Friday, January 14, 2011
I slow cooked 2 pot roasts in the crockpot yesterday after purchasing them buy one get one free. I defatted and froze one. The other, I shredded and made a pot of stew from leftover roasted veggies and steamed green beans.
I’m onto making some nice habits!!
Friday, January 14, 2011
...spreading email jokes....
Why I'm divorced . . .
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..
I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
' Happy Birthday.'
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss, and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day. Let's go !'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'
I responded, 'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner..'
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
by my wife, my kids,
and dozens of my friends
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.
And I just sat there....
On the couch....
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Essay on cognitive dissonance and (a little) on living outside the present
Here are my thoughts on my way to EMOTIONAL MASTERY. CAPITALIZED TEXT IS MINE.
Cognitive dissonance is “an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously….
Dissonance is often reduced by justifying, blaming, and denying” - BUT WHY NOT CHANGE BEHAVIOR TO RESOLVE DISSONANCE???? I MUST KEEP FROM JUSTIFYING AND DENYING BY ACCURATE TRACKING OF NUTRITION AND EXERCISE. I WILL NOT FALL INTO THE TRAP OF JUSTIFYING, BLAMING, & DENYING
Cognitive dissonance is central to many forms of persuasion to change beliefs, values, attitudes and behaviors. The tension can be injected suddenly or allowed to build up over time. People can be moved in many small jumps or one large one.
When you start feeling uncomfortable, stop and see if you can find the inner conflict. Then notice how that came about. If it was somebody else who put that conflict there, you can decide not to play any more with them”
“According to cognitive dissonance theory, there is a tendency for individuals to seek consistency among their cognitions (i.e., beliefs, opinions). When there is an inconsistency between attitudes or behaviors (dissonance), something must change to eliminate the dissonance. In the case of a discrepancy between attitudes and behavior, it is most likely that the attitude will change to accommodate the behavior.”
***BUT I AIM FOR THE BEHAVIOR TO ACCOMMODATE THE NEW ATTITUDE!**
“Two factors affect the strength of the dissonance: the number of dissonant beliefs, and the importance attached to each belief. There are three ways to eliminate dissonance: (1) reduce the importance of the dissonant beliefs, (2) add more consonant beliefs that outweigh the dissonant beliefs, or (3) change the dissonant beliefs so that they are no longer inconsistent.”
THIS AUTHOR IS WRONG. HE FOCUSES ON CHANGING THE BELIEF. I FOCUS ON CHANGING THE BEHAVIOR THEREBY USING COGNITIVE DISSONANCE IN A POSITIVE WAY.
(BELIEF) I EAT HEALTHY AND EXERCISE REGULARLY.
BEHAVIOR—BE CONSISTENT WITH THE ABOVE.
.(BELIEF)MANTRA—EVERYDAY IN EVERYWAY, I AM BECOMING HEALTHIER, HAPPIER AND MORE FIT
BEHAVIOR: EAT CLEAN, LOTS OF POSITIVE SELF TALK, REGULAR EXERCISE
COGNITIVE DISSONANCE WORKED WELL FOR ME IN MY CHILDHOOD. I AM 8th of 11 children. My childhood cognitive dissonance helped me deny my wants and needs as a kid since their fulfillment would not be forthcoming. I escaped to my future and IT WAS SUCCESSFUL!! I did not drag myself down with jealousies as another of my sisters did. I trained myself well in denial—and I lived outside the present. That still works for me today—I don’t want to watch tv, go to movies and be sedentary, or eat at the Cheesecake factory. The method of denial to counteract cognitive dissonance works well. IT IS CALLED SELF-DISCIPLINE. I have replaced some of the denied “wants” with new wants: I want to ski, I want to take ski lessons, I want to skate, I want to walk outside in the snow, I want to try snow-shoeing.
But when is cognitive dissonance an enemy?? When I live a joyless life, denying myself participation in the things I want to participate in, telling myself that I better not do this or that because it annoys my spouse when I have fun. (blaming) It annoys him because he is the breadwinner and does not “have time” to enjoy some of the things I enjoy. This is a falsehood, of course, because the man wastes countless hours in front of the television and laptop. The fact that I am not working in my field of expertise has a lot to do with how he has treated me and my profession over the years. When options arose that would help me to accomplish my work schedule and allow the children access to extra-curricular activities without the need for me to drive them, my husband squelched the possibilities with rigorous definitive demands on exactly where we would live– and assumed I would put the children first as a good wife would do (and I did.) When given the opportunity to teach at the local professional school—he discouraged me because of the long commute and meager pay compared to my hands on job that was becoming inhumanely busy and that I ultimately ended up (after many years) quitting. I had the enthusiasm and aptitude to have done a stellar job teaching at my alma mater.
