Monday, October 28, 2013
I'm starting autoimmune paleo today. With the allergies I deal with, paleo is hard enough. Add in the added restrictions for autoimmune with the allergies, and I really start to feel I can't eat anything at all. I also have some active anorexia/starvation habits (REALLY not healthy for a diabetic!) and have not been eating well overall. Today, though, *is* a new day, and I can step forward from here.
It will not be a cake walk, unless the cake is made of cauliflower. It's going to be interesting, but interesting is okay.
I started to debate where I was going to journal while I explore autoimmune paleo. I tend to do better when I journal, but hadn't decided where TO journal - start a new blog somewhere...
Oh...yeah!! I already have one in place! Hello, SparkPeople!
I may or may not share the posts on Facebook. I don't have to know that now. What I do know is that writing will help me feel more coordinated, supported, and sane in this process. I have snuck back up from 140 to 163. I liked how I felt at 140 better. There's no way it will come off quickly with just the food changes, but inflammation and sensitivities need to be addressed. Food change is one approach.
I bought some helpful food yesterday, did some cupboard cleaning for my own sake, and have some time to bake this morning if the power stays on. :/ I have some new recipes that are already making this seem not as daunting. I'm not holding myself to 100% true Paleo. I'm aiming for healthy habits and eating, not using dairy, grains or any of my reactive foods (some veggies, FODMAPS, nightshades.)
As it comes together more, I'll write more. I just needed to start writing out the confusion in my brain. It's really overwhelming to balance so many health issues with this eating plan. It's possible, and I'll step foward. I've gotten very discouraged not feeling like I have a support in place to help me. That's not true. I just have to be willing to reach *for* support, and see the support around me. I can do this. It is possible.
Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
I had no idea it had been as long between posts as it's been. I've been trying to keep my head together, above water, and for the most part HAVE been doing alright. There have been bumps and bruises of life, but nothing to dynamic, really. Just the day to day survival mode struggle.
Today, I got to slow down more. I got to accept help. I get to adjust a touch.
My husband was off work again today. He had a partial day on Monday, and didn't even have a voice earlier this morning. He whistled goodbye to both kids.
I was feeling exhausted enough that I told T to get in the car as I took H down the hill to her school. Her school starts about 45 minutes before his. His school is about a 20 minute drive and hers is less than 10. I knew I couldn't handle driving back up the hill, even just 10 minutes, THEN starting towards his school. By the time we got TO his school, though, I felt like my chest was collapsing in. Couldn't breathe in or out, but my breath itself felt fine. The school nurse listened to my lungs and said I sounded clear. My cough sounded more upper respiratory to her...but how long had it been since I had my pertussis vaccine. (Ah, the things they think of!) I called one of my offices, and they were able to work me in within an hour. Another mom from the school took me over there. Okay. She's not just another mom. She lets me teach at her piano store too.
After waiting for a short time, then updated the new-to-me person on what I've been taking and how I'm doing overall, the upshot is the steroids I've been avoiding are now prescribed again. Dang it. I took the dose about two hours ago and am starting to feel like I can breathe in and out again. So frustrating!
In the good news category - before we got to his school, I had checked in with a friend who lives "near" T's school about going over to rest at her house. They were home. Because I took so long getting back with her, she called to check in on me. While waiting for my ride to come back, I was able to reach another person who was able to help, THEN yet another person walked in the building and had time to take me back to T's school. Although I was frustrated, in lack-of-air agony, and felt completely out of control, I also felt pretty supported. I was even able to arrange a ride home from school for T.
Overall, I'm frustrated that I let myself get sick, I'm grateful I have support in place, and I'm going to try to breathe more. I also have an appointment tomorrow with the allergy person to get the testing/immune system boosting going in the right direction. I've done what I can do for today!
Thanks for reading.
Monday, August 12, 2013
walls closing in
just dark pit.
