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AMETHYSTSTAR's Recent Blog Entries

Well, Well, Well....

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Oh, my much has happened since the last time I wrote. I met with a gentleman I met quite serendipitously and have found myself in love with him. He and his roommates (and their little girl) have wended their way deep into my heart. The first time I walked into their house, I felt as if I was home. I have a family! I am a second mommy to a darling 22 month old baby girl who apparently adores me. *Grins*

Out of the past 3 weeks, I have spent two nights at my old apartment. I have moved my computer, clothes and various other important things to the house and by the end of July, I will be completely moved in. I know, it sounds so sudden and much too fast, but I am so centered, grounded and at peace I know it is the right thing. I have never been so happy. Sean is everything I have ever hoped for and more. He loves and cherishes me. I fall asleep in his arms and wake up in his arms. He is as tactile as I am, sometimes to distraction. *chuckles* We have soooooo much in common, it is almost scary and we find out more and more each day,just how much we have in common! *LOL*

I am getting used to living with three other adults, a toddler and a cat. I have gone from living by myself to being around people all the time. I love them all dearly! Kitti calls me "Bri" which is her word for Bridget...One of the things the Goddess Bridget is known for, is a guardian of children and since there is only one "mama," *smiles* That name works for me. She also calls me Kimmie...what a surprise. *Grins*

I had a wonderful weekend. Trish, Joe, Sean, Trish's mom and I played board games on Friday and we had fireworks with Kitti. Saturday, we moved some stuff to the house from the apartment, and we worked some more on getting our room in order. Poor Sean, we have converted his "man cave" into "Our" room. *LOL* He's been such a good sport about it bless his heart.

Today Sean and I had a movie date. We saw "Hancock" and "Wall-e." Having not heard too much about either movie, I had no preconceived ideas. I enjoyed them both.

I am profoundly happy. I have people who love me; I am part of a family. I get hugs and kisses from everyone when I leave for work, and I so look forward to coming home after work. It is such a feeling when I walk in the door and Kitti is SO excited to see me, she throws here arms up and I pick her up and get sloppy wet baby kisses and hugs!

Now it is time to climb into bed and do some reading.

Love, Light and Laughter,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAINTANDSOUL 7/6/2008 11:53PM

    AME!!! Wow! I am sooo happy for you, I love when someone deserving in my life actually seems to get what they deserve! I am so excited for you I don't even know what to say! Congratulations, and of course best wishes!!

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NOTFATFOREVER 7/6/2008 11:50PM

    I am so happy for you!! There is nothing like th joy of a child greeting you...May God Bless your future with this man and child. emoticon

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Sunday morning rant

Sunday, June 08, 2008

In my last entry I wrote that I had had a rough month, both work wise and personally. I ranted on my work situation, but was not at a point that I could delve into my personal life. The hurt was too fresh.

In an earlier post I excitedly mentioned that my dark celt was back in my life. *chuckles* He is faire family, I have known for about 8 years. Let me preface this with a small disclaimer. I know this man has problems, I have seen him drunker than a skunk and knows he likes to get stoned. Most of the times we saw each other was at faire. Drunk I am used to to seeing him, I have never really seen him high(Unless he was drunk as well and then I would not have known the difference.) As of this entry, I have spent three times alone with him not at faire. *Smiles softly* I will say now he was the very first man who ever made me feel desirable and wanted.

*shakes self*

Anyway...I saw him in March and had a wonderful time. He called me the Wednesday after Memorial day, said he was coming to town and would love to see me. I was so excited! He called me Friday night when he got in, asked if I was free Saturday and could we get together? I said yes and he said he would call Saturday and we would do something fun.I stayed home all day Saturday, ready to go, not eating 'cause I had no idea what he had planned. I waited and waited, nothing.

