Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Ok I am a big girl. 300lbs. That does not mean I sit on my ass and do nothing. Nor does it mean that I stuff my face with food every chance I get.
It took me a long while to get to be this size. And it will take me a while to get to a health (for me weight). It also took a lot of factors to get me to this size.
1. I am a stress eater. I do not smoke, do drugs or drink. When under stress or upset I use food as my drug. Have suffered from clinical depression.
2. I over eat or binge not because I am hungry, but because I am upset and trying to push down emotions and feeling that I do not want to deal with.
3. Gained 100 the first year my mother moved close to me, after 30 years of only speaking a few times a year.
4. I have an under active thyroid. This means I can gain weight easily and have a hard time loosing it. Had gained much of my weight before the thyroid was caught.
5. Use my weight to keep people, especially members of the opposite sex at a distance. It protects be from relationships that emotional I am not sure I can deal with.
6. Once you get to me my size you can eat less and gain weight. Body needs so more calories the bigger you are. If you eat too little it thinks you are starving and hangs on to the calories instead of burning them. So I need to not only watch that I do not over eat, I need to make sure I eat enough. Funny how that is not talked about in the press.
7. I am single and do not like to cook. Often easier to simply stop and get take out than go home and eat healthy.
Many people assume things about me because of my size.
1. Do not know I am fat, so they have to tell me.
2. Think it is funny to make fun of me and others of my size.
3. All I do is eat unhealthy foods
4. Sit around doing nothing, out of shape, am lazy
5. Have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar etc.
6. Can’t control myself
What they would be surprised to know
1. I am well aware I am fat, obese, and overweight. Have always saw myself as fat, because even when I was a healthy 150 (I am 5.7) I was told I was fat.
I have come to terms with who and what I am. I am a big girl. You have a problem with that it is your problem not mine. I will not let the media’s and world’s attitudes towards my size stop me from doing things. I will do what I want and what I need to do.
2. I do not find “Fat” humor funny. But then I also do not find racial jokes funny.
People who feel they must belittle someone else to make themselves feel better are really sad individuals who need help. I refuse to laugh at these jokes. Watch movies or TV shows that make fun of fat people.
3. I actually do not eat a lot. Have been working on eating healthy and making more of my food. I am single and do not like to cook. One of the reasons is that there are few single diet/healthy recipes out there. Told to batch cook which is not really the best solution for me. Do not have the storage space nor do I want to eat the same thing for days. Also with all the family size packaging out there it is hard to eat well single. Junk food, comes in more single serving sizes and is faster.
4. I have never sat around doing nothing. I have also been every active. In fact despite my size I am actually in shape. I can swim 2kms or just over a mile in under 50 minutes. I can do about 20 meters on one breath. I currently go to the gym 5-6 times a week and workout for a minimum of 45mins. I walk at about a 17 minute mile speed. Can do about 3 miles on the elliptical machine in about 45 minutes. On the weight machines I do about 130- 180lbs on my legs, 100 – 130lbs on my arms. Can dead lift 85-90lbs and bench press 65lbs. As my personal trainer said I am decrepitly strong for a large woman.
5. Actually I have healthy high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood and am monitored by my doctor and other health professionals.
6. I am actually a real control person. And just like the anorexic food can be the one thing in my live I am able to control.
What pisses me off?
1. All the New Year fitness articles and special reports about the “War on Obesity” which only talk about food and inactivity as the reasons the population is fat. And do not look at the other reasons.
2. No one talks about the emotional issues.
3. The economics, about how junk food is cheaper and more easily accessible than healthy foods.
4. How many people and the media think it is ok to make fun of, ridicule and hurt overweight individuals, while underweight are treated with compassion, caring and sympathy.
5. How treatment for eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia are treated like real medical conditions which have treatment centers and are covered by insurance. While weight loss programs, even for those who are grossly overweight are not covered. Yet we can be denied coverage because of out weight.
6. Really makes me mad that there are people my size who are afraid to join a gym or pool because of comments and looks from other members.
What has made a difference.
A place called SparkPeople.com it is a free weight loss site. With exercise trackers and food trackers. But more importantly it has teams. There are Teams of people like me who I can talk to about what works what doesn’t. Who are there with support when I need it. And who understand what it is like to be me. A team of singles with no kids, who understand how are it is to not be in a relationship or have kids in a world where that is the norm. A team of those who need to loss more than a hundred pounds, someone who is 20 lbs over weight just does not understand how hard it is when you are looking a double digits. A team of those high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood e with emotion or stress eating issues. Who understand when after seeing my mother all I want to do is eat a whole bag of chips. I thank God for Sparks. Since September I have lost 35lbs and over 30 inches.