Monday, October 21, 2013
On the plus side, roasted chickpeas are GOOD :)
On the minus side, the party got cancelled. Not only did it get cancelled, but after all my angst-ing about cake, I ended up buying one at Publix Friday afternoon. It was called an Apple Stack cake, and was basically a standard sponge with apple butter for frosting and filling between the layers.
Eyeroll. Genius, I haz it.
Anyway, it could have been worse, but holy cats!!! I amaze myself sometimes, and obviously not always in a good way. Fortunately my older son ate the lion's share of it (he's 14 and has the proverbial hollow leg... built like a twig too, that child), but not after I had a couple of good-sized chunks.
Sigh. Oh well. The fabulous news is after that little indiscretion on Friday I was 100% on plan for both Saturday and Sunday. I picked up some frozen flounder at Sam's, and learned I don't so much like flounder. At least I don't like it how I cooked it (broiled, topped with a yogurt/ mustard/ dill sauce). I have one more serving of that batch to eat tonight, then I'll mess around with some other preparation methods because there are a TON of little thin fillets in that giant bag.
I'm inspired to like the flounder, in part because it's nearly a third the price of my beloved salmon. I won't give up my salmon by any means, but cost is a factor in addition to food quality. I'm always working to tweak that balance.
For breakfast today I mixed things up a bit. Rather than my standard 2 eggs/ broccoli or asparagus/ avocado, I instead had a cup of nonfat Chobani Greek yogurt, 1/2 cup of raspberries, 14 grams of unsweetened coconut chips, and 1 teaspoon of honey. The protein is excellent, so we'll see how that does me until lunch as far as satiety is concerned. I figure I'll give that a shot again tomorrow, just to double-check, and perhaps I'll continue to vary that breakfast with my eggs.
Because don't get me wrong, I love, love, LOVE my eggs! But I wonder if my cake craving is spurred by a need for a little more carbohydrates in my diet; hence the fruit and coconut addition. Oh well, they're good food choices regardless so playing with that option can't hurt .
Anyway, that's it for the moment, looking forward to an on-plan week! Have a good one, y'all :)
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Yep, I'm totally having a flashback to International Talk like a Pirate Day.
Thank you for all your comments re: the Holiday Eating Frenzy. It's good to know I'm not alone at least! But good grief it makes me insane. My husband and I have a Halloween party to go to this weekend, and I'm torn between just not going at all (less stressful, to be honest) and desperately trying to figure out what to take. One of the problems I have with this type of event -- it's a covered dish -- is that my best "take to someone else's house" foods are either desserts or insanely cheesy potato dishes.
Adding to the insanity, I have to work part of the day on Saturday so whatever I bring has to be prepared on Friday night which takes any warm dish pretty much out of the running. Part of me wants to bake another pound cake and put some vanilla bean glaze on it because my pound cake is really quite good, and I am an absolute glutton for praise. The other part of me -- you know, the part that would like to see 135 again -- is saying "Amanda, just roast some chickpeas. You've been looking for an excuse to try that recipe anyway so you might as well, plus it'll cover any vegans who are in the mix."
I think I'm going to make myself go with the latter. Yes, the pound cake is good, but heaven knows I have plenty of other holiday events where it's expected, and with this particular group of friends there's another set of girls who always (and I mean ALWAYS) do desserts. I need to dial down the competitive "My cakes are good too, even if they aren't covered in fondant!" urges and let those ladies just shine.
My chickpeas and I will be okay.
I've done well food-wise this week. My treat-of-the-day at the moment is 1/4 cup of Talenti Sea Salt Caramel gelato. A full serving is 1/2 cup/ 104 grams at 240 calories, so I just stick my little bowl on my food scale, tare it out, and scoop out as closet to 52 grams as I can manage. It's usually around 55-58 grams, because I'd rather get slightly more than slightly less (and I wonder why my weight is an issue?), but it's only around 120-ish calories and it makes me very happy.
Worth it. :)
Oh, I also did well with lunch yesterday! Usually I bring my lunch to the office (endless piles of chicken, broccoli, and avocado), but yesterday a girlfriend and I hit up Chipotle. There was a time when I'd get a burrito bowl and load every bit of fat onto it (cheese and sour cream? Youbetcha!), but I've altered my order a bit in the past several months. Now my usual order is a salad, no dressing, with carnitas (sometimes double -- meat is good), double mild salsa, and guacamole. It still tastes amazing and is only 390 calories per bowl (560 with double carnitas). Granted, that's not the lowest caloric hit on the planet, but it's extremely satisfying and curtails the desire for any snacking between lunch and dinner. Besides, the guacamole makes it almost health food?
So anyway, that's where I am with all this at the moment. Still teetering on the edge, NOT looking forward to having to say "no" all the time over the holidays -- willpower is a finite resource, and mine historically dies out around mid-December -- but doing the best I can at the moment.
Have a good one, y'all :)
Monday, October 14, 2013
I am such a stereotype it kills me.
