Thursday, February 21, 2013
I had a scare last week and am going to the eye doctor to get checked out. Exercising seems to make my eyes feel better and helps my mood greatly. Truth told, I'm terrified but am trying to be realistic and strong. I've starting drinking a cucumber/celery/spinach/parsnip/beetroot green smoothie at night and in the morning. After drinking it my eyes feel more moist which is great. I was already doing yoga each morning and sometimes at night. I'm going to do 30 minutes of dance each morning because I can't get it in at night. If I also exercise at night then bonus for me. And I'm adding in a spinach/kale based salad every day. All the exercise resulted in an immediate difference in the needle like pain in both eyes but both eyes still feel stingy. Any improvement is great though. Prayers please.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
I'm so happy right now. I've wanted to be more active but felt sluggish about doing it. I'd get on the elliptical for 5 minutes in the morning, easing my body and spirit back in to exercise. This week I visited family and got the kickstart I needed from my three little cousins.
They are young boys ranging from age 8 (I think) to 13. They started shooting hoops in the drive way and I joined in. I decided to concentrate on my form, dibble the ball and try to get the ball on the basket. I kept doing it and doing it until... I made a basket! I'm competitive and wanted that basket bad. Not competitive against the boys, just against myself. It helped so much that they were excited I was playing. I don't think it even crossed my mind to worry about judgements about my ability or my weight. If it did, I shrugged it off as unimportant since it might get in the way of my focus. And boy I was focused. It was so fun playing with people who were just excited I was there. I kept going and shooting and laughing and running after the ball and missing the basket and trying and trying and trying and trying .... It was a blast!
Yes I hurt the next day, a lot, but then they came back and we played Wii Dance Dance Revolution. I was giving them the game cause it would slip around on my rug. Not very safe for an adult. We worked together and figured out. I had so much fun I was tempted (only a little) to take it back.
Next we moved on to Boggie SuperStar which was singing and dancing competitions and capped that off with Just Dance. At some point I forgot to baby the aches and pains and just played the games. By the end of the night I wasn't nearly as sore and moved much easier. I was tired but it was a good tired.
Thanks cousins for getting me moving again and putting dance and play back in my schedule. I realized I need to find others to play with who are in it just for the fun. And I'm going to buy a basketball and shoot some hoops!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
For over a year I pulled away from everyone. I used to sing in a choir and also pulled out from that a several months earlier. During that period I spent a lot of time focused inward learning to stop just moving forward and to start listening to myself. I didn't know why I needed it but chose to trust myself and go with it. I trusted that I didn't have to push myself to be in the world until I was ready. But I did check myself regularly to be sure I wasn't depressed instead of being sad. Sad is OK and a natural part of healing. Truly depressed needs reported and monitored for your own safety.
Taking the time for me gave me space to learn. It gave me courage to listen to myself more. One thing I practiced was not worrying so much about "am I doing this the right way" which was another way of saying "what do they think" and "what will they think". Those types of worries are a reoccurring thought for me and have been all my life. And the lives of many others I'm sure. Working on not letting my worries dictate my actions so much is giving me power over it. I amy have these worries the rest of my life. If so, they still don't have to dictate me actions. I choose how to move forward and what the direction will be.
Another thing I practiced was to be OK with me, regardless of what I was doing. If I didn't want to return a phone call, it's OK. If I didn't want to go out to lunch with others, it's OK. If I didn't want to spend time with fake friends, it's OK. If I don't want to spend time with real friends who care about it, it's OK. If I want to spend hours on end watching anime, reading manga, watching movies, or listening to music, it's OK. If I want to sing or don't want to sing, it's OK. If I focus on doing positive things that bring me joy that's what's important. If I focus on not doing things when I don't want to that's also what's important. I can learn to be honest with myself about what I like and don't like. I'd gotten too used to saying OK to things, even when I didn't want it. I'd gotten too used to half-hearted participation and asking for permission to do what I wanted. What type of a life is that? A very unhappy one I can tell you.
But enough with the inner eye moment.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
This is more of a status update instead of my typical blog entry. I'll get back to my regularly scheduled programming later. Here's a word about where I am and how I'm using Medifast as one of my weight reduction tools...
I took some time out to rethink my plan. Medifast was not working for me "as-is" so I decided to modify their eating plan to fit my needs.
Medifast is built around an
-extremely low calorie intake (800 - 900 a day),
-low calories from fats and sugars,
-lots of fiber,
-lots of water,
-sustained moderate exercise as opposed to strenuous exercise
My brain and muscles didn't like the extremely low calorie intake. At my previous typical weight of 275 my body required about 2300 - 2400 calories (with a sedentary life style). Going down to 800 a day and increasing to moderate exercise, my brain was not responsive and I was distressed more frequently. I didn't like who I was emotionally or how I reacted to circumstances. And I know I need my emotional stability to make this change work. As for muscles, due to a previous injury I already lost a lot of muscle mass in my right leg. I had just gotten to walking well, 2 to 3 miles at 3 to 5 days a week. With the change to the 800 calories, my muscles in the right leg became weaker again. My leg no longer felt stable even for walking. I also had a foot injury (due to walking incorrectly) that needed time to heal.
I realize some people may not agree or may think I'm deflecting my inability to "stick with the program". In other words, the "they's" of the world may think I'm making excuses for failure. I feel some of that from my wife who started Medifast last year with me and got rid of almost all her desired weight. Even though I've shared my thoughts and reasoning with her, she still doesn't get it. Now if I let this get to me and de-rail my weight changes that would be using something as an excuse to fail. But I'm past that stage in personal growth were other people's feelings can block me from my goal. I will use this as an opportunity to strengthen my resolve. I don't have to get mad and backlash. I say loud and proud "I'm the one getting rid of this weight... not you. How I choose to do it is my business." Nener nener nener ;-D
I've accepted that I have to do it my way or it will fail long term. I can't get rid of weight anyone else's way. Just because 800 calories worked for someone else doesn't mean it will work for me because I am the only me there is. Even if I had a twin, I would still be the only me. I feel strong because I understand the differences between my wife and I when it comes to weight reduction so I don't have to feel like a failure. For the record, I've got a lot more weight to lose, have a lot less muscle mass to start, have a much more sedentary lifestyle, and have no prior experience with good eating habits or good weight maintenance habits. Taking care of my health-wise, I'm a hot mess and I own that. I also own that I want to change, have to change, need to change. And I need it to last.
So I will use whatever tool I need in whatever why I choose to get there.
Now back to my regularly scheduled programming. As I side note, it's funny that I restarted this change on the same date as when I started the program last year. Nothing purposeful about it, just how it worked out. Serendipity!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Hi everyone. It's over and I think I've finally come down from the whirl wind of activity. During the same time as the con my wife ended up with a severe persistent elbow pain from a re-aggravated injury and I went through my own medical issues. But we stayed on MediFast fairly faithfully. Our meal times were way off and we either missed a meal replacement or ate an extra meal replacement because we didn't remember if we had eaten. CRAZY! In the end we still lost weight so we are thankful for that. And of course we had a fabulous time at the con. Now we are back on track.
Guess what comes up next for me folks. Family Reunion! Still glad I didn't wait to start the MediFast. I just have to work hard to keep on track and re-orientate myself after. The re-entry phase is the toughest. Just like the astronauts say, it can get a little bumpy but any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.
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