are strongly weighing our options. On one hand, we are thinking of moving back to KS. where all my family and friends live. We could get an actual house with a yard and everything for less than our crappy little apartment here in IL. We would have a babysitter so that we could actually go out once in a while. Plus I do get lonely here, literally not knowing anyone other than hubby and baby. On the other hand, hubby has a good job here with excellent benefits, and there just aren't that many jobs in KS. We could get down there and not be able to find work. It seems like the smartest thing to do would be to stay right here, but living down there would make things way easier. So I don't know yet.
Well, that's about it for this weeks update. I hope all my wonderful Spark Friends are having a great week so far, and are having fun reaching their goals!!!! Talk to you guys later!!!
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Hello Friends! After several months and 50 lbs down, I've finally taken my 'before' pictures. Part of me wishes that I'd taken them before losing the first 50 lbs, another part of me doesn't even want to put these up. But, I'm owning it. This is me, totally in the Raw. I thought about putting on make-up and some of my nicer clothes, then thought...Why? That's not me, unless I'm going out on a date or a job interview. This is me, in my work-out clothes. I made a point of wearing black for my team colors (Go Black Team!!!) My hair is pulled back, as it always is before a work-out. My little girl is there beside, as she always is (best part of the whole picture, I think). I have to admit, I edited out the rest because I need to vacuum, lol!
Am I happy about it? Not particularly. But it's time I stop hiding from the world. And I fully intend to put that picture to shame by the end of this year! I took a few more pics trying to get a half-way decent profile pic I could live with.
It is a pain in the neck (literally) trying to hide my quadruple chin. The one I ended up settling on was one without a smile. As usual. I've always thought I looked better without a smile. Anywho......
I'm a little late in posting my New Years Resolutions, but oh well. Only by 4 days! Here they go....
* Lose 100 Pounds
* Start School
* Read Tarot Fluently
* Get a Social Life somehow
*Create a Greater Connection to the Universe
*Be More Environmentally Conscious
*Be Able to Jog 1 Mile by Year End
My Goals for January to help me achieve those resolutions are.....
*Restart Spark Diet Plan...
*Get to stage 2 within 2 weeks
*Put up More Visual motivators around my house
*Exercise 60 minutes a day (at least), 5 days a week
*Dedicate 1 hour to study Tarot, 3 times a week (at least)
*Lose 8 lbs in January
*Stay accountable, Blog once a week, and keep up with team Challenges Daily
I think those are attainable goals. I seem to often find trouble finding a good middle ground for goals. It seems I always set them too high, where I can't achieve them, or too low where it doesn't even present a challenge. And I definitely need to challenge myself. The last several years of laziness and self gratification has not made me happy, and sure hasn't made me strong and respectable. I so want to be a role model for my child, and I couldn't be a good role model by always taking the path of least resistance. That's how I got this way now.
I had a rough year last year, and the last few weeks have been some of the hardest. But I'm ready to pick myself up and get back in the saddle. I can't wait to see what I can accomplish in 2011!!!!!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I now know why people are advised not to announce their pregnancies until they are a few months along. It saves the heartache of having to tell everyone the pregnancy didn't work out. Shortly after waking up Thursday morning, I started bleeding and had to go to the hospital. They did an ultra sound and couldn't find anything, even after doing both kinds of ultra sounds. After testing my blood and finding my hcg levels to be around 2000, they deducted that I had a probable blighted ovum. The ER Doc said there could still be a slim (very slim) chance at a successful pregnancy, but I didn't get my hopes up. I went for a follow up yesterday and they took more blood and I have to go back tomorrow for the results, basically just to ensure that my hcg levels are dropping like they should. If they were still high, then I might still be pregnant, But I know my body pretty well, and I know it's over. I've basically had my regular TOM the last few days.
I'm just exhausted now. I've been cramping since Friday, and my Iron levels are at an all time low, so I just feel tired and wore out all the time. I've been trying to take it easy, so I haven't even gotten in a workout in almost 2 weeks. I'm behind on my housework, and just thinking about Christmas makes me cringe. I know it's time to get back into the swing of things, but I just don't have the energy. I'm sure it hasn't helped that I have been off my antidepressants for almost two weeks either, because I quit taking them when I found out I was pregnant. I haven't wanted to start taking them again until it's official, even though I know it's over. I guess my hopes are a little up, anyway.....
The doctor said that it wasn't anything I did or didn't do. My husband read up on blighted ovum, and said that it was usually cause by a defective egg or sperm, missing a chromosome or some such, so the body rejects it before it even developed into an embryo. I'm paraphrasing here, so that may not be entirely accurate. But I still can't help thinking that it was either my weight, or the heavy exercising I was doing, or the little bit of wine I was drinking, all before I realized I was pregnant. My logical mind tells me none of this is the case, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about it happening again.
Mostly, I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted. The last 2.5 to 3 weeks, have been a roller coaster. I went from knowing what I wanted out of the next several years, and having a plan to achieve it, to being a nervous wreck just wondering if I'm pregnant, to confirming I was pregnant and be a little disappointed and anxious and confused about the future, to being excited, then more excited, and making all new plans, and arguing with my husband over names, then to having all that suddenly taken away again. All over the course of a couple weeks. It all really sucks.
I was crazy to think that this year could redeem itself at all. My husband is pretty upset too, more so than I thought he would be. I don't know how to make him feel better, either, because I don't know how to make myself feel better. He worries about me, because I don't talk to him much about things. I'm not good at talking about my feelings at all. I can blog about them, as long as I'm fairly positive that no one I really know will read it. Even if they so, it's always been easier for me to write than talk.
Ughh, anyways, I'm rambling now. I'm back to tracking my calories again. I missed about 3-4 days, though for some reason it felt a lot longer. Hopefully, I'll start exercising again in a day or two. Gotta get back on the wagon. The more weight I lose, the healthier I'll be if I ever get pregnant again, right? Part of me wants to just put off starting over until after the new year, but that's the old me talking. The one that would never start it back up after the new year, either. Gotta shake that off, or else I'll really hate myself for it.
Thanks all for listening. Love you guys!!!
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