I do really well for a week/ a month/ a quarter/ whatever, and then some massive dining event occurs (usually several clumped up together) and I feel as if I'm right back where I started, both psychologically and physically.
It starts out with "Oh dear, I've lost control, I have to get a grip!" This is followed by the recommittment ceremony, "I'm on it! I know what I have to do and how I have to eat and this is what I am doing." Then we have the progress portion, "I'm doing well! I had X and Y successes, yay!"
The progress portion is followed by The Big Stall. "I've been eating like a SAINT for X number of days and the scale won't fall any more! But I'll stick with it -- it just takes time." Sadly, after a few days/ weeks of that (it varies), I eventually get sick unto death of only eating 1200-ish calories a day and I lose my mind once again, eating All The Food.
We had our annual big family gathering on Saturday and I made the desserts, which is just what I do. I rarely bake for home anymore, because that way lies madness, but for these events I really like to be able to do it. I enjoy my baking -- I'm a pretty good baker if I do say so myself -- and in all honesty, baking cakes 2-3 times a year shouldn't do me in.
I no longer like to eat the chocolate chip cookie cheesecake bars I make. They're just too much for me -- hey, victory there :) And I'm not a fan of most store-bought baked goods, so I'm safe from those. But I love the cakes I make, and the big one I love is my cream cheese pound cake. I love it plain, I love it with a vanilla bean glaze, fresh strawberries, or some chocolate ganache drizzled over the top... really, it's good about any way you slice it.
So I ate a couple slices of it, and a couple of slices of the plum torte I made (I just discovered the recipe for that one and it was AMAZING!!!). This was double-jeopardy since I generally don't eat grains or much added sugar at all.
Then on Sunday we went out to lunch for my sister-in-law's birthday, and the restaurant was not dietarily friendly. I mean, I absolutely could have ordered something plain had I wanted to -- most restaurants will grill or broil a chicken breast and have steamed veggies of some sort -- but good grief, I can have that stuff at home. And I rarely get out to eat anything Italian (see earlier: no grains), and dagnabbit, I wanted pasta.
So I chose (yes, chose -- I am aware I was not forced) to eat seriously off-plan for the second day in a row.
I only ate a third of my dish, because it was insanely huge, and I sent the remainder home with my brother so I wouldn't be tempted, but then we went back by my mother's -- the same woman I gifted with all the dessert leftovers so I wouldn't eat them -- and ate MORE of my cake, because cake is good.
Then we got home and I helped my younger son finish off his pizza. By "helped" I mean "I ate it for him because he didn't much like it". I'm helpful like that *rolling my eyes at myself*
Which brings us to today, and the wretched cakes which yet again are plaguing me because my mother sent them up to the office so SHE won't be tempted. Guess who had a couple of slices with her morning coffee?
*headdesk headdesk headdesk*
And no, I have not climbed on the scale for two days, thank you very much. I can't stand it if it's spiked back up over 150, which it easily could have.
Well, on the plus side, when I got up this morning I put my chicken in the oven to bake at about 5:30 AM because I forgot to do it yesterday. I may have eaten cake 3 days in a row, but at least I'm not giving myself an excuse to eat out at lunch. That's a step in the right direction. Plus I logged my food for the day, putting in ALL the cake consumption for the morning, which I'm hoping will help me hold myself accountable not to eat any more. It's okay if I have a slice or two, but I can't use "cake, yay!" as an excuse to gorge.
I will always make more. It's not going to be the last time I make cake. It won't even be the last time this year. I still have Thanksgiving and Christmas to contend with. But thankfully, once this particular batch of baked goods is consumed, I won't have to won't have to exercise my rather feeble amount of willpower until late November.
Sunday, October 06, 2013
So far so good, still. I had a cookie yesterday (tiny - 60 calories) that wasn't planned for and a bowl of frozen yogurt that was planned. I'm only obsessing about the cookie to any degree because I'm trying to eat just what I've planned right now. We're at the beginning of massive holiday season (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas) and with that comes Massive Food Season. Last year I managed to put on FOURTEEN POUNDS between December 5th and January 7th, and I have yet to get back down to where I was prior to the holidays. I don't want a repeat of that insanity this year. I'd also really like to get back to 135. I'm physically comfortable there, my clothes fit well... so anyway, when I'm going insane over "OMG I ate a pickle!!" or whatever? That's where it's coming from.
To help me manage this, I'm working through _The Complete Beck Diet for Life: The Five-Stage Program for Permanent Weight Loss_, by Judith S. Beck. It's an interesting process, because some of her phrasing rubs me the wrong way. She has this obsession with "enjoying each and every bite" for meals, and while I do see the necessity of savoring one's food (might as well enjoy what you're eating!), that particular phrasing absolutely makes my teeth grind.
Therefore, in order to keep myself on track, I edit my copy of the book. With a PEN. If the phrasing bugs, I just mark through it and rework the words. And I go through that ridiculousness because I really see so much good in the book and in the exercises I'm doing that I want to continue on. But the annoying phrasing... ARRRRGHHH!!