Finally at 6:30, knowing he wasn't going to call, I went and got a bite to eat. Much to my disgust and embarrassment, I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and I ate a little more than I have eaten in a long while. Anyway, I finally get a call at 8:02 from him blithely apologizing for not calling, he and his friends had gotten busy. I was livid. A simple call ANYTIME during the day saying, "yanno, we got caught up in stuff, could we make our visit for tomorrow?" would have been swell...*sighs* Then he says he and his friends were going to hang by the pool all day Sunday, could I come at 7 and we'd have dinner? I said yes, then kicked myself after I hung up for not telling him exactly what I thought.(Color me wussy)

So I got there Sunday night, and the man is stoned out of his mind. He said we would eat and then hang out and visit for a while in his room. He doesn't introduce me to his friends. He gets dressed, we go to dinner and I felt as if I was alone...he was obviously not himself...He was not all there with me. Halfway through dinner as he looks as if he is going to fall asleep any second, he says he needs to go upstairs and take a nap cause he and his friends are going to the visit the strip. All righty then. Having lost what little appetite I had, we finished dinner, said goodbye and he had the audacity to tell ME to keep in touch.(I leave voice mails and text messages usually once a week most of which he does not answer...I just didn't want to lose him again) Have I heard from him since he left? Of course not. Do I plan on contacting him anytime soon? No.

I was devastated, hurt and angry. I felt lost. I see him so seldom, I felt cheated out of my time with him. It will be a long while before I see him again, longer now, as I don't know that I could go through this again. I love him...he is a dear friend,but I deserve, at the very least, the tiniest bit of common courtesy. I felt as if I was with my ex again, it was a horrible feeling. It was a lesson learned, a difficult one at that. However, I have allowed myself to fret over it long enough and I am moving forward. Yea me?

Brightest Blessings,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAINTANDSOUL 6/8/2008 6:04PM

    Awwww, isn't it the WORST when someone you care about let's you down??? :( You'll get back up, he's clearly not worth it and when people don't have themselves together they tend to hurt those around them.

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Just another day

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

It has been just about a month since my last blog. It has been an exhausting month, both work wise and personally. We went live with a new upgraded computer system the day after Memorial Day. It has been a whole week and it feels like the first day...over and over again. For myself I love the system, it does my my particular job so much easier. However, for the rest of the company it has bee a cluster...erm...frack. Things that should have been taken care over a month ago, such as transferring patients scheuled from the go live day onward, from the old system to the new system was never completed. Half out schedul was on MM and the other Intergy(Our new system). Consequently, we have been continually double booked, because we are only working from Intergy now. *sighs* Now were are in a desperate dash to finish the conversion of that particular problem.

Then there is the problem of not having had enough training...for anybody! Most people were given a couple of days of overview training, but not detailed training specific to their particular bailiwick! The main problem is the the company the created and sold us Intergy knows their product very well. However....they have no idea about our particular workflow. Since everything starts with scheduling and they have not been properly trained, it then moves down to the front desk who has to deal with the oh so unhappy patients who often times have to wait an hour or more for their exams, many of which were scheduled weeks, if not months before. So many patient have simply walked out that it is just mind blowing. Next in the flow comes the different modalities and all the different technologists who actually do the exams on said unhappy patients. *sighs* Often times still waiting until misunderstandings are (hopefully) cleared up before they FINALLY go into a room and have their exam. Next comes our clueless doctors who hate anything new, they in turn send reports to our over worked transcribers, who are still figuring out how to correct a report , let alone anything else.

Beyond this, I have no clue. I have never dealt with the file room, billing and collections,so I have no idea how they are faring. I can only hope better than the rest of my poor beleaguered workmates.

I do have to admit the negativity and some just plain ugliness is wearing me down. I have had an issue with my work roommate for months and this has all just made her that more annoying. Lucky for me she goes on vacation on Thursday! My job is such, that for the most part, I leave it behind me when I walk out the doors. However the stress I feel from all of the goings on, lingers, in the form of moodiness, achy-ness, and sleeplessness. I have been one cranky Amethyst and I am soooo very tired of it.

Well, that is all I have the energy for today. Hopefully venting a bit will help . Time now to got o work so I can get home and get back to Laurell's new book! YES!!!

Bright Blessings,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAINTANDSOUL 6/4/2008 1:41PM

    Poor Ame!!! I really hope that this works out for you, no pun intended. It can really suck the energy out of you when your workplace is constantly negative. I hope it gets better!! Especially with your officemate, can you ask for a transfer or something??

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A Beautiful Sunday Morning(Continued from previous post)

Sunday, May 04, 2008

So here I am, waiting for my laundry to finish drying, listening to the birds singing outside my window. *smiles* The soft whirring of my fan sounds in the background as I contemplate what has occurred since the end of the previous post.