I emotionally am angry at my past treatment. Now that I am 51, I certainly have jumped additional hoops asked of me by my husband. I should not have to. But I did to keep peace and to be able to continue to parent to the best of my ability.
Strategy: Regarding cognitive dissonance – go do the healthy enjoyable activity I want to do. Focus on my healthy behavior. Others may follow. I cannot tell myself everyday in everyway I am getting healthier happier and then NOT exercise and eat right. I am responsible for my happiness. Nobody but me. And regarding denial turning into a good thing—Cognitive dissonance is not bad. It is the psychological observation of human behavior that has a term associated with it. It is something to be aware of, something to help us to understand our behaviors and emotions and to REMIND us that always, WE HAVE A CHOICE!
Another random aside: I remember when I was a young parent with no money. I took the kids to a photo shoot at a nearby studio. Back then, a guest photographer would set up shoots then have you return and give you a very high pressure sales presentation. I had very little time when I was a young parent because I was still in my training programs. But I remember the sales presentation. After they got you to say—in front of your kid—how precious, wonderful and lovely your child appears in the photo—they made it very difficult for your to retract how PRICELESS that photo image of your child was. What a horrible position they put me in!! I, of course, declined to purchase their outlandishly priced stock—but it made me work extra hard in making sure my child knew that THEY and NOT THE PICTURE was priceless—and how dare the scumbags put parents in that position. That was salemens’ use of cognitive dissonance—clever, uncomfortable—and totally unforgiveable. Salesmen use this all the time.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
-- Carol Burnett
This was a good article I ran into today. blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships
I gained weight since December and have been riding an emotional roller coaster. None of the issues are new. They are old ones I deal with and have been for years.
There is incongruence in my life between what my husband wants me to do and what I want to do. I’ve compromised right along doing things I do not want to do just to keep him happy and to raise our four kids. But it is taking its toll on me.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
I decided I will purchase a 14 cup Cuisinart!! My trusty food processor is a 6 cup and not large enough to slice onions’ and zucchinis and cucumbers whole. It is good for making salsa and hummus in the small quantities I need. But I would like to do more things now that I am eating healthy—and that includes whipping up cut cucumbers really fast to spread the hummus on.
My sisters were over last night. I love them but when we get together—I see my old bad eating habits in them. A plane trip for one of them was cancelled because the delay from Cleveland would make her missing her connection in Chicago and she did not want to wait all night at the airport. So I invited the whole bunch down for late supper.
One brought old donuts from the morning. We don’t eat donuts---but I saw it for the kind gesture it was and served them along with my salad, roasted veggies and the pizza we had delivered (I know, I know. I had two slices. Falling back into bad habits.) I baked fresh chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. Happily, I witnessed good self discipline among the grown up ladies when it came to the warm fresh baked cookies. That was a behavior improvement over past years. I served fresh fruit and steamed broccoli—though the broccoli was not as fresh as it should have been to serve guests, I notice it this morning while eating it with my eggs. The niece, who is an obese teen, overate everything—the cookies, pizza, and candy dish candy—and she avoided the veggies.
Clearly, it is important to eat right. Not only for our health, but the health of our loved ones. The kids need to be taught portion control at an early age. Their tastes need to be developed so they prefer the fresh fruits and REAL veggie foods over the processed food.
I will continue to serve fresh foods at family gatherings. I will avoid over processed casseroles. The next time I serve broccoli I will make sure it is fresh. The quickest way to turn people off from veggies is serving bad stuff. I’ve taught my own children to NOT feel guilt if they toss produce. The nature of fresh ingredients is that they do not stay fresh. If you force yourself to eat the bad stuff, you develop disdain for it. So pitch the bad stuff—even if sometimes you just bought it at the grocery store and it is not good (like a recent box of clementines that I purchased).
I love my sisters. But I am so glad to be changing.
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