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Looking pretty

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I want to feel pretty. I think I look ok, not gorgeous, but ok. But, really, I miss those looks I used to get. In a store or whatever. Hubby tells me I'm "hot". It's not the same. I want to see some full appreciation from a man that isn't biased.

Am I being too - it's all about me? I try to at least put on base makeup and mascara. I try to at least straighten my bangs so they're not flying away and pull the rest into a ponytail. I dress in jeans and a nicer (not glamorous, but not a plain tee either) looking top. That's about all I do... I just straighten the ol' bangs before bed, splash on those two makeup items, and pull on clothes that's in my closet. Jeans insure pretty much anything looks ok lol.

I don't do tons, but I don't have time. And frankly I don't want to be someone who takes an hour or more fixing up just to leave the house. No offense to anyone who does, but going to get groceries does not drive me to look all made up. But I wish I would get one of those looks. The kind that makes you want to put a little swagger in your step lol. And the creepy looking janitor from the kids' school doesn't count.

I know that I'm pretty inside. But the cashier isn't going to sit down and have a convo with me. I need a confidence boost. I think what I need to do is go out. I mean out-out. To a bar with friends for a drink or something. Fix up, look nice, put a little more effort into it. Unfortunately I have exactly 3 friends in real life. All 3 of them aren't into that scene. I have a sister that I would love to go with, but since her hubby is military she now lives in Idaho. And Hawaii before that. I have seen her only 3 times in 3 years and it was to spend time with each others' families.

*Sigh* I guess it has to do with feeling like a schlump all the time. I know that if I felt better about myself I wouldn't need those looks, but hell, once in a while wouldn't hurt. And it sucks because, even though I lost all that weight, I still feel yucky looking. At least I'm not embarrassed to leave the house anymore huh.

Ugh, well, I'm rambling. Which is kind of the point of this blog. Just getting some feelings out there. But I'll end this here before it becomes a 10 page blog. Besides, I've got to put little one to bed for his nap. Until next time...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MJ-SHE-BEAST 10/19/2012 6:09PM

    I don't know...maybe now that I'm in my early 50s I expect not to get as many looks, and certainly don't expect as many looks as when my body was vavavavoom voluptuous, but I do remember how it felt, and it was nice and yes, confidence boosting. I guess I want to tell you that you really don't need that confidence boost from anyone else, though. Feeling confident can come from within; knowing you are desirable is that feeling we tend to get from others. I have seen many women get looks from men and they still don't get that they are beautiful, desirable, attractive...because they don't believe it themselves. Develop a little swagger in your step on your own and I'm willing to bet people notice. Confidence is so attractive to people. It draws them in a way that mere physical beauty never will. Strut with your head held high knowing how gorgeous you are inside and it will manifest on the outside. Give it a whirl. If nothing else your posture will be better!

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TAMARA6905 10/18/2012 9:11PM

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. Reiko tells me I'm beautiful all the time, but I always say she sees me through rose colored glasses. I think there is nothing wrong with wanting a little validation from an unbiased source. And let me just say, you do way more than I do on a daily basis. I' stay in my jammies all day, no makeup, hair in a ponytail, and no makeup. I look crazy...until I feel bad for Reiko and decide to take time to fancy up a bit LOL

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ANANGELMOM 10/18/2012 2:18PM

    Oh man oh man. Thanks for not making me feel self centered girls. ( and thank you for the compliment ATTACKFATCAT) I don't feel so alone now. Which is weird I think... Not that I'm happy for you for feeling that way.

Amanda - I can't wear much jewelry either. I wear a little necklace all the time but earrings break me out if I wear them for more than a few hrs. and my hands swell so rings are difficult too. Since I cant wear them all the time, I forget to put them on to go out. I felt pretty in school, but since I got preg for the first time when I was 18, I've felt shlumpy since then. Then after I had the 3 boys in 3 years I felt like a busted can of biscuits! Not as much anymore, but I still hate my roll.

Kimmylou - I usually wear a little makeup, like I said, but it's mostly to cover the dark (hereditary) circles under my eyes and the fact that my eyelashes look almost nonexistent w/o mascara. I actually have long lashes so that's weird? I do feel prettiER now that I've went down to just pleasantly plump, but I'm still not where I want to be. Where I would walk around even imagining people look. But you make a valid point. If I don't feel pretty, who else will?

