Sunday, January 01, 2012
1) Having an autistic son who needs extra care & attention. He is currently the only one homeschooled. He has speech therapy once a week, behavior counseling once a week, and psycho-social rehabilitation twice a week.
2) Having a rebellious 16 year old daughter. She went from being super sweet and responsible to rude & irresponsible, sneaky & lying in just a few months.
3) Having a husband who is a long-haul trucker and is only home for 3-4 days a month.
4) Not having time to be with my friends without kids - I feel like I'm losing my friends but I also feel like I don't have a choice.
5) Not having time to focus on my needs and wants. I guess that kind of goes along with #4.
6) Having a small support system. The only family I have anywhere close is my parents, step-sister & her husband, and my nephew & his wife (who are my age, don't ask). See #4 again.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
This past summer I did really well with exercising almost daily and eating better. I managed to lose 20 lbs before going on a 10-day Mexican Riviera crusie with my husband. It was the first vacation we have ever had alone. While I didn't feel totally comfortable in a bikini, I wore it anyway because I was proud of my accomplishment to finally, after 6 years, weigh 165. However, since we've been back it's been miserable.
When we returned, I found out that my 15 yr old daughter had gotten herself into some trouble. All the other kids stayed at my mom's house since they were homeschooled but we left the oldest at home to care for the critters and go to school. We didn't leave her completely alone, but apparently our choice of supervisor wasn't the best one. We asked my friend's college aged daughter to stay here. In the past, this young woman had always seemed responsible and honest and mature. And while I can't lay the entire situation at her feet, I can say she is partially to be blamed for what happened.
While we were gone (we didn't find any of this out until the day we got back) my daughter stole an heirloom diamond ring from my jewelry box ($1500), went through my closet and took my only expensive pair of boots ($200), and took my iPod off my desk. I discovered the ring missing the night we got home since I went to put my other jewelry away and saw that it's place was empty. My daughter said she didn't even know what ring I was talking about. I KNEW she was lying but couldn't prove it so I went through her room the next day after she left for school and discovered my boots in her closet. After much discussion, my husband and I agreed that Caitlynn shouldn't be left home alone for a while. So, since her brother had an appointment that afternoon and no one would be home when she got home from school, I picked her up from school early that day.
When she got in the car, I told her to give me her bag. She did, and I opened the front zipper pocket and asked her again about my ring. She maintained that she didn't know anything about it. I reached in her bag, pulled out some candy wrappers, reached in again and pulled out my ring. After dumping her bag out, I found the USB cord to my iPod and asked her where my iPod was. She said it was on her dresser but I knew that to be false as I had gone through her room and paid close attention to the top of her dresser where she keeps her jewelry.
In the end, we boxed up everything in her room except for enough clothes for a week and her books. My iPod was found on the floor under a pile of clothes. So we recovered all the items she took, and nothing was damaged.
Fast forward to Dec. 23rd. It is the 4th time that she snuck out of her room, second time being caught. The first time she was caught was Dec. 5th. I knew she had snuck out 2 other times because I found a note when boxing up her room that said she did. I told her then that if we caught her out where or when she wasn't supposed to be, we would call the police and report her as a runaway. Dec. 5th I did that but, since her boyfriend lives a block away, the police just went to his house and picked her up. Dec. 23rd was a whole different ballgame.
My husband is a long haul truck driver and he was home for Christmas and our anniversary so we decided to go out to dinner and a movie. I told Caitlynn I would pay her to babysit and she agreed. We left about 7pm and returned around 10:30. When we got home, the other 3 kids were sound asleep but Caitlynn was no where to be found. David's first reaction was to go to her boyfriend's house and start beating anyone he could find. I told him no, that we had to stick to what we said we would do and I called the police. The horrible thing is that she was texting us while we were out, giving us updates on the kids and asking questions. She was again brought home with the police. The next morning we talked to the other children (ages 5, 7, & 12) and found out that she had left the house around 7:30, came back around 9 to put them to bed and then left again. There are 2 really major issues with this, besides the fact that she left the kids alone. 1) the cell phone she had with her is not hers, it's the house phone. So if something happened, the other kids couldn't have even called us for help. 2) my oldest son (12) is autistic and unable to care for himself let alone others. If there was an emergency of any kind, he wouldn't have known what to do.
To make matters worse, the neighbors weren't even home so if something did happen, my other kids wouldn't have even had any way to get help.
Anyway, since I've been dealing with all this drama, I've been eating to relieve stress. But all that does is cause me more stress because I hate how I feel and I've been gaining back all the weight I worked so hard to lose. I've officially gained back 15 pounds. I wish I was one of those people who didn't eat when they were stressed, I could have been losing weight this whole time! LOL So one of my goals for 2012 is to eat better again. Not even to lose weight - just eat better and be healthier.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
I can't get away from it. Whenever I'm stressed, I go for the sugar. Then I eat too many sweet things so I go for salty to balance out my taste buds. Next thing I know, it's been 2 days and 2 pounds more. I'm really stressed because the dog I adopted New Year's Eve, Sam, has some serious medical conditions. I'm one of those that have fur-babies, not pets. Even though he's only been part of the family for a week, Sam is just like one of my other kids and I feel the same stress I would feel if it was one of my human children having seizures. So I think in the last 2 days I ate an entire package of homemade almond rocca, 2 Butterfingers, a box of Vegie Chips, 1/2 package of little smokies, some sliced turkey sandwich meat, 1/2 cup of spinach artichoke dip, 3 slices of pizza and a pint of raspberry sorbet. I think that's all I ate. Feels like more.
It was really hard to admit that I ate nothing but junk for 2 days. I can honestly say that I never bothered to even attempt to keep track before, so at least that's a step in the right direction.
Today was better - had a decent breakfast, fresco burrito at Taco Bell with iced tea, coffee, a few crackers & a piece of cheese, and dinner is Polenta with tomato sauce, salad, and fresh apple slices.
Here's to recognizing that I eat when under stress and learning to conquer it.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I've come to the realization that when I'm watching a movie, about 1/2 hour into it, I get a snack attack. My husband always breaks out the ice cream or popcorn. Since he's truck driving now and only home a few days a month, I'm trying to train myself to NOT snack during a flick. I go for water instead. And if that doesn't cut it, I go for some herbal tea. If I'm still feeling like I want a munchie, I try to do something low-cal and/or healthy. 2 cups of air-popped popcorn with a dash or two of Kernal Season's Popcorn Seasoning; grapes; tortilla chips and salsa. I've also been monitoring my portion sizes a lot more lately. I've even measure cereal, beverages, and such using measuring cups. And I count the crackers or chips. It works.
So here's to not snacking during the movies unless I'm truly hungry and then I consciously make healthy choices.
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