Thursday, May 07, 2009
I am back... I am fabulous...I am beautiful! Well,not really... mostly I am back on track and that is the most important thing! Life is good and I am happy. If I can keep up the momentum...I could be down 25 pounds if not 50 by October 3rd. Pretty awesome thought!
'k time to get back to work. *sighs* What a waste of a beautiful day! *LOL* (Not really)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
...even with the ups and downs. I had a fabulous birthday and two week vacation, I have a beautiful new kitty named Shade, I love my apartment and I am inching my way to my 20th anniversary at work.
The downs have been really down, but the ups have been spectacular and I am on the upswing again. I have never lost my faith in the all the good and abundance in my life. I knew that things would get better and they have. I love my family and friends who have been with me through both extremes and I thank the Goddess every day for them.
I have been internet-less for far too long and will be back online hopefully by sometime next week. I have jumped back into Sparkpeople(well, as much as one can when sneaking at work) I have found my excitement and motivation once again, and I can't wait to come back and get involved with my groups once more.
In the mean time...my love to all my family here and bright blessings until I see you again!
Hugs and snugs,
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Heaven’s! Where do I begin? I guess where I left off last time. I was happy…*smiles ruefully* That didn’t last long. The female roommate was a control freak and both of the guys were her lapdogs. She was ALWAYS right…even when she was wrong. She considers herself a psychologist and thinks she can fix any problems one may have. They may discuss things, but she ultimately has the final say. I refused to bend to her will. She thought I needed fixing. I love who I am and who I am becoming. Do I have flaws? Heck yeah! Am I perfect? A definite no! I’m not sure I even want to be perfect.
It got harder and harder to live there. My ex, instead of coming to me if there were problems of any kind, including intimacy; would talk with her, then SHE would talk with me. There were three people in this relationship and I came in second to her always. Yes, they are best friends and have known each other for years, but he always bowed to her “wisdom” over me. *shakes head* They have a definite lifestyle that works for them, but it did not work for me.
When I told them I wanted out, I knew I would be the bad guy. I told them on December 12…I moved out this past Saturday. It was THE most miserable holiday season I have ever spent. They changed the locks on me and I had to KNOCK to get in the house, and I could only be in the house if one of them was there. All because I had a girlfriend come over and help me move a few boxes to the new place so I would have room to pack more boxes. I had to give them the names and contact numbers of all the friends who were helping me move. It was crazy!
However, I am in my own, lovely apartment now, working through the anger and stress of the past month. It is going to be a cozy, warm sanctuary when I am settled in and it is all mine. *sighs happily* I can cook my own food(I have not cooked in 7 months…it was her kitchen); I can watch TV anytime for however long and WHATEVER I want. I can now have my friends over and play to my hearts content. (The brat in me has only been hibernating, she has awakened and is ready to play!)
Anyway, I am settling down for the night. For the first time in months, I am wishing I could stay HOME from work. Do you have any idea how awful it is to be happier to be at work than at home? I used to start getting sick to my stomach about a half hour before I left work. Now the day can’t go fast enough. *LOL* Life is good!
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Oh, my goodness....so much has happened since the last time I wrote. I met with a gentleman I met quite serendipitously and have found myself in love with him. He and his roommates (and their little girl) have wended their way deep into my heart. The first time I walked into their house, I felt as if I was home. I have a family! I am a second mommy to a darling 22 month old baby girl who apparently adores me. *Grins*
Out of the past 3 weeks, I have spent two nights at my old apartment. I have moved my computer, clothes and various other important things to the house and by the end of July, I will be completely moved in. I know, it sounds so sudden and much too fast, but I am so centered, grounded and at peace I know it is the right thing. I have never been so happy. Sean is everything I have ever hoped for and more. He loves and cherishes me. I fall asleep in his arms and wake up in his arms. He is as tactile as I am, sometimes to distraction. *chuckles* We have soooooo much in common, it is almost scary and we find out more and more each day,just how much we have in common! *LOL*
I am getting used to living with three other adults, a toddler and a cat. I have gone from living by myself to being around people all the time. I love them all dearly! Kitti calls me "Bri" which is her word for Bridget...One of the things the Goddess Bridget is known for, is a guardian of children and since there is only one "mama," *smiles* That name works for me. She also calls me Kimmie...what a surprise. *Grins*
I had a wonderful weekend. Trish, Joe, Sean, Trish's mom and I played board games on Friday and we had fireworks with Kitti. Saturday, we moved some stuff to the house from the apartment, and we worked some more on getting our room in order. Poor Sean, we have converted his "man cave" into "Our" room. *LOL* He's been such a good sport about it bless his heart.
