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A little self-realization

Friday, July 27, 2012

I just realized yesterday (kind of slow on this, LOL) quite how deeply my weight affects me. When I am over 200lbs, ESPECIALLY when up around 220+, I am very self-concious, and trying to hide myself. Under 200, I am feeling so much more confident and sexy. I actually had a mental picture of myself showing up at a friend's Halloween party in the buff, and explaining that I was Bottecelli's Venus (was a good laugh...and if my hair were a bit longer, I'd actually consider it, LOL)

I've done a TON of clothes shopping over the past month, getting together clothes that fit decently, both for work and to show myself how much my hard work has paid off. The downside, I've spent over $400! (At least it was out of my personal spending money, that has NOTHING to do with paying bills, and clothing is part of what that is meant for). The upside...I have several pairs of AE jeans in size 14 (down from a tight 18), some Old Navy shorts in both 14 & 16, AE shirt in XL (down from XXL) and some Old Navy shirts in a L (down from XL and XXL). I got a new bra, that is down to 38DDD from a 40DDDD(G). The size 14 jeans are already getting a little loose after only a month, but I have a friend handing off some size 12's that she can't wear anymore (she's a 8/10 now).

Had a conversation with my husband last night, discussing my actual goals. His reaction to "another 70 pounds" was just "good luck" but when I detailed examples of clothing size for my goals, he seemed to think that maybe I wasn't speaking craziness. So, my goal sizes...

Pants, I want to get down to at least a size 8 in American Eagle. Shirts, I'm thinking M/L depending on the store...I would really like to get my chest back down to a 36 C/D. These are things I see as totally attainable and even not too distant in the future. The idea of being able to just walk into ANY store and get a new cute bra is appealing, especially Victoria's Secret...I haven't been able to shop there (due to cup size!) since I was 15/16!

Mostly though, the sizes I just listed are the "me" I still see in my head, the person that gets confused and upset by what the mirror shows. I know that's a bit outta date considering how long its been since I've been that small, but that's still the "me" I remember and want to be again. And I'm getting there, and this time, I have the knowledge and the tools to STAY there, and to appreciate it instead of thinking I'm fat already, so what does it matter if I stuff my face with cookies and milkshakes?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NSOLORIO 7/28/2012 3:38AM


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TMCK-40 7/27/2012 1:55PM

  Wow. I can so relate to the cute bra comment. You will get there. I just went from 14 to 12. What a feeling.

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MELLIE1030 7/27/2012 11:21AM


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25 weeks down - 6-month progress report!

Monday, July 02, 2012

So far, I am down a grand total of 28.8 lbs! I've gone from barely squeezing into a size 18 to being able to wear 14's that are only a little snug. On the border between XL and XXL shirts, and needing to make a trip to get my bras resized. WHOO WHO!

The house is making major progress. Emptying out all the "extra" clutter into a storage unit for a few months so that we can get some much-needed repair work done on the roof, garage, and attic. Once all that's done, we'll bring the true storage stuff back and put it in the attic, and I can finish sifting the other stuff to weed out trash and keep.

Finances are creeping back up again (stupid hosptal bills!) but I'll get that straightened out soon. Well, sorta. Depends on how much the house maintenance "catch up" runs us. I might be concentrating on the other stuff more this year, and just keeping the money for evaporating!

In other news, the hubs and I have finally settled on WHEN to start trying for Baby #2...I'm on my LAST pack of anti-baby pills this month, then the festivites shall begin, LOL. With him done with school, and our little man turning more into a BOY than a BABY, things seem to be starting to calm down a little. Its nice, but if I take a break for too long, I might not be able to jump back in again!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

22JAMIE 7/7/2012 12:09PM

    You've done sooo well this year!! Congrats.

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A little guilty pleasure...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

This makes me feel like a bad friend, but I really want/need a small chance to gloat a little (I know this person will never see this here)

About a month ago, one of my friends borrowed a bunch of my too-small pants. Not a big deal, not like they fit anyway right? It was kinda shocking to realize how MUCH weight she's gained though...5 years ago, at my wedding, she was in a size 4 bridesmaid dress. 5 years ago, she only weighed 108 lbs and we were trying to SHOVE cheeseburgers at her (you could clearly see her ribs). Last month, she was borrowing my size 16 jeans. Last month she admitted to being 190 now.

That was shocking, but not my reason for gloating.

My gloat? Last night, she came over to swap pants in, I got my "skinny" pants back (the 16s) and she took my 18s home. Including the pair I'd worn to work yesterday morning! And I saw her try them on, they were TIGHT on her, while being super baggy on me.

