ALPHAJUANITA   16,299
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ALPHAJUANITA's Recent Blog Entries

Bruised but Not Broken

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Here I am sitting here at almost 1am in the morning. So many thoughts swirling through my mind that I don't even know where to begin. I had a meeting today with "the" husband. I think that I left that meeting with my mind in more turmoil than before. He threw me for a loop. After all the anger and hurt feelings he actually apologized to me for what he did. I never thought that I would hear that from him. An actual sincere apology. He actually just talked to me, and I really mean talked to me. In our conversation he said that nothing was my fault, that I was everything that I was supposed to be as a wife and mother. I guess in some ways I feel validated that it wasn't me. I know that I am not perfect and I have my faults but to know that I actually did do the "right" things. I so wanted to hate him but I can't. I still love him, but I know that right now my heart can't take being broken again. I have to learn how to open my heart to trust again. Not just for any future relationship but just in general. So here I sit with everything weighing heavily on my heart and my mind. I have been asked for a second chance. I have been told that he knows that if I chose to give him the chance that he is asking/begging for he will have to work for that chance. That trust will have to be earned again. Personally I think that right now we need to be apart and maybe divorce is the best option, clean slate, start over. I think that eventually we could be the friends that we started as before we were in this relationship. Who knows maybe someday WAY down the line we may become more again. Becoming one of those stories of couples who split that found their way back. (Slight smile and laugh) But for right now I know that I'll be alright, and some day I'll love again. I'm bruised but not broken. The pain will fade and the wounds will mend, so yet once again I say I'm bruised but not broken.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEPH_ATL 1/28/2008 9:38AM

    **** BIG HUG****

I can only imagine how tough this is - on your heart, your emotions and your brain. Just know that we (and so many people in the "real world") are here for you. You aren't competely alone. You are a VERY STRONG woman, and bruises do heal.

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TIMMIE16 1/27/2008 4:48PM

  Bruised but not broken... Kudos to you; you are an inspiration. I was bruised, all colors and broke. Now I an mending. It has taken a long time and now I want to be the best survivor I can be. Together, we'll heal.

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STARTSPARKING 1/27/2008 7:09AM

    I came across your blog when I looked at the blog section of our mutual team SP Class of August 12-18, 2007. In fact, you and I joined SP on the same day. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through marital issues. You seem to have a very strong spirit, especially under the circumstances. Please remain strong, and please know that you are in my prayers.

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Happy Birthday to me.....not really

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I guess that you could say that today felt like it was my birthday. I reached one of the goals that I had set for myself. This just reaffirms to me that this is going to be a great year. I started off only being able to do 3 minutes on the elliptical before I felt like I was about to pass out. But day by day watching all the "skinny" people in the gym just go and go I said "I can do that" and set my mind to it. That was just before Christmas. In fact it was Dec 22. I gave myself a month to get it done. I reached that goal today, 13days ahead of the time I had given myself and I am so excited that I almost can't contain it all. I didn't over do it or push myself too hard. I just kept going until I couldn't go anymore then stopped. Each time it was a little longer and then today, yes today I had a victory. I made it. After my workout I had to tell someone so I told my mom and she was so excited for me. So Happy Birthday to me.......not really. ;)

  


New Year's Eve

Monday, December 31, 2007

12/31/2007- The dawn of a New Year and a new me. I am in full swing and I don't plan to stop. For the first time in many years I am actually looking forward to the New Year. Yes, I am celebrating it by myself but I'm not at the same time. I have my family that loves me unconditionally, I have friends old and new, I have more blessings than I am able to count and I know that this is my year to shine. So here's to new beginnings. Happy New Year to me. ;)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHELANDA33 12/31/2007 9:05PM

    Happy New Year!!

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GLAMMOMMY 12/31/2007 5:54PM

    Happy New Years to you! May you enjoy your special evening!

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Wow

Sunday, December 30, 2007

I can't believe all of the blessings I have had as of late. I am almost overwhelmed by it all. Last week I was offered a promotion at my job over quite a few of my co-workers who have been there much longer than I have. So with the New Year not only do I have my new lease on life but a new position with more money to boot. Yea!! The house I have been looking at to purchase has been reduced in price! Maybe just maybe I can afford it. Especially at the asking price and the asking down payment. I finally have my car paid off, so no more car note! I am starting to feel better physically, and that healthier lifestyle that I am striving for seem to be getting easier to achieve. I am finally slowly starting to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see. 2008 is going to be a wonderful year.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KMENGIS 12/31/2007 12:06AM

    Ohmygoodness!! I am so happy to hear that! I know I don't know you yet, but I love hearing about such positive things happening to great people! You must be doing something right lol! Anyways, congratulations on everything and I hope you can get the house!

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What I'm Thankful For

Thursday, November 22, 2007

First off I want to say what I am thankful for. I am thankful for my children. They are so funny and I need that laughter some days more than others. LOL I am thankful for my parents, because without them I know that my world would have fallen apart a long time ago. I am thankful for my family (cousins, aunts, uncles) because they are always in my corner. I am thankful for my freedom and for the truth. Freedom from the lies that my soon to be ex-husband has had me living within and for the truth that finally came to light. I am thankful for my younger brother. Even though we are older and he still gets on my nerves he loves me unconditionally and I know he always will. I am thankful for my friend. By this I mean my true friends. I have had friends that have come into my life for a reason, a season and a lifetime and each of those friends I have learned something from. Sometimes it has been how to not be so judgemental of myself, others it has been a shoulder to lean on. In fact my best friend is constantly showing me what it is to be a friend as well as accepting friendship. I am thankful for for love. To know love, to feel love and to give love.

  


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