ANDORIA79   2,640
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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Thanksgiving and Christmas have now passed. I wish I could say that I stayed on task with my plan not to binge too much on those days and every day in between them. Not so much. It's been a bad few weeks, diet and exercise wise. I feel like I'm in detox mode now, I haven't eaten much aside from junk the last few weeks, and haven't drank much, if any, water. I even gained a few pounds back, although I haven't seen a huge difference in the fit of my clothes. I'm probably going to have to readjust my weight loss goal, but it's not a huge deal. At first, and while I was engaging in said binging, I felt really angry with myself. But now, it's done, it's probably going to happen again, just not on such a large scale as those "eating-holidays". Maybe a day here or there it will happen, but now that the holidays are behind us, I can put more focus into my fitness goals. The past few days, I have been looking forward to getting back into healthy habits and feeling better about myself. So far, so good on the dietary part. Wouldn't you know, though, that I woke up this morning with the whole stuffy-nose, pressure-in-face-and-head crud and just feel entirely like crap. However, even though I'm not going to the gym until Friday, I still plan on getting up and moving somewhat today and tomorrow. In fact, we gave our kids the Xbox with Kinect for Christmas. I haven't gotten to play with it all that much yet, but it really gets you up and moving! So I'm gonna play around with that today and tomorrow and if nothing else get an hour or so of Just Dance in. It's hard not feeling like I'm right back where I started, but I'm really not. I'm still at least 15 pounds less than where I started the first time, and I'm not giving up. A new year is about to begin, and I'm getting ready to start school again. I'm just 18 short months away from being an RN! It's a brand new day, and I'm going to set some brand new goals (like blogging more often). Something a friend of mine wrote on her facebook today: "You don't fail until you quit". So I'm gonna get back up, brush myself off and push forward!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLEURGARDEN 12/27/2012 11:06AM

    You can do it. We all stumble, but the key is to pick ourselves back up and take another step forward.

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ARW715 12/27/2012 9:41AM

    Great attitude! You can do it!

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PURPLE180 12/26/2012 1:05PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Nobody said it was easy.

Sunday, November 04, 2012

It's been almost a month since I've made a blog entry, and it's been 2 months today since I started making a true effort to be healthier. When I started on Sept 4, I recorded my weight as 208. But, when I visited my dr a couple of months before, my weight was 212 at that time. So that means, since my last "official" weight record, I've lost nearly 18 pounds! (I've probably gained 2 or 3 back in the past 3 days, but more on that later.) I've still got a long way to go, but I feel so much better and more confident, as well as more confident in my ability to lose another 35-40.

I actually kind of look forward to exercising, mostly in classes (Zumba, mostly) but occasionally I will go on my own or make sure I do something active. In fact, I ran two 12.5 minute miles with my teenage son the other day, I thought that my heart would explode but it was my personal best time, ever! He wants to start running a couple of times a week, so I think that spending the time alone with him will be a great motivator!! This week, I'm going to make sure that I exercise, in some way ,at least 4 days, maybe 5 (I've been averaging 3.)

So overall, the eating and exercise have been working, slowly, but surely. But, I'm sorry to say that I'm right now coming off a 3 day binge, triggered by Halloween candy. It started out as just a piece here or there, and eventually progressed to a full-on binge that lasted all day. Today, I made up my mind that since I had binged the last 2 or 3 days, I may as well take advantage of it and eat whatever I'd been wanting today, and start over tomorrow. Part of me hates myself for allowing it to happen, but another part of me isn't stressing over it. Yes, this week, I will be working to get rid of the same 2-3 lbs that I worked hard to get off a couple of weeks ago. No, I'm not going to like the number on the scale for a few days. Yes, I will probably spend a couple of days analyzing what caused me to fall into the downward spiral. But, on the plus side, although I am "starting over", I am starting over 18 pounds lighter.

No one ever said that there wouldn't be set backs. And it is unrealistic, for me, to think that I will live my life and NEVER have a few days where I just don't do what I should. I mean, come on, the holidays ARE upon us, and to think that I'm going to limit or deprive myself on Thanksgiving or Christmas is ridiculous and would be a set up for certain failure. So, my goal is to get back on track starting tomorrow, and to stay on track, at least until Thanksgiving. I will allow myself a couple of days where I will just enjoy food, family, and friends and hopefully do it in moderation, but not beat myself up if I don't. A few months ago, I would have said to myself, "Hey, T-giving is 3 weeks away. I will probably make a pig of myself that day, so I'm not going to bother eating well between now and then". Now, this mentality seems absolutely absurd to me. Instead, I pledge to enjoy the holiday, but I will be disciplined enough to stay on track until then and to get right back on track when its over. Same thing for Christmas.

