ALYFITN   26,245
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On Anger and an Email

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Okay. Time to blog about my anger. And about manipulation. And MY goals responsibilities and desires.

About being a shining star. About being the person I want to be. About barriers I see. About barriers I have created for myself or ALLOWED OTHERS TO CREATE FOR ME.

I’m a really good person. I’m accomplished. I’m good to the core. Though I’m not Catholic now, I attribute coming from a large family for how I’ve turned out. I’ve learned patience and strong work ethic from growing up at home.

Today, I’m angry because one of my sisters forwarded the family contacts list to a stranger, that stranger contacted me and wants to stay in my home this summer. I put the list together for myself to have all the birthdays, anniversaries and contact information in one place for all my sisters, their spouses and children. I included cousins and an aunt and uncle I feel close to. In my large family, I understand that my cousin list is different than what my older sisters would put together. Their memories are with cousins ten years older. I don’t know those cousins and have not spent time with them. They moved out of state during my formative years so I do not feel a connection.

Hahaha on visiting me!!! My husband’s call schedule is formidable. People outside of my immediate family have no idea what it is like. And by immediate family, I mean my husband and children who have grown up in the household and learned to tiptoe around if he’s catching his sleep at 7 am from being up 2-4 am for an emergency procedure. Even their friends have no idea. I recall a kid calling at 6:30 am to catch a ride to the high school and it TOTALLY throwing off DH’s sleep—since he jumps up at the first ring when he’s on call (call is officially over at 7am and usually the techs would hand off a call close to that time to the next guy coming on). And work sometimes is tough. The guys cover for each other for crises. We’ve had few crises—one partner had a kid dying of cancer and another nearly died himself after contracting an infection from work that left him crippled. …awwww the price we pay for being in healthcare….

We downsized from our previous house that is still up for sale. That house had 5 bedrooms that we filled with our own four children and an exchange student. When my sisters came to town from across the country, I’d make the kids share rooms so I could take one room, totally empty and clean it, and set it up like a hotel suite!! I made it COMFORTABLE. I know my far away sisters appreciated it. Mind you, this was also out of necessity. I never routinely cleaned my kids’ rooms—but when we had guests coming and holiday celebrations—we got in “clean” mode.

I am also a good cook. Nowadays, I don’t use white flour or sugar. We eat mainly whole grains, fresh veggies, fruits and lean protein. My nearby sisters like the food I make when they visit. Even in the old days, my crockpot was full of chili or stew and I always could feed a crowd. When you have a big house and teenagers AND they play in bands and are on high school sports teams, your household is busy. There are extra mouths around to be fed. It needs to be simple and seem effortless so nobody feels they are putting you out.

So I should look at this surprise email from a stranger as a compliment and not be angry. I should see that my sister remembers me in the peak of my hostess days when I had great resources.

But today is different. I set up a bed temporarily in my back patio when my adult children come visit us on the small house on a lake. When the big house sells, we can consider an addition with a guest room. But I do not have a guest room now. I have one high school student at home. I will keep his room available to him over the next 5 years as he completes his engineering program because he will not have a permanent address but this one. He starts this fall in the freshman dorm. So his bed and bedroom stays—though I can use it when he is not home for a guest for short visits. There is another issue with his bed though. He has a brother 8 years older who lived in a small dorm during his freshman year. That brother purchased a metal loft bed which subsequently was handed down to the youngest son who has used it since middle school!! He loves that loft. That is because it give him LOTS of space in his bedroom for projects. It is a bed my 90 year old grandmother could never use—and would be very awkward for my 50ish year old overweight sisters with bladder issues. Hahaha!

I do not want to explain to a stranger why we wake up at 2 in the morning and take calls. I do not want to apologize to a stranger if we need to keep quiet at home during the day. I do not know when this stranger wants to come. If this stranger comes close to the date I’m studying my own board exam—they will never understand this is what I have to do.


During the summer, my own three adult children will be coming and going. They do not know firmly when that will be. Some of the dates they know because there are weddings this summer. Other dates, I’m sure, will depend on what their friends do.

My first responsibility is to myself. Keep up. Track. Exercise. Stay on Spark. Journal. I have an obligation to my husband and a commitment to our future plans. That takes work. Then I have a responsibility to my children.

Some of the PROBLEMS my sisters are having now are the consequence of bad behavior, poor planning and NOT necessarily bad luck. They have no understanding of my lifestyle. When I don’t work, I don’t get paid. I’ve never had a contract that paid me “sick days”, “unspent vacation days”—or even such a thing as “federal holidays”….hahaha!! (Within my extended family, I see the difference between those in government work and those not. There is a different mentality. There are different consequences from behavior. Those in private industry in my extended family work harder—because we have no guaranties.)