Thank you girls, I feel better.

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KIMMYLOU2012 10/18/2012 12:21PM

    I know exactly how you feel. I lost the 30 pounds and I did start to notice a couple of second looks here and there It felt great! I thought Ok I getting it back.

I am one of those who always wears makeup when I go out, not so much that you see my skin under it ( actually I don;t even use foundation!) but I have learned that if you don't feel good about the way you look no one else will either.

Keep going out, Tell yourself I am pretty and I love the way I look now!!! Make yourself feel good about you and before you know it guys will give you those second looks.

And you don't know if you are getting them or not really, they watch ladies walking away form them when you can't see them staring! Lok around more an d see if they turn around to look at you after you walk by !! Who knows! LOL

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POOKASLUAGH 10/17/2012 9:05PM

    I want to feel pretty, too. I want someone unbiased - not a friend, not even a Spark friend - to say something. I want a stranger to look, you know? I miss those days. I never considered myself hot or anything. I've got one of those faces that some people like and some people dislike, and I've always struggled with skin problems. I can't wear makeup, I refuse to wear most jewelry, and my hair can only be controlled, not styled. And I deal with that. And it's okay - I used to get plenty of looks despite all that. :D I want them again! We both need them. Nothing wrong with getting a little confidence boost, right?

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ATTACKFATCAT 10/17/2012 5:38PM

    I'm sorry you feel that way emoticon Maybe you could encourage your hubby to do a date night with you if you find the kids a babysitter? Even getting all dressed up and made up for that might help boost your self-confidence.

I don't like spending a lot of time getting ready either, but I've noticed that after 50 pounds I spend more time than I used to. Maybe an hour tops for going out with my boyfriend, but for work, maybe 20-30 minutes. I try to make an effort to buy clothes or do something to make myself look good, and it boosts my self-esteem as well. I don't know if I get more looks thank I used to, but I also used to use my weight to "hide" myself from others.

Not trying to be all creepy janitor and all, lol, but I do think you are getting more looks than you think you are. If you are in that mindset that you just look "OK" you really may not be seeing them ;)

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Measurements - 10/8/12

Monday, October 08, 2012

It's been longer than a week, but hey, I'm here right? I had a really good start, but then last week I did NO exercise! Booo! The fall break has be all jacked up. Still stuck to the nutrition portion of the plan, but I could've done better. And by the end of last week I felt those evil thoughts creeping back in. "The goals [on calories and such] is for a body at rest. I'm not resting. I move all day. This one more serving won't hurt." But I only did that twice, I think. And then yesterday I mentally slapped myself. Umm, Hello... Calling Angel... You're being an idiot! Those are the same thoughts that got me off track last time.

Now I didn't stop sparking because I was off track. It was a break. It wasn't until about 8 months later that I got off track. That's always a hard time for me, with Michael's birth and death dates right there within a month. Well, really it started somewhat in February when I had surgery and was laid up for a couple of months and was on a strict "don't do anything" plan. I wasn't even allowed to lift my toddler. I was barely allowed to walk around a store - for two months!

Anyway, I got up this morning and fixed myself a yummy omelet with eggs (I'd rather have the cals of a whole egg than use egg whites) fresh mushrooms, red bell pepper, and turkey onions with bacon on the side. 432 Cals, 35 carbs, 21 fat, and 25 protein - not bad! And that includes my horrible addiction to coffee with sugar. I used to literally drink coffee all day long. I allow myself coffee in the morning and water the rest of the day though.

I've wrote enough I do believe, so here's my measurements.

Neck - 13.5" - 13.5" = 0"

Waist - 39.5" - 39" = -.5"!

Hips - 39.5" - 39.5" = 0"

Calf- 13.4" - 14.5" = +1"

Arm - 12" - 12" = 0"

So I lost 1/2" on my waist, and gained 1" on my calf. The calf measurement is good to me since it's muscle. Most of my workouts so far have been walking so yeah. The waist is a good thing! Obviously. And I'm proud to report that I've lost 2 lbs! I went from 167 to 165! Yay, yay, yay! Love it. So that's it. I had a great breakfast and I WILL work out during nap time dang it.

