Sunday, September 15, 2013
My friend asked me to work out with her. I am all for working out, and I know it is always less boring with a partner, but..
She and I are not in the same place. Yeah she's out of shape and needs to lose weight, but she's already half my size.
My friend is like 170 trying to be 145ish at 5'0. I am 312 trying to get to 120 slowly but surely at a height of 5'2. (We are both 19 years old.) We are very different stats wise. We have different builds. She's heavy up top (cone?) and I'm more like a subtly curved pear. [The figure I've depicted for myself is from when I was around 135 like 6 or 7 years ago. I have really small like, AAA battery sized boobs at a healthy weight, so my hips appear slightly wide, thus the slight pear shape.] Not to mention she's not really THAT serious/dedicated to all of this. She just wants to wear a 2 piece and booty shorts next summer. She doesn't care for eating healthy or being healthy overall. (Judging by how much she asks me to go out to eat or brings fast food to my house for herself to eat while we watch tv.)
We're just at different stages in this process.
I doubt we'll actually get around to working out together anyways since we have different schedules and only see each other 3 nights a week to catch up on shows together. That being said I don't know why I am even blogging about this, haha.
I feel like she would feel better about herself if she was exercising by me...
She tends to validate how little she is by comparing herself to me. I don't think she MEANS to be mean, but I can see what she's doing when it happens.
Aside from anything related to sizes and weight loss, we're very similar.
I think it's safe to say she's got to find a different friend to workout with. lol I'll just stick to trying to get my mom to workout with me. (My mom is about 42 y/o, 364 (not sure of her goal weight), and 5'3.5 - 5'4. I've never seen her at a healthy weight.... so I don't know her build underneath. I imagine she's a mix of top heavy [cone?] and hour glass.)
I have a twin sister who is even more similar to me... but she doesn't care for being healthy either. She just wants to get to like 180, go to the gym like 1 time a month and eat crap all day. -_- We are going to be some odd looking twins when the weight loss is over, lol.
This blog was all over the place.. Hadn't blogged in a week or so, so I thought I'd go ahead and do so.
Bye til next time.
Monday, September 02, 2013
My last blog was about putting in 100% of my effort and dedication, and then I completely ceased to be here. I have been in a lot of pain and could barely get out of the bed. Some nights I didn't go to sleep because of the pain. I was dizzy often and sick always. Just my luck. Every time I get really into this lifestyle change, something pulls me back down.
I was going to continue to post on here throughout that time, but for one, the light really hurt my eyes and secondly, people on these kinds of websites think people want attention when they constantly are sick/hurt and post about it. So I dealt with it in private. How is it that a support website can make you feel unsupported? Story of my life. I still feel crappy but nowhere near as bad as I did the end of July/entire month of August. I decided to just suck it up and do what I can, because I can only get worse sitting on my butt. My pain is mostly in my spine and skull, which sounds risky (and maybe it is), but I feel like I need to take control in some way.
So yesterday, I began working out again. It was just a 32 minute trial cardio workout to make sure I am okay. I completed it (with only two 1 minute breaks). Today I am doing the same workout, plus some arm workouts. Tomorrow will be cardio and back workouts.
- Lose 8 lbs
- Workout 4x a week min.
- Drink at least 6 cups of water (it's not where I need to be, but it is a step up).
- Try new foods.
Already completed one of my goals! I tried kale today. Last night I tried guacamole. :) Branching outtttt.
That's all for today. About to get in some water and go workout. I have a lot of homework to do and shows to watch, haha. (Listening to/kind of watching the show for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders right now as I blog this and do one of my assignments.)
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
So yesterday, my official day 1 after my post the day before, I did not exercise.
Because I woke up around 8pm, and that was only because my friend came over. By time she left it was 1am and I was tired again. Today, I woke up around 7pm. I refuse to not workout AGAIN (although I guess yesterday could be counted as a rest day). I normally don't exercise at night because I have a fear that people outside can see me (or my shadow rather).
Today I'm making an exception and facing that fear. I don't know what is causing my major sleepiness and fatigue, but I will push past it. So I was planning to double up my exercise to compensate for yesterday, but I realized I can count that as a rest day. Plus I have a headache that gets worse when I'm in motion. I did 50 squats a little while ago and right after I was done that's when the headache started. Haven't been able to shake it since (I only use pain meds if it is unbearable).
Also, it's probably not best to double up because I've only had 2 greek yogurts, a turkey burger, and some green beans today. Not a lot of calories and nutrients and therefore, not enough fuel.
So I'll just do my 50 minute workout like I planned.
