AMETHYSTD   65,949
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No more delay!

Friday, September 06, 2013

I've been so disappointed in myself. I've let myself off the hook. I've gained weight. My activity level has decreased, and my self esteem has taken a hit. The longer I take to get committed to a healthier lifestyle, the longer I stay in this pity party mindset. And all it means is I prolong my misery. I know I'll be even more pissed with myself if I wait, delaying the sweet victory of wearing my smaller clothes again, feeling comfortable in my skin and having a sense of accomplishment.

I'm tempted to start over entirely. I've seen others do it- scrap their goals, ditch their pics and old posts to give themselves a fresh start. And I think I know why they did it. They may not have wanted the reminder of what they had and lost, or to help themselves stop comparing who they were to who they are and want to be. Either way, it's tempting for me as well. I don't like feeling I'm climbing the same mountain.

So, what's been going on with me? I canít recall the last time I wrote. I think it was almost one year ago. I'm down twenty pounds from my pregnancy weight. I've joined a gym but haven't gone in over a month. This last week I can't seem to stop eating. Even when I'm painfully full. I work full time and struggle with how little time I seem to have to myself. My daughter continues to amaze me. I want to show her an active, healthy lifestyle that she doesn't have to learn as an adult because she will be living it as she grows up. I (embarrassing though it is to say) want to be thin, beautiful and someone my daughter is proud to emulate and call her mom. I want to be her cool mother.

All that being said, I've been struggling with my self image. Is this new body and size the new reality? (Doesn't matter. Healthy is healthy, no matter the size or shape.) Is my goal weight realistic? I had people tell me I looked too skinny when I last approached it. (I know it's not an unhealthy weight for my height.) And as a friend recently wrote and I identified with, I'm trying to come to terms that perhaps the image of the self I want to look like and who I will end up being, but more importantly, who I am now, is worth loving and knowing. (Again, still shouldn't matter in long run compared to a healthy body.) But I still have this belief that if I work hard enough, I can look like what I believe I should look like. Not Barbie, but proportional. (Maybe I've missed that opportunity. And would that be so bad? )

My next step is to seek out motivation. Then to make a decision about the gym membership. It's not near my home, but it's close to work. If they will build one near me, it's worth keeping. Otherwise, I can have good workouts at home and save some money.

My new short term goal is to lose six pounds by the end of the month. With the larger goal of losing thirty by the end of the year. My other side goals are to build a weekly menu for meals/shopping and to build up to working out five days a week by end of the year.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHANGEISGOOD 9/7/2013 11:38AM

    Great blog! I can feel and understand your frustration. Some things to remember:
~ you are beautiful. Period. Just the way you are.
~ resetting your goals is a good way to get a jump start on things. If you use the same goals, it can feel like you have not made any progress and it can zap your energy and momentum. Today is a new day, a chance to start over. A chance to redefine you!
~ if you set a new goal, it can be a little higher or lower than a previous goal and that's ok. You can always make new goals once you reach the ones you set now.

Good luck! You can do this! I believe in you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
~Sandy

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LEIGHWOMAN 9/7/2013 10:03AM

    Great goals. Mine are similar. Its hard sometimes to admit how much our bodies change with babies. I just want to feel COMFORTABLE again. I am so sick of the discomfort that comes with being heavy, even if I am healthy. Which right now I am not. Miss you and love youuuuu.

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Good to remember...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

While reading one of the Sparkpeople Blog entries, (The First Day I Decided to Live Again www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=the
_first_day_i_decided_to_live_again
), a phrase the author used stood out; "Remember to fill your life, not your stomach."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERYKAHJEAN 1/10/2012 5:38AM

    Great point! Excellent reminder. emoticon

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SUGARSMOM2 11/20/2011 6:13PM

  Hey great thought . we should put it into pratice ..

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Reminders to self:

Saturday, September 24, 2011

-you always feel good when you read articles and blog posts on Sparkpeople. Staying connected is good and motivating.

-it takes as much energy sitting on the fence, feeling angsty and undetermined as it does to actually do the things you need to do to work on your goals.

-when you feel as if you're doing nothing but maintaining your weight, it's not permission to feel bad and give up. Take pride in maintaining. It's when you give up and gain a couple of pounds that you see your weight gain.

-when in doubt, go through the motions of proven successful actions. Can't go wrong and blame yourself if you try your best.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNYBR 9/27/2011 8:45AM

    This is so true. I am feeling sluggish, sore and discouraged this morning, not necessarily about weight but life issues in general. It helps me to get out of myself and "talk" to other people. Staying connected is really important.

Thanks!

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LEIGHWOMAN 9/25/2011 7:42PM

    Good for you for making this list. I also like the last one :) And you're totally right about the second one. I must remember these too!

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SBHPATRICK 9/24/2011 3:58PM

    I especially like the last one. It jives with one of my favorite phrases - live the life of the person you want to become and you will become that person. Or fake it until you make it. :)

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Update:

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I'm still here. Still trying. Still working on myself. Finally putting down some short term goals. My future has been looking insurmountable. Short term goals will help me focus on what I can do now for a goal I can reach soon.

My goal today is to stay hydrated and within my calorie range. I can do that today.

  


20 pounds down

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

... and more to go. If I keep going like I have this last week, I'll gain it all back.

Ugh. Two days of eating practically everything in sight. In favor of honesty, I've stopped myself only because I'm so full of chocolate. The good news is writing this down has renewed me. Fanfare, please.

The other thing, I need to get back into drinking my water and establish an honest to goodness exercise routine. I see the light, now I need to do it. I know I can.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SURFACING 6/29/2011 8:02PM

    You can totally do it! I mean, look at how much you've done so far!

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MSILVER94 6/29/2011 9:43AM

    You CAN do it!!!!

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LEIGHWOMAN 6/29/2011 8:01AM

    I was in the same situation alllll weekend. I said no to very little. Back on it now, though! We can do this!


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NEVERGIVEUP1969 6/28/2011 11:53PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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