Monday, November 23, 2009
Okay, so life has taken an interesting turn over the past three weeks. To make a very long story, not quite so long: had a fall October 29, was physically ill for over a week; started having shortness of breath really bad, ended up 2 weeks in the hospital and was diagnosed with blood clots in my lungs which led to a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. I’m scheduled for a total hysterectomy on December 8th followed by several rounds of chemo.
I’m in a really good place, I know everything is going to be great. If I had not fallen, I would never have learned about the cancer. Things happen for a reason! I have a totally wonderful net of love and support from friends and family. On the up side, I am once again within 3 pounds of my first goal! 28 pounds in 3 weeks. *LOL* I suppose that is one way to do it.
Yes, I make a lot of jokes and I look for funny stuff in my life right now. I laugh as much as possible. This is not to say I don’t have down times, cause I do. I break into tears for absolutely no reason every once in a while, but they don’t last long. I am truly blessed with so much good in my life, life is good!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
It has been far too long, I know. I have been by turns really busy and really lazy. It was a good summer as summers go. The weather was pretty decent for Sin City (didn’t hit high triple digits too often! *LOL*) and I was busy with my friends. Even with that, I was lethargic and perpetually looking forward to the cooler weather. I love September, when the morning and evenings begin to cool down a bit and the heat is not quite as oppressive.
Now that October has arrived and the weather is so much nicer (read cooler!), I am, as usual, coming out of my summer hibernation. I am feeling so much more energy and have this yearning to do things. There is such a feeling of anticipation and excitement inside, and I don’t even know why!
Fifty has been so good to me thus far. Now more than ever, I am convinced that age is a state of mind! At this rate, I will never be a “real” grown-up! *LOL* I appreciate the child like wonder I feel about life. There is so much beauty and good surrounding us. I love this quote by Albert Einstein:
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.”
I love where I am at in my life. I have passed my 20 year anniversary at work, who would have believed it? Not I! I love my apartment and my darling Shade. Coming home to her is such a joy, with her purring and snuggles. (That is the only time she’ll actually let me hold her, rotten cat! *LOL*) I have friends that love and support me as well as my wonderful family. I have connected with old friends, made new ones, & have said goodbye and released others. There have been times I have stepped outside my comfort zone and survived! I look forward to doing that even more.
The recession has hit me quite a bit as it has everyone. However, I find in a strange turn, that I am in good place emotionally. While I am struggling to keep afloat in many ways and though I have had to give up several things (mostly events I usually attend), I am much more content with my life. I am not trying to understand it; I am simply living and enjoying it. The only thing I had to miss and it broke my heart, was a dear friend’s formal wedding (I was at her actual wedding in February). I can’t wait to see pictures and hear of all the adventures!
On a side note: I have had a difficult time letting go of the past year as far as my last relationship goes. It ended so horribly and I am not sure what I did, besides be honest, to have deserved the way I was treated. I have moved on and am in such a better and much happier place than I was a year ago and yet, lately the times that the family comes to mind is much more often than it should be.
I am not one to dwell on the past. There is too much to take care of, enjoy, and be grateful for today, not to mention all the wonderful things to look forward to in the future. I know they have no power over me. It may be that something is going on with them and I am just getting the “vibes,” or perhaps it is the fact that some of my personal things are still at the house that I missed in my moving out and I am tethered to them. Every now and again, I will look for something at home and realize that it is still at their place. In any event, it is time to figure out a way to let it all go. I forgave them many months ago, but perhaps my soul didn’t believe me and I need to work on it some more.
I will find my way with this issue as I have others and all will be well. Life continues to challenge and entrance me. It has its highs & lows and I appreciate both. Life is good and I am happy. The journey continues and there is much joy. What more could I ask for in life?
Thursday, May 07, 2009
I am back... I am fabulous...I am beautiful! Well,not really... mostly I am back on track and that is the most important thing! Life is good and I am happy. If I can keep up the momentum...I could be down 25 pounds if not 50 by October 3rd. Pretty awesome thought!
'k time to get back to work. *sighs* What a waste of a beautiful day! *LOL* (Not really)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
...even with the ups and downs. I had a fabulous birthday and two week vacation, I have a beautiful new kitty named Shade, I love my apartment and I am inching my way to my 20th anniversary at work.
The downs have been really down, but the ups have been spectacular and I am on the upswing again. I have never lost my faith in the all the good and abundance in my life. I knew that things would get better and they have. I love my family and friends who have been with me through both extremes and I thank the Goddess every day for them.
I have been internet-less for far too long and will be back online hopefully by sometime next week. I have jumped back into Sparkpeople(well, as much as one can when sneaking at work) I have found my excitement and motivation once again, and I can't wait to come back and get involved with my groups once more.
In the mean time...my love to all my family here and bright blessings until I see you again!
Hugs and snugs,
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Heaven’s! Where do I begin? I guess where I left off last time. I was happy…*smiles ruefully* That didn’t last long. The female roommate was a control freak and both of the guys were her lapdogs. She was ALWAYS right…even when she was wrong. She considers herself a psychologist and thinks she can fix any problems one may have. They may discuss things, but she ultimately has the final say. I refused to bend to her will. She thought I needed fixing. I love who I am and who I am becoming. Do I have flaws? Heck yeah! Am I perfect? A definite no! I’m not sure I even want to be perfect.
It got harder and harder to live there. My ex, instead of coming to me if there were problems of any kind, including intimacy; would talk with her, then SHE would talk with me. There were three people in this relationship and I came in second to her always. Yes, they are best friends and have known each other for years, but he always bowed to her “wisdom” over me. *shakes head* They have a definite lifestyle that works for them, but it did not work for me.
When I told them I wanted out, I knew I would be the bad guy. I told them on December 12…I moved out this past Saturday. It was THE most miserable holiday season I have ever spent. They changed the locks on me and I had to KNOCK to get in the house, and I could only be in the house if one of them was there. All because I had a girlfriend come over and help me move a few boxes to the new place so I would have room to pack more boxes. I had to give them the names and contact numbers of all the friends who were helping me move. It was crazy!
However, I am in my own, lovely apartment now, working through the anger and stress of the past month. It is going to be a cozy, warm sanctuary when I am settled in and it is all mine. *sighs happily* I can cook my own food(I have not cooked in 7 months…it was her kitchen); I can watch TV anytime for however long and WHATEVER I want. I can now have my friends over and play to my hearts content. (The brat in me has only been hibernating, she has awakened and is ready to play!)
Anyway, I am settling down for the night. For the first time in months, I am wishing I could stay HOME from work. Do you have any idea how awful it is to be happier to be at work than at home? I used to start getting sick to my stomach about a half hour before I left work. Now the day can’t go fast enough. *LOL* Life is good!
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