AMANDARKA   1,180
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AMANDARKA's Recent Blog Entries

A new week, some new goals.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Mother Nature paid me a nasty visit this weekend, but I feel so energized and optimistic about my future. I've been making small changes. Nothing huge, because I want to improve my way of living permanently. :)

I've cleaned out my closet and sorted through so many clothes that I will be dropping off at the new Savers that just opened down the street. I realized that a lot of those clothes were from my absolute lowest point during my battle with Anorexia. I was almost 30 lbs lighter. But with my BDD, I never noticed. When I tried to put a skirt on to size up how much I'd have to lose, I realized it would never happen. I have curves and muscle now, I didn't before. I am learning to love them and will not give up my healthy body in order to fit back into those size threes. Never again.

So I packed them all up and there is so much more room left! All these things that fit, that I don't have to pine after. I feel the weight on my shoulders lessening every day. And for me, that is progress.

I am eating right, exercising a little more every week and feel fantastic. I know in the long term, I will see fantastic -Permanent- results, and that is what I am aiming for.

This weekend was good. I am happy. :) I will continue moving forward and making progress.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WIFE48 9/23/2013 4:11PM

    Good for you. emoticon emoticon

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SETTIMIA 9/23/2013 3:57PM

    well done, keep focused and you will reach all your goals for a healthier way of life.

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It's Wednesday!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Yesterday I went to bed in such a sour mood for a few different reasons. But this morning, after reading a few articles on here and adding a recipe to my page, I am feeling so much better!
I have a delicious cup of coffee, a big bowl of strawberries and a much better mood to help me get through the day. :)

I wasn't able to do my morning routine today, but I'll make up for it after work. I know I'll be feeling much better then.

  


Starting Anew

Monday, September 16, 2013

It's september. I ended up in my doctor's office multiple times over the year for digestive issues. The moment she began throwing UC around, I freaked out and started focusing on my health more than weight loss. I put my exercising on a hold for the moment. There were days I was in so much pain that I couldn't do anything but curl up and wait for it to pass.

I've been on medication that helped fix my problems and now can go about my normal routines. My diet has drastically changed and I feel much better. The only problem now is throughout this past year, I have gradually gained about 10 pounds. It's not a huge change, but I noticed that a lot of my clothes are tighter and some just don't fit at all.

Now that I'm feeling better and my doctor says I'm ok, I'm ready to start this journey anew. I start and stop all the time. It's awful. There is no way to know if I will stick through my plans this time, but I want to. I want to so bad.

I now have a new, full time job, I've graduated from college, I have no other concerns besides my weight. (And if I could get someone to clean my house, that'd be awesome! ;P)

I'm going to do this again. The right way. The healthy way. And I will not give up this time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZIPAM1 9/16/2013 12:33PM

    i will pray for your

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MJRVIC2000 9/16/2013 12:32PM

    Jesus said in Matt 11:28, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." God Bless YOU! Vic .

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Today wasn't the best

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Yesterday I had an allergic reaction to a hefty amount of dairy. My lactose issues have gotten out of hand and some suspect I may have an ulcer.

I've been in horrible pain all day, exhausted and stressed. I have a doctors appt scheduled for Friday to figure out what's going on.

I'm hungry but I can't eat anything deep fried because it makes me sick, dairy because it makes be sick, subway because that's what started all of this yesterday and citrus because it agitates my stomach. It took me an hour to finish a peanut butter sandwich and a handful of baby carrots. Unfortunately, a trip up to my school's union made me realize that, at the present, I am unable to consume 90% of what is available. I almost cried in the middle of the food court.

If anyone reads this, are there any places I can go to find some lactose free recipes? I love cooking and I need to take control of my diet before I get even more sick.

  


The first step

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I've joined two challenges that I'm honestly, not sure if I have time to complete. While I'm typing that sentence, the other part of my brain is telling me that that is the exact reason why I signed up. About a year ago, I let my weight get away from me when I was learning to get over my anorexia. It was difficult because I gained two pants sizes and about 15 lbs. I tried using SparkPeople back then, but It was for all the wrong reasons. After this year of hard work, I know I am ready to conquer this demon once and for all.

I have so much to deal with as far as school and work are concerned, I visualize myself really trying to get everything done and go to a gym, but I always end up talking myself out of it in order to sit at home. It's so easy for me to give up and I lack the motivation to keep moving forward.

I want to see if I can manage this without any additional therapy. I've learned a lot more about eating right and I'm starting to keep that routine in check. With these challenges I've signed up for, I feel as though I can see the progress of others, see their stories and hopefully one day be able to post one of my own.

I know I have healed enough to uncover my mirrors and put my scale back out, but I am just overweight for my size. I miss being active. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't obsess over my weight. But between school and work, I hardly have time to devote to exercise. I'm going to do my best to keep up with this. I anticipate almost failing a few times during this process, but as long as I keep coming back, that is all that matters.

let's do this.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POSEY440 1/29/2013 3:24PM

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CAROLINAKIWI 1/29/2013 2:55PM

    I, too, did not exercise because I didn't have time. I work a full time job from 8:00am to 6:00pm and when I get off at 6 I am just too tired to even think about exercise. I finally made the commitment to get up at 5:15 every morning. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I go to Curves. On Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, I walk. Was it easy? No!!!
But after the first week of forcing myself to do it, it became a routine and is now something I look forward to. Try it for a little while, and see if it doesn't work for you too. It also helps to make you more mentally alert and is bound to help at school.

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