That's more than enough for now with my long winded self. So until next time, be happy and healthy : )

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MJ-SHE-BEAST 10/9/2012 4:03PM

    Good job, Angel! I love to see the tape move to a little lower number around my waist (and anywhere else!) each month. Great way to restart. Yay for the 2 pounds!


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POOKASLUAGH 10/8/2012 2:37PM

    I always have the hardest time when the kids are on break from school too!

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Crap - Fall Break

Monday, October 01, 2012

It's fall break for the kids so now I have all 3. That makes it impossible to go on my long walks. I can only exercise during the day through the week. I have my dvd so I'll do that during nap time, but it's just not as satisfying. And I'm still sick. I have a raging headache and my nose is like a faucet. This does not bode well.

I know I COULD give myself a break seeing as those two things are out of my control but my mind revolts. Am I making excuses? I'm only at the beginning of my journey (second beginning, but what else do I call it?) and I'm afraid that if I cut myself some slack for these two weeks of the break I will continue to do so after it has ended.

I don't want to get off track. I want to make this work. If I had someone to watch them/sit with them while they sleep I would feel so much better. The way my boys are, though, I would wake them up during the dvd. Which is why I can't be as affective if they're up. I have to stop more than once making it almost impossible to keep my heart rate up. Just so far in writing this I've had to get up twice. *Sigh*

I didn't factor fall break into my restarting plans. Not that it would've changed anything. I have to pounce once an idea gets in my head or I'll procrastinate. I just wish my kids were a little more biddable. But the younger one (just turned 3 on the 10th) is always into something. I mean always. And this is completely gross, trust me like oh my god don't tell me that gross, but to give you an idea of what I'm talking about here goes. One of the reasons I just had to get up was because J, the youngest just.drank.his.own.pee. Yes, you heard me right. See what I was saying.

My middle child who is 4 is a whiney little thing. All.the.time too. My daughter is usually not a huge problem, but she has "issues". Not a disability or anything like that. Just emotional damage from her brother dying when she was 4, and she has ADHD on top of that. So sometimes she's great, sometimes she's overwhelming. *Sigh* again.

Yes, I share too much. But I have no where else to vent. Stress eating is one of my main problems. Along with bored eating. And loving food.

Anyway, I'm just worried. I think I will try my best and if I come up short I'll remind myself that I tried and cannot help what life throws at me. Just watch my food intake and do at least 1 15 min mile on my dvd. More if I can. It's better than nothing, right?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANANGELMOM 10/4/2012 8:54AM

    Thanks so much girls. Lucky lucky ya'll don't have fall break. We have, wall, holiday (xmas) and spring breaks here. But of course their summer is cut short a couple of weeks too. I'll take a week here and there over a longer summer! If they went 4 out of 5 days at school every week all year that would suit me best. I can do just fine one day, even two, but since they feed off each other so much I get stressed to say the least after that.

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TAMARA6905 10/3/2012 9:16PM

    Well I don't know how sick you are, but exercise can sometimes be beneficial in the heeling process. So do what you can, when you can. Even if it's just 15 minutes. Something will always be better than nothing, so don't give up! Fall break will be over before you know it and you'll be back to your walks!

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HEALTHYHABITGAL 10/2/2012 7:24PM

    Great blog - and we don't have a fall break !

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POOKASLUAGH 10/1/2012 8:59PM

    Fall break? what is this thing called fall break? And I'm so glad my kids don't have it...

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Question about water

Friday, September 28, 2012

Yesterday I drank my full 8 cups of water for the first time in a long time. Today I'm sooo bloated! I've had no more sodium than usual and have exercised both days. Nothing really different except my stomach is hard as a rock and my hands and feet are swollen. Reason?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POOKASLUAGH 9/30/2012 1:09PM

    Yep, the peeing gets more manageable after 2 weeks max. I drink an average of 15 or 16 glasses a day, and don't pee any more often than I did when I was only drinking 6.