I visited one of the older sister’s yesterday. She’s a retired teacher. She lives in a slovenly kept house with walking paths to get room to room. It is just like the out of control obsessive compulsive hoarders’ homes you see on tv. Her daughter was in town with her new baby and was disgusted that her mom did not think ahead to have a space for diaper changing. I was horrified when I visited. I am DETERMINED to be different---very very different----from this sister. I love her, though, with all my heart, because she is dear. When I was a teenager she was kind to me because it is her nature. She is 9 years older and has always been generous and loving to her little siblings. She gave me some home-baked sugar cookies to take home to my teenaged son.

Sugar cookies. When my children were in their school years, I loved to bake. I wanted them and their friends to walk in to the house with a fresh-baked smell. That was part of my definition of love and how to be a good mom. It IS good. But now I make whole wheat muffin and breads and not cookies. I make protein smoothies which my kids LOVE. My oldest daughter has adopted my health-conscious approach and is even better at this than I am.

So this entry was all about figuring out how to respond to the stranger’s email. Strategy: I will thank her for the highest form of flattery in wanting to be a guest in my home but will EARLY and CLEARLY communicate to her that it is not possible at this time. See…. No anger.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHOVIANPRINCESS 3/3/2011 12:52PM

    I can understand how that would be frustrating. I am the hostess as well, but that is only for the people that I truly love and that deserve it. I don't want old family members coming and going out of my life, just because they share some portion of my blood does not mean that I am obligated to them.

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ALYFITN 3/3/2011 11:30AM

    Come on over Kiwievie!! I just won't give you my address. Hahaha!!! P.S. Thanks for your comment on my blog. emoticon

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KIWIEVIE 3/3/2011 11:08AM

    WOW..... Can I come too??? emoticon
You sound like a wonderful cook!
Stick to your guns... Don't be bullied!
I am the same way when it comes to far off family/friends I don't know.
I will not have any stranger in my house to stay.
And my DH works split shifts so unless he has time off I don't want people making noise when he is sleeping.
I am hearing you!
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The Heart-An Affirmation

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Heart-An Affirmation

My heart works every day. Every day it is in training. I train my heart. I choose either to CONDITION my heart with work that improves stroke volume, quality of the myocardium and coordination among myofibrils--OR I DECONDITION MY HEART by sedentary activity, never getting above 120 on a daily basis.

I choose CONDITIONING.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIWIEVIE 3/3/2011 1:25PM

    Home is where the "Heart" is!
Evie emoticon

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DDOORN 2/24/2011 1:09PM

    Cheers to a life full of HEART! :-)

Don

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A Laugh a Day: Mahatma Ghandi

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

"Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot almost all the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Also with his poor diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...

A super fragile callused mystic hexed by halitosis"

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNYDAZE9 2/1/2011 9:57AM

    Thanks for the smile. I found myself singing the song.

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DDOORN 2/1/2011 9:31AM

    Thx for the chuckle! :-)

Don

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TICKLEBEE 2/1/2011 8:41AM

    Hahaha!! love it...the kids sang the Mary Poppins version all the time..thanks for the chuckle!

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Rena Wisdom

Friday, January 14, 2011

Rena Wisdom


Walt Whitman “In the faces of men and women I see God, ... I find letters from God dropt in the street, and every one is sign'd by God's name.”



I follow Rena1965 as one of my motivators. I admire her strength and tenacity. The other day, I noticed her page was down. I don’t want to lose the motivation that I get from, so I gleaned her wisdom from old message posts and for my reference am putting ones that help me here. Rena, if you read this, I hope you are doing well. It is complementary that I quote you but if you at all do not like it, I will take this down immediately and post it privately elsewhere.

Rena Quotes:

“Sorry our weight is not a hard and fast number. It is floating number, it goes in cycles with how much waste, nutrition and fluids are in the body..
Take it one day at a time- there is no hurry to get it off as this journey is for life..
I have been at it 7 years and when I hit maintance phase my body started to do things the scales don't show….
Like make my shoulders broader, my thighs and calfs trimmer and my scales go up.. Just trust the process-if you eat lean and within the calorie ratios of fat, carbs and protein and darn again lean chopping out processed foods you will reach your goal..
I strength train because it does things cardio and nutrition can't like tax muscles and make them get their correct shape.. I can't run with my arms or back so they need strength training lol.. “

“I am cutting out carb groups! they are actually body fuel.. The other food groups do other things.. For women carb fuel equals 3-4 slices of complex carbs daily..