I'm not going to obsess over the binging I've done the last few days. After all, I did still stick with my regular workout schedule, and even had an extra workout this week. I am going to stay off the scale for a couple of days, just so that I don't get too discouraged. I am going to try and squeeze an at least 1, maybe 2 extra workouts this week. I can't change what happened. I can only hope that when the next trigger comes along, I will have learned something from this that will help me to want to avoid it in the future.

Oh, one more thing, I'm going to blog more often!! I've been neglecting to keep track of my smaller goals and was really surprised to see how long it had actually been.

Phase 2/Attempt 2, here I come!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAKAROO 11/5/2012 6:24AM


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ARUSHING2 11/4/2012 10:44PM

  Congratulations! Good going. Keep doing what you are doing right.

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SHAZG321 11/4/2012 10:37PM

    emoticon emoticon WELL DONE, YOU CAN GET THIS TOGETHER

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Monday, October 08, 2012

I remember saying to my best friend once that I had never done drugs or excessive alcohol or had any of the unhealthy habits that a lot of people we knew had. But Lord, put a cupcake in front of me, and you will see the addict in me emerge.

For a month now, with only a few minor slip ups, I've eaten well and exercised more (although, I still need more discipline in that area). Most days, I don't even think about junk food, because it doesn't even sound appealing in the way that it once did. But the junk food demon struck on Saturday in a way that I didn't expect.

It started out as a normal Saturday, I had planned to eat as I have been, and was even going to make a lowfat cheesecake that evening. I had planned a visit to my sister's house so that the kids could all play at some point during the day, but she called and asked if I just wanted to make it a dinner visit, we'd just have pizza. Fine, I calculated 2 slices of pizza into my tracker, I used supreme pizza from pizza hut or something like that because I figured that would give me a little lee-way on the calorie count, and would be a maximum amount. My sister told me also that she had decided to celebrate our nephew's birthday that evening, and I offered to bring a cake. She said he wanted a cookie cake. No problem, I can make that cheap and easily. I went to Publix and bought some pre-made cookie dough and icing.

I came home, ate some pizza my husband had made us for lunch, and set about making the cookie cake. The cookie dough was sitting on the counter and suddenly, I thought that I sure would like to eat that cookie dough. I decided one little block of cookie dough wouldn't hurt, so I ate one. No big deal, right? Not so much. I ate so much cookie dough. I licked it off my fingers. I licked the bowl. I started eating the icing, too, on some of the cookies that I had made from the leftover batter. I would say that I completely lost control, but that's not what I did, I could have stopped, but I didn't want to. I don't even like cookies that much, I can take them or leave them. After my big cookie binge, I immediately took to spark people forums for "cheat" days and binge eating, looking desperately for some justification or someone to say that it wouldn't hurt you to have a cheat day once in a while. Of course, the concensus on the subject went both ways. I had heard, at some point, that an occasional binge would help your weight loss efforts because it gave your metabolism a shock, but I couldn't find any definitive answers about that either.

The binge didn't end there, either. I did only have one piece of pizza, but it was on top of 3 or 4 bread sticks and yet ANOTHER cookie covered in icing. When I got home, I ate 2 fun size butterfingers and later that night ate a serving of the chicken spaghetti I'd made earlier in the week. I figured I'd gone over my calorie budget by about 1200 calories or more. It was an absolute disaster.

The binge itself isn't what had me worried, it was the fact that the binge was triggered by something that I didn't even consider to be one of my favorite foods. I really tried not to beat myself up over it, but I felt terrible. But I knew that although I couldn't change what I had done, the important thing was to pick up the next day and move forward, not get caught in a weekend-long binge marathon. And although I wish I hadn't gone crazy with the cookies, I am proud to say that on Sunday I went back to eating right and had no desire to continue binging.

One of my biggest concerns over the binge was that it would show in my weight, and it did, but not as bad as I thought it would. I actually only went back up by about 1/2 a pound, which, truthfully, may be a water weight gain due to all the sugar I ate. Also, a few days before that day, I had been a little low on my calories, so it probably didn't hurt me that much overall, in terms of my weekly average. If I stick to healthy eating and exercise a bit more this week, I can get that off in a couple of days and keep moving forward.

No one ever said this was going to be easy. Most days it is, but it has its ups and downs, and there are occasional setbacks. I backslid a little this weekend, but hopefully I can learn from it and I'm not going to give up as a result!! Upward and onward, no looking back!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHAZG321 11/4/2012 10:38PM


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RAYNEVALO 10/8/2012 1:02PM

    It happens to all of us, we are only human. This journey is about learning from each day, good or bad, and moving forward, not looking back. I get those crazy binges sometimes and I just try to weather them as best as possible. You are doing fine, definitely don't beat yourself up over it. We got this!!

