Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I tore my MCL coming down from the very top of Jackson Hole. I LOVE to ski!!! I was SO HAPPY that I lost enough weight that my ski boots fit perfect again. So I got aggressive with the skiing---all in a celebration of life.
Well, last day of my season, I did a split with my ski’s and ended up getting hauled down the mountain by the ski patrol. Let me tell you, though: I MADE IT THROUGH THE BLACK DIAMOND SKIING FROM THE VERY TOP OF JACKSON HOLE!!!!! It fatigued me, but I did it. Then I got into some very heavy wet deep snow on a double blue at the top of amphitheatre. That is where I went down. So I am currently in rehab for my knee. The orthopedist says I’ll be able to ski next season with a brace.
So my 5k plans have changed. I’m going back to the walking division. I have a lot of chondomalacia in my knee—no doubt from being obese and active. I want to go a LONG TIME in my life doing motorcycle, ski, kayak, horseback and all the activities I love.
I LOVE weight lifting. I have continued throughout my injury and rehab to go to the gym every other day and do upper body weights. Okay, so part of it is that I’m a show off. I’ve been going to PT 3 times a week for the knee and they invited me to use their equipment like my own gym after my session. Most people there are using bad form. I feel like a silent prophet, going in and using the equipment with a full range of motion, no momentum, and a tempo that goes slow on the negative return thus getting the best bang for my buck time-wise as I workout. I feel like a good example to others. Did I say I LOVE WEIGHTS?!
I am not doing cardio yet. It is 12 days post injury and I am able to do the stationary bike. Ouch. It still hurts to bend so this is more for range of motion than actual cardio—making sure I get the right fiber length in the healing knee. I’m very aware of making FUNCTION my number one goal right now.
Gotta go. I worked hard this morning on at home exercises now I go to PT.
Everyday in everyway, I am getting healthier, happier and more fit.
Friday, March 18, 2011
I finished taxes and sent the last bit of info to the accountant.
Then I took a break and MOTORCYLED for the first time this season!! DH put a new battery in the bike for me. That is a sexy man--the man who changes the oil and keeps the bike maintained. I'm a lucky woman.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
“Imagine someone regularly tying small weights around your ankles as you try to climb a mountain. Doesn't sound fair, does it? But that's exactly what you can do to yourself, a little bit at a time, if you don't watch out. When you think of who and what is standing in the way of your dreams, it's easy to forget your own responsibility. Even the best of us can be guilty of unknowingly hurting our own progress. Procrastination, lateness, being disorganized, pessimism, not being honest with yourself, severe self-criticism, downplaying achievements, focusing only on weaknesses while ignoring strengths, keeping goals a secret, demanding perfection, giving up after a small setback--these are all ways you can make it tough to be (and do) your best. Smart systems, the right attitude, and a promise to keep going no matter what will make a world of difference. “ -- from an SP essay about a Robert Frost quote which I had copied and saved in my journal in 2010
These are my thoughts on the above quote and a recent blog I commented on by Fit_Whit about being judgmental.
First, I noticed this past year through my journaling that I indeed am the person tying weights around my own ankles while trying to climb the proverbial mountain. I procrastinate, come late, and am disorganized (in some areas of my life. In other areas, I’m extraordinarily organized). I am NOT pessimistic. I give myself high marks on being honest with myself and fair in my self criticism. But I do downplay achievements. I also ignore my strengths, focus too much on my weaknesses, and demand perfection. Guilty as charged. But I have no problems getting back up from setbacks. I’m tenacious. And this year, I shared weight loss and fitness goals with everyone within earshot (and they were ready to shoot me!! Hahaha. I was a loud convert to SparkPeople.)
I do take to heart the advise to have the right ATTITUDE and SMART SYSTEMS. I’ve been journaling since January 25, 2010, on the SP site. This has been a tremendous tool. If you don’t know about this tool—check it out. It’s fantastic to be able to scroll back through your old entries and SEE PATTERNS. Very helpful.
As for SMART SYSTEMS, I’ve fallen in love with my iphone (actually iTouch). I love the SP trackers both for nutrition and workouts. I’ve been experimenting, though, with mobile apps that do not require me to be online. (The SP ones do.) I think using apps will keep me focused on tracking. I’ll always be part of the SP community. But sometimes I read too much SP when I really need to get on, track, and get off. I don’t know which product I will ultimately settle with, but am excited about the technology and the prospects. I’m slowly acquiring systems for all the realms of my life. For my todo list, I’ve settled on Appigo’s Todo. I just love it. I use Calengoo that syncs with my google calendars (and keeps the color codes and formats!!) I have adult children spread throughout the country. We share google calendars and documents to keep up.
