ANDYLIN90   127,840
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The Last Time

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

For all of us there will be a time when we do something or see someone for the very last time. I've been thinking about Daddy and remembering how he knew he didn't have much time left. As painful as it was for Andy and I, we drove him to all the places he wanted to see one last time. We went to a secluded swimming hole on the the upper Tilton River that I had completely forgotten about and was amazed at the deja vu I felt in seeing this place again after 45 years. All those childhood memories flooded in and it was obvious it was a place he remembered as a time of family fun. Of course, the hardest part was taking him around to see the people to whom he wanted to say good-bye...acquaintances, neighbors, business associates. What an act of courage this was and what a lesson in living life fully. None of us knows when it will be the last opportunity to say a kind word, to say "I love you", to do the right thing, to make a difference in someone's life. It's a sobering thought and a reminder to live my life in the best possible way.


Progress Or Not?

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

This is about my day on Sunday 1-3-10. Sunday AM breakfasts are good for both Andy and I to catch up with each other and even though I would have preferred to sleep, I got up and we went to Village Inn.
The Positives:
1. I checked the Internet to see if nutritional information was available before we left.
2. I chose the Vegetarian Omlette and asked for egg whites & minimal oil in the cooking.
Not So Positive:
1. Drank diet coke and too much of it

I worked on my flexible spending account data for hours.
The Positives:
1. I didn't eat any candy or other high calorie stuff available where I was working.
2. I did eat a lean cuisine for lunch.
3. I did track food and planned to have Lo Mein At Ling and Louie's for dinner.
Not So Positive:
1. It was 6 hours between breakfast and lunch. This long a time without food can be a disaster and I was fortunate to have the Lean Cuisine available.

So, I arrive at Ling & Louie's now hungry and really looking forward to Lo Mein, even thinking about asking for a box to take half home before the order comes to the table even though I had enough nutritional budget for the entire serving. The hours on the door say they are open to 10:00 PM, but as soon as I open the door at 9:02 PM, a waiter tells me they are closed. I start to protest, but the guy is adamant and he doesn't care what the door says, they are CLOSED!

I'm MAD! Not only am I not going to get what I wanted and what I planned for, the guy wasn't very customer friendly. I think there is a positive here because I identified how I was feeling and my first thought was not the usual "oh well, I guess I'll just have to have @#$%."

I drove to Blue Burrito (healthy Mexican food) to have half a Big Blue, no chips. As I'm driving, I think, this is good and I start anticipating this meal. CLOSED, even though there were lots of people in the restaurant. Geez, couldn't they make just one more Big Blue and let me eat it in the car if nothing else? And what's wrong with this town if one can't get anything to eat after 9:00 PM? I drove by Pita Jungle and they were CLOSED too, but by this time I wasn't surprised.

I ended up at White Chocolate Grill and forgot to ask for dressing on the side for my salad. But the real problem was dessert. I wasn't hungry but here I was again using food to soothe my ruffled feathers from not getting what I wanted. This isn't new, but what was really disappointing was eating this dessert when even the first bite wasn't very tasty. I just zoned out and this compulsive all or nothing thinking takes over. Oh, and by the way, don't remind there are lots of things I could do to stop, because in that moment, I don't want to know. Christine tells me "Just because you crash, you don't have to burn." Well, Sunday night, I crashed and I did burn, but I did not become a flaming inferno because I did leave about 10% of the dessert and then I went and did 45 minutes of hard cardio which is what I had planned to do.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MMICKEYP 1/5/2010 7:56PM

    Gee..I feel your frustration. I'm new here and today I've been trying to work on BALANCE...Those old faithful "friends"..cookies, chips, etc..kept trying to get my attention. Then,..there's that dreaded "self talk"..that's the worst! So today, I've realized that anything we "love"..we have a relationship with ..and "Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do!" Hang in'll get better. One thought at a time. My mantra today is: "Little Victories...Little Victories..will eventually turn into BIG Victories!" Keep on keepin' on...You can do it.

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TATTY66 1/5/2010 4:12AM

    That would have had me running for the chocolate mountain let alone the hills! Personally I think a crash and burn would have meant you not getting back up and on the straight and narrow which you didn't do so chin up, be positive and move on. You know what you did wrong so it's a lesson learned and next time you'll be better prepared.