Today Sean and I had a movie date. We saw "Hancock" and "Wall-e." Having not heard too much about either movie, I had no preconceived ideas. I enjoyed them both.
I am profoundly happy. I have people who love me; I am part of a family. I get hugs and kisses from everyone when I leave for work, and I so look forward to coming home after work. It is such a feeling when I walk in the door and Kitti is SO excited to see me, she throws here arms up and I pick her up and get sloppy wet baby kisses and hugs!
Now it is time to climb into bed and do some reading.
Love, Light and Laughter,
Sunday, June 08, 2008
In my last entry I wrote that I had had a rough month, both work wise and personally. I ranted on my work situation, but was not at a point that I could delve into my personal life. The hurt was too fresh.
In an earlier post I excitedly mentioned that my dark celt was back in my life. *chuckles* He is faire family, I have known for about 8 years. Let me preface this with a small disclaimer. I know this man has problems, I have seen him drunker than a skunk and knows he likes to get stoned. Most of the times we saw each other was at faire. Drunk I am used to to seeing him, I have never really seen him high(Unless he was drunk as well and then I would not have known the difference.) As of this entry, I have spent three times alone with him not at faire. *Smiles softly* I will say now he was the very first man who ever made me feel desirable and wanted.
Anyway...I saw him in March and had a wonderful time. He called me the Wednesday after Memorial day, said he was coming to town and would love to see me. I was so excited! He called me Friday night when he got in, asked if I was free Saturday and could we get together? I said yes and he said he would call Saturday and we would do something fun.I stayed home all day Saturday, ready to go, not eating 'cause I had no idea what he had planned. I waited and waited, nothing.
Finally at 6:30, knowing he wasn't going to call, I went and got a bite to eat. Much to my disgust and embarrassment, I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and I ate a little more than I have eaten in a long while. Anyway, I finally get a call at 8:02 from him blithely apologizing for not calling, he and his friends had gotten busy. I was livid. A simple call ANYTIME during the day saying, "yanno, we got caught up in stuff, could we make our visit for tomorrow?" would have been swell...*sighs* Then he says he and his friends were going to hang by the pool all day Sunday, could I come at 7 and we'd have dinner? I said yes, then kicked myself after I hung up for not telling him exactly what I thought.(Color me wussy)
So I got there Sunday night, and the man is stoned out of his mind. He said we would eat and then hang out and visit for a while in his room. He doesn't introduce me to his friends. He gets dressed, we go to dinner and I felt as if I was alone...he was obviously not himself...He was not all there with me. Halfway through dinner as he looks as if he is going to fall asleep any second, he says he needs to go upstairs and take a nap cause he and his friends are going to the visit the strip. All righty then. Having lost what little appetite I had, we finished dinner, said goodbye and he had the audacity to tell ME to keep in touch.(I leave voice mails and text messages usually once a week most of which he does not answer...I just didn't want to lose him again) Have I heard from him since he left? Of course not. Do I plan on contacting him anytime soon? No.
I was devastated, hurt and angry. I felt lost. I see him so seldom, I felt cheated out of my time with him. It will be a long while before I see him again, longer now, as I don't know that I could go through this again. I love him...he is a dear friend,but I deserve, at the very least, the tiniest bit of common courtesy. I felt as if I was with my ex again, it was a horrible feeling. It was a lesson learned, a difficult one at that. However, I have allowed myself to fret over it long enough and I am moving forward. Yea me?
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