Saturday, February 09, 2013
I have always liked myself. I liked who I am,and I would admit it out loud. However, know what I noticed? No matter how much I liked myself, there was always a "but!" Oh I like myself, but my hair is too thin...of course I like myself, but I hate my double chin...Thank you , I like me too, but I really dislike my big tummy...big thighs...thick calves...etc. I was always unhappy with something or another. While I should have given myself unconditional love and support, I was my worst enemy. I know so many people(not just people who are trying to lose or gain weight) who suffer from the same problem. This kind of goes with the " when 'This' happens, I'll be happy" paradigm.
Now, I have noticed lately that I am more self confident, more sure of myself and really, truly comfortable in my own skin. It has been very gradual, almost imperceptible. However I knew deep down something was up. I haven't been slouching as I try to make myself as inconspicuous as possible. I'm not fidgeting with my clothes trying to hide my tummy, I walk tall and have been smiling and laughing at work. I am much more able to be positive and contribute to my team and bosses. This sound strange, but I find myself caressing my belly, not ignoring and hiding from it.
These last couple of weeks have been very introspective for me. I have been processing a lot of new (for me) ideas and concepts, and rethinking old and oft times self-limiting ones. For the past few days I have noticed a subtle shift in my thinking and feeling. I have felt as if I was heading for something of great importance that would impact my whole life. Last night, very softly, very gently and with oh so much delight, I made a startling discovery!
I was getting ready for bed,changing into my pjs when I looked in the bathroom mirror. Instead of the cursory, usually dismissive glance at myself, I really looked myself over. My hair has gotten so long and a bit thicker, since the chemo, my eyes were not only smiling, they were sparkling! Aside from that nothing had physically changed; my belly is very large and round, my breast are heavy, my thighs very thick. In fact, I have not lost any weight after gaining again. Indeed, I am at my beginning weight from when I started SP in 2007. (I have lost weight but yoyoed until I reached this point . My body seems happy at the moment here, for it has not budged...but I digress)
What I have finally come to understand and realize is that I love myself...with no "buts!" I love my big belly, heavy breasts, and thick thighs! This is not to say that I don't want to lose weight, because I very much want to, however, if for some unknown reason I don't, I will still love me! Every inch, every pound, of me. I am a totally unique and exceptional individual! What I love about this, is that I am happy "NOW", just as I am. Being "Thinner" is not going to make me happier. Happiness and joy come from within, not outside sources. There is absolutely no guarantee that when and if I reach my "Ideal" weight, I'll be any happier than I am right this minute. Will I feel better physically, most assuredly; will I have more energy, you betcha; will I be able to do somethings that I can't at the moment, abso-freaking-loutely! But I am giddily, giggly, absolutely, head over heels happy right this minute! I have totally embraced who I am, how I look and my sparkly, shiny spirit.
I think my only question is why now? Why couldn't I have come this place when I was younger and had more time to enjoy it? Part of me believes I just wasn't ready, for whatever reason. Maybe I am entering into the the beginning of the "Crone" cycle of my life. Maybe everything I have learned and whatever wisdom I have accumulated during my journey, has coalesced into this bright awakening. I like that thought. What ever the reason it waited until now to happen, I am so grateful for it.
I feel my journey has changed course a bit and new adventures are awaiting me. Whatever the Universe has in store for me I look forward to it with an open heart and open arms!
May you find the happiness and joy within yourselves!
"There is always something to be happy about. Truly happy.
And if you have the audacity to find it and the courage to make it your focus, in spite of the countless temptations to dwell upon problems that don't really exist, you will have learned well, your life will be transformed, and all things will be added unto you.
"Notes from the Universe." from TUT.com (Mike Dooley)
Monday, February 04, 2013
I had an interesting lesson today in my self improvement program. It was about success and goals. The coach discussed his take on goal setting and it was thought provoking. It kind of fits in the with my last post of basically starting to live when "X" happens instead of living now.
