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Honest arrogance -- or hypocritical humility?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

“Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility: I chose arrogance.”-- Frank Lloyd Wright

I read with interest Dean Anderson’s SP article about using the pronoun “I”.
He claims that people who use “I” do a better job at their weight loss program—perhaps because of more commitment, accountability, and ownership of their journey.

I have been trained from an early age to not use “I”. I grew up in a large family. There was not room and resources for too many “I” persons. I learned it was a virtue to think always of others before myself. I lived the rest of my lifetime in service of others in my career and private life.

I now am changing. I have listed my accomplishments—and I have many—and I am proud of myself. I hereby permit myself to use the pronoun “I”. It is a relief! I still put God first—I always will. I am generous with love and support for my husband and children. But they are no longer the focus of all my time and attention. I prioritized my role as a mother when they were growing up and I raised four successful, happy adult children who are living their own full and generous lives. I am a fantastic mother. Now, I give myself permission to be my own mother.

This is going to be a great.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VANB01 1/15/2010 5:10PM

    Good for you! As women we tend to put others first- even to our own detriment. It's important to be able to put our own needs first- or at least on a par with everyone else' needs- not LESS of a priority.

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FABN50S 1/13/2010 9:23AM

    I have lost weight before and when I did I made myself #1. I too used I alot "I have to go workout, you take care of yourself for 1 hour" I learned that "I" is not a selfish word it truly is the only way you can be successful.

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DOCDUTTON 1/13/2010 9:21AM

    You are the only person who can truly make a difference in you. You probably blame yourself when things don't go well. You should also acknowledge yourself when you do well. "I" is not a bad word. Congratulations on you!

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PARKERB2 1/13/2010 9:10AM

    Good for you. It's not selfish to take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Have a good day.

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January 11 Update

Monday, January 11, 2010

I had dental surgery a few days ago and have been swollen like a chipmunk. I used Bolthouse protein drinks for initial nutrition. (I have never had them before. They are tasty and with 19 grams of protein in 320 calories, they satisfy you for hours!) I have been able to move on to soft veggies and very tender meats. Yay!

I am keeping up my exercise during this time. Did I mention that besides the surgery Thursday, I have been on the road since Friday helping my son, who lives a few states away, move!! Yes, I am STILL exercising at least ten minutes daily, tracking everyday, and keeping within calorie range with good nutrition on a liquid to soft diet. I had started a weight lifting class last Monday—plus I am in SP bootcamp and QuickFire challenge. These have given me great roadmaps so I can exercise anywhere. I did a circuit yesterday that included triceps dips, Nicole’s chair squats, lunges, wall push-ups and more while at the laundramat washing all the apartment bedding prior to storage. I got a good workout!! I don’t care what strangers thought of me. But I will tell you what I thought of them. How boring!! It is a waste of time to sit around and do NOTHING at a laundramat. Shame on them!

I am up early to do more packing before the big move today.
emoticon This is me trying to smile. My mouth is lopsided!
emoticon This is me after lifting moving boxes all day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACIS_SUCCESS 1/11/2010 6:54AM

    Wow. Good for you - and I 100% agree that the time waiting in the laundromat shouldn't be a total waste. Take care of you and feel better soon.


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DIDMIS 1/11/2010 5:01AM

    My goodness what energy. After dental surgery and you keep going. No stopping you. emoticon emoticon only be careful.

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Ch 2 Cornerstone: Focus

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

My purpose is to be the best mother, partner and wife I can be. The crisscross effect will help make one improve the other.

What I Want:

➢ I want great relationships with my husband, children, and their future spouses and children.
➢ I want to be healthy and fit enough to enjoy seasonal sports-to ski, kayak, bike, skate, and horseback
➢ I want to travel unencumbered with the embarrassment and inconvenience of obesity

My long-term goal is that, within eighteen months, I will lose 100 pounds and be healthier. I will find a new job that will allow me to be the best mother, partner and wife I can be. I will find a new job that will allow me to spend the time and attention necessary to be healthy and fit.

My medium-term goals are to review the process periodically. I will review the systems that I have developed for myself every 6 weeks: Do I need to change my cooking habits? Am I enjoying my exercise? Is there a new sport or activity I would like to try? Do I need to find a Spark friend to review this with or can I do this with one of my sisters or daughters? Which of my activities keeps me motivated and moving toward my goal? Which are time wasters? Are my activities consistent with my purpose and goals?

