Wednesday, January 06, 2010
I had my surgery on 12/08/09. I am slowly recovering, today I'm feeling almost human for the first time. I'm so grateful for this! Had my 2nd post-op follow up on Monday. I had such a bad week prior to the appointment, that the news awaiting me as I did my pre-visit weighin caught me so off guard, I broke into tears(Which I do at the drop of a hat,darn it; thanks to my instant menopause)and I had to ask the nurse to repeat my weight. I am down to 281! I cannot EVEN remember the last time I weighed this much.
Gotta tell ya, This is NOT how I envisioned losing the weight. 46 pounds since this whole adventure began. I am astounded and thrilled. I have no appetite, which is normal after a surgery such as mine. I eat little bits, and hope, once I am feeling better, I can keep it up.
Anywho, I am making progress, slow but sure. I hope I have more decent days like today, I am so ready to feel good...or at least better.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving sorta sneaked up on m this year due to my illness. I am so thankful for all my friends and family who are showering me with support, strength and oh so much love! Truth be told, I'm thankful for this illness. I am learning so much about life and myself. I have always tried to live live to the fullest, but I now know there are simple things I have taken for granted! My sleeping cat curled beside me, purring loudly enough to soothe me. Snuggling down in my bed, warming up, with just my nose being chilly. Text messages from my loved ones. Getting on line and chatting with friends from all over the country and the the world. Flowers, hummingbirds, sunsets, children laughing...it all sounds sounds so flippin trite, but it is so very true.
I am also grateful for the fear. It makes me stronger, it lights up the deepest, darkest part of me and forces me to deal with things I have have long since buried. I am at a crossroads, and I can choose to deal with this illness....no...this cancer...one of two ways....I can wallow in self pity, lock the doors, draw the curtains and let the fear eat me from the inside out.
That is so not me! That is not how I deal with my life! This is just another speedbump! I embrace the the experience, I deal with the fear, I love and live my life with every breath I take! I draw on the love, support, faith and joy of my friendships.
In the words of my wonderful Mom..."This too shall pass."
Bright blessings this beautiful Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Okay, so life has taken an interesting turn over the past three weeks. To make a very long story, not quite so long: had a fall October 29, was physically ill for over a week; started having shortness of breath really bad, ended up 2 weeks in the hospital and was diagnosed with blood clots in my lungs which led to a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Iím scheduled for a total hysterectomy on December 8th followed by several rounds of chemo.
Iím in a really good place, I know everything is going to be great. If I had not fallen, I would never have learned about the cancer. Things happen for a reason! I have a totally wonderful net of love and support from friends and family. On the up side, I am once again within 3 pounds of my first goal! 28 pounds in 3 weeks. *LOL* I suppose that is one way to do it.
Yes, I make a lot of jokes and I look for funny stuff in my life right now. I laugh as much as possible. This is not to say I donít have down times, cause I do. I break into tears for absolutely no reason every once in a while, but they donít last long. I am truly blessed with so much good in my life, life is good!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
It has been far too long, I know. I have been by turns really busy and really lazy. It was a good summer as summers go. The weather was pretty decent for Sin City (didnít hit high triple digits too often! *LOL*) and I was busy with my friends. Even with that, I was lethargic and perpetually looking forward to the cooler weather. I love September, when the morning and evenings begin to cool down a bit and the heat is not quite as oppressive.
Now that October has arrived and the weather is so much nicer (read cooler!), I am, as usual, coming out of my summer hibernation. I am feeling so much more energy and have this yearning to do things. There is such a feeling of anticipation and excitement inside, and I donít even know why!
Fifty has been so good to me thus far. Now more than ever, I am convinced that age is a state of mind! At this rate, I will never be a ďrealĒ grown-up! *LOL* I appreciate the child like wonder I feel about life. There is so much beauty and good surrounding us. I love this quote by Albert Einstein:
ďThere are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.Ē
I love where I am at in my life. I have passed my 20 year anniversary at work, who would have believed it? Not I! I love my apartment and my darling Shade. Coming home to her is such a joy, with her purring and snuggles. (That is the only time sheíll actually let me hold her, rotten cat! *LOL*) I have friends that love and support me as well as my wonderful family. I have connected with old friends, made new ones, & have said goodbye and released others. There have been times I have stepped outside my comfort zone and survived! I look forward to doing that even more.
The recession has hit me quite a bit as it has everyone. However, I find in a strange turn, that I am in good place emotionally. While I am struggling to keep afloat in many ways and though I have had to give up several things (mostly events I usually attend), I am much more content with my life. I am not trying to understand it; I am simply living and enjoying it. The only thing I had to miss and it broke my heart, was a dear friendís formal wedding (I was at her actual wedding in February). I canít wait to see pictures and hear of all the adventures!
On a side note: I have had a difficult time letting go of the past year as far as my last relationship goes. It ended so horribly and I am not sure what I did, besides be honest, to have deserved the way I was treated. I have moved on and am in such a better and much happier place than I was a year ago and yet, lately the times that the family comes to mind is much more often than it should be.
I am not one to dwell on the past. There is too much to take care of, enjoy, and be grateful for today, not to mention all the wonderful things to look forward to in the future. I know they have no power over me. It may be that something is going on with them and I am just getting the ďvibes,Ē or perhaps it is the fact that some of my personal things are still at the house that I missed in my moving out and I am tethered to them. Every now and again, I will look for something at home and realize that it is still at their place. In any event, it is time to figure out a way to let it all go. I forgave them many months ago, but perhaps my soul didnít believe me and I need to work on it some more.
I will find my way with this issue as I have others and all will be well. Life continues to challenge and entrance me. It has its highs & lows and I appreciate both. Life is good and I am happy. The journey continues and there is much joy. What more could I ask for in life?
Thursday, May 07, 2009
I am back... I am fabulous...I am beautiful! Well,not really... mostly I am back on track and that is the most important thing! Life is good and I am happy. If I can keep up the momentum...I could be down 25 pounds if not 50 by October 3rd. Pretty awesome thought!
'k time to get back to work. *sighs* What a waste of a beautiful day! *LOL* (Not really)
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