Wednesday, October 17, 2012
I want to feel pretty. I think I look ok, not gorgeous, but ok. But, really, I miss those looks I used to get. In a store or whatever. Hubby tells me I'm "hot". It's not the same. I want to see some full appreciation from a man that isn't biased.
Am I being too - it's all about me? I try to at least put on base makeup and mascara. I try to at least straighten my bangs so they're not flying away and pull the rest into a ponytail. I dress in jeans and a nicer (not glamorous, but not a plain tee either) looking top. That's about all I do... I just straighten the ol' bangs before bed, splash on those two makeup items, and pull on clothes that's in my closet. Jeans insure pretty much anything looks ok lol.
I don't do tons, but I don't have time. And frankly I don't want to be someone who takes an hour or more fixing up just to leave the house. No offense to anyone who does, but going to get groceries does not drive me to look all made up. But I wish I would get one of those looks. The kind that makes you want to put a little swagger in your step lol. And the creepy looking janitor from the kids' school doesn't count.
I know that I'm pretty inside. But the cashier isn't going to sit down and have a convo with me. I need a confidence boost. I think what I need to do is go out. I mean out-out. To a bar with friends for a drink or something. Fix up, look nice, put a little more effort into it. Unfortunately I have exactly 3 friends in real life. All 3 of them aren't into that scene. I have a sister that I would love to go with, but since her hubby is military she now lives in Idaho. And Hawaii before that. I have seen her only 3 times in 3 years and it was to spend time with each others' families.
*Sigh* I guess it has to do with feeling like a schlump all the time. I know that if I felt better about myself I wouldn't need those looks, but hell, once in a while wouldn't hurt. And it sucks because, even though I lost all that weight, I still feel yucky looking. At least I'm not embarrassed to leave the house anymore huh.
Ugh, well, I'm rambling. Which is kind of the point of this blog. Just getting some feelings out there. But I'll end this here before it becomes a 10 page blog. Besides, I've got to put little one to bed for his nap. Until next time...
Monday, October 08, 2012
It's been longer than a week, but hey, I'm here right? I had a really good start, but then last week I did NO exercise! Booo! The fall break has be all jacked up. Still stuck to the nutrition portion of the plan, but I could've done better. And by the end of last week I felt those evil thoughts creeping back in. "The goals [on calories and such] is for a body at rest. I'm not resting. I move all day. This one more serving won't hurt." But I only did that twice, I think. And then yesterday I mentally slapped myself. Umm, Hello... Calling Angel... You're being an idiot! Those are the same thoughts that got me off track last time.
Now I didn't stop sparking because I was off track. It was a break. It wasn't until about 8 months later that I got off track. That's always a hard time for me, with Michael's birth and death dates right there within a month. Well, really it started somewhat in February when I had surgery and was laid up for a couple of months and was on a strict "don't do anything" plan. I wasn't even allowed to lift my toddler. I was barely allowed to walk around a store - for two months!
Anyway, I got up this morning and fixed myself a yummy omelet with eggs (I'd rather have the cals of a whole egg than use egg whites) fresh mushrooms, red bell pepper, and turkey onions with bacon on the side. 432 Cals, 35 carbs, 21 fat, and 25 protein - not bad! And that includes my horrible addiction to coffee with sugar. I used to literally drink coffee all day long. I allow myself coffee in the morning and water the rest of the day though.
I've wrote enough I do believe, so here's my measurements.
Neck - 13.5" - 13.5" = 0"
Waist - 39.5" - 39" = -.5"!
Hips - 39.5" - 39.5" = 0"
Calf- 13.4" - 14.5" = +1"
Arm - 12" - 12" = 0"
So I lost 1/2" on my waist, and gained 1" on my calf. The calf measurement is good to me since it's muscle. Most of my workouts so far have been walking so yeah. The waist is a good thing! Obviously. And I'm proud to report that I've lost 2 lbs! I went from 167 to 165! Yay, yay, yay! Love it. So that's it. I had a great breakfast and I WILL work out during nap time dang it.