➢ First Review: February 14, Valentine’s Day
➢ Second Review: April 21
➢ Third Review: June 12
➢ Fourth Review: August 15
➢ Fifth Review: October 1
➢ Sixth Review: Nov 25
➢ Seventh/ Year-End Review: Jan 1

Short-term actions steps
➢ drink 8 glasses of water daily
➢ eat 5 portions of fruit and vegetables daily
➢ track food daily
➢ track exercise daily
➢ do daily Quick Fire Challenge or other challenge
➢ exercise 4-5 days weekly for 60-90 minutes of cardio
➢ work up to strength training 3x weekly


New Year's Summary

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

I had a good 2009. I love this stage of life—of having my kids be young adults and rise to the challenges of life. We prepared them well and I take pride in doing a good job.

I am addressing my weight problem. I like the tools, support and people on this website. I am certain I will be successful in losing 100 pounds. I focused my life on others. Now I am focusing time and attention on me.


Post to Re-read

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Note to Self: This is copied from katydid! who copied it from another Sparker January 3, 2010. I post it here so I can re-read it frequently.

January 2010, the start of a new year, new decade, new hopes, new dreams, new vision quests, new chances, and a whole new journey begins and continues just over the horizon..

Thought for the day :
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.

Two Wolves - A Cherokee Parable

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life...

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"

The old chief simply replied,
"The one you feed."

Rules For Being Human

1. You Will Receive A Body
You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2. You Will Learn Lessons
You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons - you may like the lesson or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3. There Are No Mistakes, Only Lessons
There is a process of trial and error; experimentation. The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately 'works'.
4. A Lesson Is Repeated Until It Is Learned
A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning Lessons Does Not End.
There is no part of Life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. 'There' Is No Better Than 'here'.
When your 'there' has become a 'here', you will simply obtain another 'there' that will again look better than 'here'.
7. Others Are Merely Mirrors Of You.
You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What You Make Of Your Life Is Up To You.
You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your Answers Lie Inside You.
The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need do is look, listen and trust.
10. You Will Forget All This.
11. You Can Remember It Whenever You Want
My Declaration of Self-Esteem - "I Am Me"
Virginia Satir

In all the world there is no-one else exactly like me.

Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it.

I own everything about me; my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself - I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes, because I own all of me.

I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me and other aspects that I do not know, but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do - I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore I can engineer me - I am me and I am okay.

Promise yourself -Christian D Larson
Promise yourself
to be so strong
that nothing can
disturb your
peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness
and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends
feel that there is something in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best
and expect only the best.

To be enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to
greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticise others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger,
too strong for fear and too happy
to permit the presence of trouble.


Recipes For Self-Love

Take full responsibility for your life.
Stop blaming others.
See yourself as the cause of what happens to you.

Do things you like to do.
Don't stay in a job you don't like.
Participate in life at the highest level you can.

Stop terrorising yourself with your thoughts.
Be gentle and kind and patient with yourself.

Give yourself the simple pleasures of life abundantly.
Wear clothes you feel good in, get a massage etc.

Watch what you say. Avoid self put-downs.
Stop being critical of yourself and others.

Take care of your body.
Give it exercise and good food.

Be willing to create a life-style that generates and nourishes self-esteem.
Associate with others with high esteem.

Acknowledge yourself frequently.
Keep a diary of your successes and accomplishments.

Avoid comparing yourself with others.
Remember that it's who we are, not what we do, that's important

Give yourself permission to do nothing periodically.
Schedule time by yourself.

Frequently take deep breaths.
Discover the benefit and pleasure of breathing fully.

Eat first class frequently.
Don't look at the right side of the menu.

Stop trying to change others.
Focus your attention on being the way you want others to be.

Look into a mirror regularly
and say "I love you, I really love you".

Stop feeling guilty and saying "I'm sorry".
See mistakes as valuable lessons and avoid judging yourself.

Consciously generate positive thoughts and feelings of self-love
in place of old thoughts of inadequacy.

Be willing to laugh at yourself and at life.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Accept compliments from others without embarrassment.
Don't invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you.

Be kind to your mind.
Don't hate yourself for having negative thoughts.
Gently change your thoughts.

Keep your awareness and your thoughts focussed in present time
instead of living in the past or future.

Acknowledge others frequently.
Tell them what you like and appreciate in them.

Invest money in yourself.
Go to seminars, workshops and courses that develop your talents.

Make a list of 10 things
you love doing and do them frequently.

Treat yourself as you would treat someone you really loved.
Praise yourself.


"Life is a journey, everyones journey will be different from the next person."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MLCNORTHSIDE 1/3/2010 7:24AM

    Very Nice!!!

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