Thursday, September 23, 2010
After an emotionally draining couple of months, I've moved back into my dorm and, aside from continually being dangerously broke, I'm starting to settle down into a healthier routine. Classes are going well, and I feel really good about having changed my major over the summer (I'm now studying film, not fine arts.) and I've actually made it into a couple of really interesting classes provided free by my school (aikido and belly dance), both of which I think will stick--once I get a gi, that is. Things have been pretty crazy all summer, what with travelling and friend and family drama, and money woes all around, but I've somehow managed to keep my head above water. Maybe this month, and in October, I can manage to lift myself out of the water a little more comfortably.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Part One: My feelings (a.k.a. confusion)
I don't know what to do with myself. I'm having a good trip to visit friends, but I feel like I'm not living MY life, I'm living theirs. Or HIS, more particularly. Which is intensely weird, to say the least.
My best friend and usual gym buddy (although we've stopped going because school's out and that's the only free gym available to us) loved a girl once. He still cares deeply about her, but she has always rejected his more tender feelings for her. I am also very good friends with her, and through a quirk of circumstance, I am staying in a house with the two of them. She recently admitted to him that one of the most compelling reasons for being friendly to him was her realization that he's a big part of MY life, and that if he comes with the Kat package, she's willing to be civil. It's all very complicated and it's been taking over my life from day one last December (when he first divulged the tale). How did I get in so deep?
How do I feel about this? How do I feel about him, really? And her?
Part Two: Eruption, or the story of how 'she' got herself a maybe boyfriend.
She's met a guy, someone who fell out of the sky and into her life who she might never have met without my arrival in New Jersey on the Fourth of July. And now my friend, my best friend, is distraught and can't show it or share it to anyone but me. She might be giving up her life in California for some time, or she might not ever come back at all. I have faith that she will get out of N.J. if anyone can, but she has very little tying her to the West Coast. Faced with the thought of never seeing again the woman he's loved for so long, the man who, besides my family, I hold dearest in all the world, is living in fear that he will lose her forever and never again feel the same depth of love that he had for her. Unreasonable, I know, but how many of us are reasonable when it comes to real love?
Part Three: Dishonesty, or, Everything is Fine
She's happy now. She'll be able to let go if she needs to in order to get out of Jersey and get on with her life. I think.
He'll love someone else sometime, right? I'm not sure I want it to be me (but is that honest?), but it's bound to happen that he'll be able to move on. Right?
I'm sighing over someone else's problems when I have compelling enough issues of my own to deal with. Once again, I am not living my own life.
Monday, February 22, 2010
So, I've had an offer to start swimming with some friends of mine once a week at the school's pool. I think I've got it worked out to my satisfaction, but actually going swimming in public, in front of people (or, o.k., one person in particular) I want to look nice in front of, involves buying not only a bathing suit for my shapelier form, but also a man's suit (shorts) as a cover-up. I know, I know, I should just get over myself and I'm not the only one going who's unhappy about showing the flab off, but it's still a necessary measure for me to find myself comfortable, AT ALL, doing this.
Working out's been going really well, at least twice (usually three times) a week, and my gym buddy has helped me immensely. I've been eating way more than I feel that I should be, particularly since I've been eating out and not cooking for myself, but that's changing this week because I'm going fairly broke at the end of this month. Well, at least I can start working off some of the flab at the gym instead of just pigging out after the trip.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
My buddy is awesome. Everyone should get one.
Highlights of the last four days, in no particular order: Moved in, made delicious quiche, went grocery shopping with a chum, my roommates moved back in (I love them so much and I'm so glad we're all back together again), went to Golden Gate Park with two chums and watched the Lindy Hoppers (free swing dance lesson every Sunday at noon!) got asked to dance by a guy who wasn't wearing shoes, walked away, found and watched a guy doing tricks on a giant metal hula hoop and roller skaters and bladers, rented roller skates, was shown by a random skater how to stay upright, planned an amazing hammertime moment but figured four hours later that it was less amazing, watched a movie in the common room with lots of people every night ("Whip It," "(500) Days of Summer," and an anime called "Origins"), went on three walks, two with my fitness buddy, and worked out for the first time this morning at what felt like the crack of dawn. I feel great! Exhausted, and school starts tomorrow for me, but great!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Well, I know that most people would start in January, but I'm starting in February--I just hope that I can rely on my new gym buddy. And quite frankly, I hope that he can rely on me. I've never gone to the gym before, at least not since high school, and that was just bumming around trying to look busy if the teacher looked over at us, does anyone have any tips for gym virgins?
My friend who's going with me is, I suspect, going a little overboard, and I'm a little afraid of burning out on the whole idea if I try too much at once. But what the hell, it's a new semester, the gym is free to students, and I lost twenty pounds last semester without doing anything special, so I'm sure this'll work. Right?
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