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Trying Harder

Friday, November 05, 2010

Yesterday I did a slightly better job of staying on track, the most outrageous thing I had was a pepsi throwback (god, those things are good!).
I also wrote out an eating plan for the rest of the week, and I plan to stick to it. My challenge will be that I have a little mini-vacation (I like to take days off in November for my writing, and they happened to blend into a weekend and Labor Day so I get a 6 day vacation, yay me!) and I tend to get carried away.

I'm frustrated at the moment by a friend who was rather sarcastic when I told him I couldn't come to his wife's birthday party because we can't afford to go out to a restaurant this weekend. We are really broke (as in had to borrow some money to make rent) and I can't afford $50 for an evening out, and that's before you count the babysitting.
I wish that my friends would at least make an effort to understand that not only do I make a lot less money than them, I have more bills and kids to deal with too. Daycare is seriously expensive. I can't just run off to dinner on a whim. Not only did they send the invite last minute, but they know that we don't just have money laying around. Believe me, I would LOVE to have a nice evening out with friends. I really would. It sounds wonderful. Not to mention that the wife in question is my awesome friend who took us to Pt Townsend last month. And I have been paying her back, on time, as scheduled and agreed ahead of time. So it's not like I'm sitting here mooching off them.
Anyway, it was really hurtful and it was from someone who I thought understood. I'm just tired of feeling like such a damn pariah.
On the plus side, I won't be tempted by yummy Italian food this weekend. Sigh.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMEEWRITES 11/5/2010 5:22PM

    Thank you. I did ask if they wanted to get together the following weekend, I was thinking we could have them over, fix dinner, just have a nice evening in general. I really hope they take me up on it.

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JUSTYNA7 11/5/2010 4:54PM

    Some people don't get it... but the important thing is you do remember your friend's birthday and tell her how much she means to you. A card, sharing a cup of coffee, or even going for a walk together. Being there for each other is so much more than eating out together and she'll know that. Good luck with Nano!

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Struggling

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Well, I continue to struggle.
Even as I sit here writing this I am contemplating a way to sneak a snack during my son's soccer practice tonight. I am justifying it by saying I need to read my book for book club anyway and I love to eat and read at the same time. I know what I really need to do during that time is work on my Nano, but now that it's in my head I'm having a hard time getting it out. And I'm not talking snack as in a piece of fruit. No, I don't WANT a piece of fruit. I want potato chips. Grrrr. I can't get them out of my head, how GOOD they would taste.
I have a pear and a packet of oatmeal for my afternoon snack. Hopefully that will be filling enough to shut my head up.

I also looked into going back to Weight Watchers. Although I have a lot of support here (and I have no intention to leave) it's too easy to ignore. I need the pressure of the weekly weigh-in, plus I miss my leader. She was really awesome. With my schedule change I know when I can go, it will just be a matter of money. Which is always an issue for us.
This has to be a priority though. I'm steadily gaining, I can see it and feel it in my clothes, even though I'm too scared to step on my scale right now...

On the plus side, nano is going well so far. That's about all I have on the plus side today....

  


Samhain

Sunday, October 31, 2010

This is a night of new beginnings. Last night we released all the things we needed to let go of from the past year, and tonight we start fresh.
Sound like anything any of us need to do? I know I needed to. I had a lot of mess I had to release, some of it incredibly personal and some of it more public. I was fortunate to be surrounded by friends who I know will always love me, despite my inability to love myself sometimes.
Today I will begin trying to replace the hurt, the anger, the bitterness with positive things. I need to be a more positive person, and I am going to continue to work on that.
Between the funeral for my husband's grandmother and the time spent with friends last night it was incredibly emotionally charged day. And the theme of the day was very clearly "letting go." I can't think of a more appropriate day for a funeral, to be honest.
Also, something that was mentioned at the funeral, and I think it's so true to the spirit of the day...
Right after Ruth took her last breath, chimes rang throughout the hospital... announcing that a baby had just born.
I can't even think about that or type that now without tears in my eyes, the profoundness of it blows me away.

Have a very blessed Samhain everyone.

  


One Success

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Well, we won't talk about how the diet/exercise is going because at the moment it is decidedly NOT. I did call a friend last night who is good at whipping my butt though and asked her to give me a firm kick to the ass, so maybe that will help.
One awesome piece of news though -- I FINISHED THE NOVEL. ~68k words, 210 pgs, my first draft is DONE. I am so proud of myself I could just scream!! lol
Of course, in four days I have to do it all again.... on turbo-speed!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SONNYG1 10/28/2010 10:53AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Difficult Day...

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Well, I'm home from work today.
My husband's grandmother will be taken off the BiPap today, which means that shortly thereafter she will be gone. We are heading south to Tacoma to be with his family when that happens.
He's having a really difficult time, this is his last grandparent. Our son knows that Great-Grandma is really sick, but we haven't told him what's going on today. I have no idea how he's going to react. When his other Great-Grandma died (shortly before our daughter was born) he handled it well all the way up to the funeral, then he completely lost it on the drive home.
So yeah. Not real eager to get on with the day....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEJAS1291 10/21/2010 12:22PM

  I'm very sorry!! It is so hard to give up our grandparents...They,if we are lucky,have been a special light in our lives...Have a safe drive and take care.

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