On April 14, about 10:00 am, I get this call from my apt. manager asking me if I have a white Toyota Camry with a club on the steering wheel. I said yes and she said someone tried to break into it. She gave the police my number, Officer Jones called me and told me the story and said that if I could not come home so they could sign it over to me, they would have to tow it! It was friggin 4 feet out of the parking stall!

Anyway...apparently this brilliant guy decided to try and drive it with the club like device I had attached, the car stalled, maintenance noticed and knowing it was not his car, came up to the guy who is in my car and asks him if he was going to take off the club...

Now get this: The dude said he thought when he turned the car on, the club would disengage!

Maintenance told him that before they could push the car back into the parking space, they would have to call Metro...he got all nervous and eventually up and left....quickly.

Metro came, they caught another guy whom they think had nothing to do with the physical attempt on the car, but was prolly in cahoots with the guy in my car.

Now, I was tied to my desk as my boss is out of town...but when they said they were going to tow it...I made sure that I got there in five minutes. I filled out what seems like reams of paper work, checked the car out and aside from damaging the alarm, he screwed up my steering wheel by trying to drive the car with the club on it. *Shakes head at the sheer stupidity*

The maintenance guys got a good look at the dude and were able to give descriptions. They were so cool....They helped me start the car and pull it back into the stall. I need to make them some goodies as a thank you!

So, last week I received a subpoena to go to court as a witness against one of the men who tried to steal my car. When I called the night before, to make sure the case was on the docket, of course it was not. So I have to wait for information and possibly another subpoena. Which is to say, I will not have any satisfaction regarding this ordeal, any more than I had the last time my car was actually stolen. It is quite frustrating.

As of now, I will be spending Christmas in Hawaii! One of my dearest, bestest friends is stationed there and he is flying me out for the holiday. *GRINS* I have not been there since my 21st birthday. *GULP* wow...28 years ago! Holy mackerel! I am so excited! Ohhhhhhh...I will HAVE to have a new swimsuit...

I have started an aqua aerobics class twice a week and I absolutely love it. However...*POUTS* They over chlorinate their pool and I believe I am extremely allergic to the chlorine. I am going to try benedryl after my sessions. This HAS to work out...this class is the best thing I could have found and I look forward to it so much.

I had a moment of insanity last Wednesday and cut all my hair off and lightened it. I am finally get ting used to it and the general consensus amongst all my friends and loved ones is it is the best thing I have done in a very long time! When I told Bryan, my friend in Hawaii, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Define ALL!" I had to laugh...he loved my hair long.

Okay, laundry is done and now it is time for a shower, followed by a short visit to the Library and then I am off to see Iron Man! I am really looking forward to the movie!

And that pretty much catches us up on my little life! *giggles*

Here is to a fabulous day. Be sure to do at least one nice thing for yourself today. Relax...have something that makes you happy!

Brightest Blessings,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAINTANDSOUL 5/4/2008 10:30PM

    Ooooh!! I loved Iron Man!! And I am so happy for you that you have friends in lovely places to go visit!! :D So now you can go and work for wearing a swimsuit and having a fantastic lovely wet warm Christmas. :)

I am so so very glad to have you back and healthy and happy my love.

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YE GODS! Time flies....

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Wow! It has been ages since I have posted here. So much has happened. Most of it I talk about in my group, but here is a not so brief where to begin:

Well, the beginning I suppose. Last year was a rough year emotionally for me. Early in the year I began to withdraw. It got worse and worse to a point where I didn't care about all. I had moments of okay....good things did happen to me last year for which I am eternally grateful. I also learned I'm a better actress than I thought. *sighs*...but I felt as if I was drowning. From spending 5 hours a night on the computer, I went to just checking email...I stopped chatting at work *GASP* and became very antisocial. I never left the apartment except to go to work. I was sad and hated myself...for absoultely no reason that I could fathom. I finally went to the doctor in December at the urging of my boss,who thought I was perimenopausal. After running all sorts of tests, I was diagnosed with depression of all things.(Apparently my brain is not making enough seratonin anymore hence my year long funk). He put me on lexapro.I didn't realize how bad it was until I started to feel better and people were to welcoming me back, hugging me and just had looks of utter relief.(I love my friends). *LOL* People knew something was wrong a lot sooner then I did. So that explains my extremely anti-social behavior of the last several months. Now at long last I am back to my relatively normal, cheerful, sassy, occasionally naughty, rambling self.