Good Luck!

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    Don't beat yourself up! You're human and we're not perfect.
I think you did well considering the stress you were under.
We all have difficulty making good food choices when the hunger pangs are hitting and most of us don't make the best ones!
Look at what you did do: 1) You didn't eat all the desert, and 2) You did 45 minutes of hard cardio. Gosh, you took one step back and two steps forward!
Look at what you learned: 1) You knew you had to follow through with your planned exercise, even though you had "crashed and burned," 2) You need to carry small, healthy snacks that fit into your nutrition plan with you (maybe fruit, almonds, an energy bar) so they will be available at times like this, and 3) You knew this was only a slight detour on your road to a healthier lifestyle!
I'm impressed.

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Blogging Can Be SCAREY!

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Oh my, I set up my Spark Page and blogged and people responded. I'm no longer anonymous and it seems I may have to be more accountable. This feels like stepping off the edge of a cliff and free falling to who knows where. The good part...I felt tremendously supported, encouraged and like I had received a huge hug. THANK-YOU!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TATTY66 1/5/2010 3:57AM

    I was thinking exactly the same thing as I typed this morning and then decided that it didn't matter who read it as long as I was being honest with myself that is what was important and then I read your reply, Thank You! Good luck!

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SHEILA1505 1/4/2010 6:26AM

    Oh yes ! It felt exactly like that - and why would anyone want to read what I have to write - and then they do and they take the time to give feedback, and then support and then all of a sudden we have a whole stack of cyber-friends - but they don't feel like cybers do they?

Hi there! I know exactly what you are talking about - have fun and enjoy!


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ANUT4DISNEY 1/3/2010 11:39PM

    Blogging scared me too.

I started using it to write down what I was feeling and people actually read and responded. I have made some very nice friends on here that have really been there for me when I have needed to just ramble on about what has been happening in my life.

So welcome the blogging world.


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NIKIMCN 1/2/2010 10:12AM

I love blogging. I think it keeps me grounded, knowing others are reading what Im doing on a daily basis.

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Is the Spark People website a good thing for me?

Thursday, December 31, 2009

So many positive articles and motivating people and ideas on this website, but again why I have been immersed for hours on the website getting points and reading blogs and the message boards? I have set goals to be in bed by certain times and yet I choose to allow complusive behavior to keep me glued in front of my computer screen. This has to stop and maybe setting a timer will help in getting me to log off. It's 11:01 and maybe I can be in bed by 12:00 if I log off now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Z_IDEA 12/31/2009 6:25PM

    There certainly is a alot to this site, I generally log on after work, look around and log back on briefly to update fitness and nutrition.

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TMHOPKINS 12/31/2009 7:28AM

    I do the same thing...I see that today I can probably push myself over into the next award level if I spend a little time reading and posting. I think that yeah, it can be a little bit of an obsessive thing, but I also think that the reason for the 'rewards' is to help us brainwash ourselves into a wellness state of mind, you know? I mean, if we are immersed in these ideas, some of them are going to start to stick, right?

I'm working towards balance...make time to do all the things in my life that I want and need to do, including Sparkpeople! Are you familiar with Flylady? I see that there is a team of Flybabies here. The Flylady concepts have really helped me with all of the 'shoulds' running around in my head. I don't know what the team here is like, but if you check out her website,, I be you'll learn alot!

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MEDDYPEDDY 12/31/2009 2:19AM

    I think it is good to be aware of my compulsive nature - I got obsessed in collecting points but during that process I also learned a lot of which tools on Spark People that works fo me - and most important - I met a lot of interesting, supportive people.

I have been a member for four months now and spend a lot less time on Spark People now than I did when I started. I would estimate my SP time to one hour a day.

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KOFFEENUT 12/31/2009 1:24AM

    I know I found myself "bingeing" on SparkPeople when I first got into the Sparkpages and blogs. I'd surf around the site for hours. In the end it turned out to be a positive thing - I found a couple of people who really helped keep me motivated and accountable, and it kept living a healthy lifestyle in the front of my brain. Hang in there! You'll find just the right combination that works for you, and there are LOTS of us making the same journey.

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