So, yep. Attacking the book with a pen. Works for me!
I had to work today for a bit so my eating has been off its regular pattern. Breakfast was the usual, at least, 2 eggs, 1/2 avocado, and asparagus. Lunch ended up being 2 hard boiled eggs and a cup of cherry tomatoes along with a tablespoon of olive oil. I also got some shrimp cocktail and had 8 large shrimp with a couple of tablespoons of cocktail sauce.
Snack was awesome :D It was a tablespoon of maple almond butter and a tablespoon of nut-free, dairy-free, soy-free mini chocolate chips. That really hit the spot!
Dinner will be a tilapia fillet, and I think I'll bake it with the rest of the cherry tomatoes. I'm thinking about seasonings and am considering something along the lines of chipotle lime cilantro... but I'm not in the kitchen yet so I haven't come to a final decision there :) Vegetables at dinner on top of the tomatoes will be either broccoli or asparagus depending on which thrills me more at the moment.
Well, enough here. I have my dinners to bake for the week and I'd better get on that! Enjoy the rest of your weekend, everyone :)
Friday, October 04, 2013
I did well yesterday, hooray! I stuck with my plan even though the stupid Halloween candy that Those Who Sign My Paychecks crave was sitting out all day. It about killed me because I LOVE the Reese's pumpkins (love!!! Even though they're terrible hyper-processed chemical-laden bombs -- I don't care -- LOVE!!), but I know one quasi-innocent pumpkin will lead to two, then ten...
No, I'm not kidding. I have *that* little control over myself with Reese's products, and the pumpkins are nearly top of my Most Beloved Products list. I can stare at them and hold back by my fingernails, but the moment I cave it's all over.
So I just can't cave. It's as simple as that.
I wanted to say thank you all for commenting -- I really appreciate the feedback :) I've been kind of quiet for many, many months because for quite some time I was maintaining well and was trying to focus on something other than food, and then somewhere along the way I lost my confidence and the scale started climbing.
I started judging my food intake by a bar set by other people. Some of it was set by the Whole30 standards, some set by friends of mine who were maintaining a similar weight loss, so it's not as if the standards were unrealistic or out of line in general, but they weren't for me.
Please bear in mind, this is nothing against Whole30 (in part because I do eat mostly "compliant" even now, chocolate exemption notwithstanding) and nothing against my friends I was listening to because I know THEY know what works for them. I just adopted food intake standards as my own that... well, weren't. My own, that is.
And one big thing I had taken to heart was hearing "No one *needs* chocolate/ ice cream/ whatever to survive. If anyone says they do, they're either lying to themselves or weak."
I don't want to be weak. I lived through 10 years in a domestic violence situation and got out because once I woke up to what was going on I realized there was zero chance of me letting my kids grow up thinking that kind of thing was normal, so even the thought of being weak is kind of a trigger point with me. I can't be weak, ever. So I gave up my treats: my chocolate, my ice cream, the occasional cake, all gone. I am Not Weak Woman! Hear Me Roar!!
Eh, it was more of a whimper really. And I am now here to tell you, my dears, that if "needing" chocolate, et al, makes one weak? Then please sign my happy butt up for The Weak Olympics. I'll take candy bar vaulting as my main event. There may be no RDA for chocolate, but in AmandaLand that little bit of daily indulgence is absolutely crucial to my ability to stay on-track with the rest of my food.
So I have my 1/4 Shakti bar in the afternoon (organic, raw, vegan... you name a virtue, this bar has it); then a 1/2 tablespoon of Artisana's Cocoa Bliss (the chocolate/ coconut butter mixture I mentioned in an earlier entry), slightly warmed, with 1/3 cup of cold raspberries in the evening. And that slightly-over-100 calories worth of chocolatey goodness seems to just work for me. It's enough to keep me from kicking into "OMG Must Eat ALL The Food!!!!" deprivation mode, but it's not enough to push me off the rails into some ridiculous chocolate free-fall.
I know, those are two strikingly similar alternatives. It's definitely a balancing act, because if I push too far either way, into deprivation or over-indulgence, I completely fly off the rails.
The fruit issue is similar for me. I was actually feeling guilty about eating fruit (yes, guilty! about produce!), and that is just flatly ridiculous. It's fruit. It's not candy. Granted, I don't want to eat a dozen bananas per day or anything insane, but a bowl of berries is not going to turn me into some fruit-obsessed maniac who's downing pineapple by the barrelful.
That said, I do understand that there are others for whom a certain degree of fruit intake will result in an off-the-rails thing. I'm only an expert in what works for me, so please don't take this as any sort of critique. I, personally, get nuttily disordered when I view fruit as a treat. Others' mileage DEFINITELY varies :)
Ultimately, that's what I'm working to get a grip on again -- the fact that I know what works for me, and that what works for others is just that: what works for them. And that's fine for all of us.
Have a good weekend, everyone!
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