Otherthan that, I'm doing okay. Ohh, and I weighed in at 299.6 today!! Woo! Out of the 300s. Now I just have to keep it that way and make sure I don't gain. :)
Monday, July 22, 2013
I've been relatively consistent ever since coming back from my illness and injury period. I hit 301 at my last weigh in (last week on Wednesday) and desperately want to be under 300 this upcoming weigh in.
In feeling how bad I want this, I realized I want to stay routinely consistent so that 1) I don't have to stress over every weigh in or weigh myself everyday to make sure my mess ups the day before didn't hurt me too bad, and 2) so that I can gain confidence and KNOW for sure that I am giving it my all and whatever the scale doesn't reflect is not due to my lack of 100% commitment.
If you've ever watched TrulyDaily videos by TrulyJess on youtube, then you have seen her and how she gives 110% every single day. She has been making vlogs daily since the first of the year following her fitness journey, and she has not missed a day. She has not let up yet. At this point 7 months into the year, you know it's without a doubt a routine for her. She just does it. She even used to workout twice a day, until she started a muscle building program that she pays for where she gets personalized workouts and clean eating plans. She looks amazing and she's not even done yet. Ultimately she wants to do bikini or figure competitions.
Everyday her commitment makes me want to kick my own butt at the gym (and I don't even go to a gym).
So now, for my day 1 post.
It's a little after 11am. I haven't worked out yet, because I'm having some acid reflux issues (I don't take meds, can't afford the good ones that work for me). So I'm waiting for that to go away before I start. I have thrown up quite a bit of acidic clear liquid this morning, so I don't think it is wise to exercise on that. In the meantime I have been drinking water and keeping my motivation to work out up by watching related YouTube videos and exploring SparkPeople. When the burning feeling in my throat wears off, I'll go workout.
To workout I've been doing 2 mile walks using Leslie Sansone DVDs (32 minutes). I also do squats and arm stuff with weights. I'm going to try my hand with my elliptical today, though I think I'm beginning to see a connection between that and my worsening back injury flare ups. (As in it only is really painful a few days after I use that.) It's just that I paid so much for it, I feel like I should give it a chance to do what I paid for it to do. Maybe I need to have better form. :/
Most days I track my food on MFP. I am going to get back to doing it everyday, for the sake of this 100% dedication commitment. Some stuff I eat is really hard to track though. The measurements are really weird.. People always say track everything that goes in your mouth, but when you only eat 3 teddy grahams out of a whole pack it's kind of tricky.
Anyways, day 2's blog will be better, because it will have the actual contents of my day, and I'm thinking about doing pictures of my meals, in it. Not just introductory stuff. I may post another blog later for my official Day 1.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Most of these weights were taken in school during health exams in P.E.
5- Starting getting fat. No known weight.
6 - When I started noticing I was bigger than everyone else. (My son is going to be 6 in about 6 days, and I'm so thankful that he is always one of the smallest of his peers. I always make sure he is age, weight, and height proportionate and have taught him to like healthy food. He also loves to exercise. I even got him a boxing bag+ gloves, a soccer ball, and little 1 lb weights. He likes to do yoga sometimes, and he does fitness dvds with me (or by himself if I'm being lazy or already worked out that day). Being overweight or obese runs in my family and I vowed to not let my kid go through that.) No known weight for myself at this age.
9 or 10? - not sure how old I was, but it's around there. I was 135. My brother who is about to enter 4th grade, is about 70 - 80 lbs. That sounds a teeny bit big, but he's not actually fat at all. He's kind of tall and is built like a basketball player.
12- around 145 lbs (had lost a lot of weight right before this weighing, though I'm not sure how much bigger I was, due to an eating disorder)
13 - 202 lbs. This is my post pregnancy weight. (rape and all that depressing crap... don't ask or comment about this please....)
15 - 9th Grade- 225 lbs. Me and my twin sister were the same weight up until a bit after this. We started moving around a lot.. Change and the presence of other people, let alone new people, stress me out to the point of I-want-to-die depression.. I also have paranoia issues, which doesn't help.
17- 274 lbs. I was in my first attempt at weight loss here. I got down to about 220 lbs in 3 months or so.
Okay, my heighest weight is at 19. I was 322. At 18 I moved around a lot again. My family was briefly in a homeless shelter and I hated life. This caused depression and another suicide attempt (first one at 14), which put me on psych meds again, which caused my weight to balloon.
Currently still 19. I weigh about 301 as of my last official weigh in.
So, I just wanted to write this down because I always see people say "I'm lighter than I was in highschool" or "I'm lighter than I was when I was ___ years old!" So, I know I may forget how old I was at certain weights by time I hit goal. I barely remember as it is. I like to compare things, so I definitely want to be able to say I weigh less than I did in 3rd or 4th grade. 120 is my UGW (ultimate goal weight).
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