Thursday, December 20, 2012
I have a vivid memory from when I was about 10. My mom and my (deaf) aunt were complaining about their bodies. I'm not sure if I was just trying to get into the conversation, express empathy, or what, but in an "I feel you, sister" moment, I looked at my aunt, grabbed my calf and shook it at her like, "Oh yeah? What about THAT?" My calf wasn't fat, but I thought it was. Because a calf is a rather floppy muscle when not in use, my kid brain thought it was flabby.
I know now that I wasn't fat then. However, I was always self-conscious about my belly. I thought it should have been flat and it was (to me, anyway) too rotund. Probably also didn't help that people tried to make me feel better about it by saying it was just "baby fat."
Even today, I struggle with a skewed vision of my body. When I got down to a size 8, and I felt more confident in my clothes, I obsessed about my perceived flaws. See this picture? I look great, right?
You know what I see? Fat arms. I have ginormous triceps from my strength training, but because my arms don't look like Madonna's they look fat to me. And my arms aren't fat. I KNOW this.
Crazy as it sounds, there's a difference between knowing something and believing it.
I'm aware of this disconnect between my perception and reality, but not exactly sure what to do about it. Maybe blogging about it will help...
Saturday, November 24, 2012
HAD to share a funny story from a family dinner last night.
I have an aunt who's deaf. However, we only see her once a year or so, so my mom and I get really rusty on our signing. We've forgotten more than we remember and our finger spelling is atrocious.
We try, though, and Mom was making conversation with my aunt at dinner.
A little background: The sign for "work" is very similar to the sign for a four-letter word for sex. "Work" is tapping the inside of one wrist on the outside of the other, fists loosely clenched. The other sign is exactly the same, but the inside of both wrists are tapped on each other.
My mom almost always (obliviously) signs "work" as "f@$k."
So, last night she said to my aunt, "Does Doug need your help driving to f@$k?" My aunt and I let it go. Later, when talking about the teenaged boys my uncle hires to help on the farm, she said, "Doug really f@$ks those boys hard."
I couldn't take it anymore, I had to correct her. Then I looked at my aunt and said, "They're the same, right?" Then my aunt joked that sometimes, it SEEMS like work...
OMG. My family cracks me up!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
I used to love cooking and baking. I actually had a bakery business plan written up at one point. I don't do heavy-duty cooking too much anymore. Don't have time during the week. Often too tired or busy with errands / chores on the weekend.
As I get creative with my food budget, though, I'm cooking from scratch more. I've started doing my major grocery shopping the weekend of payday, so I plan my meals out TWO weeks in advance now instead of one. Last week when I was doing menu planning, I did a freezer inventory to see if I could get by without buying meats. Found a treasure in there: Reames noodles. JACKPOT!
I LOVE homemade chicken noodle soup. The kind that takes 3 hours of simmering. So, I scheduled it for this weekend when I didn't have the boys because they're very "meh" about it and I'm not wasting my soup on the haters! HAHA!
I also LOVE to thaw some Rhodes dough balls to make rolls for dunking in my soup. I think I might have had a few dough balls in the freezer, but just for fun, I decided to try MAKING rolls myself instead. I've made baguettes and cinnamon rolls regularly, so I'm not afraid of making bread, but the Rhodes dough balls are so yummy and easy I've never tried making my own before. Well, in the interest of the budget, I decided to try it from scratch.
I went out on CooksIllustrated.com and got a dinner roll recipe to try. I especially liked that the recipe didn't require milk. I hate that. Because you have to use WHOLE milk and I don't drink whole milk. And you can't buy it a cup at a time so the rest just goes sour.
Back when I was a professional baker, shaping rolls was what I struggled with most. Not today! Today, I was in the ZONE. They turned out so pretty! They weren't as sweet as Rhodes, but they were still damned good. The recipe made 16 and I froze half for later. Maybe next time, I'll freeze half as dough balls to REALLY make my own Rhodes dough balls!
I'm in such a good mood now. Today was a perfect day. Got all my chores done yesterday, so I was able to do exactly what I wanted to do with my day. Being organized ROCKS!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Okay, before I got off on the BIL tangent, this was what I really came here to blog about.
A co-worker / friend recently had a health scare and has gotten serious about losing weight. Now that she's devised her plan, she's very excited about implementing it. Yesterday she asked me if I felt excited when I started.
I thought about it and realized that I had a very lackluster start. Upon reflection, my journey has had five, distinct stages (so far).