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HEYITSAPOSSUM 10/8/2012 12:45PM

    I love your positive attitude! Don't let that cookie dough get you down. It was just one *day*, not one *month* of bingeing.

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LADYJ6942 10/8/2012 12:17PM

    Hang in there, for me to binge like that I get physically ill which is what keeps me from giving into my binge. We all have those days, sometimes they are unexplainable and just happen. Other times we can pin them to some stressor we didn't even realize was affecting us. Great job getting back on track and not letting it continue. Big hugs and good luck on your continued journey.

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PARKERB2 10/8/2012 11:47AM

    I had two slices of pizza with the grandson yesterday. I will weigh Wed. and that will tell the tale. Hopefully the good days outnumbered the bad. Good for you, like you say, you can get rid of the 1/2 lbs quickly. Have a great day.

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Small Victories

Friday, September 28, 2012

I didn't realize it had been 11 days since my last blog!! It's now been 3&1/2 weeks since I started this journey. I've lost 5 pounds, not sure how many inches, because I recorded the numbers wrong last week, but I can tell that there is a difference, however slight!! So I'm averaging about 1.42 lbs per week. I'm thinking if I bump up the exercise/activity level a little bit, I can make it to 1.5 lbs/week, my goal. I didn't do too much last week in the way of exercise, just couldn't get motivated for some reason. If I had exercised like I should've, I probably would've lost a little more, but its okay!! In fact, when I look at my weight tracker, it shows me as being right on schedule with my goal, so overall, it's going well!!

So I've stayed with it for 3.5 weeks, which is a small victory for me!! There have even been a couple of times when I've eaten out during that time, and there have been a couple of days when I went over my recommended calorie limit. I had said in an earlier post that while I didn't intend to cut out eating out altogether or label any food "off limits", I did hope that when I did eat out, I would make smart decisions and indulge only in moderation. So the family and I went out to Applebee's after church last Sunday. I looked over the menu, but nothing sounded very good. I had almost decided that I would just splurge for that day and get back on track the next day (usually a BAD idea for me). I got up to go to the restroom before we ordered. That day, I was wearing a button-up blue top, which I usually wear a tank underneath because I can't button it across the boobs. But for some reason, while I was in the restroom, washing my hands, I was looking at my top in the mirror, and just for giggles, decided to button it up. And guess what, I could button it!! Then and there, I made up my mind that I would not be splurging that day. All the work I'd been doing had actually made a little bit of a difference. I realized also that I was only contemplating said splurge because I wasn't particularly excited about anything on the menu. Before, I would walk into the restaurant already resolved to splurge and practically drooling over whichever fried, cheesy, unhealthy selection I had made for that day. But that day, it didn't sound appealing at all. What did sound good was an oriental chicken salad, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Oh, I did allow myself to have 1 fried mozzarella stick. And it was fabulous! But all I needed was 1 and I was satisfied. (Yay, moderation!!)

In addition to my small victories at Applebee's, I also had a small victory at the place I consider to be my best friend and my worst enemy, the Mexican restaurant!! I had no desire to eat those greasy, fried tortilla chips, didn't even have one. I also had no desire to eat the white queso that I love so dearly, usually smothering my rice. Instead, I ordered a fajita skillet with chicken and vegetables and a side salad. I didn't realize this came covered in cheese and with a huge side of rice, but I didn't eat it. I picked off most of the cheese as well. It was still a yummy, satisfying meal that I didn't feel the least bit guilty about. Don't get me wrong, I fully intend to walk into the mexican place again someday and smother my rice in white queso. But that day, I just didn't want it. I could've taken it or left it. If I'm going to splurge, it's at least going to be on something that, at the moment, I don't feel like I can say no to, something that gets me excited. Not something that I'm indifferent to. I am talking an awful lot here about white cheese and spending a lot of time dissecting my feelings about the cheese. But the point is, I was able to eat at the mexican place and not make an absolute pig of myself, and to make a better choice. Victory!!

I also was able, last week, to fit into a pair of jeans that has been just a little too small for me the last few months. Another little victory.

Finally, I did make it to 203 lbs!! My next small goal is to be at or below 200 lbs in the next 2 weeks.

If I can stick with it, and I know that I can, I know that all these little victories will eventually add up to huge ones. I feel good!! Bring it on!!


What's wrong with me today??