That's more than enough for now with my long winded self. So until next time, be happy and healthy : )
Monday, October 01, 2012
It's fall break for the kids so now I have all 3. That makes it impossible to go on my long walks. I can only exercise during the day through the week. I have my dvd so I'll do that during nap time, but it's just not as satisfying. And I'm still sick. I have a raging headache and my nose is like a faucet. This does not bode well.
I know I COULD give myself a break seeing as those two things are out of my control but my mind revolts. Am I making excuses? I'm only at the beginning of my journey (second beginning, but what else do I call it?) and I'm afraid that if I cut myself some slack for these two weeks of the break I will continue to do so after it has ended.
I don't want to get off track. I want to make this work. If I had someone to watch them/sit with them while they sleep I would feel so much better. The way my boys are, though, I would wake them up during the dvd. Which is why I can't be as affective if they're up. I have to stop more than once making it almost impossible to keep my heart rate up. Just so far in writing this I've had to get up twice. *Sigh*
I didn't factor fall break into my restarting plans. Not that it would've changed anything. I have to pounce once an idea gets in my head or I'll procrastinate. I just wish my kids were a little more biddable. But the younger one (just turned 3 on the 10th) is always into something. I mean always. And this is completely gross, trust me like oh my god don't tell me that gross, but to give you an idea of what I'm talking about here goes. One of the reasons I just had to get up was because J, the youngest just.drank.his.own.pee. Yes, you heard me right. See what I was saying.
My middle child who is 4 is a whiney little thing. All.the.time too. My daughter is usually not a huge problem, but she has "issues". Not a disability or anything like that. Just emotional damage from her brother dying when she was 4, and she has ADHD on top of that. So sometimes she's great, sometimes she's overwhelming. *Sigh* again.
Yes, I share too much. But I have no where else to vent. Stress eating is one of my main problems. Along with bored eating. And loving food.
Anyway, I'm just worried. I think I will try my best and if I come up short I'll remind myself that I tried and cannot help what life throws at me. Just watch my food intake and do at least 1 15 min mile on my dvd. More if I can. It's better than nothing, right?
Friday, September 28, 2012
Yesterday I drank my full 8 cups of water for the first time in a long time. Today I'm sooo bloated! I've had no more sodium than usual and have exercised both days. Nothing really different except my stomach is hard as a rock and my hands and feet are swollen. Reason?
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Sooo... I lost those big ol' 50lbs before I had surgery (lets not talk about it ok?)... then during the healing process (which left me with no energy long after the skin knitted back together) I got out of the habit of exercising. Since then I've put on 6 lbs. Ohhh, no. Not happening. I didn't go through all those hrs. of leg lifts, walking and just general moving quickly until I'm an inch away from feeling like I'm going to drop. I didn't go through all that pain- in- the- ass stuff to just put the weight back on!
Soo, Monday I did my walk away the lbs. cd and did 2 miles. Yesterday I did nothing b/c a friend needed me to take her to the store at the time I would usually work out (during nap time).. Today I have to take J to the dentist right the time I would normally work out too, but decided - uh uh. Not giving in to the excuses.
So right after I got back from dropping Owen off I went for a walk. I gave J some cereal in a bag to eat in his stroller with a thing of milk to drink and left after putting on my pedometer. I’ve never went that route so I didn’t know how long it was. But my usual route wasn’t safe for a child to be on. Hell, it’s probably not safe for me lol.
Anyway, I left. I instantly started in with the muscle burning and hard breathing and such and thought “Oh lord I’ll not even make it to the end of my road!” In my defense my road is one big hill hehe. But I kept chuggin’ along. I went this new path that also had some big hills… but I kept saying to myself, things like – just around the next curve. – just past those trees.
And then… after working up a good sweat, I reached the main road. My original goal! I turned around and went back home. My goal mileage wise was 1 mile. When I got home I checked my pedo and had walked 1.535 miles in 33 min. while pushing a 32 lb. toddler! Yay!
Sorry this is to long but to get back into the groove I really need support and I know I will find some here. Thanks for listening.
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