1. Determination. I didn't start of my own impetus. I started to support DH in his journey. However, I'd been saying for months before that that I needed to do something. That the longer I waited / the bigger I got, the harder the journey would be. I didn't really expect to be successful when I started. I didn't even let my gym take "before" pictures of me. But once I started, I was unwavering in my resolve. DH dropped out maybe six weeks in, but I kept going without him.
2. Fear. Once I really started making progress, I started describing myself (only half jokingly) as being motivated by fear. Fear of relapse. Fear that even one day off would lead to two, to three, to forever. At the time, I considered it a healthy fear. It kept me doing the right things, right? Kept me honest. I realize now that it was symptomatic of the fact that I still didn't believe I would ultimately be successful. More than a year into my journey and my behaviors STILL had not translated into those magical habits I kept hearing so much about. 21 days to build a new habit, my ass!
3. Certainty. About 18 months in, I rather abruptly realized the fear was gone. Finally! I wasn't worried about Fat Ally coming back. Fat Ally was dead. I got this! It started to feel easy. Maintenance wasn't an IF, it was a WHEN.
4. Complacency. Didn't take long after "Certainty". I got cocky. Started slacking. The inevitable happened. Took awhile for bad habits to add up to a weight gain and in the meantime, I assumed I was invincible. Not so much.
5. Determination. And...full circle. I'm back where I started. Well, mentally anyway. Thankfully, I only gained 13 pounds before getting serious this time. Just wrapping up week 2 of being back on program. Doing pretty well. Turning down most temptations, but allowing a few so I don't feel too deprived. Making progress and continuing to learn about myself along the way.
Wonder what my next stage will be? What have your stages been?
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Doing pretty good getting back on track. Lost almost 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks. Doing fairly well staying within my food budget, too. Last weekend, I even made a big pot of minestrone and some brown rice and froze them in individual portions for easy (and cheap!) meals later.
DH loves the minestrone. Too much. Yesterday, he was talking about putting all my frozen soup packets in a pot to thaw for today. All 13 of them. If he brought it up again, we were going to have to have a chat. I'm on a much tighter budget than he is. Part of the reason I made the minestrone was because it's cheap. I don't mind him having one occasionally, but I'm not letting him deplete my entire stash!
Talking about eating my food. DH's brother moved in with us this week. Supposed to be very temporary. He's a 39-year-old nurse who can't keep a job. Seriously. With the nursing shortage, how bad to you have to be to stay unemployed as a nurse? Of course, it's never his fault. He's a victim of circumstance. After two years with his folks, they got tired of him taking advantage of THEM and kicked him out. I have it on good authority that he's waited this long to ask us for help because he's afraid of me. Guess I'm not as good at hiding my disdain as I thought.
DH told him he could stay until the 19th, unless he finds a job. If he finds a job during that time, he can stay until his first paycheck. We also instituted some rules. He has to provide his own food and pick up after himself. He's not allowed to take food to his bedroom (one of his mom's main complaints was that he was a total slob when he was living in their basement and they started having bug problems from him leaving food down there). He also has to sleep on the couch when my boys are here. I've also prohibited him from having his kids over here. They're not horrible boys, but they drive me freaking crazy and he doesn't PARENT them. He lets them run roughshod all over, but gets bent out of shape if someone else corrects them. I'm not putting up with that sh*t.
Today, DH said he was going to TKD and set his alarm for 9:30 for the 10:30 class. I was downstairs cleaning when I heard his alarm go off. He never got out of bed. He finally got out of bed around noon when I got impatient and went into our room to clean the bathroom. I didn't bother trying to be quiet and I turned on all the lights.
His brother didn't get up for another 2 hours (loser's STILL in his pajamas).
I had plans to eat one of my frozen minestrones for dinner tonight and I made baguettes to go with it (freezing the extra, of course). Homemade baguettes. From scratch. Bread flour, yeast, the whole schabang. I love making baguettes, but from mixing to baking they take about 3 hours. I heated up my soup and sliced up a baguette and sat down to eat. BIL, who's supposed to provide his own food, helped himself to two slices of my baguette without asking. So much for rules.
I feel like I'm in a bad sitcom. BIL has ALL of DH's bad habits plus a couple dozen extra. Going to be a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNGG
GGGGGGGGG couple weeks. Maybe I'LL move in with BIL's parent while he's here...OMG, can you imagine what a mess the house would be with those two here alone for a couple weeks?
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