Sunday, June 17, 2012
I accomplished almost everything I set out to do. I had a re- epiphany today as I reacquainted myself with the Fly Lady. I don't HAVE to accomplish everything now! My kitchen is done except for mopping which I will do tomorrow as I just ran out of energy. And my sink is shiny! All my laundry is done and my living room is set up for me to start exercising.
I had lots of fun with Shade all weekend...would pounce on her when she least expected it and we played fetch and got some good loving in. I touched base with some dear friends I haven't spoken with in quite a while, Watched some more "Angel" and got some reading done.
I feel good and tired...happy and content and ready for a hot shower and my soft bed.
Bright blessings my friends and sweet sleep.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
I am amazed how much my attitude has changed since seeing my doctor back in March. I am so thankful that Gretchen urged me to talk with Dr. Ashman! If I hadn't, I would still be lost. As I contemplate how far I have come in four months, I realize I lost my self in essence long before the cancer was revealed. I have no idea of how long I had it before it was discovered, but I know now that I wasn't really myself for a while before the fall.
I remember several times before my surgery, going through my chemo and the two years after, looking in the mirror and not recognizing me. It was like looking at a stranger. I didn't know then the depression had moved in. As grateful as I was to have survived, it seems as if I sludged through the days and weeks. There were little pockets of joy here and there, but I was lost. I hated myself, my life and how I looked. However, it never occurred to me that I was suffering from another kind of illness.
Gretchen knew. I didn't believe her, I thought this is how I was now and I just had to live with it. I didn't know until later that she fought depression herself. So I have a long talk with my doctor, take some tests & lo and behold, she fills me in. She prescribed medication and about a month later, I started to notice a change. It was very gradual, like the unfolding of a flower. Baby steps day by day. I started caring about my health so I came back to SP. I started caring about how I look so I got my hair trimmed and slowly added new clothes to my wardrobe. I started being more talkative at work and people started noticing a difference in my demeanor.
This morning, after my shower, I put a little makeup on and combed out my hair and glanced in the mirror on my way out of the bathroom. I stopped in my tracks and did a double take. I looked in the mirror again and smiled. The person in the mirror smiled back, her eyes were clear and shining, they twinkled! It was me! It really was! I was glowing with happiness, excitement, and joy! I loved who I was looking at and she loved me back. I had butterflies in my tummy and I couldn't wait to start my day.
So here I am, giddy with the anticipation of what's in store, but making sure I enjoy the present. I had an exceptional meditation session (for me). Shade and I had a great play time,including a rousing game of fetch with her favorite black twistie. Breakfast is done, towels are in the dryer, going to finish my kitchen, work on the living room then have lunch. After lunch, it is time to tackle my room. In time, this will be a home I can be proud of, it will be my sanctuary. it won't happen over night and I will not spend every weekend cleaning...I need to get my life back! *LOL*
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Laundry's done and put away, clean sheets on my bed, dishwasher loaded(kitchen's almost done), wrestled and loved on my cat. Oh! I can see the top of my washer and dryer! Fist time since I moved in! *LOL* So laundry room is half done...YES!
I had the best salad for lunch! I certainly got more than my five servings in for the day! Time for a little break, watch a couple of episodes of "Angel" fourth season. I have been having an "Angel" marathon now that I finally found the last season at Wal-Mart. Although I probably should not have sat down. All of a sudden I'm very tired. Shade is zonked out beside me, mayhaps I'll join her for a little nap...It is Saturday after all. Oh yeeeaah...it's Saturday....*Sighs Happily*
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Where on earth did the week go?
The memorial was nice. The chapel was standing room only. It was a sad way to reunite with so many of my friends and doctors I haven't seen since I transferred to the admin building. There were several people that have long since moved on from SDMI, that I haven't seen in years. At one point this strange man came up to me and gave me a big hug and I was a wee bit wary of him, until he spoke to me. It was one of our old managers who left 15 years ago and had changed somewhat in the ensuing years. Well, enough that I had no idea who he was! *LOL* Especially with the "Men in Black" style shades he was sporting.
I have been so very conscious of what I am eating oever the last couple of weeks. More so since I have to watch my cholesterol. I bought Morning Star vegetarian sausage patties and links. While they really don't taste like sausage to me, they aren't nasty, just...different, I will continue to eat them with my southwestern egg beaters. They make for a decent meal.
I find with using the Orowheat whole wheat sandwich thins at a nifty 100 calories a serving, I use only half the serving size of peanut butter, jam, or nutella. Bonus! *LOL* It is still quite satisfying and I feel as if I am geting away with something that tastes so good!
Speaking of good, I tried (and Loved) Silk's mixed berry Fruit and Protein juice blend. It's a yummy treat. I also have say once more I love, love, love, Weight Watches dark chocolate raspberry ice cream bars. Two bars are a serving and I find that most of the time one bar hits the spot. (and they last longer too!) I also enjoy WW Chocolate and raspberry cheesecake bar. One bar I believe has about the same calories as the two above, it is a bit bigger and only the top half is covered in chocolate. It is wonderful that there are finally tasty treats that I can indulge in without feeling guilty!
I have been eating less calories in lieu of the fact I have not started exercising. Apparently I am doing something right as I have lost 8 pounds in 4 weeks. It is time to get my tush in gear and pump up the game. If I have lost this much just cutting back on calories, imagne what I can do once I start moving! (Yes, I know that once I start exercising I will increase my caloric intake a bit to fuel my exercise)
Now on to foldng clothes, putting the sheets in the dryer, cleaning the kitchen and working n my living room so I have somewhere to exercise. Oh, and let us not forget lots of kitty time...
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