Vegetables fill us up and fill out our intestines and fruit simple carbs are our natural fast simple sugars needed to work with the other 2 groups and stop our healthy food getting boring…”

“People ask can I have 100 grams of cake vs. a real fruit- yeah but don't expect your immunesystem to be protected by cake.. lots of funny rules!”

“1 Nutrition is 80% of the journey- track your food and improve on choices..
2.Cardio move more and find something you enjoy doing
all good stuff no matter what- MOVE..
3.Strength training- preserve muscle mass- the body if you don't feed it enough will chomp by accident on muscle protein if you run too strict a calorie range.. Use the calorie range like a speeder in a car eat more when you do more- make the choices lean so the body when working hard chomps on extra fat when the food is being used effectively…
4. PATIENCE if you loss weight too fast, you may have to book yourself in for painful plastic surgery at the end of the year and miss out on what ever was burning the toilet down to get there fast...

Slow and easy- this journey took me 3 years..”


“People whom say they supported me and turned when the heavy food hit the table.. I can't be bother hanging around dead batteries whom moan and do nothing about themselfs… (gee, this describes my sisters)

Supportive people don't do 360 turns and rip up the promises they made and tell you calm down when they try to snowball you onto the fall to save face…”


‘1. Plate mechanics (what has to be on the plate each and every meal and snack) striving for satisification as well as good health..
2. Daily cardio, moving more in general outside the gym door..
3. Gym door for the strength training without the equipment invading my private life..
4. Balance doing them instead of just talking until blue in the face about it..

food + exercise + balance = long haul results!’

“Strength training has done the finishing magic- but the stigma of my weight going up on the scales is doing crap with my figure image…”


I added 6 cms to the measurement over my chest and back- it is also hell finding dresses to accomadate my V and my tiny waist now. The good news is I can wear high boots and this wonder happened while my weight was slowly increasing. I keep myself on the ground with photos, and hope people whom disagee look before poo pooing my alternative way of thinking..

I use photobucket.com for free server space and picnik.com to make collages…’

‘Dear CPants52,
Most people on the street rarely need protein powder-even vegetarians can get more protein by upping their protein in with amounts from their sources used...

I eat both meat and vegetarian dishes my stomach can tolerate.. Soy is gene manipulated and protein powders are pure chemicals.. If your trying to loss weight they are just extra calories…’

This quote is from someone else who referenced Rena. It was really good …and funny.
Anarie:
First, try to erase that word "guilty" from your vocabulary. Guilt is what you're supposed to feel if you deliberately hurt another person. The only way you should feel guilty about eating something is if you stole from someone who really needed it, or if you ate it in bed with someone you shouldn't have been in bed with.

So, regardless of what you ate, you shouldn't feel guilty. Whether you should feel a little annoyed with yourself depends on what else you ate that day. As Rena points out, what matters isn't so much that you ate something "bad." What matters is whether you ate enough of what's good. Check your tracker. Did you get enough protein and fiber that day? Did you eat at least 5 servings of fruits and veggies? How was your calcium? If you ate enough healthy food to meet all your minimum targets and you have some calories "left over," then go ahead and eat the biscuit (assuming you really love biscuits. If you were just eating it because it was there, that's a topic for another post.) If, however, you look in your tracker and see that you didn't have enough fiber or calcium or whatever, then instead of the biscuit, next time take a second to think of something you like that will give you what you're missing.

And remember that you're just starting. Biscuit or no biscuit, you ate better today than you used to, right? Your diet is never going to be perfect, and it doesn't have to be. It just has to be better this week than last week, and better next week than this week. At the beginning, you're going to get healthier regardless. When it comes to the last 10 pounds or so, you'll have to be much more careful, but by then you will have learned so much and gotten so used to a healthier diet that it won't be that big a deal. Getting just a little better over a long time will eventually get you as near to perfect as you need to get.


Dear Italianyc84,
In principle yes, but the cost is if you do this all the time your not giving your body anything in these empty calories to fuel your body..

We can actually eat so wrong within our calories-well ever wonder why peoples immune systems crash while lossing weight..

Empty calories with nothing in them- nothing to keep your body strong, no vitamins and minerals to avoid colds.. Nothing..

My immunesystem got stronger, it never crashed on me!
I lost half my body weight..


MY FAVORITE RENA QUOTE—““Weigh and measure is better then think and hope”

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 1/31/2011 3:58PM

    Oh no! Hoping all is well with RENA1965! Such a fountain of tell-it-like-it-is wisdom!