He spoke on the law of attraction and the law of accumulation. Most people set long, medium and short term goals, I know I do. They are positive, say their affirmations and visualize what ever they want to attract into their lives, thinking that is all they have to do. They are forgetting one step..they have to put effort into getting what they want. It's praying for something and waiting for the Divine to give it to you with out you having to do to anything to HELP YOURSELF!
"Happiness is always a destination as we chase our goals. The goals keep moving forward. As we accomplish one, thereís the next one--thatís when we will start to live. We are always waiting to live.
Today, we start to live right now. We live in the today and we achieve happiness today and every day. We become happy because we start to figure out what we want and we begin to go into action to achieve it. When we are in action, we can visualize our goals becoming true, and those actions of today make us happy today." Coach Steele (Tools to Life)
Basically what it boils down to is what can you accomplish TODAY that will bring you closer to the results you want to see, in the case of today's lessons, in 3 months? If you can accomplish something everyday and focus on just today, you can accumulate success each day. It is not nearly as intimidating to focus on what you can do just today! Baby steps that lead to the results you want to see.
Does this make sense? Today I can drink my water, eat healthful, tasteful, satisfying food, and move my body. This is success and I don't think about tomorrow...today is all there is.Sounds good doesn't it?This empowers me!
Okay, enough musing...need to jump into my day! Congratulations to the Ravens for winning the Superbowl (Which I totally got involved in, scaring my poor fur baby by screaming and yelling at the TV! This is really the first time I was ever totally excited about football...*shakes head* What is the world coming to? *LOL)
Have a bright and blessed day...Remember to look your pockets of joy in this beautiful day!
Friday, February 01, 2013
Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to
lose sight of the shore.
I'm retaking a self help course and today's lesson is on facing the unknown and relishing the adventure.
I used to be an adventurer! I used to look forward to change with open arms! Now I am in a rut, and don't look forward to much of anything. (There are several reasons for this but they no longer matter) Today I take back my adventurous spirit, my child like curiosity, and Love of life!
I have that little girl...night before Christmas...bubbling excitement in my tummy! Oh the delicious anticipation of the unknown! I don't know what is going to happen, but I know it will be great!
We never live; we are always in the expectation of living.
I have never believed that if I waited for for the perfect time and for everything to fall in to place, then i would be happy! Deep down I have always known that my happiness comes from within and if I wait for everything to be perfect, I would never be happy! Being happy is not the destination! It is the journey. I'm in no hurry to arrive at what ever destination I am moving towards, I am loving the joy the journey...THAT is what is important to me!
I lost myself for a while...certain events in my life over the past four years, drove my real self into hiding so deep I never thought I would find her again. *smiles* It's about freaking time she came back! *LOL* I am so excited.
I am ready to continue my adventure into the unknown, to lose sight of the shore and discover who I am and who I am becoming! To face and embrace my fears...to make my life what I want it to be!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I woke up this morning with the theme from Indiana Jones running through my mind and out through my lips. I wonder what kind of adventure I am going to have today?! *LOL*
Have a beautiful day and be sure to do at least one thing today that brings you joy!
Blessings, love and hugs,
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
I had THE best Monday yesterday! Everything went so smoothly and the day flew by! Not questioning it, just totally enjoying and putting it on my gratitude list.
I am doing better each and every day. I don't dwell on my visit to the abyss; frankly, it does no good. However, I wish I could figure out the trigger, so I can avoid it. In any event, I am back o track and so grateful for my SP family and friends for their continued support. I love you so much and I really hope one of these days I can meet some of you.
So, I came across this quote in my studies this morning and boy did it hit home!
"The reason most major goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first."
-Robert J. McKain
I am guilty of this!*LOL* However, I am working on prioritizing things and obviously, my health comes first. Of course as I apply what I lean here at SP, all areas of my life improve, so it is definitely a win-win situation.
The sky is just starting to lighten up and it promises to be a beautiful day. Lots to do today, and so much to look forward to as well.
Have a splendiferous day and remember you are loved!
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