Thursday, July 29, 2010
This was suppose to be a journal entry! OMG!! Did not mean to put my rant on here--but thanks for your comments. I had DREAD that I might enter into blog instead of my journal--had thought how horrible that might be if that were to happen. So I did not do online journal for a long time. Yikes. I will be more careful. I find the emotional issues keep me making fat choices--that's why I journal. I learn how to SEE things differently. Then ACT differently in the future.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I attended my first ever yoga class yesterday morning. I had the instructor in another class, and liked her. The yoga students were warm and friendly, and several of them spoke to me afterwards. The class burns so few calories that it is not my cup of tea just yet. Since my goal is weight loss , I want to spend my time at the Y burning calories or building muscle. I always follow through with stretches -- and the poses I do already were the same as the yoga instructor did in class. So I do yoga already but did not know it. I just don’t spend a whole session doing it.
I find peace when I do strength training. Strength training is my yoga. I sometimes close my eyes while I concentrate on my muscles. I love the clanking and breathing around me and the men standing around talking between sets.
I love working out.
Monday, July 26, 2010
I went to a reunion that went well yesterday. Lordy, there were many desserts. I had fruit and veggie salad, 3 diet colas and 20 oz of water throughout the event. I ate a healthy sandwich at the end and feel satisfied with myself. I had no desire at all for chips and desserts—my preferences have changed so much. I know now that my old way of eating caused cravings. I lacked satiety and would have multiple helpings. I felt guilty about food. NO MORE!! I felt good, focused on the interesting people, and participated in activities. I was one of the older and less fit females there, but I am better than I was last year. I was not ashamed to don a bathing suit and join in the fun. I have a long way to go. I feel ready to focus on my weight loss goals. Two pounds a week will get me to goal by next April. My target weight is my weight at age 23 when I married—123 pounds--though I would be happy with a muscular body that weighed in the 140’s or 150’s. We will see.
I worked yesterday morning with walking (in the rain!), treadmill and home barbells. I was eager to fit the exercise in before driving over an hour to the event and I had to do it from home since the Y opens late on Sundays.
The SP bar graph that shows I am in the obesity range really helps me ‘see’ my weight problem. I am active so convinced myself I am healthier than I am. I AM OBESE. Ugh!!! I thank goodness I have no diabetes or other complications. I am 51 and must reverse this NOW so I don’t get chronic disease--joint, heart, cancer, stroke, hypertension, etc. It is ironic that I can SEE when YOU are fat but don’t see it in myself. I can SEE when YOU are headed toward health consequences, but don’t see it for myself. Denial is an interesting but twisted and wasteful way of thinking. My BMI is obese—I HAVE A PROBLEM!!
Strategy: Embrace the notion that I NOW HAVE HEALthier PREFERENCES. Disregard sabotaging comments from relatives if they push dessert my way. I KNOW what the cream cheese glop mixed with powdered sugar and commercial instant puddings topped with chemical laden “whip cream” will do for my health. I don’t know if Aunt Molly’s cookies have partially hydrogenated oils in them or not. I do not feel I am giving anything up. I am disgusted with things we pass off as food. Get real.
Additional insight: I enjoyed an 88 calorie square of dark chocolate all natural this morning along with a 60 calorie hot cocoa. I savored the moment. I had it along with my Ezekiel sprouted bread toast (16 g protein for 2 slices) following my 500 calorie burn workout this morning. ONE month ago, I binged on a half gallon of ice cream (it was a 5 ingredient all natural kind). The challenge for me is to partial out the rest of the (88 x 9 pieces) 792 calories left in the bar. STRATEGY: individually wrap each right now in tin foil versus just teaching myself ONE Square at a time when I want it and it fits into my calorie range for the day. I am glad I have healthier preferences. I am still battling with portion control for the things allow myself.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Saturday, I went to a high school reunion. So much fun! This year, it was at a lake pavilion. The casual relaxed atmosphere made for easier mingling than the fancy sit down dinners in the past. It was an “all-class” reunion organized through facebook and classmates.com. This was the first year, and many people did not know about it. It will get better over time.
Eating went okay at the event. I worked out for 700 calories earlier that day. Exercise curbs my appetite and keeps me eating clean. There were many pasta salads, desserts and foods I ignored. I chose tender pork (it was a pig roast), berries and melons. Desserts have no appeal since there are transfats in many baked goods and mixes. As far as what I brought, I made a peanut butter cookie recipe that my family loves. I do not eat them, but my family wanted “reunion” type food. At home, for real eating, I cook cleaner.
We had a family reunion a couple weeks ago. Relatives still asked for a dessert I made years ago. I prefer not to eat or cook like that anymore. The dessert had loads of fat calories in it and sugar—no wonder it was yummy—but I know now how bad that stuff is for you. I stretched myself to bake the peanut butter cookies for this high school reunion (the recipe calls for 1 cup butter, 1 cup peanut butter, 1 cup brown sugar and half cup white—YIKES!)
The lesson for me is that, in my mind, reunion food IS NOT FOOD!! Food to me now is non-processed. It is free of partially hydrogenated oils—ABSOLUTELY. I limit white flour, ice cream, and high fructose corn syrup (should give these up someday but I’m doing baby steps here). I limit sugar, too, but do not plan on 100% elimination.
I focused on visiting people. It was important to me that my kids and DH have a good time, so we spent a lot of time playing in the lake. Many girls looked better than me in swimsuits—and many did not. I felt comfortable because of working out. My arms are less flabby that when I started —someday they are going to be fantastic and get double-takes from strangers! It was funny listening to ladies in the restroom talk about old boyfriends and crushes. My DH is cream of the crop, and I am proud to be his wife. After 27 years of marriage, we are crazy about one another.
I have come a LONG way since high school. I live close to the hometown in which I grew up. My kids mingled with cousins, aunts, uncles and extended relatives and friends over the years and I like that we provided that kind of socially secure background for each of them. I did a darn good job raising my kids.
Well, I ramble. Today is a new day—and another reunion with friends! (For this one, I’m cooking clean. I’m taking a very good vegetable salad).
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