Wednesday, September 11, 2013
The first time I got divorced, I lost 40 pounds and was very happy about it. I was annoyed at a retail clerk who told me it all came back, but it did. Plus another 30 pounds, which brought me here to count calories 3 years ago. I lost the 30 pounds and another 10, then I gained the 10 back. Starting point, 2004, 185 pounds. Finish point, 2011, 185 pounds.
The second time I got divorced, I lost 20 pounds and was very happy about it. I kept it off for a year, and it all came back this summer. Fall 2011, 185 pounds, early 2012, 165 pounds, back to 185 now.
So, I am logging all my calories, eating in range, logging all my fitness, being pretty reasonable about diet and exercise. And my body seems to want to be 175-185 pounds. I'd like it if my body wanted to be more like 150 pounds. Or 140. But as I rack up the tens of thousands of points from clicking on things here and getting SparkPeople advertising pennies, it mostly seems like a waste of time. The calorie counting helped me get from obese back to my usual. Divorce helped to get me from my usual to a thinner, healthier me, via stress. But the usual seems to be where I wind up.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Today I got an email notification that someone had commented on my last post. So I went back and read the post as well as the comment. It's been almost a year to the day since I took the time to write here.
Reading what I was feeling last year was painful. It's been a hard year emotionally, and facing a second holiday season alone is just plain sad. I've always bounced back from a relationship ending, even a marriage, but it is a very slow bounce this time. More of a slog.
Apparently I had firm plans to build on the natural weight loss that came with stress. On the bright side, I haven't gained most of the weight back, and I have returned to lap swimming after a year and a half or more away from it. On the down side, I didn't lose much more. I lost 15 pounds before she left, another 5 after, held steady most of the year, and gained 5 back this fall. I will be trying to lose it this winter. I guess, having been through the divorce diet once before and having lost 40 pounds on it, I thought it would happen that way again. Nope. It's odd it didn't, because this divorce was a lot harder on me, but that's how it is.
I guess it all comes down to willpower, which is inversely proportional to how fat I am. The thinner I get, the less willpower I have to be hungry or to forego food I simply feel like eating.
But I have learned some things this year about my eating that could be useful if I just apply them to my life. If I stay up too late, I not only don't get enough sleep, I tend to snack too much. A perfect day calorie-wise can turn into a setback between 11 PM and 1 AM. And divorce stress is no longer a calorie burner. So my 2013 plan may start with simply finding the willpower to go to bed earlier.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I tried this diet back in 2004. I lost 40 pounds from the stress of a really nasty divorce and from the stress of a new and unhealthy relationship. Which led to another marriage, which has now turned into another divorce after 7 years. I've learned a few lessons, some about diet.
First, while the stress diet is great for weight loss, you can't do it regularly like counting calories, and everyone seems to gain back the original weight and then some. I discounted that warning when I weighed 145, took note of it when I got up to 160, and came to this website when I hit 215. I got down to 170, back to 185, and in the 2 months since I was informed that I was not in the ecstatically happy marriage I thought I was, but about to divorce, I've got down into the 160s.
With my soon-to-be-ex leaving Saturday and my stress growing exponentially by the day, I expect some serious anorexia to help me keep my weight going down. It is so much easier to skip that second helping or to not eat a bag of chips when you're just too upset to be hungry. It's really easy to stay at the low end of my calorie range, 1500, when I only feel like eating half that. The trick is to keep the weight off when my appetite returns.
I've never been sure why I lost weight in that first divorce. The legal battles were stressful, but while I was separated, so was a new relationship. It was the Ross and Rachel syndrome. A long friendship grew into a relationship and into a pretty intense one by the time I'd been separated a few months, but then when I was in love, she went "on break" and messed around with more than a few men over the course of 2 months. That's when I stopped eating. Then she came off break. I kept losing weight because I was scared of getting hurt again. Instead, I wound up happily married again and at my ideal weight for the first time in decades.
Until 7 weeks and 5 days ago, when I wound up hurt again hearing she was leaving. The divorce papers were signed 5 weeks ago and held from the court til 2 weeks ago to make sure they don't get processed before January 1st, so that we get an income tax break. She moves out on Saturday and I am more likely to have the dry heaves on an average day than to want to stuff my face.
It's a really crappy emotional situation, but a great weight loss opportunity. The trick is just to keep the weight off. It's like going on a fad diet. You can't maintain divorce stress as a lifestyle. But my hope is that having spent a year doing the usual program here, that I can just resume it this time when I weigh 140 or 150. And maybe just stay at a healthy weight while my emotions get healthy again.
I'll keep you posted.
Friday, May 20, 2011
OK, not really. Not for good. This is not a cry for help.
But I'm eating in my calorie range and not losing weight. For months. I may have gained a couple of pounds. I'm exercising more. I don't mind dieting and exercising and being tired and hungry and losing weight and being healthier. But I'm really tired of dieting and exercising and being tired and hungry and gaining weight. That just isn't fair.
So I give up for now.
I think that for June I will try going back to the low end of my calorie range again. The level where I couldn't lose weight once I started swimming. To jump-start weight loss again after I started swimming last October, I had to start eating a little more than sparkpeople recommends, and about what a bunch of other websites suggested.
Maybe I'll just go back to the original program from my obese days. Eat a lot less and walk a little for exercise.
And yeah, I know. If you lose weight, re-check the calorie recommendations! Sadly, none of the step-by-step instructions for doing that I've received from different people over the last year have had any effect on what the website tells me to eat. And what they tell me to eat is reasonably consistent with, or lower than, what other websites tell me to eat to lose weight. So there's another problem. And it's me.
I just need to figure out how to solve it for about another 30 pounds. 20 would actually be a pretty great weight.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Another mile, a bit faster. I don't feel like I'm getting into shape, and I'm definitely not losing weight staying in the top of my calorie range. It's getting discouraging to behave so well and be so tired and not even lose weight. I may make June a month of staying at the bottom of the calorie range.
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