Had been climbing out
had been feeling okay
despite the pain
physical and emotional
but I wasn't climbing fast enough for another
ladder dragged into the light
but off i fell
back to the shelf in the darkness
there will be another ladder
and however long it takes
i will adapt to the pit
darkness doesn't hold the fear it did
it's okay to not be in the light
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Words seem lost
expectations of self
expectations felt from others
wound around and whirled
into whirring windy wheels of winsome whines
not so good
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
To begin, here's the note I shared on FB since I didn't have access to SparkPeople during my vacation -
Some of the story of our week...
July 10, 2013 at 10:05pm
This week, we arrived in Colorado for a visit with my mom and dad. My dad has been placed in hospice care, with the cancer still progressing, but we haven't known if he would be with us a long time or a short time. Even Hospice workers never know.
We arrived in Denver Sunday morning, took time to go to a church in Denver and hugged two of Dad's friends there. We arrived in Colorado Springs mid-afternoon and headed to the assisted living center. We were told that dad had been throwing up earlier in the day, that he had not been feeling well, and could tell by how he was breathing that he wasn't really comfortable. H hugged him, shared a picture she had brought for him, and T cautiously hugged him also. I took time to talk to him for a few minutes, but we really didn't stay long. He needed to rest. The hospice nurse was called and came to check on him, and her assessment was that he was tired and would feel better Monday morning. We were encouraged to come back Monday afternoon.
We took mom out to supper. We had good conversation, but my headache got intense! We went back to the place we were staying, I went to sleep pretty quickly, but then we were awakened by a verbal fight between a mom and dad on the balcony. It wasn't pleasant. As their fight ended (he left the area), the phone rang. My mom had been called by the care facility that my dad had passed away. They had checked on him several times since we had left, but the last time, there were no vital signs. We headed back over there, mostly as support to mom.
When we got back to the motel again, security was sitting in the parking lot, the person from the room next door was still sitting outside, and, thankfully for them, my kiddos and hubby were able to sleep.
A nice thing about Alaska - it's 2 hours behind Colorado. I was able to touch base with a friend and talk for a few moments. As I was done with her phone call and got in the elevator, a kind man said "You don't sound like you're breathing right. Are you okay?" I told him my dad had just died. He told me his mom had died about a month ago. He also told me he had been on the road so he hadn't been able to get back as quickly as he wanted to. Then he added, "Oh, I'm Reba McEntire's drummer." He wished me well then, prayed with me the next morning, told us (my family too!) that he was praying for us one other time, and another person he introduced me to (though I never learned their names!) also said hello two more times. It was the best part of the first space we stayed!
The people above us were elephants from 1am to 4am one morning. It was the final straw in an already stressed group of sticks! We shifted to the Comfort Inn where my aunt and uncle had been staying. Continental Breakfast, pool, noise from the floor above but not NEARLY as much, computer that connects to Facebook...
The only reason I miss the other space is the gentleman I met. What a gift that was!
There have been other gifts in the last few days, but this one sticks in my mind! I told my sister I'd write it down so she could share it too. It's a pretty cool story. The fact that she has a Reba suitcase makes it a touch cooler, personally!
Thanks for reading, and for encouraging us through words and prayers. We really do appreciate it.
There have been quite a few positives in this past 10 days. There have been annoying moments. There have been numerous stressors.
We're home as of this morning. Swim lessons are in an hour for my son. My daughter has two appointments today. I just want to sit awhile. There is no more vacation...but tomorrow is a quieter day. Today, we run, tomorrow, we rest again...oh...wait...swimming is tomorrow too.
Last night, I left my husband's phone plugged in to the wall in the terminal as we got on the plane, found the keys to the rental car in my bag *while* sitting on the plane, and my daughter's luggage wasn't at the arrival point, though all other 7 bags were. Annoyances. Inability to hug several dear friends, annoyances. Lunches, suppers and stolen moments with folks, blessings. It's all in the perspective. I'm trying to laugh the annoyances off. That will be easier later. I really wanted to connect with some other folks, and sometimes, we have to say "Wow! Look what *did* happen. That's what I'll try to keep doing today.
Get An Email Alert Each Time ALASKANMOMOF2 Posts