Monday, September 17, 2012

I'm so unbelievably tired today. I didn't sleep too badly last night, baby woke me up around 7am, which is nothing unusual. I had a couple of cups of coffee and snoozed on the couch for a few minutes while he watched some of his shows, but didn't feel any better. I lay down with him when he took his nap and slept for about an hour. It's 3:20 now and I feel like the whole day has just gotten away from me. I hadn't planned on going to the gym today because my bff and I had planned on going T, Th, & Sat. ( I'm really enjoying the trips to the gym lately, by the way, but I don't want to get burned out on it, so I'm trying to kind of limit the times I go per week to 3.) I did plan, though, to exercise at home, by playing Just Dance for at least 30 min and then doing a little strength training with a resistance band......Not so much. I'm just in some kind of funk today, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just groggy and fatigued and don't feel like doing anything.

I haven't eaten badly, though, in fact, I don't really have an appetite at all. I usually, at least, plan my meals days ahead and add snacks as I go. Today, not counting the snacks that I don't feel like eating, I only have 981 calories planned. I'm sure that I'll make up for it somewhere before the day is over. What I feel the worst about is just that I don't feel like exercising, or like accomplishing anything. Maybe it's the weather, it's a gloomy, rainy day today. I don't know what it is. I just know that right now, I just want to go back to bed. Blah.

Good news though, I did NOT overeat this weekend (woot woot!) This is a huge accomplishment for me!! I have found that since I've been planning meals and buying ingredients and saving leftovers, not only have I barely eaten out, saving the calories and keeping me from overeating, but it also obviously saves money. We were eating out at least twice per week before, especially on the days that my husband was off work and on Sundays after church. With the exception of the trip to the football game two weeks ago, we haven't, as a family, eaten out in 2 weeks. I did meet girlfriends the past 2 Fridays and eat out, the first time was a disaster but I learned how to not make it a disaster the second.

I was concerned, earlier in the week, that cutting back 200 more calories per day might be difficult for me. It's only been a few days since I made the change, but I really have not had a problem with it at all. In fact, some days (like today), I don't even feel like eating everything that I have planned. If I eat dinner a little later in the evening, I don't even feel the need to eat an after dinner snack. Now, that's not to say, that if my hubby walked in the room right now and said, "Let's go to Olive Garden, they have endless pasta!", that I wouldn't be running for the car like a bat out of hell. I'm not going to kid myself and say that I don't still love all the things I loved before or that I could turn them down. I just like to think that when I am faced with the choice, I will make the right one. That I won't just throw caution to the wind and eat until I feel like I will pop, but nor will I deprive myself and say that this food is "bad" and "off limits". In fact, at this point, I can't even say that I would use the moderation approach, even though, maybe I would surprise myself. Instead, I will say, at this point, that my goal would be to make better choices and eat significantly less of these foods-which, in essence, is the idea of moderation. But I define true "moderation" as eating small portions and being satisfied to the point that you don't need/want more. Although I have not been in the situation yet, I don't know if I'm there yet. Again, maybe I would surprise myself.

Although I haven't, until now, been able to stick to an eating plan or healthy eating for more than a few days, after a few days, I would always say to myself, "I don't know why I ever made the choice to stop eating right. I'm not going back to the way I ate before, ever". It usually wasn't 2 or 3 days later that I was right back to eating everything I wanted in obscenely large and ridiculous amounts. But I'm hoping this is what makes this time different, that I'm not swearing of ANY food. I will still eat what I want, when I want, just not as much of it. I'm certainly not of the opinion that since things have gone so well for the past 2 weeks, I'm invincible or impervious to cravings. I've said it before, and I still believe, that over time, what you WANT to eat changes. I don't just mean in the sense of what the food actually is, but the amount you want to eat and the urge to eat it. The things I love to eat will probably never change, but I hope, at best, that I can keep the cravings at bay.

It really helps, too, that I've been able to find quite a few recipes that allow me to eat things that taste nearly identical to my favorite things, but are healthy. For example, a couple of weeks ago, I found, on Spark recipes, a recipe for warm apples and granola. It's a very simple recipe where you just cut the apple into chunks, sprinkle it with a little granola and a little splenda and cinnamon, and microwave for 1 minute. Now, one of my favorite things in the world is peach cobbler with ice cream. I found that if I made this recipe, and used a fresh peach instead of the apple, it tastes remarkably like a peach crisp, which, in my mind, is pretty darn close to peach cobbler. I have this with a 1/2 cup of fat free vanilla frozen yogurt, and voila, one of my very favorite treats without the calories, but with all the taste. I'm thinking that if I can eat something this good, in essence, eating what I love, then what's to stop me from making this a permanent lifestyle change, and getting control of my weight, once and for all?

Two weeks in, things are going well. I'm hoping, in the next 10 days, to hit 203 lbs (I'm at around 204.6 now). Once I get below 200, I'm going to reward myself in some way, but it's NOT going to be with food!! I'm really optimistic about my progress and the progress to come. Now, if I can just find some energy for today!!


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