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MJ-SHE-BEAST 9/29/2012 2:42PM

    Angel, Amanda is 100% right. And yes, the peeing will get more manageable with time. Your body will get used to properly dispersing it to the organs and tissue it is supposed to, because there will be less toxins to flush once you are properly hydrated. I still go to the bathroom more than I used to, but that is just a side effect of proper hydration we have to live with. You just won't have the overwhelming urges as often as you do now!


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ANANGELMOM 9/29/2012 12:48PM

    Well that's a relief! But will that peeing stop being so rough on me after a while? I was afraid to drink any before my walk today, afraid I'll have to squat in someone's yard lmao!

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NANNBIRD 9/28/2012 10:14PM

    I think Amanda is right. I just recently started drinking at least 8 glasses of water daily. At first, I could hardly choke it down because I was so full. The longer I've been drinking, the better I've felt, and the more I want. Sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it?

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POOKASLUAGH 9/28/2012 7:00PM

    It takes a few days for your body to start flushing out the water. If you were dehydrated before you started drinking 8 cups a day, then your body will retain the water for awhile, thinking it's saving up for future dehydration. After a few days, you will go through the dreaded peeing-like-crazy mode, and all the swelling should go away! :)

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ANANGELMOM 9/28/2012 6:02PM

    Haha. Well there is that.

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ARNETTELEE 9/28/2012 4:30PM

  Don't know.... at least you got your 8 cups in!

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Finding it hard to start over

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Sooo... I lost those big ol' 50lbs before I had surgery (lets not talk about it ok?)... then during the healing process (which left me with no energy long after the skin knitted back together) I got out of the habit of exercising. Since then I've put on 6 lbs. Ohhh, no. Not happening. I didn't go through all those hrs. of leg lifts, walking and just general moving quickly until I'm an inch away from feeling like I'm going to drop. I didn't go through all that pain- in- the- ass stuff to just put the weight back on!
Soo, Monday I did my walk away the lbs. cd and did 2 miles. Yesterday I did nothing b/c a friend needed me to take her to the store at the time I would usually work out (during nap time).. Today I have to take J to the dentist right the time I would normally work out too, but decided - uh uh. Not giving in to the excuses.

So right after I got back from dropping Owen off I went for a walk. I gave J some cereal in a bag to eat in his stroller with a thing of milk to drink and left after putting on my pedometer. I’ve never went that route so I didn’t know how long it was. But my usual route wasn’t safe for a child to be on. Hell, it’s probably not safe for me lol.

Anyway, I left. I instantly started in with the muscle burning and hard breathing and such and thought “Oh lord I’ll not even make it to the end of my road!” In my defense my road is one big hill hehe. But I kept chuggin’ along. I went this new path that also had some big hills… but I kept saying to myself, things like – just around the next curve. – just past those trees.
And then… after working up a good sweat, I reached the main road. My original goal! I turned around and went back home. My goal mileage wise was 1 mile. When I got home I checked my pedo and had walked 1.535 miles in 33 min. while pushing a 32 lb. toddler! Yay!

Sorry this is to long but to get back into the groove I really need support and I know I will find some here. Thanks for listening.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYHABITGAL 9/30/2012 12:33AM

    We are all in this together !

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ANANGELMOM 9/28/2012 6:01PM

    Aww, you girls are gonna make ol' Ange cry! Thanks so much : ) Anyone know how to get SP to let me know when I get comments on my blogs?

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NANNBIRD 9/27/2012 3:27PM

    Those first steps are always the toughest--great job! The next time it will be easier!!

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TAMARA6905 9/27/2012 12:27PM

    YAY, so glad you're back! I hope you realize you were missed!

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FALLINTOFLIGHT 9/27/2012 11:36AM

    Thats just great! Way to go! Wallkign with the baby especially up those hills wil get you to your goal weight and shape nicely. And those, just until I get to... are a great way to keep you going. Keep at this sparkly, way to go!

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MJ-SHE-BEAST 9/27/2012 11:33AM

    That was a really good start! My grandson weighs 32 pounds and it isn't easy pushing him uphill at all! Keep it up, Angel. You got this! emoticon

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HMBEASLEY 9/27/2012 11:31AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HKWEST 9/27/2012 9:46AM

    Good work!

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POOKASLUAGH 9/26/2012 4:25PM

    I am really glad you're back! :) Missed you!

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