So my systems are getting really smart. I am a weight lifter. Documentation is very important to me. I need to track my progress, keep workouts balanced and keep changing them. I’ve examined ways of record-keeping and like the workout log by Derek Prior. But his log is in paper format. I’ve adopted his principles and am still deciding on the best recording electronically. I’ve been working on it. I have many great fitness apps.
I’ve lost 30 pounds this year. It was slow. I was frustrated for awhile at this same time last year. The scale did not move. I was lifting weights regularly in a YMCA weight class and was losing inches! But, you know what?! It took a toll on my psyche to be working so hard and not see the weight change on the scale. And I KNOW better!!! There is a cognitive dissonance between what we know in our minds and what we feel. Even for science-minded mathematical persons like myself, watching the scale not move in spite of losing inches made me FEEL awful.
The best part of my first year of Spark was decreasing the circumference of my lower calves. My ski boots fit again!!!! I tell you, it was painful for me to ski last year. I would not stop skiing no matter what, and I could not get a bigger ski boot. (I did take them to a ski shop to rig them best I could for the season. This year, I rigged them back to the way they were previously.) I’ve skied like crazy this year-- just celebrating life and the ability to move my body!
Well, now about the judgment part. I’m deflated by other people’s judgments of me and that sensitivity has sometimes bothered me quite a bit on SparkPeople. I know this is an issue that I need to deal with in myself--- and so I journal. But let me share with you how I feel that some people judge on SparkPeople. It will not stop. It is human nature. But here it goes.
People adhere to nutrition beliefs or workouts like they are religion. Honestly, you people should chill out. While the official SP information is good, I’ve been on discussion boards with individuals who are so absolute that it is a turn off. This most definitely is human nature. I suppose that if I myself did not have my own firm beliefs and rules that I adhere to, I would not be as successful. Understandable. But when I see unqualified individuals pumped up by their ego and self-importance give unfounded biased advise, I cringe. With that said, MOST of the advise people give each other on boards and comments is very good and supportive and if it is wrong, it is quickly corrected.
I do not post my picture for a good reason. No, I’m not in a witness protection program or anything like that. I like the anonymity SP gives me. Truth be told, I’m a physician in my community. ‘Nuff said.
I do not post bikini pictures of myself for a very good reason. I would die if they were taken out of context. And anything on the internet is not private. It can and will be taken out of context. As a bodybuilder, you can bet I’m taking pictures. I’m a fan and adherent to instruction by Frank Zane (who by the way, is at the Arnold at booth #1 PLUS his band plays tonight at the Hyatt 2nd floor lounge @ 11pm). He is big on taking regular pics and even drawing in lines to plan out the kind of body that you want. He is right on.
So, sometimes individuals on Spark judge:
“if you are not posting pictures, you’re not honest”…. Hogwash.
“if you are not using SP trackers, you are not tracking”…. Wake up and smell the technology—that’s Bull!
“if you are not losing weight fast enough, you’re not doing it right”…. Incorrect. My pace is just right for me. My skin is shrinking slowly with me and I look and feel great.
I’ve used journaling to change my attitude. I’m creating the best systems I’ve ever had thanks to technology, and I’m tracking in arenas in my life other than fitness. I use a “compass” approach that keeps me balanced. This is powerful, folks.
I’m confident to introduce myself to Frank today. See ya at the Arnold!
Finally--a link on not judging too quickly:
Friday, March 04, 2011
More on Anger Management
It is interesting that I REMEMBER all the transgressions against me. Do other people do that? What this does for me is this: When I get mad (either appropriately or not), my mind conjures up all the other old battles I’ve had with this person. That means I never really forgave and let it go.
The thing with having a big family and a lot of relationships is that you have these people in your life forever. Any one of my sisters would have been dropped like a heavy brick had they been merely a friend at some point or another in my life. But I hang on because we are related.
This makes me cherish the love and friendship I have with my best friend. We can tell each other everything. (Well, she can tell me more than I tell her because she will accidently repeat things to others and she knows that about herself. Hahaha.) She is so friendly. She is the best.
So my thoughts on forgiveness-- You are an idiot if you live your life not remembering transgressions. If bitten by a snake, would you stand and allow yourself to be bitten again? Of course not. A snake is a snake. If I am truly stuck with a person in my life—like my sisters—I devise strategies for ME. That is, I visit them or call them to give support and love—enough support and love that I CAN ABSOLVE MYSELF OF MY SELF-IMPOSED GUILT OF NOT DOING MORE. I must guard MYSELF from being sucked into their entanglements. I DO NOT WANT TO BE SUCKED IN BECAUSE OF GUILT. Man, I have to repeat that one to myself like a thousand times. This strategy gets tougher as time goes on. I am getting healthier and more fit day by day. I work at it. For them, they have given up. You can’t do this change for someone else.
