Thursday, December 06, 2007
Not sure where to start. I am not right. For several months now, people have been asking me what is wrong,saying I am not myself. They are correct, I have not been myself for some time. I get angry over the stupidest little things, I am unhappy, un-motivated and a hermit. I don't like being around some people I used to love to death. My work roommate is driving me insane. There are times I hate everyone and everything. I don't like myself.
I am not online as much as I used to be....I used to spend hours on line chatting with my friends, posting here at SP. Now I don't feel as if I belong. It is nothing that anyone has done or said. *Sighs* It's just...me.
My vertigo has come back with a vengeance and my heart palpitations have gotten worse. My boss believes that my hormones are way out of whack and it is peri-menopause. I am the right age for it. I have never been prone to depression. But that is almost what it feels like. I have an appointment with my doctor on the 13th. Hopefully he will check my hormones, including my thyroid and advise me what I can do to over come this distasteful state of being. I try to be myself as I used to be, cheerful and optimistic and full of life ..but I feel as if there is this....darkness....engulfing me and snuffing out all signs of who I used to be. It is such an alien feeling. I hate it!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
3.5 pounds down this week! Yea Me! Despite the stress and self doubt I have been experiencing over the past few weeks, I managed to get focused again. New mini-baby goal...hit 299 by my Christmas party on December 15th.
Actually, that was my first main goal in the first place , to finally break free of 300. I have danced around it for months...sneaking up with in 2 pounds of it, then with a teasing laugh, backing away by just a few pounds. I'm tired of this particular dance.....time for a new Dance, with new Steps...
It is a beautiful day here in Sin City. We are finally below 85 degrees. May I just say that there is something inherently wrong with 85 degree weather in November? Oh wait...did I already vent about this? *LOL* Prolly so! In any event,it is only supposed to be about 73 degrees today with chance of showers this afternoon. Cool beans! *does happy dance*
I have been working on my vision board this week. I still feel as if I need to add a couple of things to it, but it is going to be a marvelous map for what I want, deserve, and WILL have in my life very soon!
I have also started baby stepping with meditation. It has always been so difficult for me, but with the stress of the last few weeks, I need something I can do to ground and center myself. I found a meditation on meeting Brigit at her Forge on Beliefnet.com. I like it, and it is a good place for me to begin.
Well I need to go put my laundry away. I do love the smell and feel of warm,freshly washed/dried clothes and towels. *sighs happily. It is the little things, yanno?
Sunday, November 04, 2007
These past couple of weeks have been really rough and I found myself (Not to ANYONE's surprise, least of all me!) stress eating. I have gained 6 pounds. That ...as they say...is QUITE enough!
Since my darling Dark team has new challenges beginning tomorrow, I went in and re-figured my stats...new baby goal of 21 pounds by my birthday which will make 45 pounds gone in just over a year. Not shabby at all.
I have GOT to find that excitement and motivation I had when I first started out. Not sure how...but I shall find it. Part of my wanting to pick up again came from a totally surprising source. I LOVE to watch watch Ballroom Dancing. I have been captivated by "Dancing with the Stars."
Last night I watched the Ballroom Smooth dance Championship competition on PBS and I had this feeling in the pit of my tummy....butterflies and excitement. I can SO see myself in a beautiful, diaphanous , flowing gown, dancing in the arms of a strong , handsome man, looking as if we were dancing on air. (Have I ever mentioned that I am SUCH a GIRL???*LOL*)
I think, once I lose enough weight that I don't feel and LOOK like an elephant on roller skates, I would LOVE to take dance classes. I may bevery much a girly girl...I am a not so graceful one at that. I think I would also love to take some ballet classes to at least try and become a wee bit more graceful. One of my very favorite actresses, Jane Seymore is on this season of Dancing with the stars...when I grow up I want to look like her and be as graceful as she is when she dances.
So, the bottom line is....Back in the saddle....Onward and downwards (as in weight)...I CAN SO do this.
Monday, August 06, 2007
On a whim, I started looking for a skirt I made about 20 years ago, I didn't find it but I did come across some scrub tops I ordered before I was married and were just this much too small, tee shirts I have accrued over the years in 2 x's and a couple of outfits that were too small when I bought them(from a catalog)...
THEY ALL FIT! The scrub tops are now TOO big...I have a Hard rock tee shirt that fits beautifully now...and a skirt and top that I bought back in 1987 that was a size 24 and I couldn't fit into then...I can get into now...It is doesn't fit quite right yet, but I could wear it out and not be embarrassed.(It is a large 24) Holy crow! I was just dumbfounded....there are a few other things I can get into and zip up that are still a wee bit snug....but I could get them on and zipped!
I also found some material I forgot I had, I may have to make myself a couple of new tops for the party over Labor day weekend.
This turned out to be a pretty weekend after all....
Monday, July 16, 2007
Had a terrific day today! I have always said that Monday is an attitude...and I went in KNOWING it was going to be a great day!
Floating....I am floating from so much water! *LOL* I have let the amount of water dither away over the last month or two. I still drink more than just about anyone I know, but not as much as I know I need. So fast break 1 on track!
I got up and danced this morning did my strength training and will do another half hour of dancing tonight.
I have 7 pounds until I break 300...I don't wanna hit 300...I wanna break it. And I will!
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