Don

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ALYFITN 1/14/2011 11:05PM

    I wanted to keep these handy to reference her words for my sake. I got them by doing an SP search of her name then choosing her latest message boards.

It's so sweet to see your concern. I hope she does see this to see that she has a following. But I've also followed other individuals. Oftentimes, the words and experience of one Sparker helps others without their even realizing it.

I keep away from negative people and like to learn from the successful ones and the positive ones. emoticon

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WEEDLADY 1/14/2011 6:16PM

    I'm a Rena fan also. Hope we find her soon.


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_RAMONA 1/14/2011 5:58PM

    I don't know whether to laugh or cry... I jusat spent an hour trying to 'find' her... not the first time I've had to go searching for someone...

I followed Rena, too... my favourite here: “People ask can I have 100 grams of cake vs. a real fruit- yeah but don't expect your immune system to be protected by cake.. lots of funny rules!”

I wonder where she went... I sure hope that it wasn't a case of someone being mean to her... it happened once before, and she didn't leave, but she thought about it. I followed her blog... I wondered why I hadn't had any notifications in a while.

Didn't she make you wonder about things like what people could achieve had they had an equitable opportunity to achieve? Or the crime it is that people waste opportunities the others would do anything for? Not to mention that it doesn't take asnything fancy to get this done... simply takes the heart and will to never give up on yourself. I pray Rena hasn't given up on herself, aand that nothing terrible has happened to her.

Ya know... this January here at SparkPeople has been really sad for me... deaths, disappearances, sell -outs... I realize being here is a largely selfish exercise, but I take people to heart and mine breaks when people just disappear.

Thanks for sharing these with us, Aly... I wish I'd have saved more of Rena's words... it never occured to me that there would be a time when I couldn't read them anymore.

“Weigh and measure is better then think and hope.” AMEN.

{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}
Ramona

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Real People Quotes on Health care

Friday, January 14, 2011

Real People Quotes on Health care

‘Your need to talk with someone is an inverse function of your desire to do so. In business, stressful situations develop and that stress can cause conflict avoidance. Conflict avoidance causes conflict. Break the cycle by talking when you least want to.’

‘traditional insurance model and primary care do not mesh is that while insurance is purchased as financial protection against something you do NOT expect to happen, primary care is a service that most Americans DO expect to need in one form or another at some point as they get older. Using the insurance model as a way to pay for primary care makes about as much sense as getting insurance against hunger just in case you need to eat.
Close management of multiple complex chronic medical problems from diabetes, to asthma, to arthritis, as well as preventive care has the potential to reduce future costs by reducing the risk of complications and poor health outcomes as well as reducing emergency room visits and hospitalizations’

‘whether it is medical professionals or GOD panelists(Government Operatives Deliberating) — these guidelines… I copied this because the GOD panelist idea is hilarious and a bit true!!’

“Maturity is when you stop viewing other people's successes as personal failings.” From anonymous blogger

‘Examine your vocabulary. When you feel like 'others' are holding you back or keeping your down . . . Stop and ask yourself if it is really others or is it your own doubts, fears and insecurities. Focus on your strengths and they will become even more powerful’

Sir William Osler: "The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease"

To improve health and health care we need to start demanding that everyone is financially on the hook for population level outcomes.—matthew holt, health care blog

What to Expect When You're Expecting a Long Life. (me: a possible title).
TED2010 Pioneer luncheon, "The Coming Revolution: Data-Driven, Patient-Centered Care"
Tom Goetz from Wired- wrote layperson-oriented “Decision Tree” and did a fine job
Pioneer Portfolio Feb 10, 2010

Bill gates --Today we can cure illnesses that used to be untreatable and prevent diseases that once seemed inevitable. We expect to live longer and remain active and productive as we get older. Ongoing progress in genetics and our understanding of the human genome puts us on the cusp of even more dramatic advances in the years ahead. … (No, Bill, it’s not the human genome project that will dramatically advance health. It is patient accountability, technology and self-care along with worldwide sanitation and engineering resolve. (me)


Me:

I LOVE technology. I know where it has its place and it enriches my life. I am MORE connected, not less.

I envision health care becoming more and more about accountability and the ATTAINMENT of health and not just illness prevention and disease treatment. Thanks to new technology and the support of one another, people are more knowledgeable and participatory in health decisions than ever before in the history of medicine. It’s a wonderful thing.



I like your preamble. I feel the same way about sharing on spark people. On SP, my behavior is being monitored by myself and others and I am learning to be "normal". In real life, around siblings and relatives (such as over the holidays), I am surrounded by reflections of my old habits. They are bad habits that I will never return to. SP keeps me grounded.











  


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