I had a wonderful Christmas with my sister and her family. They took me for my first visit to the Hotel Del Coronado and it was just beautiful. I can see why my sister and my niece are so enchanted by it. I spent Christmas eve some of my spanking family. I had a blast! Kathy spent the entire day trying to get me in trouble with Floyd. Oh my goodness, it felt so good to laugh so hysterically. I finally did get in trouble though...for NOT getting in trouble. *ROFL* I did redeem myself however, as I stuck my tongue out at Kathy as we passed by...of course she promptly tattled on me! It was a wonderful vacation and the best Christmas I have had in over 8 years.

January 17, I slipped and fell on a patch of black ice and messed up my leg very badly.(Yes we do get ice on odd occasions in Vegas). One day the nurses and my Chief Nuc Med tech were looking at my leg, and Jimmy( The nuc med tech) suddenly went all Toppie on me. *giggles* He lectured me about not going to the doctor sooner and made me promise I would go to the doctor that day. He even had me "Yes sirring" him. I suppose one could say I am just a wee bit stubborn(But you didn't hear it from me!) I know I will hear about this from my REAL Toppie friends when next I see them . I ended up at the doctor's and found out I had cellulitis which is just nasty. I was put on antibiotics and have only one sore that is refusing to heal, but that should resolve itself soon. I declared that this is as bad as this year is going to be and it can only get better from here. So there!

As a result of my enforced down time due to my leg, and my feeling ever so much better with the medication, I have spent a large amount of time lately in deep contemplation and doing a lot of soul searching. So much good has come of it. I am feeling very centered, very grounded and very happy.

Let's see what else...Oh! My dark Celt is back in my life. I had been afraid I would never see him again, so imagine my surprise when he contacted me on December 18th! I was so relieved to hear his voice on my voice mail, I absolutely lost it. Cried for about a half hour in sheer relief and joy. I was so afraid he was going to harm himself after he disappeared. In any event, I had a date with one of my favorite people in the whole entire world. He is the one Bad Boy in my life and I absolutely adore him(even knowing I couldn't possibly live with him, cause I would eventually want to do him harm! *LOL*)

I had not seen him in a year and a half. I was all sorts of twitterpated. I did all the typical girl things to get ready! *LOL* Hair, nails...even my toes!It wouldn't have mattered though, if I had done none of those things. We had the most wonderful time. He took me out to dinner and to see Cirque de Soliel's Love. The absolute best part of our date though, was all the talking we did. I understand him so much better now and love him even more dearly. I felt so much closer to him and am so grateful he trusted me enough to open up to me. He is doing so very much better now. He is so happy in his new home. I can't wait to visit him. I have never been to New Orleans. He lives right in the middle of the French Quarter. Actually, he is one of the items I have been pondering and working on... lo these many weeks. It a very long story, but suffice it to say I was in love with him at one time...I will always love him, but he will only ever be a dear friend.

I have also been contemplating a new real relationship, we'll see. He started out as a good friend I have known for two years, but over the last year we have become closer. I'm just enjoying the journey!

I had gained 14 pounds during the winter. We started "Biggest Loser" competition at work on March 3rd. I have lost 12 pounds in since then and am almost back down to where I was before I got sick and then fell. Yea me! 8 more pounds and I will be 299...for the first time in I can't even tell you how long! This tells you how far I have come...there was a time when NO ONE knew how much I weighed. My mama died never knowing my weight. But I have discovered that it is just a number. I love who I am, right now. The important thing is to continue to get healthier. The weight loss is just gravy.(Although I admit....I am jazzed about my goal)

Which pretty much brings us to today. Which is pretty cool. Life is good...I am good....and there is a lot of promise in the future.

Part two to follow....*LOL*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAINTANDSOUL 5/4/2008 10:25PM

    :D I loved reading this, thank you so much for sharing dearling. Seriously. And thank you soo soo very much for the comments on my blog too. I really do appreciate hearing that!!

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