After she left, my hubby got home and decided on a SURPRISE trip to the mall...I ended up buying a new pair of jeans in a SIZE 14! (All my pants come from American Eagle Outfitters). And when I tried on those 14s, guess what? They were looser on me than the 18s were on her...on the "skinny" friend!

And just being able to say that, makes me feel tons better about all the times she'd gloat about being able to eat anything and not gain weight, the times she'd "complain" that her size 00 pants and XS shirts were "too big" and "too loose" Because NOW, I can wear the same tops as her, and smaller pants. Because I actually took control of what I eat, what I do, and am making a difference in myself.

I do wish she'd listen to me. But she won't, trying just starts a fight. Eventually, she'll figure something out for herself. I've tried working out with her, but she insists on a pace/exercises that my bad back can't handle, and makes fun of what I wanna do (she wants to do the eliptical & weights, I want to do yoga & swim). Being around her less actually seems to be helping me. Which sucks, she is a lot of fun, she is my friend (we just both have hot tempers, so its a volatile friendship). But I don't know if I can keep this up with her.

Oh well. American Eagle size 14! I wore a pair of 16 to work today, but thats because I sit a lot, and the 14s are just a bit tight for that to be comfy yet (but they will be awesome for weekends until I shrink the rest of the way into them). No muffin top in the 16s (very minimal one in the 14s, but they still look good).

Six months ago, I could barely squeeze into my 18s. This is bliss.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SICKOFSIZE12 9/12/2012 3:06PM

  I know what you mean, it's hard to shake those nasty little thoughts. I have a model skinny friend and it's hard for me to suppress the urge to tell her that every time she offers me chocolate chip cookies (when she KNOWS I'm on a weight loss journey), it makes me want to strangle her a teensy bit. Anyway, you came to grips with your weight and took control of your body and she'll just have to figure out hers too. I'm sure she's having a hard time just like the rest of us. Happy thoughts, and congrats on the jeans!!!! :-)

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WELLNESSME09 6/26/2012 8:35AM

    Thanks for sharing your inspiring story!

A big huge CONGRATULATIONS to you and your success!
Keep it up! emoticon

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21 weeks in...checking in for early June

Monday, June 04, 2012

Not down much since last month, only another 3lbs, putting me at 208.6 and exactly 24lbs lost. It doesn't seem like much, but with the way May went, it GOOD.

My husband graduated graduate school on May 4, but came down sick just behind it with a "cold". We went to St. Augustine for Mother's Day, and the baby got sick...once we were home, found out the baby had strep throat AND THEN, on Wednesday evening that week, the hubby got hospitalized with Flu Strain B, bronchitis, and walking pnuemonia. The following Monday, the baby had his surgery to get tubes put in his ears, while Daddy was still in the hospital (8 days overall). My mom came out here (from Texas) to help, but she actually got more in my way than she helped, although she was trying and what she did do was free me up to actually go see my hubby. But then, the day before she was supposed to go home, SHE ended up in the hospital for dehydration.

So, it was rough. The fact that I LOST weight instead of gaining it, is an accomplishment, and I need to remind myself of that.

In other news, the house is really clean, except for the garage, the dining room table, and the top of the game room dresser. Instead of eating when stressed, I cleaned, LOL.

Credit cards are back up to $8.5k though, and still haven't bought airfare (cancelled one trip though, so that saved about $800). Between missing work for a sick baby and hubby missing work because he was hospitalized, paychecks were short, and we had some big purchases that needed doing. But we will catch up, it will just take some time. Although with the $900+ in hospital bills just racked up, I'm just going to be happy if we end the year owing less than we did in the beginning.


Update after doctor appt

Monday, May 07, 2012

The doctor did NOT mention the diet pills again, and said I'm doing a great job! He did put me on metformin again, because my diabetes test came back "insulin resistant" but that wasn't a surprise, since my PCOS can CAUSE insulin resistance, my mom is insulin resistant, and my dad just got diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes (and he is SKINNY and a runner).

We'll see how well I do on the new meds. Even though in March the doctor said to wait another 6 months before starting TTC, I might decide that late July/early August is "close enough" to mid-September...I really want to be actively trying when we go to Hawaii in early August! I did get cleared by the OB/GYN office already, just not my primary-care doctor.

I'm getting really re-motivated - our trip is only 3 months away, and ONE-derland is in sight. Only 12 pounds, and I have 12 weeks!

Although, maybe we're being a little to serious in front of this guy... emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PASKALINI 5/7/2012 2:22PM

    12 pounds you can do it!!!!! Keep up the good work. That's great that your doctor didn't suggest the diet pills again and told you that you're doing a great job it's always nice to hear things like this from doctors. Good luck when you do decide to start TTC!

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