Friday, April 11, 2014
...right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good
she was very very good.
But when she was bad
she was HORRID.
That sticks with me, this nursery rhyme I learned when I was a child.
It reminds me of ME. I am both very very good and HORRID, mostly now swinging from very very good in one week to HORRID the next. Very very good = tracking and staying within calorie range by eating a healthy variety of foods and getting in the proper exercise and losing weight to HORRID = not enough water, freggies are something foreign, sleeping very little because I stay up to watch TV in order to drown out too many thoughts, tracking intake has no place in my world, and exercise is only the forced walk of the pooch.
This week I went to HORRID and jumped off the healthy wagon again and into the muck to feed my anxiety with crap. At least now I can more clearly see when I am jumping off and hitting the dirt. So here's my approach this time around.
I have written down everything that is making me anxious, which really just centers on many personal and work activities and emotions that are on my calendar, so to speak. So I took a nearly daily approach to write down these events and how I will approach the planning for and execution of such events. I have a few more details to write down to finish my list with as clear a vision as I have right now.
I have two more major items to add to this two-month outlook:
1) A menu.
2) An exercise plan.
Adding a menu means adding a weekly dinner menu along with a grocery list and a plan for when to prepare the food. Beyond that, I'm going to add the kind of menu where I map out what I am going to eat for each meal and snack nearly every day so I can stick to that plan and not let my emotions and anxiety raid the cabinets.
The HORRID in me chickened out with my weigh-in this week (as seen on the right side of my home page). No point in seeing a failure on the scale when I know what I did to myself this week.
All of you have been so wonderful in offering advice for how to deal with anxious eating. And 68Anne told me to re-read my last blog when I am feeling a bit "off" just to remind me that I can recoup and do the right thing. So I thank you for all you do to support me and remind me that I can be successful. Thanks again for your support and ideas and advice. You all are AWESOME!
AndreaG89 (aka Jeckyll & Hyde????)
Friday, April 04, 2014
I hope so.
March was my "feel sorry for myself" month. For whatever reason. No point in dwelling (after all, I had 10+ years of "feel sorry for myself").
I gained a bit of weight in March, stopped tracking food, didn't care to exercise much, ate poorly, broke a good streak of water intake and freggies intake. I must have been sick in the head to forget that I really can get healthy again. Think of it as a 31-day "mind flu."
So this week each day I tracked my intake, got all my water, got at least 5 freggies in me, and stuck to 1200 - 1400 calories. And it paid off. The bloating went away (that's why my loss this week looks like such a big chunk), the energy came back, the hope came back. And once again, a thanks to my SparkFriends for sticking with me!
My lesson, that I hope I remember on those days and weeks when I want to dive into the "feel sorry for myself" abyss of crapfood, that I have to renew my commitment to be good to me, that being good to me is a lifelong journey that doesn't end when certain numbers on the scale are seen (or not).
I hope you all are sticking with it, no matter what is going on in your life that makes you want to dive into food for comfort. Don't let the abyss suck you in forever. Make one small change and get back on track. You'll feel better for it emotionally, spiritually, physically.
Monday, March 31, 2014
No long drawn-out entry here, but after a wasted March of making excuses and showing a slight gain of weight (instead of losing 6 lbs - see right side of my home page), I've opted to make a quick list of what is going on this month:
Lose 8 lbs. And mean it this time.
Exercise plan: walk dog daily, do yard work, do the 40 min "Insanity" workouts, stretch.
Eating plan: 1200 - 1400 calories daily, with all veggies and water to start the streak over.
3 birthday celebrations (one of them - my daughter turns 16!)
1 Easter celebration
Baseball practices and games, school musical, drivers' ed, possible job for my daughter
Possible work travel at least once if not twice
Building anxiety at the end of the month due to helping Mom move, seeing my Dad, and bringing some furniture and other things to our house (Mom lives 2.5 hrs away). This also means moving things around my house, getting rid of stuff...all welcome, so I just need to deal with this stress (both good and bad stress) by doing something other than eating.
The challenge is now with my brother and my husband to lose 8 pounds this month. The winner gets a $10 iTunes credit from the 1st runner up. Now that hubby has entered the challenge, I'm not sure how we'll split up the goodies. Either way, we all win. Wanting that ticker to keep moving into bigger weight-loss numbers...
Sunday, March 30, 2014
As much as I believe in "live only for today; focus only on today" it's amazing at how quickly I am able to justify giving in to bad habits when I am not feeling "up" to being kind to myself.
Day after day in March I made excuses for eating poorly, not exercising properly, not drinking enough water, regardless of all of you friends picking me up and checking on me. I'd do really well one week then dive into my selfish abyss the next. So the 6 lb goal and challenge was ultimately me just looking at it and saying, "Nah - I'd rather be unhealthy." Granted, it never came through in words, just actions.
Emotions ran rampant, and my impatience with myself kicked in and I semi-gave-up when I saw a picture of myself, a day when I was feeling like I looked pretty good. I stared at the picture and thought (and pardon my acronym) "WTF?!?!?!" rolls, rolls, rolls...
My positive side said, "Imagine what that pic would have looked like before you lost the 14 pounds." So there is THAT. And a more positive is when my husband, being sweet, said I was "wasting away." I told him, "Drop in the bucket. I've only lost 14." He said, "I'd love to have lost 14." Okay...getting head on straighter...
I will weigh in tomorrow, to what will be ugly and may even be a weight-gain to where I was prior to 31 days ago. Not proud, and I am glad my workout challenge buddy (ABAKER34) is resolved to do well by herself and, quite frankly, kicked butt.
My April challenge is with my brother, with whom I am going on vacation this summer (our families = 9 of us). He has 2x as much weight to lose as I do, and we are both trying to lose some weight before this summer.
The challenge is an 8 lb weight-loss challenge, with the winner getting a $10 iTunes credit from the 1st runner up. As we know, either way we both win if we lose...
So my goal is to be good to me, every day, in April. This doesn't mean I won't eat birthday cake (3 celebrations this month), or pizza (during one birthday celebration), but it does mean that I will be a better planner to allow myself some higher calories on those days coming up and still see a fat-loss on the scale.
Thanks for not giving up on me. You guys are awesome, and I am (once again), humbled by your wonderful and unwavering support.
Friday, February 28, 2014
So far, not doing well on focusing and committing to my goals. What I have done - some paper shredding, some taxes (yes, February's goal), and no morning workouts. Opted to get frenzied in anxiety due to Dad's condition instead of dealing with it the right way so gained and lost 3 pounds for the first two weeks of March. Ultimately, I'm starting at "0" as of today. So let's re-align the reality:
"NEW Weight Loss" Goal (meaning quit re-gaining and re-losing the same poundage): -6 lbs at least; hoping for -8 lbs
Personal Goal: Get paperwork into some organized fashion. Dedicate not 15 minutes each night, but 5 - 10 minutes 3x a week.
Workout Goal: Aim for at least 5 MORNING workouts this month and 1000 fitness minutes.
Sleep Goal: 3x a week in bed by 10:00 p.m.
Goals & Activity for Mar 15 - 21: Lose a new set of weight this week, hoping for 2 pounds, would be awesome if it was 4 (the bigger I am, the faster it falls off when I eat right and at the minimum number of calories of 1200).
Saturday - Danced for 35 minutes, stretched for 10. (~100 - 200 cals over)
Sunday - No activity. (~800 - 1000 cals over)
Monday - [hair cut at 7:45 pm]
Tuesday - [baseball practice pm]
Wednesday - [church 7 - 8:30 pm]
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