Friday, March 04, 2011
It’s remarkable how emotions play such a big part in actions and behaviors. My first year on Spark was spent examining myself. I’ve never taken the time to do that consistently, but I did this year as I looked at exercise and eating behaviors—and how emotion affected me.
This was time well spent. I began writing in my journals alternative ways of seeing things. I learned that sometimes, my response is out of whack. Sometimes, I perceive insults not intended. This is frequently the case in male-female communication. This is not only the case in my own marriage, but a linguist named Deborah Tannen found it true in many male-female interactions. And, of course, there are lots of jokes about it.
One of the funny misunderstandings in our early marriage was when my husband and I were comparing Boy Scout versus Girl Scout experiences. I told him about our trip to Niagara Falls, our winter camping at the regional girl scout camp inside a huge log bunk house, and the fact that my sister and I road our bikes twenty miles in the summer to get to camp. He told me his camping was always intense. So I went on and I told him about how we walked rope ladders, cooked all our food outdoors on an open fire (no camp stoves for us) and commiserated about attacks by mosquitos. Again, his experience was intense---though they did use camp stoves and had a community latrine. Ohhhh, brrrotherrr…... ! He’s always so competitive in his speech—even when swapping stupid childhood camp stories. He one ups me.
It turns out the whole conversation, he kept trying to tell me his boy scouts always camped in tents.
I had a very emotional day yesterday. I was angry at my sister (see yesterday’s post). I thought that she had shared a personal list of all family member addresses, phone numbers and contact info with a friend of hers who is a stranger to me. That person contacted me the day after I emailed the list to all the family. She asked to stay with me as she travels the US in her retirement. At one point in my life, that would have been ok.
I learned the stranger is a retired city employee from where my sister worked years ago. She has not been in recent contact with my sister. As a matter of fact, my sister went back to college, got an engineering degree, had a baby, moved to another state, broke her neck, became quadriplegic, and has not seen this woman in all those years. Anyhow, to make a long story short, I was the one who accidentally put the stranger’s email address on the family contact list believing it was my cousin’s email since it had his wife’s first initials and the name of their state. Weird, huh?
Strategy: This woman contacted me to stay in my house instead of noticing that her email listing was under my cousin’s name. Well, of course, she noticed it. And of course she knows she is not a family member.
I learned she is an adventurer and no doubt, with the benefit of early retirement and energy to travel but limited funds, she’s noticed our large and loving family –some of whom may be willing to host her since she was a good friend of one of the sisters. Not a bad thought. But I’m not comfortable with it and that is okay. I am assertive and strong. Some of the people in the family are less good at saying ‘No’ than I am. What I must do is to alert all the family members of my mistake, let them know the name of the person and about my firm but gracious negative reply and APOLOGIZE to my family. It was my goof.
Now back to the tizzy this threw me in. I was so angry at my sister that I journaled several entries yesterday about all the things she’s done throughout my life that MADE ME MAD! The funny thing is, everything I wrote is true. She’s done many things. And I correctly noted that I give in to the sister and certainly have given her permission to manipulate because she is in a wheelchair. And that was great to recognize. It is great to OWN MY DECISIONS. It is okay to give in to her voluntarily when I know and understand what I am doing and why. It is not okay to PASSIVELY give in and allow another to TAKE CONTROL of my life (and then feel cruddy afterwards and maybe possibly overeat?!). This HAD BEEN a repetitive problem for me. I can see that the pattern served its purpose in my early life when I was growing up 8th of ten kids. I had to get along. It also served its purpose to keep my marriage together in the early years. But NOW I DO NOT LIVE MY LIFE PASSIVELY. I AM IN CONTROL. I CHOOSE WHEN I DO FOR OTHERS AND WHEN I DO NOT. I VALUE AND PLACE MY TIME TO EXERCISE AND BE FIT ABOVE PERCEIVED OBLIGATIONS TO STRANGERS, RELATIVES OR FRIENDS. I put myself first, then my husband and children.
I am so proud of myself because of my careful but lovely wording of the email to the stranger. I am proud of myself because I truly have recognized patterns of behaviour in myself that I am changing and owning up to. It seems to have been an essential first step for me on my road to recovered health.
The eating and exercise are going great, by the way. I had a hard core weight lifting session with my coach Wednesday night and have another tonight. I’ve lapsed on cardio this week—partly because of paperwork, tax season and college visits (well, life) but HAVE consistently walked everyday and was usually joined by both my husband and son. Yay!!!
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