Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Halloween for Seniors
You know you are too old to Trick or Treat when:
10. You keep knocking on your own front door.
9. You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.
8. You ask for soft high fiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar n your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say: 'Great Boris Karloff Mask,' and you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell, 'Trick or...' and you can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
And the number one reason Seniors should not go Trick Or Treating...
1. You keep having to go home to pee.
No matter, have a HAPPY HALLOWEEN anyway!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
A horror story for all of you . . . .
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... Passing a grave yard. ..
When behind him he hears:
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, as the casket is bouncing quickly behind him...
He runs up to his door, and fumbles with his keys, and he opens the door and rushes in, and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
On his heels, the terrified man runs upstairs into the bathroom, and the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the bathroom door.
Bumping and clapping it's coming toward him.
The man screams and in desperation he reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of Robitussin!
In a panic he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)
The coffin stops .
OK. Groan all together now ....
Friday, August 05, 2011
Yesterday was my 52nd birthday. Yuck. For weeks I have been in a huge ugly funk about it. Didn't want to be 52, wasn't happy about it. Very strange as it has never bothered me before to get another year older. In fact I was thrilled to turn 50 and get to join the AARP! I usually am cheerful to the point of nausea. lol I have cried, stomped around, yelled and been a huge pain in the butt to everyone. Yesterday my mom took me to dinner. I pouted thru the whole thing then finally said I don't want to be 52 damnit. Her response was that she didn't want to be 52 either. I asked her WHY????? She said well her mother (my grandma) lost her mother at 52 and she lost her mother (my grandma) at 52 and became an orphan and it was a horrible year. In dawned on me, that's what I am afraid of, losing my mom and becoming an orphan. In the last 3 years I lost my husband, 10 hours later my daddy, 2 cousins and a nephew were killed in action in Iraq, my son was diagnosed with a disease that while not life threatening has caused many other health problems, other son was stabbed in a home invasion, a daughter who attempted suicide, I had a surgery that fixed the original problem but caused more that sent my health into a tailspin ............the list goes on and on. Whew-alot to deal with. After coming home I was angry for several more hours at the injustice that is my life. Why me lord, why me? I logged into spark and found 87, yes 87 happy birthday wishes from people I don't know, some with words of kindness and hope. WOW, 87 people took time out of their day, dealing with their own problems to tell a complete stranger Happy Birthday. It was just what I needed. So after chewing my own hinny for my selfish thoughts and actions, I realized that-I had 29 years 364 days with my darling hubby, we had 4 precious children together that have given me 2 beautiful grandbabies so far, a lifetime of memories that can never be erased, a daddy who was my idea of a perfect man, a momma who is my rock and I will cherish every moment I have with her, wonderful friends there for me always, a son who was fortunate to have a doctor who caught his disease early before it became life threatening, a son who is in such good shape that even being stabbed 2 times cause no permanent damage, a daughter who has now graduated college and engaged and happy, family members who have such a commitment to our country they are willing to serve and give their lives in honor, that I have lost over 60lbs with sparkpeople forever!, my health has improved greatly, I had a great job for 30 years that provides a good retirement income, a nice home, 3 little doggies who keep me laughing with their antics, a forgiving God..........my thankful list far outweighs the bad. Why not me Lord, why not me? I am overwhelmed at all the good wishes and very thankful for spark and the wonderful people on it. I will pass this forward! You do the same! And for the record, I can't wait for 53!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Lessons of Failure
Lord, are you trying to tell me something?
Failure does not mean I'm a failure;
It does mean I have not yet succeeded.
Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing;
It does mean I have learned something.
Failure does not mean I have been a fool;
It does mean I had enough faith to experiment.
Failure does not mean I have disgraced;
It does mean I have dared to try.
Failure does not mean I don't have it;
It does mean I have something to do in a different way.
Failure does not mean I am inferior;
It does mean I am not perfect.
Failure does not mean I have wasted my life;
It does mean that I have an excuse to start over.
Failure does not mean that I should give up;
It does mean that I should try harder.
Failure does not mean that I will never make it;
It does mean that I need more practice.
Failure does not mean that you have abandoned me;
It does mean that you must have a better idea.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Mr. Crow and Mr. Rabbit
Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at
the tiptop of a very tall tree.
He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Rabbit."
Mr. Rabbit shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer
shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Rabbit,
absolutely nothin' and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit, so he shouted back
up, "Do you think I could do that too?"
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!"
So, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road and began
doing absolutely nothing.
In 30 minutes, a fox came along and ate him.
The moral of the story is:
You can get away with doing absolutely nothing,
but only if you are really high up.
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